Bandista

I was molested from age 2 to 14. Physical and emotional abuse from rekatives. Not a pretty story. Without even thinking about it I ate to stay fat to be unattractive so the opposite sex wouldn't find me attractive and once the images and emotions were buried way down deep I was relatively heavy but not to the point of being obese. But I found myself attracted to boys and men and would flirt with them but only with a barrier between me and them. I worked in a drugstore and the counter along with my weight kept them at bay. I was in control. My past buried and forgotten I got married but couldnt do all things a married couple should do and one of those he was a man he couldnt be trusted. Well I couldn't get pregnant (weight I suppose-had endometriosis before anyone even knew the name of it). We adopted two young girls 21 mos old and 34 mos old. Upon raising them I became frightened about them for them and of them. Feelings of the past came rushing back. Just feelings I wasn't sure why or what was making me feel this way. I was a terrible mother or so I thought. After years when I was 30 I finally went to see a dr about my painful endometriosis. About 5 years later I got an hysterectomy but after the first visit I also saw an endocriniligist that told me of my diabetes and also informed me of my depression. He admitted me that day to the mental ward that afternoon. So today 33 years later after realizing why I was always more comfortable heavy; why I always seemed yelling and screaming. The truth of my abuse came out throught my psychiatrist Teddy. Love that man to death. Anyhow that was many years ago. I was in 97 diagnosed also with bipolar rapid cycling. So the fat part lasted for over 30 years b/c by that time my eating had become habit. Feelings of inadequacies and alot of selfdoubt and thinking everyone was judging me kept me at a standstill. But my children and husband stood by my side through every tantrum and screaming insults lashing out to hurt because I was in physical and emotional pain. Self absorbed. Today banded and losing weight I feel a little better. I did stand on the grave of one of the persons that abused me and ask God to forgive him. The shackles of hatred and emotional turmoil fell off my back the second I said it. I have been steadily getting better. I take quite a few meds to control my bipolar and diabetes, low thyroid and other conditions which keeps me emotionally stable most of the time. But losing weight now doesn't scare me. I'm stronger and that's due in part of forgiving but also to my husband who has done sooooo much to push me to be more open and honest and work at what I wanted to do with no reprecussions of my painful years I'm sure for him as well as my kids. My girls now 35 and 36 understand in part about what happened and bipolar on top of that. Wounds are still somewhat lightly covered but so am I at times. I hope I didn't bore you. I just felt I had to tell my story of defeat and victory. I'm not there yet but I am looking at as a positive move now and looking forward to the day I'm on maintainence. I may always be a little off balance but I try to push myself making small victories with my self esteem. Im positive I'll make it. I'm 63 now so maybe by 65 I'll be a little more forgiving to myself. Donna, I'm so glad you told your story -- you have conquered so much in your life. Forgiveness is such a powerful act. I could picture you there on the grave of one of your abusers releasing that pain. And I love what you said about forgiving yourself, too. Here's to that -- loving ourselves and forgiving ourselves so we can live our lives fully. Best wishes!

Hi Wendy, so funny you should mention dentistry. When I got my surgery I said after that it was way better than going to the dentist! I was nervous, too -- had never been an overnight patient in the hospital. I'm 52 and this was the way to break that record! It was so much easier than I expected. Every one was so nice and I felt well cared for, etc. For me the incisional pain was not as bad as arthritic pain can be or severe cramps, etc. Or the dentist! Maybe it's because it was all for something. Even the left shoulder pain which I didn't get for a few days then there it was -- I was definitely uncomfortable but fine on Tylenol and Ibuprofen as needed, and the heating pad helped. That didn't last too long for me. I had filled a pain medication prescription just in case but elected not to used it -- nothing ever got to that point for me but of course every one is different. I had some discomfort from constipation as it was. I was glad I stepped up my exercise the month or so prior to surgery as I think that put me more in sync with my body for healing later and gave me something to step back into right after the surgery. I was primed for walking. Really had to force myself as I didn't want to do it, blah, blah, but once banded those conversations in my head changed. I'm still struggling a little with that but I came out of surgery with so much will power. You will, too. I think the band is helping me with so much beyond the food addiction. Hope this helps! Good luck to you -- you will do beautifully!

Hi Nikki, this is great! Thanks so much for posting.

I also brought my own water from home (don't like the city water) for my sleep machine (had to bring that) and a few teabags I was glad for the next morning.....flip flop sandals for walking up and down the hallways, robe....did not read the book I brought or write in my journal but I had them with me. Good luck to you -- very exciting time!

Hope you feel better today. Glad your body is telling you to walk.....listen when it says to rest, too. Best wishes!

Hi there, some had mentioned the Happy Baby pose on a thread when I was recovering from being banded -- it's a yoga pose and basically what Icy One is suggesting above. That and the walking as much as possible and heating pad....hope you're home soon. Welcome to banded life! It's going to be great!

Dairy sensitivity? Or maybe just coincidental, a little bug going around? Hope you feel better today!

Yippee! What a great success you have had this year -- you look amazing! Here's to 2014 and meeting our goals. You have really inspired me and I needed that today. Feeling some stress -- probably the holidays, etc., money, family, oh, you name it, we all have stress -- my mind is saying go get food and my band is saying no, sweetie, you don't need that. Phew.

Hi Rayanne, you sound ready! Great you have your band installed and now just need to get it working for you. So glad you have that appointment and an exercise partner. Here's to a healthy new year! I am very excited about getting in shape and getting my body back. I want so much to be at a healthy weight and in less joint pain -- looking forward to better sleep, better clothes, better life. Best wishes -- glad you're here so we can all do it together.

Kim, my temporary gain was quite a few pounds and then it dropped off me.....I still go up one, down two, up one, down three, up one, etc. But it all amounts to a steady loss over time. Relax and know you're doing great.

Yes, here's to getting it right! I am feeling good at six weeks out. Have had two fills -- remaining very satisfied on small portion (seems to be about 3/4 cup of food) and not hungry again for 3-4 hours. Shooting for 4-5 hours. Surgeon seems pretty aggressive. I skipped this week because I don't think I need a fill but I am scheduled for Monday to assess again. They feel that very few people get into the green zone before 4-5 fills but we are all different and I was not hungry coming out of the gate. Icy One, thanks for info about hiatal hernia. I also had that repair and maybe that accounts for the lack of hunger initially. Hope it never wears off! I am doing pretty well with the ridiculous amount of socializing we are doing. A lot of dinner parties, holiday get-togethers, etc. Amazing cheese selection in fridge does not seem to be torturing me as it would have in previous years -- and I am fine with the sugary stuff. So far, so good -- cravings are for salmon, chicken, etc. Good luck every one.

Fantastic thread! Now that I'm no longer tamping down my feelings with food I am able to follow through with emotions -- leading me to understand and act on what I really want or don't want. I'm letting the people around me know what I'm thinking. It's early days for me but I am feeling a little more comfortable being out in the world -- less shy and no longer as worried about how people may be judging me. Who cares? Most of all I have this knowledge that something big is happening in my life, that I am shedding not only weight but a lot of behaviors that don't serve me, like putting myself down or not standing up for myself, always going last. I'm choosing myself first. There are big changes ahead and I'm excited to see what direction my life will take. I was always worried about what I might do if I really was empowered. I'm not afraid of that now -- whatever it is will be good and true.

Call them -- maybe they can fit you in....and don't worry, you just need to get your band where it should be and you will be on track again. Best wishes!

Congratulations, Peedie! You look great! So fun to hear from you guys one year out. What an amazing accomplishment.

Your body is recovering from the surgery. There will be a release -- for me it was on the fifth or sixth day. I gained as well but it's just the body adjusting from the anesthesia, the surgery, etc. All that inflammation. Don't worry and try not to be obsessed with the scale. Main thing right now is to walk as much as possible to get everything moving, release any trapped gas and kick your body into healing mode. Congratulations on getting your band! Don't look for immediate results as the first month is about healing -- but you're setting up the foundation for everything you will be losing in the future. Best wishes!

Wow, you are rocking this thing -- amazing to see the difference! You are absolutely adorable. What a gift to yourself, shiny happy health!

I'm keeping mine a secret -- maybe there are lots of people who do it and don't tell? If I become famous, please don't report me to People Magazine......

Hi Rayne, isn't the anticipation just the worst? Hope you can get some rest tonight and then tomorrow you'll be out of surgery before you know it. Don't forget to walk all you can. Best wishes!

This is a time for listening to your body for those hunger signals and then noticing when you're nearing full without getting to full so you don't get a stuck episode. And a good time to practice eating very slowly and chewing everything to mush. You'll likely want/need a fill when you go in January. My surgeon's goal for me is a tennis ball sized meal then not hungry again for four to five hours. I was banded 11/5 and have had two fills but every one is different and medical professionals have differing protocols. Good luck in this phase of noticing everything -- that's the most important part. Listen to your body. Best wishes!

Pre-op diets are all over the place -- there may be all kinds of factors, like how much some one has to lose, etc. I was not high BMI but still had to do a two-week liquid diet. Some people have none and others months of some kind of diet leading up to the surgery. I'm sure glad to be out of diet world and banded now.

Congratulations and best wishes for a speedy recovery. What a great time to begin this new chapter in your life.....solstice! Be sure to walk all you can and you'll be walking your way to health and happiness. I am six weeks out and so happy with my band. You will be here in no time!

Hi there, congratulations on your surgery date! I knew I wanted the band -- other weight loss surgeries were too drastic for me. I wanted to keep my stomach and have some flexibility -- love the adjustability of the band even though it can mean a lot of tweaking, visits back to surgeon, etc. This gives me accountability, a partner in the process. I am just six weeks out. I've lost one quarter of my goal (need to shed 100 pounds) but that isn't even the great thing -- I am no longer obsessed with food. I'm not thinking about it the same way, I'm not finishing food -- no more clean plate club. Not going back for more. I am out of food jail.

Take care of yourself -- keep listening to your body.

We need more info -- are you just banded, what is going on? I would contact surgeon or go into ER immediately! This is not okay.

So happy for you! Wow!!! You are doing beautifully -- happy holidays and you have given yourself the best gift of all, a healthy happy future.