TamaraS

Week 24 – 6 months post op
 
Last week’s weight – 200.8
This week’s weight – 197.2
Total weight lost this week – 3.6
 
Beginning weight – 246 lbs
Total weight loss since surgery – 48.8 lbs
 
 
Recovered from my gain last week with a nice loss. I was hoping to be down 50 lbs by my 6 month mark but…oh well…that’s the way it goes.
 
Attached is a side by side picture of my weight loss from highest to current.

Excellent article on Emotional hunger Vs. Physical hunger
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14885-emotional-vs-physical-hunger/
 
 
Am I hungry? important questions to ask-
http://amihungry.com/whatisamihungry.shtml
 
Recognizing hunger signals - http://www.myfooddiary.com/resources/ask_the_expert/hunger_signals.asp
 
Head Hunger-
http://myfoodmaps.com/head-hunger/
 
3 steps to take to become aware of head hunger
http://www.livestrong.com/article/512246-how-to-tell-the-difference-between-real-hunger-emotional-hunger/?utm_source=popslideshow&utm_medium=a1
 
head hunger -
http://www.palmyrasurgical.com/adjustable-gastric-band-guide/living-with-your-gastric-band/dealing-with-hunger-after-surgery
 
 

All of my life I have been bigger. With that said, I didn't really care becasue I was always in shape and very active. I played tennis is high school and swam every day. I would hike when I was able and I could slam the crap out of a racquetball ball. Then BAM!!!! That all changed 18 years ago. I was 20 years old, in college, and having the time of my life when my disc decided it didn't like the home it had and that it wanted to go explore the rest of my back. The first two years after this happened, I was still able to do some activities, but I had to be mindful of my back. Then, over time, it got worse and I did less and less until I could no longer fathom the idea of doing any activity. Truth is, when you deal with chronic pain on a daily basis, you get tired of it and you want to do anything you can to get it to stop. My anything was doing nothing.
 
Now, after my surgery I have been doing more than I have in years. I walk almost daily or do some other type of cardio. And even though I'm still in horrible pain, I figure it's worth it to be healthy. I am only 5 months out and I have lost over 100lbs from my highest weight and around 75 from my surgery day. Now, you can't lose that much weight that fast with out some repercussions. And trust me, I have some. If you have read my blog for awhile, you know that I have already commented about my boobs. For those of you who don't know, my boobs are the things I miss the most. Every time I look in the mirror when I'm naked, I sing, "Do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder like a Continental soldier? Do your boobs hang low?" They seem to hang a little lower every day. I'm starting to think they are depressed. Maybe I should give them some antidepressants to perk them back up....do you think that would work? I wish!!!
 
I had just learned to accept my boobs then out of nowhere I noticed something today that totally caught me off guard. I have wings!!! You know the extra skin under your arm that just hangs there and flops back and forth. I thought I was doing well with not getting any of that. I have made sure that I have worked my arms (with my shake weight, and while walking) but apparently that hasn't been enough. I am 38 years old and I have the back, boobs and arms of an 80 year old. Then, to make it just a little worse, I can start to see the extra skin on my tummy. My oh my, I'm just going to be skinny...yes, the pun was intended. But seriously people....it sucks. We work so hard following the program, doing what we need to do, and fighting daily urges to not eat certain things and to keep active and yet some of us will still have these issues.
 
I guess I'll have to accept my new wings like I accepted my boobs. I can't do anything about it right now. The good thing is that now I won't have to pay those high prices for airfare. I can just hold out my arms on a windy day and "Fly like and eagle". Now, if only I can find something useful for my droopy boobs to do....that's going to take some thought.

Today is almost my three month point. Also, I have my 20th high school reunion coming up so I figured it was a good time to go shopping. Now I have no idea what size I wear or where I should shop. So, I called my mother. I always like to have someone with me that will be completely honest and tell me I look like a teenage wannabe, or I'm trying to wear a size WAY to small or WAY to big. Mom will always be honest. Sometimes a little too honest. One time she told me not to buy something because my boobs looked to big. That's what I liked about the shirt. Needless to say, I bought it.
 
Anyway, today I started at Lane Bryant. You all know the Big Girl store. I found some things I liked and grabbed a couple different sizes. To my amazement, I fit into a 14/16 shirt, and a 16 or 18 pants (depending on the cut). I can't tell you the last time I wore anything that size. Especially for my shirts. At that moment, shopping began to be fun. I started to understand why people love shopping....I could totally get into this shopaholic thing.
 
Then I went to Old Navy. Now, understand that the only thing I used to be able to buy here was a men's XXXL sweatshirt. Well, today, I was able to fit into the woman's polo shirts (XXL), woman's jeans (size 18), and an XL woman's sweatshirt. Now, here's the funny thing. Being big for most of my life, I've always worn very baggy clothes. Because even though we all know baggy clothes don't hide anything, we feel more comfortable and let's be honest, we're hiding behind those extra baggy shirts and pants. So, when I came out to look in the mirror wearing these clothes that were the correct size and fit me the way they were supposed to, I felt so exposed. It took me awhile to get that this is what I am supposed to wear and how I am supposed to look. Trust me, it's crazy. I really had to look at the emotional issues that come with being fat. Then, I said "screw that" I'm losing weight and doing well. I have the body I would have died for when I was 25. I'm curvy, and yes I have more weight to lose, but I am going embrace my new body and not hide it being my XXXL sweatshirt.
 
Well, apparently embracing my body cost $300. I embraced it in new bras, underwear, jeans, pants, sweats, and shoes. I also made sure that none of those things were baggy or hiding anything. Everything I bought showed my body in a tasteful way. However, the only person who will see the panties and bras will be my husband....and he'll be happy to hear that my cup size is still a DD. He was so worried about that. LOL
 
So, now that I told you about my wonderful day, I have to tell you that I have been kind of down. My scale number has not really moved over the past month and a half. If goes up and down between five pounds. Now, I KNOW that I am working out more and gaining muscle and that my body is changing but I still want that number to go down. I want to be under 200 so badly, I can't even explain it. The last time I was under 200 I was in high school and I was working out all the time and barely eating. But, right now that's my goal and I am so upset that I'm not getting any closer to it. But, going today and seeing how my body is changing even if the scale isn't going down makes me feel REALLY GOOD. So, I decided to stop worrying about that number on the scale and enjoy my body and my new clothes. Now, I just have to figure out what I'm going to wear first.

I'm over it. I don't want to look at the scale anymore! I feel like freaking Frodo with that thing. "My Precious" keeps calling me. I have to resist. I don't want my success being tied to a number. My clothes feel loose. I'm getting more energy. I'm sucking it up with my work.... (actually...I started looking for another job last week!).
 
I'm getting things done. I feel healthier. PPL say I'm looking good. Getting compliments. What's the obsession with the number?
 
I'm going to try to go a whole month w/o getting on that darn thing! Wish me luck!

Wow...where do I start....
 
I up my workout game this week. Moved from 2.5 miles to 3 miles of walking this week. I am really loving this sleeve knowing that the fruits of my workout will reflect in my body transformation. I walked into my office yesterday and one of the ladies said I looked stunning. It did wonders for my inner self. In fact, a number of people are commenting on my weight loss. I went to a BBQ on Labor Day (dat was torture) and I girl I had not seen in a few months, told me I had lost weight and looked good...Made me feel all giddy..especially since I am still about 50lbs shy of my final goal...I can only imagine what that will look like. But back to the BBQ...There was so much food and drink...I think I missed the alcohol more than I did the food. BBQ is almost a synonym for drinking and all could have was my light pink lemonade...The compliments made it better though...lol...
 
This week also represents the week, I put on a two pair of shorts I could not wear pre-surgery and a pair of jeans...One pair of shorts was actually loose...I have this lil dress that I wore in the day that I absolutely loved. I am not sure if I would wear it again as an outfit as it is dated but I kept it because I wanted to get back into it...The day that happens....I think I am going to hit the floor....(but I also plan on taking pics to mark that day).
 
I told my mom about the surgery this week. I had not told her before because when I tried feeling her out about it, she had so much negative stuff to say so I left her out of one of the most important decisions of my life. I felt bad and underhanded but I needed to mentally prepare for this surgery and so could not deal with her opinions. She still had some stuff to say about it but now that it is done, I do not receive her comments as hard.
 
This Sunday I am able to start soft foods. I am so happy...These last two weeks I have really begun to miss food. I have planned about 30 first meals...lol..My body is over the protein shakes so I need some natural protein. My stomach is upset with the protein shakes. As I begin to eat, I am hoping I can once again tolerate them as they offer a good influx of protein if you are struggling to get it in.
 
I am still not having regular bowel movements without assistance of a stool softner. Driving me crazy as I went everyday so to be only able to go once a week with assistance gets me so out of sorts.
 
But with all that said...where I am today...I think I am beginning to see some changes..I measure next Friday so I am excited to see what those numbers reveal.
 
VSG 08/17/12
HT 5'8
HW 232 (08/13/12)
SW 227
CW 208.8 (-23.6lbs)
 
I will take it...I had a goal (one of many) to be 205 by 09/17. I am on target to make it happen...(Sleeve don't fail me now..lol)

Thought I'd be nervous...but I really feel that I got that all out of me...I'm ready to go!!!! Psyched out!!! No worries!
 
I even found Special K protein powder for water, and Designer Whey protein powder for water--Designer has 10 g, and K has 5...at Rite Aid...they have the Isopure too, that I have been looking for. I found it all while I was waiting to find out of that particular pharmacy has the Hydrocodone liquid. No place has the pain killer. It's on back order, and there is talk of not making it anymore, so I'm not sure why on Earth the doctors are prescribing it! Be aware that if you get prescribed a pain med, that it is hard to find. Get it early, and start filling it early.
 
I got extra walks in this week, and a double one just a couple hours ago...so that I am ahead for the recovery days. Sweet!
 
Went to a support group meeting today...the one chick there talked and talked and talked...but I did learn some things from her...though I really wanted to talk about some of my last concerns. Toward the end I was able to get in that I was getting my surgery in the morning, and then I got to chat with some people who had some very good tips...such as the one woman who had her surgery in May, right before I was supposed to have mine, showed me her incisions and told me that, Yes...I will still be able to yell at my children when I get home. That's all I needed to hear! I was worried I'd be layed up like a sick dog..but not so. The other woman had her sleeve 17 days ago, and has lost 15 lbs...which she was not happy about...but which is encouraging, and right on target.
 
I have all my medicine cups, some antacids, gas med, prescriptions, a can of meat and beans, a can of applesauce, a can of tomato soup, and a can of cream of chicken soup along with the protein powder packets I just got, and the Carnation sugar-free packets all lined up on the counter. We moved the couch, vaccuumed and moved the recliner so that I can have my pick when I get back. I put my sewing projects for Eckley on hold (that's a coal mining patch town that still stands, where we volunteer to raise money--you all should visit, sometime). I just don't have time to do those things. I figure when my belly gets better at the end of September, I can sew then, I hope.
 
I can't wait to get back to my walks! The treadmill is up here now, and I cleaned it off, so I can walk inside if I want to, now, and for the winter!...NO slacking for me...never again. I refuse to be a hermit this year! My daughter and I are also going to do our aerobics together. We did some Zumba at a support group meeting two weeks ago..and boy-o-boy, was that something! We were all cracking each other up with the moves, and it was just a lot of fun...so now, we are going to work out together more. I can't wait....my girl is the best...so is my boy! My two special buddies are right here alongside me...like no one else.
 
I should mention my one friend, Annette...she's being very nice to me, and helping me get there and back...but that's all she can do..and it's A LOT!!!...but still...I need help at home...and will have to rely on the children. I wish I had more family, and more people who really care about me. I am so thankful for what I have though, and wouldn't trade my 3 buddies for anything!
 
Travis Tritt is on tv right now..and man is he spectacular...love him...I'm really enjoying his concert! Sure beats eating my self to death, right now! Tomorrow is such a special day, and I'm so glad I get to share it with you all!

Hi all..New to this site. Let me introduce myself. My name is Elizabeth and I am 48 years old. Been married for 30 years (in April) I am a night L&D nurse. Have struggled with my weight all my life..I know just like most of us have LOL!
 
Today is the beginning of week 2 post op for me. I have my sleeve placed on 8/29/12. I was in the hospital for 2 very long nights. It started of as a early day getting to the hospital at 0530, surgery start time was 0730. Met with my surgeon and my anesthesia guys that I was fortunate to pick ( I am a nurse at the hospital). So I know I was in good hands. Being a nurse does have it advantages but in my case I was really nervouse because I know just a little to much about what goes on LOL. Anyway, I was given Versed before going to the OR..It is a med used to relax you, which I needed. Only remember being in the OR for maybe 3 minutes and the rest is a blank...
 
Woke up in recovery with only a quick second of feeling nauseous and that was it. I was in recovery for about 5 hours while they tried to get the previous patient out of my room hehe Why would anyone like to stay longer than they have too? Moved to my room and did really well. My doctor does not believe in his patients being in pain and gave me meds round the clock and then extra was available if needed.
 
After day one I had to do a swallow study and I passed thank heavens..My mouth was as dry as a desert. Started off with 1 oz of water for 4 hours, then 2 oz for 4 hours then I could drink as much as I could tolerate...I have to say that first sip of water was the best water I have ever tasted..
 
Been doing really well the first week. Kind of tired from no rest at the hospital ; / Still sore but getting better by the day. Have had no problems with nausea or vomiting. I do have to say that yesterday I had a weird experience. I took my dog to training for the first time since surgery. I was there for maybe 10 minutes and all of a sudden I got the worst stomach pain, broke into a cold sweat and had to leave. I didnlt know if I was going to be sick or worse...the other end...TMI? Barely made it home and since I have been kind of queazy. had some SF pudding last night and I tolerated it well..This AM I am feeling the same, just kind of queazy, crampy like...
 
I am so looking forward to eating a soft diet, I go back to work next Wed night. I want to start eating a little before going back to work to make sure I tolerate it OK.. Looking forward to getting to know everyone and sharing their VGS journey with them...
 
Much love,
Elizabeth

Today I'm 7 days from my one year anniversary of being a Loser and I'm still learning my body. Just this past weekend:
 
I've come to terms with myself that my eating habits have changed. I get angry because I want to eat more but I can't because my sleeve is full after 3 or 4 bites and by the time my stomach has settled, I don't want it anymore.
 
I need to learn to cook in smaller portions.
 
When we order take out, we can share one dish or I should order something others will eat because I never eat more than a handful.
 
I shy away from dining with others because I'm done before everyone else so I sit there looking at a full plate of food waiting for the everyone else to finish. Also, something that never use to happen, now, I KNOW, I'm leaving with a doggy bag!
 
Thing I use to love to have I don't anymore, things I want to have I can't.
I no longer love chicken. I can eat a few bites and then call it a day.
When I see pasta's, mac and cheese, lasagna, spaghetti, I'd love to have it! BUT I no longer can tolerate pasta.
STILL love, love, love ice cream/frozen yogart, cookies, cakes and salads...BUT the sweet stuff ....and something about lettuce is like a laxative to me. Once eaten it only takes 3 minutes to hit my sleeve and send me running. (Literally!!)

I've come to terms with myself that I must take vitamins daily. When I miss them for more than 3 days, I'm runned down and useless. I don't sleep well and I have no energy to do anything.
 
I've come to terms that my weightloss will be slow and NOT always steady, that now, I need to work out more to get faster weight loss results and to tighten up and build muscle.
 
I've come to terms that with my loss, I will have some saggiing skin and I will need to make a decision in the future if another surgery is something I want to do.
 
AND, today I've learn to listen to what my body is saying...and go with it. I can't stay with old habits good or bad, if my body says go left, then left is where I'm heading.
 
This is an exciting and frustrating time but I'm sure some day soon, I will master me once again.

today I will take some pictures for the first time post op.Its been 5 and a half months now that I've still been avoiding the pics.
 
My kid took some the morning of surgery (and some the morning after).
 
I might even post them if I can see a difference.Being very body dismorphic doesnt make life easy.I have to see myself with my mind and not really my eyes as my eyes still see me almost exactly the same,but with a lot more wrinkles and drooping skin.My head tells me 88 pounds is a significant weight loss.
 
S,lets see how brave I can be!

Well, I figured out how to post a new entry!!! I was going to give up, but gave it another try and found the button. Yippee.
 
Yesterday, I found myself feeling guilty a bit because I am unable to lose the weight and keep it off, in my current state. I felt a bit sad that I have to have surgery, but I know it's the right thing. At the beginning of this round of 2 week liquid diets, I was so upset because I was not able to eat beforehand, and was broke, etc...and the roller coaster of emotions was rampant. Now, I am feeling much better, but I want to eat all the time...and right now, it's pizza--brought on by the left over I took out of the freezer to give to my boy-who had a hard day at school. I have also been wanting an egg McMuffin...and just saw the commercial...ugh...I am hungry, and now I'm really toeing the line. I have been scared about surgery, and have worked to settle my fears by reminding myself that my children have had innumerable surgeries, and I assured them they'd be ok...and they were. I trust the surgeons and staff with their lives, and of course, must trust them with my own life! I hear and see myself telling my son that he is ok, that he is not going to die...and somehow my own mind and heart hears it...like a mom taking care of me...me taking care of me!!! Imagine that!
 
Anyway, my surgery is in 2 days!! 2 Days!!!! Can you believe that??!!! Finally!!
 
I have been sad that I could not eat at the diner that my sister owned before she took off to wherever and never came back--it openned and I didn't get to go there. I also want to eat at the sub place that has the best chicken parm hoagies ever!...and at the Subway--love the tomato sauce...and at Friendly's...and at Rodano's in Wilkes-barre--best spaghetti and meatballs. I realize though, that I made a choice to move forward with this surgery and to once and for all get a grip on permanent change in my life...and that others on here have said that they can eat what they want, but not as much, about a half a cup, eventually...I think I can live with that. I also want to go to the movies one last time and get some pretzel nuggets with spicy cheese, and some popcorn...and to go to the drive-ins for hot dogs and fries!!! Ugh. Since having some money to spend, and starting my 2 weeks, I did, indeed, have some of these foods so that I could ease my mind and be more prepared for the procedure...and success, but I still want more of it! I am never satisfied...only pacified at this point. Recognizing those two facts helps me to see that what I am doing...eating that pack of pretzels, and then wishing for and wanting another--though I can't fit more in my stomach...is not good...I need help...and that's what I have elected to get.
 
I know that if I was to not get the surgery, I would be very upset. I have weighed things carefully, and thought about what would happen, how I would feel if I did not go through with the procedure--which I already have a taste of from when I was denied by the insurance, and from when I had to drop out twice before because my son got sick again. I have so much peace about the sleeve that anything else is chaos. I have a real chance before me for real, permanent change, and I can hardly wait.
 
At the same time I am worried about problems during the sedation...such as that I might have a cardiac arrest or something and have to be shocked back....which happened to my brother, but supposedly for a different reason. (I don't get to see my family, nor hear from them very much, because I was an orphan...and we children were separated early on--a truly great tragedy and lifetime of suffering--which also has had a hand in food addiction and food abuse by me...among other things). But, then I remember that my twins were born very early, and very sick, and have had many surgeries and are ok...and that I have exercised and prepared for this, doing my breathing exercises, seeing an allergist and getting my asthma meds changed--so that the year long cough could go away. I am prepared, and my prayers have been answered! I prayed for years for an answer, and this is it.....maybe now, God will reverse the food issues that were caused by the evil in my father's heart. Maybe now...physically, the pathways will be changed....combined with my own efforts, and several years of trauma counseling that helped me deal with all the other crap. It's time for a body change!
 
I can't wait to put my smaller clothes on. I have bags and tubs of smaller clothing, as well as an industrial rack to hold current and not-so-long-ago clothing. There is a pink chiffon and silver sequen skirt that I cannot wait to donn and go to the market--or anywhere for that matter!! Jeans?!! Oh yeah!...looking forward to it, and to being comfortable in my own skin and clothes.
 
Can't wait to put on some hot little classy number and some high heels (which I will promptly remove) and strut around in front of the ex when I drop the children for a visit...he'll be eating his words...loser. I am improving my health for me, and have been divorced for over 7 years...but still...there is sweetness in even the slightest victory, and I'm going to enjoy that one! haha.
 
My girl and I will be wearing close to the same size when I get this weight off, and I can wear my Army class A's..and my cammos again! That would be very cool...and is something I have wanted to do for years...since I was pregnant with the twins 14 years ago.
 
It will be nice when I can see the bones in my feet and my ankles and legs are not swollen anymore, and when I can roll over in bed without a ton of aches and pains...and when I can increase my 1 mile walks to 2 or 3 miles at once...instead of doing 2-3 1 mile walks per day. There are just so many benefits!
 
Ooo...and I can get out my multitude of swim suits and try them on...and go find a new one that makes me look smashing!...that is a cool word..."smashing!" Positively smashing!
 
I would love to do the P90X program, too...not the jumping, but the rest of it...and to find my fitness like I had, and better, in the Army. I'm going to look for an ab workout to help me look not pregnant. No matter what size I am, people always ask me that. I'm used to it, and just say no, I'm not pregnant, just fat." Then they look at me, all shocked...and embarrassed and say either "Oh!" or run out of the store with their tails between their legs. I'll say to them, "That's ok, I get that all the time, but I did lose XX lbs. over the last 6 months." ...Doesn't matter, they are put in their place for asking such a personal question, in the first place. I don't really care about that much, though...I don't...I just want to feel good about my body, that I am caring for it as God intended, that I am working to live well for as long as I can for my family...however small it is with just the twins and me...for our futures, for my grandchildren...so they can say that I truly am and was a great and strong person, no matter what came my way...and have some more proof to go with it! Can't beat that!

I have been so focused on getting approved for the surgery, focusing on other people success and imagining my own that I hadn't really thought much about the possibility of dying in surgery until recently. It’s terrifying. I have a six year old boy. when my grandmother had passed in April, it was the first death He had ever experienced. I just keep replaying through my mind when he told me "mom if you ever die and go to heaven, Id make myself die to so we could be together" indescribably upsetting words to hear your child speak :’(
Three nights ago I was lying in bed and panic came over me as I thought of how I will be putting myself in a position where it could definitely happen (DEATH) if I go through with the surgery. I’ve read differing statistics: 1 in 400 die, 1 in a 1,000 die, and honestly those don’t sound good. I woke up the next day still very much worried. I sat in my recliner as I do every day because my knees hurt. I watched t.v. and played on my laptop as I do every day, to numb my mind of my barely getting by existence.I sit home alone in isolation most of the day until My beautiful boy gets home and then I’m too tired to play and have a short fuse with him because I’m constantly exhausted (just like every other day). A couple tears ran down my face at the realization that my hope for a better life has to be stronger than my fears of dying this time.
 
Im not happy being in pain and always tired. I’m not the good mom or wife I know I can be. I can’t fulfill my dream of becoming a nurse because I can barely shower and dress myself with out resting in between. I have had to stop wearing socks with my shoes because when I try to put them on, I pull muscles in either my leg, stomach or back. My life is so far from where I want it and I know I can get it back on track with this surgery. I might die because of this surgery. I will definitely die early if I don’t get this weight off. But I might be able to live AFTER this surgery… I don’t consider this living now.