whippledaddy

Lisa, I know I'm reading this late, but Patty gets hives in the winter (she's allergic to being cold!) and Benadryl makes a lotion. You put it right on the hives and you dont' get sleepy. But remember, it counts as part of your daily allowance, so if you take it orally too, don't take too much.

Some times every turn in the road brings new tragedy. Sometimes the sun refuses to shine, and when it does something heavy and dark steals it before it can warm our upturned face. I would like to tell you why this is. I would like to help you understand. Why have you been singled out? Why should you be afraid to ask "What's new?" . I have no answers. And the only thing I know is true is "And this too, shall pass". Small comfort knowing our pains shall pass. In "The Princess Bride" Wesley tells Buttercup "Life is pain, and anyone who says different is selling something". Now I don't think that bleak a view is necessary, but it sometimes feels that we buy our joy with the currency of sorrow. I lost six good friends one year. Each to a different cause. In six months time. It seemed that everyone I knew was dying. And there was nothing I could do but grieve. Know that it will get better. Know that sorrow must come to each of us. It sucks when you get it heaped on you, and not measured out. Know that one day life will have sweetness again, indeed it does already, save the bitter taste blocks the sweetness out. Darkness defines light. Sorrow defines joy. After the darkest night, the dawn is all the brighter. May you find comfort other than food. That is where we all sought it, and that is what new sorrows are teaching us. We can find solace without shortening our own lives. I'll hold you in my heart and prayers, and send good vibes your way, may these times give way to days of sunlight, carefree walks in dappled shadows, and in the quiet of the moment, may you hear your heart laughing once again.

Nutritionist has added one T of healthy oil a day, like olive oil, she's concerned about going that period of time without any fat in the diet. I took my oil, heated it in a pan, fried some shredded cabbage in it, put it on a plate, then stir fried broccoli, cauliflower, mushrooms and onions, hit it with some balsamic vinegar, and Basil, tossed it on top of the cabbage base. Heaven!, and there was still oil in the wok, so I didn't even use the whole Tablespoon! I love knowing how to cook.

I'll just close my eyes and you'll all be right there.

Thanks guys. Patty isn't fully recovered at all. In fact the RSD is for life, but she IS mostly pain free now until the next round of surgeries begin, early next year. The best news of all is that I won't have to go to the in-laws for Thanksgiving. Now THAT'S special!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Get my final endo tomorrow,pre op tests the eleventh, and on to the sixteenth.

Second full day of pre op diet, gasp, gasp. If you don't see me on here much it's 'cause the keys are so hard to push down, and I'm so weak! Four carnation instant breakfasts a day, and veggies. Veggies. Veggies. Oh, yeah, and broth. Don't forget broth. No liquor for me Lisa Green! LOL. Shhh. Gotta go, them vultures are hoverin' and circlin' again.

Congrats, I'm right behind ya.

And now that I have composed myself, dried my eyes, and cheeks, and changed my shirt. And now that I have put my dear Patty to bed where she sleeps and dreams of happier times to come. But also where she won't see her husband weep like a child as he reads and answers these posts. Now. Now I can answer. Part of me didn't want to. Part of me just wanted to sit here, and bask in this warm and friendly glow from the screen. But, such support, such noble intentions, deserve, demand, some sort of response. Thank you. As I said in a PM to someone: On a day like this, when everything in my life sucks (but the vacuum, it's broken) here you all are. When I looked outside it was dark, yet when I opened my eyes in LBTland, the sun was shining, and it had so many names. I am filled with tears of quiet joy. I am so blessed. Of course I'm getting banded. I start my liquid diet tomorrow. Fourteen days from now I will have taken a step, crossed a river, turned down a glass, burned my most important bridge. I know I will succeed. But. If I did fail, just if, I would still carry a huge positive feeling away from this whole experience. The people here at LBT. I never knew I could feel this way. All of your posts, so supportive, so wonderful. I have been a loner for so much of my life. Doing it the hard way, toughing it out, going it alone. I hope I never do anything to offend any of you ever. You deserve to be treated like Queens and Kings. You are royalty. I am so humbled, and so honored. I don't think I could treasure anything more than the priviledge of knowing all of you. You make me realize a great truth. What wonders the average person could perform if they had someone who only told them "you can do it". So powerful are those words. Thank you. I can do it. And you can do it, too. My pain of that moment the other day has been obliterated by awe and wonder, and warmth. For all you are, for all of you, for all you do, I say: Thank you.

Jack, no I haven't. My Doc was reluctant to write orders for different masks at first, so I changed to the doctor I have now. He'll write the orders but my choices are very limited. Out here in the boonies all we ever hear is "We can't get that" or "I'll have to order it, and it'll be here in two weeks." Gratiot Home Medical is poorly stocked, and the people are poorly trained. Sparrow Health System is part of the gigantic Sparrow Network, but doesn't do so well by its sattelites in tiny little towns like alma. I can get these buds, but by the time they get here, I'll be banded. Wonder just how long it'll take for the sleep to improve? If I lose enough to sleep on my back comfortably, maybe I"ll keep the band on. My theory is that when I turn on my side I knock it loose and then my hand just pulls it off to get rid of the irritating air blowing in my eye.

Don't have a beard. Just a mustache, and I went to a full face, so the 'stache shouldn't be a problem. I've gotten better results after I switched medical suppliers, tho I don't have a co-pay with the one, I get much better service with the other. The C-Pap was wonderful for the first few nights. But after a week I kept waking up with the good old headache and the mask not on. Repeated attempts with my physician got nothing except scripts for different masks. You take them all off the same way, so my sub conscious had no problems adjusting. I've met others who have good luck with them, but even the man who fitted me said he was in the same boat as I. I am thankful for the nights it does work, and does help.

No, I didn't know that. Seems like my local medical equipment supplier would have let me know, just so they could sell more.

Ah, me. I thought I was above this sort of thing. I thought it wouldn't bother me. A co-worker introduced me to another person working in our prison. It's a big place, we don't know each other, but Craig was up to one of his little jokes. Carol works up front, and I never go to the office so I never see those folks, I'm in the trenches, helping the prisoners cook, and serve the meals. Craig, my co-worker, tells Carol that I'm going to have the Band Surgery. She doesn't know me. Yet she takes it upon herself to tell me that if I had any self control or will power I could do it without the crutch. It was a longer conversation than it needed to be, because I didn't shut her down. I didn't argue with her either. She's entitled to her opinion. Still a free country and all that. What she thinks of me is none of my business, after all they are HER thoughts. Craig knows this woman. He knew how she would react when he told her that. He's a coworker, not a friend, obviously, and he likes these little mind games. But why would this woman, a total stranger, attack me so? Why? Who gained in this little exercise. I know why her words hurt so much. After all isn't what she said what I've been telling myself for most of my life? Wasn't she just repeating what that secret little voice hiding deep within my own dark recesses was whispering to my inner ear? Your weak. You'll fail, again. Because you're weak. If you were a real man you'd do it on your own, cold turkey. You'd give up all food and live on sunshine and Water like a tree. An oak tree. But no, you're weak, doughy, without spine, or resolve. Yes she woke the whiner within, and his voice is clear and strong. It drowns out all others. What she did was terrible. But the real crime here was that I let it get to me. I thought I was better than that. Now I attack myself for this, viewing it as weakness. Well, at least she didn't tell me I wasn't all THAT fat, or point out others in my boat. Give me a little time, I'll not carry her around any longer than I must, I've got enough to deal with without her. There, now I feel better.

I find it hard to believe that any of those overpriced masks were developed by someone who actually got a good nights sleep. I have never awoken with one actually on. And, sometimes I work nights. You ain't really lived until you jump up to answer the doorbell while hooked up to one of those things. I've given up on my c-pap machine, but the case they sent with it has come in quite handy for cd's and such. I'm just not going to lose any sleep over it. Hah.

Put on the leathers! Let's ride. I bet we could make a big impression! No Pun Intended.

Any one can go down for the nine count. Just get up before the man says "ten".

Now, thass quite enuff talk about cute wimmin wearin' bath towels. Hmpf. Where's me heart pills?

I've been saving daylight for months now, and here it is, midnight, dark as a carload of a$$holes, and I can't find any of that daylight stash I've been saving all summer. Well, no matter, it's over now. Gotta set the clocks back and go to bed. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Does this mean it'll be getting early, later now?

Yeah, Lyle, it was rough wasn't it? Being the last person picked for dodgeball, or anything. It was always two jocks that I looked up to, and it was like the loser got the fat kid. You were "expected" to be strong. Like it was all muscle. And punches, and pinches, and pins couldn't hurt you. It was like they didn't think fat people could feel any kind of pain. Ryan got changed to "Rhino" on my first day of school. Forty seven years later, grown men still call me that. Dates? Fuhgeddaboutit. The only way to fit in was to be better looking, or better in sports. Rich worked too. So if you were poor and fat, you were kind of lonely. The one piece desk and chair. Only skinny kids fit. There was a self esteem booster. But it was all okay. Because it led to here, and now. It made us into people who don't call names. Who don't laugh at handicaps, or differences. People who can tolerate the objectionable in others, even boorishness. We have been through the fire, and we do not seek for others to get burned. We make the world a more compassionate place. I wouldn't change it for the world. I understand what it is like to be on the recieving end of prejudice. So now I know. Color, religion, political belief, physical appearance, I know what it's like to be on the outside looking in. I have felt the sting of bigotry. As have we all. Now ahead lies a future, once dark and uncertain. Now there is a streaming highway of brighter tomorrows, days spent frolicking in the meadows, in the sun, in new bodies, chisled from the old ones we used to carry. Be joyful. Spread that sunshine. Burn the dark weeds of intolerance with the bright light of each new day. Inner peace, Lyle? YOU DESERVE IT.

Nah, I'm a Pisces. They're artistic but lazy. Yawn.

Talked to Patty today. The only pain she is experiencing right now is the pain of the surgery. But her arm, neck and hand are pain free. First thing I'm gonna do when she gets home is hold her hand.

Farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Out! You look GREAT! What a wonderful NSV! Does this make you our poster child?

Just want you all to know. For the first time in my life I feel that it's okay that I've been fat most of my life. Had I been skinny I would never have found this place. Just for the record: The people I've found here make all those fat years worth it. Now, not only do I feel good about my future. I feel a heck of a lot better about my past. Thank you.

Ah Denise, hope all went well. All these surgery dates for people I know from this place. Makes mine seem more real, more.....................imminent. Let us know how you're doing will you? I'm on pins and needles here! Good luck and God Bless.

Steal the show? Paula posts like these ARE the show. And you are right. Here, in this place, with my dogs about me, and the fall wind laughing outside, I feel accepted. Family and friends have ulterior motives. In Laws have ulterior motives, and a skewed view of us. Everywhere else we go we are judged. Well wishers point out those unfortunates who are larger than we. Loving friends cajole us to diet today, and offer us pie tomorrow. A cruel world discriminates against us with flimsy chairs, eternal stairs, disgusted stares, and they only make the ugliest clothes in xxxxx large. We are judged, discriminated against, and criticised at every turn, and the cruelest and loudest critic of all is...........ourselves. Here, I notice, I can even accept myself. Be kinder to me than when not reading LBT. And I wish that for all of you. Stop being your own critic. Don't make excuses either. Just be. We are all seeking to improve our lot. We are not less, we are more. We are striving to be better, healthier. But we must see the truth, and not color it with years of trained prejudice, to change what we must to lead a normal life. I wish you all the desire to accept yourself the way you are today, with the knowledge that you strive for a better tomorrow.

Nancy, your tale, told so well, like a mini novel, reminds me of a story I once heard: This man was driving his luxury car down a gravel road, it was a backwoods area and there wasn't a house or even a mailbox in sight. The road was narrow, highly crowned, with a deep ditch on either side. But this wasn't stopping him from speeding, no. You see he was an important man, with important things to do. He was on a schedule. As he sped down the road he heard a loud noise, and felt his car shake just a bit. He hit the scrunchers and came to a fast halt. He had opened his door and stepped out of the car even before the dust had cleared. He immediately noticed the dent in his driver's side door. Looking back he sees a large rock laying in the road. He's sure this is what caused the dent but who threw it? There was no one in sight. Then he heard a voice, coming from the ditch back down the road. He walked back and looked down in the ditch. There he saw a young boy standing over another boy, the second boy's limbs didn't look right, so the man guessed that the overturned wheelchair was for the prone lad. The standing boy looked up, there were tears in his eyes. "My name's Billy. I'll pay for your door. I take my brother for walks every day, but the road is kind of rounded, and the gravel can get slippery when there are lots of stones. I couldn't stop him from rolling down in this ditch. He's way to heavy for me to carry, and the wheelchair is as big as I am. I heard you coming, but you were so much in a hurry, and wrapped up in your own life, you didn't see me waving. So I had to get your attention, so I threw the rock. I knew you'd stop, 'cause you'd be mad that something hurt your fancy car. I hoped you would be a good person, and you'd help me get my brother out of the ditch and back in his wheelchair, even though I dented your door." Tears were in the man's eyes. The boy's story had hit home. He was a minister, and his sermon last Sunday had been that sometimes God has to send us a little wake up call, for our own good. The preacher was crying because it took the wisdom of a child to teach him the lesson of his own sermon. He helped the boy get his brother out of the ditch, into the wheelchair and back to his home. Sorry to hear about your mini stroke. Guess you got a rock thrown at your door to get you to stop and look around. Glad it happened because now you're gonna live. Now you will be around to share your specialness and teach through your beautiful soul.