lisacaron

@@JustWatchMe I have to say that your divorce has been one of the longest I have ever seen! What state do you live in again? My goodness there should be NO fault divorces Nation wide just to avoid the stress and strain! This should be deemed a health hazard! I am stressed out for you! I hope he signs these papers and falls off the planet so you never have to think about it again.
I can't believe that we are winding down on summer. I'm sad...it's gone too fast and I missed most of it. I love fall though and I am really looking forward to some pumpkin spice and everything nice for the rest of this year!! PLEEEEASE!!

OK so I can't help myself here...because this happened to me just the other day! I am NOT at goal and I am still Obese, and I'm sorry but there are just some fashion violations that the obese girls and boys alike require that the authorities be called in to intervene because my big mouth is gonna get me into trouble! Good thing my hubs was there to clamp a hand over my mouth!
I was no where sweet and nice like the pool or even the beach, where I might expect flesh to be hanging out. I was sitting in the tattoo parlor waiting for my artist to finish drawing up my newest addition.
Out from the back walks a couple and let me just say I am all good with the biggins. My hubs and I still fall into that category ourselves, but I am sorry call the fashion POLICE because when your skinny jeans are hip huggers and your camisole is 3 sizes too small for you has to be pulled all the way down to cover your belly hang since the jeans only make it to about the pubic bone and your boy friend has to keep pulling up your top because your balloons are about to float out of it as you simultaneously pull it back down to cover that belly hang I have to call for an intervention!! If that was not bad enough the artist calls them back and those jeans that are already screaming for mercy have wiggled their way down to where it is now nearly a full moon wearing what else but a red thong!!
Yeah I was about to scream for an intervention here when my husband reached over and grabbed my arm to sit back down and put his finger to my lips and said shhhh you can't take on the world.
So for the entire time I got my artwork finished...I was thinking...does she NOT see how she looks? Did she intentionally pick out these things thinking they look good? for crepes sake the flip flops were screaming to stay between her toes too....I was thinking what a pig headed judgmental brat I am!!!
I think that when I see my step son heaping on the ketchup, splashing the soda down his throat like a crack addict asking for second, and third helpings of food or bags of chips to snack on. When we think of going out to dinner and taking them with us...how hubs and I are going to share a meal and they are going to need 2 entree's or at least going to ask for them....
I was thinking of my little doggies who are now also on a diet also for their long term health (vet requested no less.) and I think and sometimes tell the doggies OK pudge you ate your bowl now walk away.... holy crap when did I get to be so judgmental?!
The one thing I can say is that I apply this to myself as well every single day, for good and bad. I have the self talk in my head when I want to eat what I know is not good for me and is not in line with my "goals". This can be the positive side of it and then there is that self deprecating talk when you put on something that doesn't fit quite the way you think it should and I become pudge or flubber or some such name, and I realize that this is really where my judgmental thoughts come from and I need to put a finger to my own lips and say shhhhh!!!

@@JustWatchMe I have to say that your divorce has been one of the longest I have ever seen! What state do you live in again? My goodness there should be NO fault divorces Nation wide just to avoid the stress and strain! This should be deemed a health hazard! I am stressed out for you! I hope he signs these papers and falls off the planet so you never have to think about it again.
I can't believe that we are winding down on summer. I'm sad...it's gone too fast and I missed most of it. I love fall though and I am really looking forward to some pumpkin spice and everything nice for the rest of this year!! PLEEEEASE!!

Thanks Liz you are the sweetest! We should try to meet for a game on Saturday or Sunday!! I'd even meet for a night game though those are harder on everyone
I'm doing OK getting through it one day at a time. The tummy has calmed down finally after the upper GI biopsy. I don't know what the results are yet, so the band will remain empty until they can figure out why I keep getting sick. I'm sure that my nerves have something to do with it. The band itself is in good shape from inside and outside thank goodness for that.
You know you can be "strong" minded and it doesn't matter. You can look like on the surface that you got your shit together and you might even have it together but what I have realized is that stress is going to find a way...it takes a toll on my body and it sort of has a mind of it's own. If I won't stop going and doing it finds a way to put the breaks on or breaks me so I can't just keep that mind over matter attitude.
So for now, I'm working on getting my Autonomic and sympathetic nervous system under control as best I can...by trying not to "control" everything. Just getting through it all.

Popping in to say Hi again. It's been a very trying month and I'm glad to be out of July! When the summer started I will say I was not prepared for all that has happened.
My Dad passed away on July 16th. He had a long hard fight for so many years it was very hard to watch, and I was the lucky one there at the very end. Even though you are prepared for death...and you know that the person you love is at peace and that their pain is gone you are never really prepared for it.
He was doing so well up and talking to family and friends, people came from the city to visit and he told me that night you know what that means right? Nope I wasn't thinking he would die in my arms only moments later in the hospital emergency room of all places with two other patients behind the curtains around us. I felt for them...as they felt for me I've no doubt.
Being the "rock" is not all it's cracked up to be. Over the years this diamond has had more facets foisted upon it than necessary...how bright we shine though don't we?!
The hubs and I did get to go upstate for the Ken Griffey Mike pizza Hall of fame induction weekend. It was really nice to get away after all that, we left the night of the funeral and drove the 5 hours upstate. The next day I slept so long..when I woke up it was night time again and I thought it was till the same day, but it was no longer Thursday it was Friday night!
Coming back home was rough, I had to go right back to work after all that and if you didn't know my company was sold and we are in transition here with our new owners and the rumor mill is going at 110 miles an hour, not to mention who is leaving voluntarily and worse who is being "let go" as if they want to go.
There seems to be no place that's safe to breathe these days....this weekend we cleaned out the apartment that we had for my father here on the East End (God forbid we don't have it rent ready by the first we would have to pay the whole next month! Dang business people really don't care about you at all it's all about dollars, I get it but DAM is all I have to say.)
To top it all off I have been sick with who the heck knows what...all I do is throw up everything I eat. I know it's not my band, I've long since had that emptied. I went for an upper GI on Monday and have been so sick after that everything was coming back up. I couldn't even swallow the medication they gave me to stop vomiting! Good thing they make ones that dissolve under the tongue that finally helped me and the spasms and pain stopped and I was able to keep fluids down. Today I had some Soup at lunch and that also has stayed down.
I found this interesting Water called Aloe Gloe. I hear aloe is good for your stomach and intestines and since they took all these biopsy's in there it kind of feels like I have a skinned knee or something in my tummy if that makes any sense. So far they don't find anything or a reason for the vomiting...but I can see where this is all nerve related, but we will see!!
I joined the gym again...and I think I need to start making time for just ME. At least if I get into the pool and move a bit and go slow..maybe something good can come from all this...?
Here are some pics from Cooperstown.

Hi everyone!!! Thank you all for thinking of me, it helps to know there are people in your corner pulling for you when you feel like you can no longer pull for yourself.
My barium swallow showed a slight dilation and they removed all the Fluid from the band...this has been a blessing and a curse right now for me. Sharpie my heart is breaking for you, and I am paddling along with you. My father is dying. He's been suffering from just about every co-morbidity you can think of. We recently moved him from Queens to the East End of Long Island so that we (my brother and I) could better manage his care and spend more time with him. He has steadily declined, even doing dialysis 3 times a week. Yesterday my husband brought him to the hospital for what we thought would become a routine parenthesis (which is where they put a surgical tap into the abdomen and remove the excess body fluid that his body can no longer metabolize and the heart can no longer push around through the organ system.) When they took his vitals his already low to begin with blood pressure and oxygen levels were crashing to they rushed him to the ER trauma unit which only served to piss him off and scare the crap out of my poor husband who has taken up the mantel for me so I can be at work! Dam work!! Honestly...FMLA isn't it for things just like this?! I put in for intermittent leave and they denied it because they didn't get a complete reply package from the Dr. UGH!! I let him know and he wrote me a book and said if this is not enough for them I suggest you quit! Love that Dr.
Long story short Dad decided he does not want to continue down this path, and he wants to stop dialysis. We were under the impression that we would have a couple of weeks if he stopped the treatment but the Dr.'s informed us this morning that if we stop all intervention he would be gone by Monday morning. I am not ready for that!!! I don't think he was ready for that...but maybe he is...I don't know. I know that we are not. We asked him to keep going at least one more week. He's alert, talking sitting up in bed. True he's not riding his scooter down the road, or driving his car or chatting up hot chicks on the internet but he's alive and he's talking to us and eating food and we have more to say and more that maybe needs to be said. So he agreed to cut the time down and give it one more week for us....are we doing the wrong thing? I don't know...even the Dr.'s were all shocked and speechless when he told them this morning no more....they also felt a slow unwinding is better than a hard stop.
My nerves are fried...Sharpie my friend...I am like you. Always the strong one for everyone family and friends alike and this time...I don't know maybe it's my own age catching up with me but I'm finding it harder and harder to be a rock. My emotions are all over the place, so many have passed over the last few years..young and old alike. My 49 year old cousin is fighting for his life against colon rectal cancer that has him beat, even through septic shock though he rallied and pulled through but the cancer is winning.
I am profoundly sad and I can't worry about this band...I am happy it there and I hate that it's there. I am still mighty swollen inside so I have restriction that I wish I didn't have. I want to take my Dad to the diner and get that pastrami on rye and enjoy the dam thing with him. I want to sit and the salami and provolone with Italian bread till the sun comes up. I am doing those things anyway!!! Just not like I used to. I can't, my stomach can't take the fat and the grease and my band won't allow it.
I wish I could yank it out and put it around my head and my heart too!! Cause when the middle of the night comes and I have spoon in one hand and a gallon of ice cream in the other...I know it's not my belly it's not hunger it's hurt, sadness, loneliness, stress, mind numbing request for release...it's many things other than the need for any food or fuel. I'm sorry but for me no amount of hugging holding talking shopping clothing or even jewels can sooth that as much as the dam ice cream can. So I eat it and I don't feel guilty. I can't eat the whole thing even if I wanted to...so I'm grateful for that because I know once I get through all of this....I have to take care of my health and today...even with out my acknowledgement that little sucker in there is doing it's job. Rain or shine, sadness, and all...it's still right there. Yes the choices are mine, and I am making them poorly when it comes to my food...right now those are the least things I can think about as I work through all these other end of life care decisions and arrangements. There is time for Broccoli carrots and chicken...it's just not right now and that's OK
Sharpie...I applaud you!!! You are out there getting to exercise and doing it, and your making it work for you. Weight be dammed, health is the important thing. That is my goal. If I never lose or gain another pound dress size or what have you, I just want to be healthy and with that happiness will follow.
Love you all!!!

I happen to think all this "reality" TV is really just for entertainment. Sure it may be happening..but it's all sensationalized for TV. The thing I take away from the show is how much her family and friends really do care and support her, even if her choices are not the best they don't berate her for them. Yeah they try to open her eyes to the harm she is causing herself by being so overweight...and haven't we all had that person or persons who did that to us? Maybe not as nicely as this family.
She's in denial about her weight and the health issues that it can bring about, though I think she's starting to see that there are limitations and she is suffering to be "fat". I don't think you have to be an extreme of anything to love yourself and your body. You just have to be you...and eating in an out of control way no matter too much or too little or not nutritious enough...all bring harm to our bodies and our lives.
We don't pour motor oil into our gas tanks...and we don't pour Water into them either. If we want them to run we put in the grade of gasoline that is refined and balanced to make our engine run efficiently. It's the same for our bodies.
Too bad we don't have fill stations like we have gas stations. Where you can pull in, and fill up and it's always the right amount in perfect balance to get you where you need to be.

I have watched the show, though I have not watched the new season yet....I'm sure I am going to catch up on it at one point or another. I must say that I do get a kick out of her Mom and their interactions on the show.
I think that said the show is a dichotomy of positive body image and obesity prejudice along with a bit of disillusion about what exactly being obese truly is versus being a "healthy" weight. To be fair they do try to portray the very real struggles of obesity along with all the health issues that stem from the disease such as PCOS and Diabetes. Making light of things such as "chub rub" and aching feet and joints and holes in spandex.
In many many ways the life that Whitney is living on TV is the life many of us may have lived. We have been in the denial stages where we thought we were "healthy" or that it was our illness that caused us to eat and eat and then eat some more.
I know for me I am an emotional eater and when I have days where I want to just sit locked in my bedroom in front of the TV and eat a gallon of ice cream the fact that I can't do that anymore actually adds to my "stress".
I want to believe that I am healthy even if I am obese and the truth is that I am not. However the truth is also that the lady that sits next to me and is the "perfect" weight and body size is also not healthy. The young lady that goes to my Dr. office is only 22 years old and looks like a movie star, she's not healthy either. In fact on paper my health out weighs hers and she is half my age and weight. So who is to say what is healthy when it comes to size and weight?
I applaud women like Whitney who stand up for themselves obese or not and let others know it's not about weight, size, skin color, religion, choice of wardrobe or what I put in my mouth. It's about ME, about who I am and what I have to share with the world.
The show is entertainment television, that's the category you find it under if you are searching for it along with my 600 lb life and others. If you can relate to something positive or negative GREAT you got a takeaway for your time and if not..there's always the Bachelor? LOL

Hi there, just catching up and sending lots of love and sympathies all-around. Hard times for so many here. Life is very poignant -- a reminder to grasp the joy and delight when we can.

Lisa...I sent you a text last week but you must not have seen it. I was just checking up to see how you were doing. I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. Not just losing dad, but work and your health. I knew about the job...my new guy worked for Cablevision for 18 years and he told me it was changing hands...and not going to be Cablevision much longer. I thought of you...and if you would be impacted. He lives in Babylon by the way and I really want you and Ken to meet him. He may really be a keeper. I think you saw the picture of us on FB in front of the Coke Corner at CitiField, yes? I hope your tummy issues clear up soon. I can't imagine throwing up all the time and I really hope your band isn't impacted. Is there anything I can do for you hon? If yes, please just say the word and I'll do what I can.
Love ya..Liz.

Popping in to say Hi again. It's been a very trying month and I'm glad to be out of July! When the summer started I will say I was not prepared for all that has happened.
My Dad passed away on July 16th. He had a long hard fight for so many years it was very hard to watch, and I was the lucky one there at the very end. Even though you are prepared for death...and you know that the person you love is at peace and that their pain is gone you are never really prepared for it.
He was doing so well up and talking to family and friends, people came from the city to visit and he told me that night you know what that means right? Nope I wasn't thinking he would die in my arms only moments later in the hospital emergency room of all places with two other patients behind the curtains around us. I felt for them...as they felt for me I've no doubt.
Being the "rock" is not all it's cracked up to be. Over the years this diamond has had more facets foisted upon it than necessary...how bright we shine though don't we?!
The hubs and I did get to go upstate for the Ken Griffey Mike pizza Hall of fame induction weekend. It was really nice to get away after all that, we left the night of the funeral and drove the 5 hours upstate. The next day I slept so long..when I woke up it was night time again and I thought it was till the same day, but it was no longer Thursday it was Friday night!
Coming back home was rough, I had to go right back to work after all that and if you didn't know my company was sold and we are in transition here with our new owners and the rumor mill is going at 110 miles an hour, not to mention who is leaving voluntarily and worse who is being "let go" as if they want to go.
There seems to be no place that's safe to breathe these days....this weekend we cleaned out the apartment that we had for my father here on the East End (God forbid we don't have it rent ready by the first we would have to pay the whole next month! Dang business people really don't care about you at all it's all about dollars, I get it but DAM is all I have to say.)
To top it all off I have been sick with who the heck knows what...all I do is throw up everything I eat. I know it's not my band, I've long since had that emptied. I went for an upper GI on Monday and have been so sick after that everything was coming back up. I couldn't even swallow the medication they gave me to stop vomiting! Good thing they make ones that dissolve under the tongue that finally helped me and the spasms and pain stopped and I was able to keep fluids down. Today I had some Soup at lunch and that also has stayed down.
I found this interesting Water called Aloe Gloe. I hear aloe is good for your stomach and intestines and since they took all these biopsy's in there it kind of feels like I have a skinned knee or something in my tummy if that makes any sense. So far they don't find anything or a reason for the vomiting...but I can see where this is all nerve related, but we will see!!
I joined the gym again...and I think I need to start making time for just ME. At least if I get into the pool and move a bit and go slow..maybe something good can come from all this...?
Here are some pics from Cooperstown.

I found out today I have shingles. My eye was puffy over the weekend, thought maybe it was allergies but it got worse and I had a horrendous headache. anyways another hurdle. The only good thing is I am really not hungry but I have to eat something because of the medication they put me on. I hope everyone else is doing okay and I'm looking forward to a better week next week. On the good side I was able to sell my husband's truck and I traded my 2012 car in for a new "red car" never had a red car before. changes are bittersweet sometimes. Id rather have my beloved Bill back than a new car but I have to keep on with my life. I only have a month to go before I will be going to Canada on my Dude ranch vacation with my best friend. Other than shingles life is okay for now. Hope everyone else is doing good.

Hi everyone!!! Thank you all for thinking of me, it helps to know there are people in your corner pulling for you when you feel like you can no longer pull for yourself.
My barium swallow showed a slight dilation and they removed all the Fluid from the band...this has been a blessing and a curse right now for me. Sharpie my heart is breaking for you, and I am paddling along with you. My father is dying. He's been suffering from just about every co-morbidity you can think of. We recently moved him from Queens to the East End of Long Island so that we (my brother and I) could better manage his care and spend more time with him. He has steadily declined, even doing dialysis 3 times a week. Yesterday my husband brought him to the hospital for what we thought would become a routine parenthesis (which is where they put a surgical tap into the abdomen and remove the excess body fluid that his body can no longer metabolize and the heart can no longer push around through the organ system.) When they took his vitals his already low to begin with blood pressure and oxygen levels were crashing to they rushed him to the ER trauma unit which only served to piss him off and scare the crap out of my poor husband who has taken up the mantel for me so I can be at work! Dam work!! Honestly...FMLA isn't it for things just like this?! I put in for intermittent leave and they denied it because they didn't get a complete reply package from the Dr. UGH!! I let him know and he wrote me a book and said if this is not enough for them I suggest you quit! Love that Dr.
Long story short Dad decided he does not want to continue down this path, and he wants to stop dialysis. We were under the impression that we would have a couple of weeks if he stopped the treatment but the Dr.'s informed us this morning that if we stop all intervention he would be gone by Monday morning. I am not ready for that!!! I don't think he was ready for that...but maybe he is...I don't know. I know that we are not. We asked him to keep going at least one more week. He's alert, talking sitting up in bed. True he's not riding his scooter down the road, or driving his car or chatting up hot chicks on the internet but he's alive and he's talking to us and eating food and we have more to say and more that maybe needs to be said. So he agreed to cut the time down and give it one more week for us....are we doing the wrong thing? I don't know...even the Dr.'s were all shocked and speechless when he told them this morning no more....they also felt a slow unwinding is better than a hard stop.
My nerves are fried...Sharpie my friend...I am like you. Always the strong one for everyone family and friends alike and this time...I don't know maybe it's my own age catching up with me but I'm finding it harder and harder to be a rock. My emotions are all over the place, so many have passed over the last few years..young and old alike. My 49 year old cousin is fighting for his life against colon rectal cancer that has him beat, even through septic shock though he rallied and pulled through but the cancer is winning.
I am profoundly sad and I can't worry about this band...I am happy it there and I hate that it's there. I am still mighty swollen inside so I have restriction that I wish I didn't have. I want to take my Dad to the diner and get that pastrami on rye and enjoy the dam thing with him. I want to sit and the salami and provolone with Italian bread till the sun comes up. I am doing those things anyway!!! Just not like I used to. I can't, my stomach can't take the fat and the grease and my band won't allow it.
I wish I could yank it out and put it around my head and my heart too!! Cause when the middle of the night comes and I have spoon in one hand and a gallon of ice cream in the other...I know it's not my belly it's not hunger it's hurt, sadness, loneliness, stress, mind numbing request for release...it's many things other than the need for any food or fuel. I'm sorry but for me no amount of hugging holding talking shopping clothing or even jewels can sooth that as much as the dam ice cream can. So I eat it and I don't feel guilty. I can't eat the whole thing even if I wanted to...so I'm grateful for that because I know once I get through all of this....I have to take care of my health and today...even with out my acknowledgement that little sucker in there is doing it's job. Rain or shine, sadness, and all...it's still right there. Yes the choices are mine, and I am making them poorly when it comes to my food...right now those are the least things I can think about as I work through all these other end of life care decisions and arrangements. There is time for Broccoli carrots and chicken...it's just not right now and that's OK
Sharpie...I applaud you!!! You are out there getting to exercise and doing it, and your making it work for you. Weight be dammed, health is the important thing. That is my goal. If I never lose or gain another pound dress size or what have you, I just want to be healthy and with that happiness will follow.
Love you all!!!

I have watched the show, though I have not watched the new season yet....I'm sure I am going to catch up on it at one point or another. I must say that I do get a kick out of her Mom and their interactions on the show.
I think that said the show is a dichotomy of positive body image and obesity prejudice along with a bit of disillusion about what exactly being obese truly is versus being a "healthy" weight. To be fair they do try to portray the very real struggles of obesity along with all the health issues that stem from the disease such as PCOS and Diabetes. Making light of things such as "chub rub" and aching feet and joints and holes in spandex.
In many many ways the life that Whitney is living on TV is the life many of us may have lived. We have been in the denial stages where we thought we were "healthy" or that it was our illness that caused us to eat and eat and then eat some more.
I know for me I am an emotional eater and when I have days where I want to just sit locked in my bedroom in front of the TV and eat a gallon of ice cream the fact that I can't do that anymore actually adds to my "stress".
I want to believe that I am healthy even if I am obese and the truth is that I am not. However the truth is also that the lady that sits next to me and is the "perfect" weight and body size is also not healthy. The young lady that goes to my Dr. office is only 22 years old and looks like a movie star, she's not healthy either. In fact on paper my health out weighs hers and she is half my age and weight. So who is to say what is healthy when it comes to size and weight?
I applaud women like Whitney who stand up for themselves obese or not and let others know it's not about weight, size, skin color, religion, choice of wardrobe or what I put in my mouth. It's about ME, about who I am and what I have to share with the world.
The show is entertainment television, that's the category you find it under if you are searching for it along with my 600 lb life and others. If you can relate to something positive or negative GREAT you got a takeaway for your time and if not..there's always the Bachelor? LOL

OK your right it was pretty funny and yet kind of sad and made me a bit angry as well!
I met my husband way back when yahoo had a personals section, and it had a free trial period. We met in that time frame, even though I wasn't looking for a relationship having just thrown my husband of 20 years out of the house for cheating on me. What I was looking for was to pop that bubble of doubt in my mind that no one would want me, that I would be alone...blah blah you get it.
I met more than a few nice guys. We went out, I had fun and I more than got over my self esteem issues. I felt like me again, and I'd missed me! Then I met my husband...and we clicked.
So when it came time that the "trial" was up I shut down my profile. I didn't know that I would get married to this guy, but I was done with the "dating" scene for a while. (Long story, health issue, cancer scare)
So what upsets me about your post is all these scammers, these WAY out of the country people trying to scam you to "save" their sorry a*s. What really makes me mad as hell is that you PAY these providers, and they should be weeding through these bogus e-mails! Your paying for a service to connect with others who share your common interest, and would like to get to know you and vs versa.
Just as I was shutting down my profile I started getting those bogus messages and I thought to myself "I'm glad I'm not paying for this or I would be really upset." Now I am upset for you and others who pay providers to help you find a "match" and you have to weed through the dangerous scams like that. I am also upset to watch their stupid commercials 100 times a day knowing that they are not screening out the tacos!!! Maybe your in the mood for a burrito!!

OK so I can't help myself here...because this happened to me just the other day! I am NOT at goal and I am still Obese, and I'm sorry but there are just some fashion violations that the obese girls and boys alike require that the authorities be called in to intervene because my big mouth is gonna get me into trouble! Good thing my hubs was there to clamp a hand over my mouth!
I was no where sweet and nice like the pool or even the beach, where I might expect flesh to be hanging out. I was sitting in the tattoo parlor waiting for my artist to finish drawing up my newest addition.
Out from the back walks a couple and let me just say I am all good with the biggins. My hubs and I still fall into that category ourselves, but I am sorry call the fashion POLICE because when your skinny jeans are hip huggers and your camisole is 3 sizes too small for you has to be pulled all the way down to cover your belly hang since the jeans only make it to about the pubic bone and your boy friend has to keep pulling up your top because your balloons are about to float out of it as you simultaneously pull it back down to cover that belly hang I have to call for an intervention!! If that was not bad enough the artist calls them back and those jeans that are already screaming for mercy have wiggled their way down to where it is now nearly a full moon wearing what else but a red thong!!
Yeah I was about to scream for an intervention here when my husband reached over and grabbed my arm to sit back down and put his finger to my lips and said shhhh you can't take on the world.
So for the entire time I got my artwork finished...I was thinking...does she NOT see how she looks? Did she intentionally pick out these things thinking they look good? for crepes sake the flip flops were screaming to stay between her toes too....I was thinking what a pig headed judgmental brat I am!!!
I think that when I see my step son heaping on the ketchup, splashing the soda down his throat like a crack addict asking for second, and third helpings of food or bags of chips to snack on. When we think of going out to dinner and taking them with us...how hubs and I are going to share a meal and they are going to need 2 entree's or at least going to ask for them....
I was thinking of my little doggies who are now also on a diet also for their long term health (vet requested no less.) and I think and sometimes tell the doggies OK pudge you ate your bowl now walk away.... holy crap when did I get to be so judgmental?!
The one thing I can say is that I apply this to myself as well every single day, for good and bad. I have the self talk in my head when I want to eat what I know is not good for me and is not in line with my "goals". This can be the positive side of it and then there is that self deprecating talk when you put on something that doesn't fit quite the way you think it should and I become pudge or flubber or some such name, and I realize that this is really where my judgmental thoughts come from and I need to put a finger to my own lips and say shhhhh!!!

OK so I can't help myself here...because this happened to me just the other day! I am NOT at goal and I am still Obese, and I'm sorry but there are just some fashion violations that the obese girls and boys alike require that the authorities be called in to intervene because my big mouth is gonna get me into trouble! Good thing my hubs was there to clamp a hand over my mouth!
I was no where sweet and nice like the pool or even the beach, where I might expect flesh to be hanging out. I was sitting in the tattoo parlor waiting for my artist to finish drawing up my newest addition.
Out from the back walks a couple and let me just say I am all good with the biggins. My hubs and I still fall into that category ourselves, but I am sorry call the fashion POLICE because when your skinny jeans are hip huggers and your camisole is 3 sizes too small for you has to be pulled all the way down to cover your belly hang since the jeans only make it to about the pubic bone and your boy friend has to keep pulling up your top because your balloons are about to float out of it as you simultaneously pull it back down to cover that belly hang I have to call for an intervention!! If that was not bad enough the artist calls them back and those jeans that are already screaming for mercy have wiggled their way down to where it is now nearly a full moon wearing what else but a red thong!!
Yeah I was about to scream for an intervention here when my husband reached over and grabbed my arm to sit back down and put his finger to my lips and said shhhh you can't take on the world.
So for the entire time I got my artwork finished...I was thinking...does she NOT see how she looks? Did she intentionally pick out these things thinking they look good? for crepes sake the flip flops were screaming to stay between her toes too....I was thinking what a pig headed judgmental brat I am!!!
I think that when I see my step son heaping on the ketchup, splashing the soda down his throat like a crack addict asking for second, and third helpings of food or bags of chips to snack on. When we think of going out to dinner and taking them with us...how hubs and I are going to share a meal and they are going to need 2 entree's or at least going to ask for them....
I was thinking of my little doggies who are now also on a diet also for their long term health (vet requested no less.) and I think and sometimes tell the doggies OK pudge you ate your bowl now walk away.... holy crap when did I get to be so judgmental?!
The one thing I can say is that I apply this to myself as well every single day, for good and bad. I have the self talk in my head when I want to eat what I know is not good for me and is not in line with my "goals". This can be the positive side of it and then there is that self deprecating talk when you put on something that doesn't fit quite the way you think it should and I become pudge or flubber or some such name, and I realize that this is really where my judgmental thoughts come from and I need to put a finger to my own lips and say shhhhh!!!

It's our emotional stuff that gets in the way of the band. Sometimes we let our head our minds over rule the tool we have in the band.
Even in the green zone, when troubles rise, stress and anxiety come around it's easier to fall back on the old habit of what we know. It's been ingrained in our psyche for a long long time, and it's going to take time for us to get our head around the band. Just because we put it around our stomach doesn't mean our minds have been captured by it.
You may not "need" the food that you choose, but your mind makes it a NEED. It's not going to sustain your body, it might be pure sugar and nothing else but your mind and the way you think and feel about that food becomes greater then the subtle whisper of the band that tells you "no you don't need that."
I know for myself when I am so overwhelmed by stress, even the positive kind where things are going amazing I have to battle my emotional need to eat something familiar and comforting. It could be that cheese danish or crumb cake, that brings back all the memories and gives me the feelings of being a little girl who was safe, secure, accepted, and cherished. It takes me back to a time that was simple and not full of such turmoil, a time where people were not looking to me to help them solve their problems, advise them on the steps to take or to plan their events. Where I wasn't responsible for the lives of others, I was just me, a part of family not the head of one.
All those emotions and feelings come to the surface in the blink of an eye, in a breath I am craving that feeling again. I know that eating the danish is not going to bring me back there. It's not going to rewind my life, or erase all that I have to do or all that I am responsible for. Yet..in that moment as I lift it to my lips to take a bite...I'm transported to where I want to be in my mind.
It's an escape, and I'm a sweetie. I love the cakes, the chocolate, the Cookies and pastries, and all the things that remind me that life is sweet and life is good. I don't drink, smoke or take drugs. I eat.
That is my addiction. I fight it every day as much as any other addiction that is out there, and this one is so much more difficult because I must eat to live. So I battle with my head every time I make a choice of what I am going to put in my mouth. Sometimes I justify and then later berate myself, but I am learning NOT to do that. To battle the emotions and the food that is tied to them as they come up. Some I have been more successful at squelching then others.
It's a state of mind, not the food itself. I know this, and I am working diligently to strip those ingrained emotions and habits and get back to the frame work that is me. Rebuilding and re sculpting in the image that I choose to embody and reflect outward to the world.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts, as I strive along side you all to do the best and be the best me I can be.

OK so I have issues with the show...and how I feel about it. Maybe I am in denial too...but I kind of feel like she does. I am and I was happy fat! I am still fat and I am happy. I like having my cake and eating it too!! Come on who doesn't?
I cringe when I see her tiny little feet holding up her body while she dances all around. I feel her pain as she's sweating about to crash to the floor. I remember days of walking to my car feeling as though I might have a heart attack or at the very least pass out before I got there and it wasn't all that far away!
Yes to all of that...but I truly was a happy fat person. I wasn't trying to hide under a bushel or a tent..I went out and di things and didn't spend time thinking I had to say "I'm sorry" for being fat. I wore a bathing suit at the beach, and I jumped into the pool, I got on the plane and asked for an extender I lived my life. Fat, skinny, it's all just ME being me.
Yeah I want to be "healthy" and you know what...I've lost weight, and sure there is more to lose but I am not as healthy. One issue took the place of another, and then as I get older darn it if more don't keep trying to creep up on me!! I am not going to be 20 years old again...I'm tired, my body aches, some days are great and others suck. I want to eat...I miss "eating". Yeah OK we eat, sure we do...but you can't tell me none of you miss going out and just eating what you want when you want as much as you want.
I hate the saying nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Like the girl on that show. I have done it all. I have been super skinny and I have been morbidly obese, it hasn't changed "me" or how I feel about myself.
I do think you can have no body shame. I totally agree on that point and I understand where she is coming from I don't think my weight is the only reason for my ailments in fact I know it's not. It's a contributing factor sure but fat alone isn't the reason for anyone's issues.
I did see the last episode last week, and it looks like she's going back to her trainer and looking to make some healthy choices in her life, and because I get a kick out of those characters I am curious to see how far she takes it that I"m gonna keep watching it now!!! Thanks guys!

@gowalking...this is long
Ken is doing really well. No issues for him, with the band anyway. He's still suffering from the after affects of his car accident last year with torn rotator cuffs in both arms and back issues but he's pulling through and doing PT.
I really hope they don't find anything when they do the upper endoscopy, but first to visit the GI Dr. and see what he has to say. I can't imagine what food it might be that would cause swelling like that but I guess it could be anything at this point.
If they don't find any damage internally to or from the band I would leave it and keep working with it. I'm sure many of the issues are digestive they were even before I was banded...to be honest I'm not sure what they can do about that. I've been to GI Dr.'s before and they don't really offer much in the way of diagnosis and treatment.
I have really been watching my intake since I had the pancreatitis seems any type of fat really sends my digestive system for a loop. It was making me really feel like I had food poisoning so now I pretty much steer clear of anything that looks even the slightest bit greasy. I knew it wasn't the band per se since I would get sick (nausea and sometimes have to vomit) an hour or more after eating. By then the food had already passed the band but would not pass much further and stomach pains would force me to want to get it out.
We went to a Met game a while back and had the sausage peppers and onions...no bread at all. Cut that bad boy up small and no problem eating it didn't get stuck but about an hour and a half later I got so ill...it was not pretty we had to leave the game and I had stomach pains all night. I couldn't eat for 3 days after that from the irritation...just stayed on liquids. So I won't even touch sausage...not even turkey sausage.
You would think I would have dropped lots of weight by now...living on cottage cheese, yogurt, and Protein Shakes oh yes an sugar free jello! I'm sure the ice cream I've been using as a crutch that keeps the weight on
I switched practices for a while...and now just went back to the practice my original surgeon was at because the hospital is close to my office and Tuesday night I just could not take it anymore. I had to do something, I was sitting at my desk working like crazy and choking on my own body fluids. It felt kind of what I imagine drowning might feel like.
I just texted my husband who was at work and drove myself to the ER. They did send one of the PA's from the Bariatric group down to see me in the ER and take the Fluid out thank goodness because if they didn't I was about to grab a needle and do it myself I was that miserable!!
The thing that I don't love about the group is that most of the Dr.'s and PA's that are there are all "new" to bariatrics. They are practicing in the field just over a year. Some of their surgeons as well, most of them were general surgeons and now working in Bariatrics. Not necessarily because that's what they want to do, but because that is where the hospital assigned them. I don't really like that. The director of the practice is one of the original bariatric Dr.'s that worked with my surgeon...but she's very difficult to get appointments with. They mostly give band patients to the PA, and they do ask you if you are interested in a revision. Not the first time I have heard this...and with all the discomfort I have been in I have said to Ken more than once I want to rip this thing out!!! BUT why fix what's not broken...? and to do a revision they remove the band surgically the same way it went in pretty much and then you heal for 6-9 months and need to be re-approved for the revised surgery...and then go through all the pre-op testing hoops again...so yeah I'm all for if it's not broken don't fix it only to rewire my insides...which are already driving me insane? No thanks.
The one good thing is that this PA has worked in gastroenterology before working in bariatrics...so when I explained all the issues I've been having he didn't look at me like I had 6 heads. So I'm hopeful that they will figure out what's going on with me...and I can get back on track again. Maybe they have a magic pill now that they didn't have back then to keep the flair ups and swelling down and allow me to eat the way I need to for the band to work. I go to see that GI Dr. July 7th. So for now...it's Protein shakes, cottage cheese, Jello, and yogurt. Maybe next week I'll try some soft foods...and go through the phases again till I find out what the heck is going on in there.

Hi All,
I thought I would share today, because I'm back at the very starting point again. I went to the Dr. today for a follow up after being totally unfilled in the ER on Tuesday night. I was at the point where I couldn't even swallow never mind think about drinking Water.
I was dehydrated not terribly since I didn't wait more than the day to get to the ER. Since my Dr. was 'retired' I have seen another for fills and such but they don't have access to radiology etc. and would have sent me to the ER anyway so to cut out the middle man I just took myself there, where the practice is that did my surgery to begin with.
They removed all of the 4cc I had in my band which when you think of it in a 10cc band isn't very much at all, and much less than I have had in there before. For some reason though...since April when I had a bought of Pancreatisis my stoma has been swollen and very unfriendly depending on the day.
So today they a did a fluro and it shows that my stoma still has restriction even though the band is wide open. You can see how open the band is, but the inside of the stoma is swollen. Not sure what is causing this swelling and nausea so the next step is to see a GI Dr. to check the inside of my stomach and make sure there's not erosion or other gastric issues. I have the feeling it's a food allergy of some kind that is causing my stomach to swell up and make the opening so tight, but I don't know what that food is..so I'll have to go through the process and see if the Dr.'s can figure it out.
Right now I am totally unfilled and on a liquid diet for a week. I'm praying that I can keep to a good diet for the next 6-8 weeks while the band is empty and not gain any weight!!
The crazy thing is that I never really was losing weight like I expected to even on such a low calorie intake. The doctor told me this morning that's because I am not eating...OK I get that and yet in the same breath I don't get it. I'm going to commit to keeping the food diary in MFP so that the nutritionist can see it, but you know if there are magic foods out there that your supposed to eat to make you lose weight I haven't found them....so for now it's back to being on a "diet" I was never very good at that. Who has the time for weighing and measuring...I'd rather just not eat, but that's a no no or so I'm told.
For now it's liquids and later it will be portioning things out...and hoping to choose the right magic food to get my body to drop the weight it seems determined to hold on to for dear life. Eventually if they find nothing wrong I guess they will put Fluid back in the band...but that's at least 2 months away. It's only day 2 and shakes are already getting BORING....

Hi All!!!
Checking in too. It's been a heck of year this year I'll say that's for sure!! Lot's of changes ups and downs for all of us. Health wise for me...I try to keep hyper vigilant about what I'm eating because I just hate getting sick from food. Though I never know when that might happen. This weekend a pickle and a horrible burger patty did me in. I guess I should have know better than to try to eat that from a diner...but you never know until it goes down and then doesn't sit right or digest. Then I add it to the list of OK that's no good for me.
The one good thing about is that the weight I had gained is just about gone now, and if I can ever get a second maybe I can focus on getting in some exercise. If cleaning out my Dad's house in Queens counts at all I am getting in at least a bit.
Keep posting all the fun summer stuff...it's nice to see everyone doing fun things!! Sharpie lets see all those flowers and vegies in your beautiful gardens!!

Hi All!!!
Checking in too. It's been a heck of year this year I'll say that's for sure!! Lot's of changes ups and downs for all of us. Health wise for me...I try to keep hyper vigilant about what I'm eating because I just hate getting sick from food. Though I never know when that might happen. This weekend a pickle and a horrible burger patty did me in. I guess I should have know better than to try to eat that from a diner...but you never know until it goes down and then doesn't sit right or digest. Then I add it to the list of OK that's no good for me.
The one good thing about is that the weight I had gained is just about gone now, and if I can ever get a second maybe I can focus on getting in some exercise. If cleaning out my Dad's house in Queens counts at all I am getting in at least a bit.
Keep posting all the fun summer stuff...it's nice to see everyone doing fun things!! Sharpie lets see all those flowers and vegies in your beautiful gardens!!

I happen to think all this "reality" TV is really just for entertainment. Sure it may be happening..but it's all sensationalized for TV. The thing I take away from the show is how much her family and friends really do care and support her, even if her choices are not the best they don't berate her for them. Yeah they try to open her eyes to the harm she is causing herself by being so overweight...and haven't we all had that person or persons who did that to us? Maybe not as nicely as this family.
She's in denial about her weight and the health issues that it can bring about, though I think she's starting to see that there are limitations and she is suffering to be "fat". I don't think you have to be an extreme of anything to love yourself and your body. You just have to be you...and eating in an out of control way no matter too much or too little or not nutritious enough...all bring harm to our bodies and our lives.
We don't pour motor oil into our gas tanks...and we don't pour Water into them either. If we want them to run we put in the grade of gasoline that is refined and balanced to make our engine run efficiently. It's the same for our bodies.
Too bad we don't have fill stations like we have gas stations. Where you can pull in, and fill up and it's always the right amount in perfect balance to get you where you need to be.

Hi All!!!
Checking in too. It's been a heck of year this year I'll say that's for sure!! Lot's of changes ups and downs for all of us. Health wise for me...I try to keep hyper vigilant about what I'm eating because I just hate getting sick from food. Though I never know when that might happen. This weekend a pickle and a horrible burger patty did me in. I guess I should have know better than to try to eat that from a diner...but you never know until it goes down and then doesn't sit right or digest. Then I add it to the list of OK that's no good for me.
The one good thing about is that the weight I had gained is just about gone now, and if I can ever get a second maybe I can focus on getting in some exercise. If cleaning out my Dad's house in Queens counts at all I am getting in at least a bit.
Keep posting all the fun summer stuff...it's nice to see everyone doing fun things!! Sharpie lets see all those flowers and vegies in your beautiful gardens!!