Nina_S

Gadgetlady, I apologize. I did understand what you were saying in terms of "trigger" versus "cause" - my wording was off. Sorry. Nina

I have great deal of respect for Star considering how she handled the ABC/Barbara Walters thing & for how she took control of her health and did what she needed to do. She looks good....

Monk & Regina (((snapping my fingers))) Poets extraordinaire!!! Thank you ladies so much! Monk - they are great young men and constantly amaze us. <<< We have you to blame for that. I did read in a previous post that someone felt that porn was a cause for sexual violence. I don't believe that it this sole cause. I believe that violence begins in the mind, often times the mind of someone that has been violated or abused. Someone who did not seek help or even know how to deal with there own experience. We see these traits is so many people that have, what we call, addictive personalities. They are trying to find a "feelgood" to cover up the pain. The only variance is the choices that we make. Personally for me, the healing began with forgiveness. I had to forgive the violator for what he did, forgive myself for "thinking" that I could have prevented it. Yet, as I grew I understood that God "allowed" this to happen to me for a reason & I had to seek (and listen to His voice) to find what He wanted me to do with this. Just as Monk had raised wonderful sons and many of you ladies have found great mothers in yourselves because you knew the opposite. We have learned to protect & cherish our children. These are truly gifts!! I know that some of you mentioned not wanting to rehash or dredge up old memories, I can so understand that, but I think that we have to be able to face it. So many women go many years or even their whole lives not sharing or facing what happened. Take a count of how many women (and men) you know that suffer from obesity, cancers, unexplained illnesses, addictions, the inability to have intimate realtionships, multiple divorces/relationships - these are results of not being able to face it. I remember not wanting to tell anyone for the fear of what they would think of me. For some counseling helps, maybe telling a friend or husband/wife or sharing it with someone that has had a similar experience. None of this is an easy feat but it helps to have someone walk beside you that understands and I have found that in you ladies. Thank you all!! Nina

Wow, this thread has grown to be...something... I'd like to thank Monk & Regina (and any other ladies) for sharing their stories here. Abuse (child)/ being violated as a child has such a great impact on our lives and how we view ourselves. God knows I made some unwise decisions (partners, what I would tolerate, what I felt I deserved, etc.) & beat myself up about it until I realized that it had so much to do with how I viewed myself. The people that violated us may never suffer like we have but I hope that this thread helps someone begin a journey of healing. Healing is so essential!! Nina

Any Whey (Optimum Nutrition) is a tasteless, Protein Powder. One serving has 17g of protein. I love it - put it in everything, and it is not grainy at all. I add it to Soups & juices. I get it from Vitamin Shoppe but you may be able to get it from your local GNC that carries ON products.

Nume130, You said it," I want to feel loved and desired ." This is probably a popular sentiment. But how do you walk toward something that is not there??? First you have to believe that it exists, but you also have to consider in whom or what you are looking for it in. I am a Chrisitian and I am also a firm believer in the Law of Attraction. The principle belief is that your thoughts, emotions, actions and beliefs attract corresponding experiences through vibration. In other words, if you don't belief that something exists or that you are not worthy of something you will not experience that. In no way am I trying push my beliefs on anyone but moreso to help you evaluate how you feel about yourself (for whatever reason) and how that effects what you are able to manifest in your life. Please try to get over the feelings of shame, we are all human and deal with the same issues, there is no need for you to feel ashamed. Nume130, you are a loving person and you opened your heart to this man despite his past and blessed him iwth beautiful children - I see no shame in that at all. Focus on all of the emotions that you want to experience - loved & desired. Stay focused on that, reside in that. Nina

Wow! I have really enjoyed reading this thread. I may get stoned for my comments but I think that for everyone that is not satisfied & are really not getting what they want they should first look closely at and listen closely to your heart and what it longs for. Set aside all of the technicalities - the possibly gay husband, the lack of being or feeling attractive, the possible medical conditions, etc, etc. What is your heart longing for... now walk towards that. True enough some things you will have to "walk away" from but know that all things work together for good. Intimacy encompasses so many things, other than sex, it is a familiarity, a knowing, a closeness, then follows the expression (a hug, a kiss, a touch, a foot massage, a back rub, etc.) My point being is that we first have to know ourselves, then love ourselves then welcome others to know us & love us, but in that order. Considering that for many, from the moment we partner with others, we are constantly evolving and our wants and needs change and vary but the foundation (being love) should remain. It is important to really know the person that we partner with. Another important point is we have to face the truth. I don't have any stories to share but I do know that I have played the ostrich act enough to know that when you come up the truth is still there. Without that love for ourselves we are found constantly making compromises until there is nothing left of us. Don't get me wrong, I know that relationships take a lot of work but no relationship should require you to compromise who YOU are or who God has intended for you to be. I don't have any solutions and my only bit of advice is to LOVE YOURSELF!!! People will either celebrate that or move right along. the intimacy is merely a token of the true love. I would like to suggest that you guys get a copy of "Lies At the Altar" by Dr. Robin Smith. Here is a synopsis of that her book/audiobook is about... Gentle voice notwithstanding, psychologist (and national television personality) Smith pulls no punches and minces no words in her heartfelt caution against the danger in believing "that you don't need what you do need." Truth is the theme here, and Smith guides listeners in how to recognize it, speak it and make it a part of the marriage. Although targeted to women who suppress themselves in order to be in a relationship, men are not left out. Smith's candid examples from her own failed marriage and those of the troubled couples she counsels ably illustrate her points. The first CD lists the top 10 lies about relationships (including "You can learn to live with the things that make you unhappy") together with their corresponding truths ("Suffering is not love"). The second CD explains how couples can make each marriage vow real. The third CD's bonus material is equally valuable: a set of 275 questions (viewable in Adobe reader) to ask before you marry. Smith succeeds admirably in taking the microscope to the myriad actions and words couples automatically do and say, and explaining how questioning them can lead to a more authentic marriage. Can I get a head start running before the stones are thrown... Nina

Hi TinaGirl! Congrats on your band date! Both you and your sister will be do great. You are both so fortunate to have each other & experience this at the same time - that support is great! The band will work for you guys - it's a tool, you make it work for you. Don't worry about the hunger or anything else, focus on how your quality of life will improve. I wish the both of you the best of luck! See ya'll in bandland!

Tavelgirl, That is a great response! Momma, Don't be discouraged, I think that you are doing GREAT! I don't have numbers like that. Nina

Good Luck Sonia & Bonjosie!!!:cheer2: The mixed emotions are so normal. See ya'll in bandland! Nina

Hi Gutierrezea! I don't know what you consider long periods but the day after my surgery I did 30 minutes (slow pace) then everyday I added more time, considering the comfort level. The walking surely helps with the gas. To answer your question, go for as long as you feel comfortable. Welcome to bandland & good luck! Nina

I am newly banded (June 5th) & just got back to the gym - thank God!! Tues, Wed, & Thurs - 45 mins on elliptical (varying resistance up to 20) This 45 minutes of cardio is for the birds - bring it on! Nina

Gina, Stay faithful!! You have to know that all your hard work and dedication will pay off. I am sure things will take a turn. Nina

Hi Bikinigoal! I reccomend Dr. John Long. I have never had "weight loss" surgery done by him but I did have breast reduction more than 14 years and he did a wonderful job. Also, one of the ladies here has had "weight loss" surgery with Dr. Long and she had great reviews... http://www.lapbandtalk.com/cosmetic-reconstructive-surgery/28204-dr-john-long-houston.html Dr. John Long 1200 Binz Street; Suite 1275 Ph: 713-522-5664 Nina

I haven't been banded yet but I do some research on the hair loss and some information that I found suggested taking Biotin, zinc, Vitamin A & C, a complex for hair, skin & nails (Nutrilite) & Minoxidil (X-tra strength) for men. From what I have read the hair loss does stop and you begin to regrow your hair. Nina

Laurel, Like Josie, I love spinning. I take it at the local YMCA here in Houston, check your local Y's as well. Also, like Josie suggested, the padded bike shorts really help and you can also get a gel seat cover (Schwinn) - they are less than $20 at the local sporting goods store. Josie, You are such an inspiration! Nina

Doddie, You are so right. I decided that I would only tell the people that were closest to me (mom, sister, daughter, & best friend). I realized that even those people can surprise you with their reactions. I believe that some of it is jealousy. The disheartening part is that these are the same people that witness your struggle. For me it has been my weight & in the last couple of years, my blood pressure. I workout at least 5 days a week and eat fairly well, but I know that I will get "the easy way out" reaction eventually. It's great to have this site with people that are supportive and compassionate. Nina