lunasa

Thank you everyone!! You're all fab as always! And may I say you are all looking B-ootiful! What's this about Christmas pressie exchange? Can I join in? Well. as usual I am re-invigourated after having logged on again and posted! I'm delighted to see you all on here again! As tomorrow is the first of October I will for the first time make an excercise challenge pledge...WOW..now how to I do this? Ok I pledge 20 days walking at least 30mins for october! how about that!! haha...now I've said it and it shall be! That's certainly a start and I know if I actually stick to my promise my ticker will be moving again..I must correct it actually. The last time I was posting I was -8lbs into my second goal. Now I have gained that 8 back and am at my first goal again looking through the gates at #2! Laura how is married life? I love being married..we just celebrated our 2nd anniversary 2 weeks ago! Anyway girls, despite my perpetual falling off the wagon I'm still here, with goals in mind but a lack of serious ambition in achieving them.. At least I am not suffering from negative motivation, I am still waiting on the "switch" to go off in my head that will allow me to truly have faith that I can do this. I have identified that I am harbouring a conviction that I will always be fat, but at the same time I am allowing it to be upheld by not making the effort to change it. I know I am 20 walks away from refuting that mindset, and I am allowing laziness to uphold my beliefs. And just because I'm not freaking out over my failure so far it does not make my failure's ok...but I am definatley happier, more content and albeit possibly false and drug induced (LOL) I am not complaining. I have much more energy since starting this course of anti'd's...my home is more organised, cleaner and I'm on top of the laundry again! For a while there I couldn't even keep my housework up to date which was a sure indication that I was falling into a dark place, because I am house proud... Speaking of house...we're still not in our new home as of yet, still building away but nearly finished. I must post a photo for you all if I can transfer it from my phone to PC.... So I'm just gonna update my siggie now to reflect my first excercise challenge, and hold myself accountable for maintaining the momentum and promise so that by halloween I will be "scarily" slimmer!! LOL

Thanks Michelle.. Well I'm not really ok with where I am as I would like to have kept the ball rolling and be at my second goal by now.. But I'm not depressed about it either.. The happy pills r workin out great! I Dunno if you remember but I was really struggling with my moods etc and was very low so I'm on anti-d's now and they're workin out great.. So at least I'm coping better! I still don't put any effort into what I want from weight loss so it's not surprising u am where I'm at! I just don't know why I won't get my act together? I guess the pay off's for staying this way has more influence and control over me than I can remember those of being slim fit n happy offer.. It's been so long I can't recall the allure of slimdom maybe?

Hi all.. Apologies for my absence.. I'm posting from my cell phone now.. You're all doing so well, I am not loosing weight, to be honest I'm not even trying anymore! I'm still at my first goal and I have spent since July gaining and loosing the same 5-7lbs! No excercise! I'm being honest .. Dunno if I'll ever get it together! Am I the only one struggling like this?

Hi all!! Houdini here and I'm back!! Terri thank you for your message.. What a couple of weeks I've had!! First, I sliced my left hand with a scissors and ended up in doc's getting 4 stitches (sans aneasthesia thank you very much..ouch!) Two days after having the stitches removed I had a bad fall and ended up in ER with a sprained ankle, a black eye and a laceration to my RIGHT hand..12 stitches this time,a splint,anti-biotics, a tetnus, and a TB shot (TB shot??don't ask ) and this time they were merciful enough to numb my hand for the repair work! Then last sunday my neighbour died unexpectedly after a short illness , she's same age as me and the whole town is devastated..I'm getting ready to go to the funeral right now..she was being treated abroad in a specialist unit so her body wasn't flown home til yesterday.. Yesterday I went to doc to have my sutures removed and as the last one came out the wound re-opened itself and I got a lovely glimpse of my inner hand which left me feeling rather flushed and sick! It's not sore, but doc just bandaged me up again and said to come back next week, if it doesn't "stick" then they'll have to open it further cut away old skin & re-stitch it...yeuky!! so under this bandage there's an open wound, and I cannot get it wet..I feel yeuky, in need of a good scrub. Thank god for hairdressers, at least someone else can take care of the "head" as I certainly can't. So needless to say violets I haven't been at my computer since the calamities began..and as I sit here typing with one hand, my visits might be sparce again until I can type my usual essays in good time!! LOL Can anybody say Quasimodo? Limping, blackeyed scarred and stitched together!!! Apart from all that I'm in good form and doing well!! Did I miss anything here?

Chica Chula..About the TT..I guess that decision to do it when you're ready or wait til after kids is something only you can decide.. Of course you'll be paying twice if you do both, so I can't advise you there. I'll see how I feel when that happens, I may not have the time, money or desire to get tucked again, but the fanny HAS to go!! LOL

LMAO!!! Nope...a nanner is a nanner!!!

P.S....During my tummy tuck the surgeon went in and sewed my ab muscles back into place also...they had streched and pulled away from my ab wall from so many years of carring fat around.. I had my pouch since I was ten years of age..I obviously did the damage over a LONG period of time, but noe they are back in place and if I were to go back training, my ab muscles would actually respond this time and gimme a six pack...but I'm not mad about six pack on a woman, I prefer the 80's Madonna belly.... Is she Ripped now or what? What an amazing specimen

Hi Everyone...I see we have a few new violets...hello to you all.. You guys have been giddy since I checked in here last, goo to see everyone's spirits up!! PUDDY...you can't really depend on the scales when you're working out. You are now in a frame of mind that has you depending on seeing that number go down in order to motivate encourage you and make your efforts feels justified. Your work out's will transform your body very subtley until one day you'll put something on and it'll fall back off you AND you'll get stronger. For us women it's so important to build our muscle to keep us upright as the years go by. So PUDDY, you need to train yourself not to depend so much on the scale and and find some other form of measuring to track your progress. Ask at you gym to get inches done or body fat / muscle ratio anlysis done once a month and you will see the difference there. Muscle weighs A LOT mor than fat but takes up less room in your body hence loosing more inches than lbs...keep it up, what your doing is fantastic and you'll be a fabulous strong wonder woman in no time.. KAT...speaking of body Fat...OMG...THAT IS FANTASTIC!!! down that much!!! Holy S*** girl, congratulations!! Amazing.. TRACYInks..YOU will hit the 230's this week...I admire your tenacity and your refusal to get down when I know it's so frustrating to break a plateau! You deserve a break and it shall be done!! As for the tummy tuck, I've had one. the last time I lost this weight, I lost 100lbs, worked out to earn a body fat of 20% and was fit as a fiddle, and so I decided to have the belly cut off... It was the BEST THING I had ever done at the time and it gave me so much confidence & to be able to wear stuff I couldn't before. Even as I was slim I still had that Crease where my pouch was, my belly smiling through my clothes for all to see!! What I didn't know at the time was that I would gain all my weight back and that was very hard..I lost it the wrong way, I didn't do the head work I basically starved and worked out TOO HARD to get to that point and I didn't work on maintaining, I Thought I was "DONE".. Anyway, I still admire the results of my TT, it's not completely ruined, and besides I knew when I was getting it done that pregnancy would stretch me again, but I done it anyway, and the result was amazing. I would say as with everything the SURGEON is the key, mine was fantastic, a miracle worker, and I would (and just may) do it again depending on the state Of my skin post pregnancy...but I'll see.. The only thing right now I'm finding is that although I still have a relatively flat tummy, my pubic mound has gotten very fatty and THAT's annoying me, I'm very conscious of it and when I get down to a reasonable size again I will review THAT situation and if it doesn't shrink I will have it injected.. Bloody FAT gets everywhere!! To you guys in the US your fanny is your Tooshy but here in Ireland / UK your fanny is the FRONT of your bum (as in your nether regions) LOL So Everytime I dress in something that shows off my flat tummy I can see my fanny protruding and it's a NO NO for that outfit...BUMMER!! The ups and downs of plastic surgery, once you nip one thing everything else starts to look disproportioned.. Hey, Terri...Bet you knew I couldn't stick with the short posts...LOL

haha..very funny!! I agree, very short for me!! the Cymbalta are fine, I'm over the initial buzz of the kick in..talk about grinding my teeth!! It makes me yawn a lot and also makes me feel a bit "high" in the beginning but that is settling too.. so I'm grand.. thanks for asking Terri..xx

Hello There!! Judy, I've never seen a bike like that, sure looks comfy!! I've no news to report from here, just dropping in to say hello!! (I'm loosing weight again, thanks to my band attack)

Hello Girls...It's Buzz lighthead here!! And major ramble to follow.. JUDY!!! You are a power ranger..wow, wow, wow....well done to you!! Sounds like you live in a lovely area too...good on you for enjoying your surroundings. I am in love with where I live too..It's my dream spot on this planet (well, for living anyway) I have yet to visit Africa and I know I'll fall in love there too...Elephants are my lucky animals, I have them looking out the windows of my house to protect me, and would love to see a herd up close.. Anyway, KAT..You really are being bombarded with pain and anxiety between DH and Kinsey..my heart is going out to you..You are a gem and I wish and pray that all works out for you..xx My FIL is a ceoliac too, he was 50 yesterday.. All the rest of you violets I wish all the best for you all and for happiness to find you all...you all deserve it.. Terry, that's very stressful, your problems with DH, communication breakdown can snowball so much and when feelings of hurt and resentment come into the mix it can make communication all the more difficult too!! You've always been so kind to me..as you all have..I wish only the best for you.. Remember the happiness thing I posted the other day? "Happiness is the freedom to be as we are, however we are; richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, gaining or losing, succeeding or failing, wanting or not wanting, approving or not approving, forever. Happy is what we are and what we'll be if we don't believe we are wrong to be as we are." We all need to recognise our right and NEED to set ourselves free, free from the voice in your head that tells you you're not good enough, or that your life is not good enough or that you are not fulfilling all your wants and desires. These thoughts & voices will forever put you down and will lead you to believe you are not as good as you should be and no matter what you do these same thoughts and that voice again will follow and haunt you until you are convinced how wrong you are for your place in life.. Who else would you be if not yourself? There is NO OTHER you, You are the only YOU and so unless you are comparing yourself TO yourself you have nobody else to live up to..there is no better YOU walking around on this whole planet..you are not going to bump into a perfect you..the one you imagine would make you happier, she does not exist, there is only the you sitting here reading this, wishing to be something better than your self..why do we do that? Why do we waste energy thinking about, wanting and convincing ourselves that we should be something other than ourselves!! Who else could we possibly be? Instead of just being ourselves, warts and all... These fantasies get us down, I know they get me down, everytime I see those "Images" of hollywood, we are brainwashed.. MONEY + SIZE 2 + SUCCESS = HAPPINESS Not So..we don't know what goes on with these supposedly perfect beings once the spotlight is turned off.. then because we are subconsciously seeking what we see on TV we start to carry it into our real lives and we start to fixate on the women in RL that we percieve as having the life/body/job we wish we had and that's ALL we see.. Never trust a woman with children who has a spotlessly clean car or house...That is someone desperatly hiding something..she is NOT someone who has it all together, she is someone who doesn't want you to know she in fact DOES NOT have it together.. The other day while finalising our kitchen the store owner took us out for lunch and we drove in his car..he is a very hardworking and successful person and VERY organised at work, he & his wife juggle kids work and all that comes with both...As we approached his beautiful Mercedes I had expected to sit into a pristine car.. When we opened the door I was greeted by Bottles, toys, clothes and the very obvious & sweet smell of kids..and it made me smile..I instantly liked him more..because I was able to relate much more about him and the normality of his life. In my mind he became more real life to me..we weren't just buying a kitchen from a guy in a suit, we were buying a kitchen from a dad who works hard to provide for his family and gladly sacrifices his beautiful car to do so..That is nice, to know he was not all business and perfection.. He is successful, but has his priorities and is not afraid to let his clients see the messy side of his life..In otherwords, this guy is happy enough not having to be perfect. And my initial perception was blown out of the water.. The point being, nothing is as it SEEMS to be ever, and sometimes your fantasies about the perfect, in control person are only upheld when they remain a mystery and you don't get to see the side of the person to prove you wrong. So if mammy's car is spotless, you can be guaranteed she hasn't got her ironing done or the dinner won't be cooked and daddy is bringing home take away, because nobody is perfect, and those that go out of their way to demonstrate they are, do not possess qualities or percieved qualities to be coveted.. Our best defence is to be ourselves, as we are, if you're sitting there reading this and feeling bad because you haven't mopped the floor...so what, do it later..just remember no everyone in the world has mopped theirs yet either!!

Good Luck Laura!! Ms Jen...have had my blood checked for Thyroid twice already this last year!! I was convinced that would show up, but no it's been fine so far..but I did have him check it again and i'll have results on Monday. I started my Rx today and oh my God am I feeling the BUZZ kick in.. it's a horrible feeling...i feel like I buzzing, like there's an electric current flowing through me..my stomach is upside down too.. I hope this kick in doesn't last long!! JUDY..nine miles is amazing!!! I'd get tired even DRIVING nine miles!! LOL!

Thank You Terri...xxx You're so kind Jennifur..I take a multi vitamin / mineral & B complex everyday..Thanks x Would you believe St John Wort was recently taken off the market here..can't remember the science bit!! PLEASE GOLFBALL GO AWAY NOW and all will be well, I will be a good girl!! :sick

Terry, I love that Hole in the street analogy!! Kat...I am Keeping you & Kinsey in my thoughts..Please God she will be better very soon..xx Judy and Tracy K...you both look fantastic in your photos!! TracyInks..I know where you're coming from with the eating and struggling..BIG TIME.. just remember what's happening to me right now...don't let it happen to you!! Don't push the band.. I am still up the wall over it, although everyone has assured me it's just swelling I am still only able for liquids.. Last night I had some mash (I mean 1-2 tablespoons) and this morning I had a Teaspoonful of Manuka honey and there's that golfball again..So liquids still it is for me until this swelling (I Hope) settles... Tracy don't get into the state of mindlessness I did that has caused this to happen..The anxiety is truly not worth it..and if I HAVE damaged something I don't know how I'll cope!! So Please Girl, Bee good to D band!! Jennifur..I lost a very Good friend to cancer 8 years ago and I always get emotional around the time of his anniversary. It's strange, even if I'm not AWARE the date is approaching, it seems to come over me automatically..xx Well, I went to my GP and asked him to take my bloods, as I have done 3 times already in the last year. He did, and as we talked about all my symptoms again, low energy, low mood, lack of motivation etc he asks me what it is I am expecting to find in my blood AGAIN.. I say there's something not right, I am beside myself trying to cope..and he brings up depression again. We have had 3 or 4 chats over the last year about this and each time I have resisted the medication saying I "If I could just put my finger on it I can work this out myself, without the need to mask with meds" But MAYBE there IS something in my blood that's causing me to feel the way I do. So anyway after a long chat he explained he suspects and had suspected each time I visited him that it is a chemical imbalance I have that has me stuck in a depressive state..which somehow registered better with me than just telling me or suggesting me I was DEPRESSED.. I dunno if this makes sense but I always denied depression meds and the idea that I need them because I really only viewed depression as kinda like a mood thing..A state of being, a rut, like "If you could get off your ass and deal with it you could snap out of it" kinda thing We have sent the bloods off anyway just to be sure ,he said I was pale maybe due to the perpetual lethargy I feel, but just to be sure..for the third time since July 06!! So I have accepted that my symptoms are all pointing very obviously to a definate sign of depression, and that it is chemical and that trying to be my own hero has not done much to ease them to the point of freedom & recovery thus far..So, despite feeling defeated initially I have decided to start on a course of medication and am now feeling hopeful that I may just find a new sense of purpose and energy. I am looking forward to having the burden of mood lifting and actually thought to myself this morning..what if this changes my life? I am grateful to him for his patience and his caring enough to let me come to this point of acceptance myself and his not having rammed the concept down my throat during the last year of my pale-faced visits..visiting him with the same complaint and ahving him prod me endlessly only for him to repeatedly inform me I am a healthy individual..It all makes sense now.. It's amazing what a depressive mind can make you want and rob you of priorities..Imagine, I have been LOOKING for there to be SOMETHING WRONG in my blood to justify my feelings!! Imagine, looking for signs of ill-health and then not being satisfied when I possess the opposite!! So here's to my chemical romance!!! P.S...Rx is for Cymbalta

Thanks Terri... :girl_hug: I continue to hope & pray I am not facing damage!! If not this is the best thing that could have happened to me at this point..I have now got the switch in my head that knows now that this is not another half assed attempt...I wanted a restrictive method and I have one..I will be a good girl from now on.. Once my doctor put me on meds that basically gave you the runs (diarohhea) if you eat too much fat..he said It would help with the behavioural aspect of changing my ways and teach me not to do it again...But all I had to do was not take the tablets and I'd be fine, although not dealing with my problems..Now THIS is what will teach me a lesson...I am terrified right now & if all is well everything will be different..I don't want to go through this again..I'm climbing the walls.. I have been keeping a handwritten diary and read it all last night and I'm so glad I have been keeping notes about my emotions & struggles..It is proving very helpful and I am going to seek help for the issues that have been raised and the true obstacles in my path to freedom & happiness. It's all about belief, I have become depressed over the years because of the evidence I have gathered in my experiences with weight loss. Every time I do it against myself knowing & believing & expecting to fail again, it has all been in vain... Henry ford said (and someone on here the other day quoted) "Whether you believe you can, or believe you can't, you are right." This is my problem, I am struggling to achieve something I truly have never believed in...I need to change that belief..that's going to be the key, and also very hard to do. I want to find someone who can help me TRULY change that belief.. Who would that be? Psychologist? Psychiatrist? Hypnotherapist? NLP? Anyone know anything about that? I want to work it!!

Thank God all my moaning & drama has had SOME good purpose!! LOL:)

Oh My GOD Judy...44lbs!!! That is AMAZING..hats off to you!!! Kat..thank you for your words of advice, and I'm happy for you that your parents anniversary occasion went so well...sounded beautiful..xx I'm feeling a bit better today...I ended up having to call the clinic's emercency line (nurse on call) as I was in a total panic that I had damaged the band or the pouch.. Because I haven't been journaling my food for a month I had nothing to refer to as to whether or not I was steadily overeating lately.. The sandwich episode remained a ball in my chest and I heaved once and slimed a few times while burping all day and I really became anxious and freaked out.. Nurse said the signs of damage are pain & vomiting.. I had no need to vomit and what I had I wouldn't describe as pain..just a golfball sensation so she reckons I may just have put pressure on the band and caused a bit of swelling around the area ( I am still paranoid about pouch dilation and still worried about slippage!!) Anyway she told me to go on fluids for 2 days and then safts for two days to let hings heal & settle and if there's no improvement by monday to call her again... So All day yesterday I have been in a panic and I have felt that golfball sensation...even today I still feel something but It's more like heartburn today, so I'm still worried right now and will remain so until I feel back to normal.. What a slap in the face though..talk about second chance!! If everything is ok I will never abuse this band or myself again...I am so so nervous now!! She also said stressing about it will just make things worse and as long as there's no pain or vomiting that she would have no cause to be concerned or suspect damage.. I guess I should be relieved at this but as long as I feel the way I do right now I will worry...what if I'm confusing pain & heartburn? I know that sounds silly girls, but now I'm wondering if the uncomfortableness I'm feeling COULD be classified as pain? Today's going to be such a long day for me.. I hope it goes away.. You all must be sick of me at this point but I promise, If I get away with this, there won't be anymore posts like this or the previous few.. I will cop on and follow the rules.. If I do that well then I will have Judy's success to look forward to!! That's what a good rule follower gets!! LOL (good luck with the filll by the way) I have to believe I can do this and I have to believe I can & will be happy, I cannot waste anymore time in the pursuit of something I do not believe in..and that is my core issue and main obstacle.. Here's to JULY everybody

Kity...You're a cutie!! Ok...I've been trawling throught the threads this morning, I usually just come here to read & post. I've found a lot of similiar concerns to mine about the place.. Guess what's haooening to me today..I wonder if anyone can help..what is this.. So we are selling our current house and yesterday we were told we had our first viewing for this morning.. So I had planned last night to get the house lookin like something out of a Martha Steward book for the prospective buyers!! LOL So I didn't get home until 7.30ish and I put my dinner (fish pie) on (the preamble is I suppose to explain & demonstrate my anti band actions..as I have over the past couple weeks "lost" my proper conscious behaviour mode) Anyway....Just then My SIL arrived, unexpectedly at the door...fine..but I was I suppose in frantic mode as I was eager to get stuck in to the housework. So she's there & we're chatting and all the while I'm eating my dinner...not paying any attention to volume, speed, nothing. Now I suppose fish pie would be classified as a soft food anyway so there wouldn't have been MUCH chewing involved anyway.. (p.S..SIL is very obese..and I also wonder if I was suffering anxiety in her company also...or had a fat friend evening..you know when two fatties hang out there's no "voice" in your head telling you not to consume your full potential when eating) So I wolf down the pie and yap yap yap I proceed to get up immediately do Laundry, clean & organise the kitchen all the while she's there.. I then come across some peaches that needed to be used so I interrupt myself to make a peach cobbler for her to take home... Martha Stewart mode again, I figured baking was more social than laundry at this point... So there I am with the cobbler on and I'm foostering around in this manic mode..anyway, we both have some freshly baked cobbler..It's now 10pm!! I'm a night owl anyway but here I am oblivious to the band rules.. She left about 11pm and then I launch into the housework and am finally finished at 1am..cup of tea & then to bed.. Wake up at 3am freezing and restless.. (DH not home yet, he works late on weekends) downstairs and what do I do? Ham & cheese sandwich..STILL oblivious to the rules... Bed again Little bit of oops..can feel bread etc sticking in the chest now as I lie on my pillow...I sleep eventually..about 4.30am Wake this morning at nine..vacate the house..get to office to check emails etc and have a coffee..then the burping starts...small continious burps... it's almost an hour now and I'm still burping..still feel slight tightness in my chest..at one point what I thought was another burp turned into a gag..a heave-ing sensation... So after my very long winding explanation of my bad behaviour I wonder have I done damage? Am I PB'ing? I know what I did was wrong but in a way it's actually slapped me in the face this morning that what I've done is BAD BAD BAD for the band..and that there are repercussions and this is my first hit home example of restriction... I may not feel it while I am eating...but it's there to make me uncomfortable if & when I over do it.. I know I won't be eating white or soft bread again..It's stuck.. I know it was at 3am but pre band this would have been a not too regular thing I would do but I would do it nontheless... So the moral of the story is that I had expected restriction to be like immediately post surgery when you just couldn't fit any more in..or had very much enough after a very small amount.. I now wonder if I was expecting the wrong sensation therefore not experiencing it..the restriction I now feel is more the digestive kind.. If I am restricted enough, wouldn't I feel fuller WHILE eating..am paranoid now that if I fill too tight next week I'll have problems..I fly to my clinic in UK and am not hanging around for long..in & out Does anyone think I've done damage? Like stretched the pouch or anything? Apologies for the EPIC:faint:

AND P.S... As some of you stated..there is no need to feel upset or ashamed about stalling or struggling..and thank you..I have been telling myself that since my "episode" because I was very upset and ashamed over it!! Like some others of you are facing..It's hard when others know what you've done and you're not the incredible shrinking woman..it is pressure, it's like you feel embarrassed that you've not started to become barbie yet...more like Shamu still...but hey...next year, barbie might be more fitting!!

Hi Girls...Thank you again for the uplift!! I called the clinic and have scheduled a fill for Sat 7th July... I also found a thread here for VG band's, which is what I'm almost sure I have..I have to check when I get home.. The VG band has a max capacity of 10cc (mls) Apparantely I have 5cc in right now and was shocked at that.. I said to her " does that mean something's wrong?" coz it sounded like a big fill Apparently this band is the bigger one and having a lower BMI means fills are hard to get right or something like that. Anyway, I found some great info on the VG thread and some of the posts I might as well have written myself, which was a relief. I could see my case is being echoed throughout the VG bandsters... Why oh why I was convinced the first fill would be the one I dunno!!! I feel drained after the last few weeks of worrying about that and feeling like I myself had failed without even contemplating that I have to reach desired restriction..I thought I'd be a one fill job!! So I'm booked for another in a week's time..That's Laura's wedding day I believe? I remember because it's also my FIL's 50th birthday.. I feel there's no need for the panic now..I HOPE next fill does me justice (remembering I have to fly to the clinic!!) I THINK I'll be getting another 2.5mls (cc) I think that's what she said and she reckons it would make a bigger difference.. I never realised I had the bigger band or so much In it already... I delibrately didn't ask because I wanted to see if I felt real restriction without knowing how many cc's I have and it and by not being swayed psychologically if I thought It wasn't aggressive enough or if I started comparing to others fill amounts and subsequent results... Thanks for caring girls...I have had a rough time..I prob would not have thought I deserved another or to book another fill only for you all..xx:ranger::ranger:

Unhappiness & Depression by Bruce Di Marsico, 1973 The Cause of Unhappiness The cause of unhappiness is a belief. What happens, no matter how undesirable or destructive to our life, health, desires or loves, does not cause unhappiness. The belief that we have to be unhappy is the only cause. To state it simply: "If a person did not believe they had to be unhappy, they would not and could not be." We merely believe we need to have things or avoid things in order to avoid unhappiness, which we would not have to fear if we did not believe we needed to be unhappy. What Causes Unhappiness The Understandings of All Unhappiness Unhappiness is believing that something is necessary, something has to be, should be, ought to be, or must be other than what it is. When a person is believing he/she has to be unhappy, what they are believing is that they have to be unhappy because they believe they are against themselves. The belief in unhappiness is the belief in being wrong for oneself. Unhappiness, in fact, means that I believe that I do, or want, or think, or feel a way that is bad for me. A person believes: Certain things I do not want to happen may happen or are now happening. I don't want them to. I feel bad (and am worried or afraid now) because I "shouldn't" be thinking negatively about my life now. Maybe I shouldn't be not wanting what is evidently happening anyway. I am (as-if) denying reality, and that is wrong. I will be unhappy about this in the future because when certain things I do not want or do not like happen I will feel a way that is bad for me. It is wrong to expect misfortune. That is "unhappy" of me. It doesn't matter that if the undesirable event happens to me from circumstances out of my control, or if I think I am the cause or part of the cause; unhappiness comes as me believing that I now have proof that I am bad for myself. "Bad for myself means I am not really wanting for me what I "should" be wanting for me, and something can prove it. The belief is that this event "proves" it. Basically, feeling bad means that I believe that what I do, or think, or want, or feel means I am against my own best interests. I believe these are a bad way of doing thinking, wanting or feeling. The way I am being is a bad (wrong, self-defeating) way of being. This could be called the same as believing that I will be a way I shouldn't be, or think a way I shouldn't or want or feel a way I shouldn't. If we didn't believe that we could be a way we "shouldn't" we couldn't feel unhappy no matter what else we felt. All unhappiness is the fear that we have a bad attitude for ourselves. We are afraid that something proves we are bad for ourselves in the sense that we are in some way against what we are for, and for what we are against. We are afraid that we have a self-defeating attitude. The fear that we have a bad, or self-defeating, attitude is the same as distrusting the very source or cause of our motivation. We are unhappy when we believe our very life, our heart, our self is against all that we live for; our personal happiness. Happiness is the freedom to be as we are, however we are; richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, gaining or losing, succeeding or failing, wanting or not wanting, approving or not approving, forever. Happy is what we are and what we'll be if we don't believe we are wrong to be as we are. by Bruce Di MarsicoMontclair, Saturday, July 3rd, 1993

(((((Hi Girls))))) Thank you all so much. It brings me close to tears to read what I wrote earlier and subject you all with such a nasty rant but I had to. I was bursting. I woke up this morning very anxious and by some miracle didn't take it out on DH..I actually lay in bed composing a rant in my head for LBT...somewhere to vent it out. Your repiles are so kind and true and I thank you.. I am worried too that I am depressed..I KNOW I was before discovering that I was eligable for the band and then getting myself booked in, organised and on my way for it and the 3 liquid weeks post surgery lifted me out of it. Maybe I jumped the gun thinking "it" (the monster) was behind me. I guess I had an "up" period. Strange thing is I'm not like a depressed person at times, like when s**t hits the fan I'm great at jumping to action, I'm great at listening to and motivating others, during these times I am not consumed with my self. But then I look in the mirror and I see a stranger looking back, I see a lost expression on a face that just looks so tired and sad and then I just feel so sad! It's like a pain in the heart and I look and I think "that's not me, where am I?" I have playful times with DH at home or wherever and I might get up to go to the loo and there's that mirror again and I look again and I see this ghost again! It's frightening me, because I feel I'm buried in there! I don't recognise this person looking back and sometimes I even experience surreal moments where I question the reality of the moment. I guess I should see my GP, I have spoken to him about this and he wrote me a Rx for Anti-d's but I said I would only fill them if I felt I had no choice and so I set out again trying to fix what was not right, without the need for masking it with drugs. It's not that I have no faith in meds, I have taken anti-d's on 2 occassions before but quit after 3 months each time...dunno why? Stigma I guess, and within myself, not coz anyone else knew. Then I go to counselling and come across as a balanced reasonable person and it's quite confusing sitting there chatting without a care inthe world to a doc who charges a fortune to have what just seems like an expensive chat! LOL KITY, you have a point about the excercising being able to help and start shaking off the blues..and funny as I read it I thought if someone I know in RL had have suggested same (as they do) I would want to punch, but not you because you are in my boat and I noticed the pep in your cyber step when you took to the sweat-arena..as most of you did..you all reported and vibe'd more cyber energy. I have noticed the theraputic value of walking and will do so and as I get used to strolling to ease & comfort my mind I will also eventually gear up to working a sweat. Right now I don't want to be gung ho with that because it raises too many issues with me. Pounding the pavement just re-inforces my hatred and resentment in the continuing WL battle... So thank you all for your support and advice and for consoling and lifting me...I think withdrawing from LBT also had a part in my getting so overwhelmed as I had alienated myself from here too (you'd swear I was away for a year! felt like it!) But logging back in and seeing that what I'm going through is not unique does help..I had imagined I would sign in and everyone would be trailblazing away and I'd be the one left behind of my own doing and I would get so disheartened and lonely in my efforts (or lack of!) I'm sorry to bring anyone down, but I am relieved with your response..thank you. I came across something very interesting about happiness. or unhappiness and I saved it in my puter files. I'm gonna go now and retrieve it and post it below...It's something to consider..for us all..xxx MUCH LOVE...GRA MOR..xx(that's much Love in Irish) :girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug:

Hi there... I've missed so much..I'm not gonna even try to catch up.. News with me...I have spent the month of june gaining and loosing the same 4.5lbs... I am now at the same weight when I reached just below my first goal..I haven't seen a smaller scale number since 7th June.. I am devastated, depressed and I am in despair about how the rest of my life is going to have to be..struggling in diet mode or obese for life. I only loose weight when I am on liquids. I am tortured ever since introducing food back into my life..it is causing me pain, not physical, emotional..I can't deal with it. I look back on my entries during my liquid stage and I was so full of hope & confidence I really thought I had turned a corner but now since food is back in my life I am in despair again... Once again I have retreated to the safety of my own home, I have cancelled on and avoided my friends..I am overwhelmed at work and I can't help thinking or wanting to sleep forever. I went to bed last night wishing I could have the strength to never eat food again...I hate it, it causes me pain and I feel my life will never be right as long as I have to deal with eating... I feel compelled to keep eating once I start and it's not because I can or want to it's because I can't bear the thoughts that I have to count & control and I feel the life being sucked out of me. Every event, even going to the cinema is a dread because I have this Fucking diet monkey on my back ONCE MORE and forever will... I have wasted my money on this band as I gave it more power that it deserves..It has not become the answer to my prayers as I thought it would and I was stupid to think it would.. I want food out of my life..I cannot cope with having to restrict EVERY little minute of my miserable existance anymore.. I have so much to be happy about and I can't move on out of this hole of misery bitterness and dread.. I can't stand looking at myself anymore and I can't stand being trapped inside a mind that does not see or believe things will ever be any different

Hi Ladies!! I'm back from the deep...:peace: Well George michael Cancelled the concert on us!!! :noidea: WHAT A MEANER!!!!:drama: Technical difficulties...my arse..what a let down!! Still, I went out, got pissed and then came home & fell down the stairs, so I blame him for the MASSIVE bruise I now have on my arse! I'm dying to know how the fill changes things. I'm going for my first tomorrow. I feel I've no restriction and I miss that SO SO much!! Last week I drank 3 nights of the week...(yes Alcohol) will I ever learn? So as always with my hangover came MAJOR cravings and I have to admit I succumbed. I turned to the dreaded Crisps (potato chips) and had a nasty enough week. I gained a pound for my sins!! LOL I have yet to get off my ass and excercise. I'm hesitating because I don't want to struggle with "walking" I'm afraid it'll make me feel so unfit and like I've a mountain to climb. I always get pissed off when I'm huffing & puffing and I'm afraid it'll remind me how much work I have to do. But in saying all that I guess I don't have to go out pounding the pavements, if I started off strolling at least I might enjoy myself (?) I have associated walking & excercise with negative feelings about my body & my mind tends to go into negative mode as soon as I put my runners on! I immediatly start fretting in my mind and dreading every step!! But in order to break through this "plateau" I've been bouncing on for the last MONTH I guess excercise is yer only man!! God somebody help me!!! I'm hoping the fill will bring down my portion size again and help me enforce the rules better, I'm being a bold girl now because I can (if I'm to be honest here) and because I expected more from this band. I understand it is unfilled at the moment and that is the only thing that's keeping me from cracking up & feeling like I've wasted my money on a useless piece of plastic! LOL I did not get this surgery done to be plunged back into DIET mode..that's what drove me mad enough to go under the knife in the first place!! My goodness, I'm finished my rant now... Thanks for keeping in touch & sharing so far girls.. Good luck to us all. I'll report on my fill ASAP..xx<!-- google_ad_section_end --><!-- / message --><!-- sig --> __________________ P.s... I get the drift that Terri is having some difficulty... Hang in there girl...despite what you may berate yourself about, you look and are doing great. let me just tell you that in my brief & former life as a gym training and skinnier me I worked out HARD 5 days a week with a trainer, for 6 months solid. I only lost 6lbs on the scales but my inches lost were huge, my body fat went from 26% to 20% and I went down from a US size 10-12 to an 8..Remember the scales is not the best indicator when you're working out. It can be VERY deceiving. So I suggest to you that you get one of the trainers to take a body fat reading WITH A CALIPERS not on a scale...calipers is more accurate and you may find it more rewarding..xx Keep the chin up..xx <!-- google_ad_section_start(weight=ignore) -->:biggrin1:

By the way Laura..I think the VEGAS wedding sounds GREAT!!! We have a saying here.. "Do what suits YOU and F**k the begrudgers!!"