gowalking

Hi Deb. I hope you don't mind my asking this but is there a reason why you didn't lose more weight with the band? I was banded three years ago and lost all the excess weight..around 150 lbs.. I'm fluctuating now up and down 10-15 lbs. but I'm in maintenance and not looking to lose. I do want to stay at a steadier weight however, so I'm actually going for another fill later this month as I only have 3 cc's of Fluid in there and I could use some more restriction. When I read things like you've posted, I can't help but worry that the band will stop working for me...or will cause health problems. The thought of having to revise is not something I'd want to have to do.....so any information you can share would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

The Impressionists are beautiful, aren't they? Glad you enjoyed. Next time go to the Metropolitan Museum. It's huge so map it out first. The artwork is beyond stunning.Agreed ! and look into the Frick collection....it's unbelievable but I strongly suggest buying tickets online before your visit. The line routinely stretches around the block and then some for same day tickets. I love going to The Frick. This is why I put up with the noise and crush of people...and the terribly high cost of living here. The cultural activities are beyond belief. In fact, after work today, I'm heading to the theater district to pick up tickets for The Crucible. I've never seen an Arthur Miller play...not even Death of a Salesman. So The Crucible it is.

Resentment over being invisible when heavy my friend is a whole other thread.. Speaking for myself, I've come to terms with it. It just is what it is. Hell, I find I do the same thing...avoiding random interactions with larger people. I think we are afraid to make an obese person feel even more uncomfortable than they already may be. At least that's what I think I do when I don't engage with a larger person. And it's true...there is a vibe often of 'leave me alone'. I'm sure it's all part of the 'leave me alone' thing...which is why the layers of fat may be there to begin with. I know that many folks feel they are just the same, only in a smaller and healthier body. I am of the opinion however, that for the majority of us, we have undergone both outside and inside changes. I know I am not the same person I was when I was heavier. My basic identity is the same...as is my moral compass. But everything else is up for grabs.

The Impressionists are beautiful, aren't they? Glad you enjoyed. Next time go to the Metropolitan Museum. It's huge so map it out first. The artwork is beyond stunning.

Oh absolutely. When I was obese, I was invisible. Somewhere on my weight loss journey, I started to feel better about myself and began to wear makeup and do my hair. I had already started to wear more fashionable clothes. You find that you carry yourself differently...more confidently..and it starts to occur to you that people...both men and woman...are noticing. Now...if you really want to attract male attention...wear a dress. I've been wearing dresses to work regularly for a little over a year and can't help but notice how guys not only hold open doors, but they let me in and out of the elevators first, they even let me get ahead of them on the lunch line.

Oh sweetie..I agree with Sharon. You should be in counseling so you can learn how to cope with the idea of being on your own. I say this because I've been where you are. My husband and I didn't divorce. He passed away and left me with two young children to raise and no real career to fall back on. I had no idea how to live on my own. I still remember what I said when the doctor told me he had died. I kept saying over and over again, 'what am I going to do?' You need a therapist same as I did. Someone who will help you figure out that you are stronger than you can imagine and can take care of herself. I won't say it was easy, but here I am 20 years after my husband died and my kids are grown and happy. They are good husbands and fathers. I not only got through being alone and on my own...I saw how enjoyable being responsible to only yourself can be. Please....stop acting out of fear and start being pro-active. If money is the issue, find out what is available from non profit organizations. I found support groups at the local hospital, at my house of worship, and even online. And yes...I think a few days with mom and dad is a good thing too.

Hope you enjoyed my town! I was all over the city as well on Sunday. I bet we passed each other without even knowing it. "Enjoyed"? Well I enjoyed MoMA, buying my daughter some Tiffany Earrings, finally getting on top of the Empire State Building. But the traffic, $60 a day for parking, and the Newark Airport left much to be desired. At least the weather Sunday was nice. Found a great place in Fishkill for dinner Saturday, but I did not do a good job of researching food while I was in the City. Left that to my 16 year old daughter, major mistake* NOTE for all WLS person, don't let kids make the call. Fishkill, huh? That's a ways away from the big city. I hope you didn't travel all the way there just for dinner. LOL. If you ever get back here again, PM me...and I'll give you plenty of food options...and tips for cheaper parking. Can't help you with traffic or Newark Airport unfortunately.... Did you see the Picasso exhibit at MOMA? The BF and I went a few weeks ago and I enjoyed it alot more than the Jackson Pollock exhibit.

Hope you enjoyed my town! I was all over the city as well on Sunday. I bet we passed each other without even knowing it.

Sounds to me like they noticed all right...they just didn't vocalize it. Don't sweat it...after all, at some point the compliments will stop because people will get used to the smaller you. I'm three years banded, about half that time in maintenance. No one says anything anymore....and I'm fine with that. It means they are getting used to seeing me at my new size.

See my response in the other thread where you posted this. Don't be embarrassed...you're not the only one going through this. Try weighing out your food so you don't overeat. Make better food choices, don't eat between meals. Find something to do so you are not grazing. Go to the gym, work on a puzzle, read, take a bath, anything that gets you out of the kitchen. Also...keep crap out of the house so if you find you must have something to eat, it's healthy. I have fruit, hard boiled eggs, and SF sucking candies at the ready to satisfy those urges. It sounds like the band is doing it's job. Now you need to do your job. Good luck and let us know how it's going.

With all due respect, I think you may have had unrealistic expectation for the band...not high expectations. It sounds like the band is doing exactly what it's supposed to. Now you have to do what you are supposed to. Make healthy choices, avoid sliders, and exercise. If your band is full and you're at green, work with a nutritionist who will help you with food choices. And let your surgeon know you are struggling. I'm sure he/she has seen it all and won't judge.

OK Lisa...not good news. Keep us posted and let me know if there's anything I can do.

Good luck girls! I also work in Edison and lived in Middlesex county for more than 15 years before moving to NYC. I'm 3 years post WLS and am now living a normal life. It's wonderful and you ladies are in for quite an exhilarating and at times, frustrating journey. Always remember though to keep your eye on the prize. Living as a healthy and slender person is a great thing.

Many of us are dealing with the guilt that comes with how much damage we've done to our bodies because of the obesity. I've had to have both hips replaced and my knees will have to be replaced as well sometime in the future. I've always felt that I caused this damage because of the excess weight I've carried around for so many years. My rhumatologist kept telling me that I have joint disease and inflammatory disease and this would have happeded regardless. It's hard to believe it but I now understand he's correct. My mother suffers from IBS...irritable bowel syndrome and my sister suffers from hidranentis suppurativa..which is eruptions/boils in the groin, armpit, and under breast area. She saw a specialist the other day who explained to her that this was an inflammatory illness and when she told the doctor about my mother and myself, he said that we're all suffering from inflammatory illnesses, just in different areas of the body and that this is absolutely genetic in origin. Now..it doesn't get me totally off the hook. I might have been able to keep the degeneration of my joints under better control had I been smaller, but at least I know that the outcome would have eventually been the same. We carry enough guilt due to our weight issues so one less thing to feel guilty about works for me.

Please please...focus on getting your head where it needs to be and not looking for a boyfriend. I just don't think you are ready. We all have insecurities but if yours loom this large, you really should address that and not let them overwhelm you in situations like this. I also have loose skin but my attitude is that this is part of the package and if you don't like it, we're done. Of course I am with a man now how thinks I'm just the bees knees, wrinkled skin and all. Your attitude with drive this thing and your insecurities are overwhelming you. Dating is hard enough without dealing with these issues as well. Work on yourself my friend, and then you can work on finding a partner.

I had a cath when my hips were replaced. I couldn't get up for a couple of days. I wasn't told to shave nor was I shaved. I needed help not only going to the bathroom, but cleaning myself after. I saw...and believe me...I still had pubic hair.

I'm wearing a pair of black pumps at work. I'd say if not a 3" heel, than pretty close to that. I still have the flats I used to wear because I couldn't possibly teeter on a fashionable heel when I was obese. The only reason I haven't thrown them away is that they are an emergency shoe only.

http://www.bariatricpal.com/page/all_of_me.html

I haven't even finished watching it yet and it has me in tears. I know these women, I know and understand their stories. I see some that I recognize from 600 lb. life by the way. Everything they are talking about..the shame, the 'acceptance', the men who are attracted to them...the weight loss, the struggle..it all resonates. I also know why I never ever tried to date when I was obese. I am NOT interested in men who are interested in fat women. I don't want to judge but this is a fetish same as any other. Mostly though, I'm paying attention to things like 'thinking like a thin person' or seeing ourselves as fat even if we are not any longer...or how we change on the inside as we change on the outside. Likely I focus on this because my weight loss journey has ended. I'm in maintenance now and am exploring ways to cope with my issues so my maintenance lasts the rest of my life. I just posted that I ate cold spaghetti the other day right out of the pot. I did that before being banded and doing it again after three years scared the crap out of me. That is an old behavior yet those behaviors don't go away...we just keep them at bay. I want to have this documentary to go to whenever my resolve is weak. This is such a cautionary tale for me...it shows me what can happen if I'm not keeping on top of my addiction. It shows me how easy it is to pretend the weight doesn't matter when it does. It shows me that I can't ever go back there again. My god...this is all kinds of horrifying for me but yet I have to watch and remind myself I'm not cured. Never cured. I have to compartmentalize The Fat Girl. I need to keep her hidden so I can be normal but make sure to never forget that she lurks and can get the better of me if I'm not careful. If you haven't seen this show yet...watch it before it's not available online for free anymore.

I did something yesterday that I almost never do. I had leftover spaghetti in the fridge and Tuesday night, I ate a little of it cold out of the pot. It took me right back to when I did this all the time and I got so worried I'd slide back into old bad habits so Iast night when I got home from work, I took that pot of spaghetti and tossed it into the garbage. My therapist had said that it was fine to throw away food because she said it wasn't wasteful, but smart. In my case, eating it rather than throwing it away was like treating my body as though it was a garbage pail. I thought of that yesterday and decided the spaghetti belonged in the garbage pail under my sink, and not in my belly. Otherwise, I'd be tossing it away regardless if it went into the garbage or into me. I felt such a sense of relief that the food was now no longer calling me. We all have trigger foods, and mine is Pasta. I know now that I can't have it sitting in the fridge. I decided that next time, if the BF doesn't finish it at dinner, any leftovers go right into the trash.

as far as alcohol goes...I stay away from drinks with high calorie additives and also anything carbonated. So..it's mostly wine I drink. I do so sparingly for the most part and this works for me...but I didn't really start drinking wine till I was around six months or so post WLS.

I watched 600 lb. life and Skin Tight last night. Was glad to see June get her act together. I was sure she was going to be another Penny. As far as Skin Tight, I agree completely that there is an obvious bias against WLS. Most of those who've had surgery also change eating habits and spend alot of time at the gym so I call BS on it being thought of as the easy way out...but heck, I'm preaching to the choir here. We all know how hard we still have to work. All I kept thinking is that both of these folks who lost it the 'old fashioned way' would likely gain it back. We all know losing it is easy compared to maintaining.

You need to speak with your surgeon about a fill possibly to help with the hunger and you should also look for a professional to help you with the depression and lack of motivation...and why you cheat. I'm not saying this just to hear myself...I have been banded for three years and two years ago, I started seeing a therapist to help me with the root causes of my obesity and why I use food as a reward, or as punishment, or why I choose poorly or eat to excess. Doesn't mean I'm cured, but I've been in maintenance for about 18 months and working it every day...even if I'm not always successful. Having a buddy is nice, but ultimately, you have to be accountable and not lean on others for your motivation. Tough love I know but I believe in you and we're here on this forum to help however we can. Let us know what the surgeon says. Call today for that appointment! Oh...and just so you know, I'm also 50 something and until I had my surgery, very sedentary. I still don't like to exercise, but I do it..and once I get to the Y, I am always glad I did. Heading over there tonight as a matter of fact to spend an hour in the pool Water exercising.

Average weight loss with the lap band is 1-2 lbs. a week. Keep that in mind and you will see that you are doing just fine. Don't wonder if you are doing something wrong based on the scale. If you are following the basic lapband tenents of Protein first, fluids (water), exercise, and making healthy choices, you will be successful. Good luck and welcome to 'the other side' as we like to call it.

I have no words....