FaithfulGirl

My weight loss journey began long ago...

Even though I was a very thin child, the weight began to show itself in junior high school. I remember always wearing an open shirt over my shirt with my jeans or shorts, even my skirts. I learned early on that I wanted to cover up the extra weight. Of course, I look back now at those pictures and think I looked fine, but inside I was already screaming to get out of the "fat body" I felt stuck in.

I have a "rubenesque" shape so I could always carry some extra weight and get away with it. But I always knew I was just "getting away with it" - it was never really the shape I desired. When I married at age 27, I was a size 12 and weighed 142lbs. I really looked great then and felt good at that size too. Now I long for that size again. I've never chased down in my head visions of size 4, 6 8. That doesn't feel like me. But I sure do desire to be a size 10-12 again.

After many years of marriage, umteen fertility treatments, miscarriages, and a grief-stricken heart at the loss of too many loved ones, the weight began to pour on. Food became my comfort, my joy, my friend and my confidant - all the things that God should have been to me. I craved food more than I craved God, which I only now realize. Of course, with that scenario playing out in my life I was in an unending vicious cycle of weight on, weight off - more weight on, less weight off. I found myself 60, 80 and eventually 100+ lbs overweight. Now I was living a nightmare trapped in a morbidly obese body riddled with pain. This went on for 10 or so years. Although I amazingly remained healthy (my bloodwork numbers that is) I knew I was on borrowed time. Diabetes, heart trouble, cancer - they all had open arms awaiting me.

In 2005 my husband and I adopted a beautiful baby girl and in 2007 a bouncing baby boy. I think I was 50-60 lbs overweight then - I would say the maximum amt of weight I could carry and "get away with." I even remember being ok with the weight because I pretended it was "baby weight." My children are American born so I felt like the people who would be staring at me at the grocery store, bookstore, etc would just say in their head, "Wow - that girl has quite a bit of baby weight to lose." That was so much better than people thinking, "Wow, that girl must eat like a pig and not exercise." Regardless, I was the happiest I had ever been in my whole life. I had these beautiful babies and I was fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with them. I found myself eating to my hearts content and remember loving all the delicious leftovers of the toddler foods stage - mac n cheese, chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, pbj, etc. Before I knew it I was 100 lbs. overweight.

I decided to go to my Primary Care Dr and look into WLS. He supported my decision and I was so happy to embark on the journey. I was ready! This was a few years ago and believe it or not, I didn't qualify. I was 1-2 lbs short of the necessary 100lbs with no comorbidities. I was devestated. So was my doctor. He was pissed! Damn insurance companies! Oh well, 20 lbs. later back to the drawing board. Doc put me on Phenteramine and combined with the Lexapro I was already taking - I was warned that getting off one or the other could produce a rapid weight gain. Not believing that was my destiny and wanting to trust in the "magic pill" more than anything, I took the combination happily. A year later, after losing that last twenty I had just gained I got off the pill. WOW!! OMG!! A rapid, ridiculous weight gain or 30+ lbs in about 2-3 months. I was utterly devestated, lost and in more pain than ever. Surprisingly, my bloodwork was still that of a 110lb athlete (my doctor's exact words) but now I had 2 new comorbidities - joint pain (degenerative arthritis) and sleep apnea. Armed with the new criteria I revisited the WLS option. Gratefully, I more than qualified this time around.

So that's about it. The rest is history. I had my Realize Band surgery on 3/15/12 and I am so excited to embrace this new way of life, eating and living. I should probably mention that In the last few years my sister Tara (half-sister, we have the same dad) who is a size 2 and is also an organic Christ-Lovin' Hippee has helped my family transform our food choices tremendously. I feel empowered for the first time in a long time and I am so excited to choose life for myself and my family. I have an amazing support group in my family and friends and I'm looking forward to the support group that is offered through Hope Bariatrics where I had my surgery. Most important of all, I have God, His Grace and His loving arms wrapped tightly around me.

Good Luck to One and All as we go on the Weight Loss Journey together.

Blessings~

~Yolanda