MrzSongbird

I think that was a great video. She has an interesting perspective, having been on both sides of the coin. Thanks for sharing!

I came across this video regarding weight loss and friendships, what so you guys think?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKyjACcL_g0&feature=youtube_gdata_player
If the link is broken you can to on YouTube, her name is USlbgirl

I've had four c-sections and outside of the first one they were a breeze. The key for me was getting up walking. I've also had laparoscopic surgery to remove my gallbladder, now that surgery sat me down. I'm hoping the sleeve surgery is nothing like the latter. I'm so scared about the gas pain and having a bunch of little scars on my belly from the surgeries, hopefully they can sort of use the same ones. All the best to you all in your journeys.

BkMama, I have and we a wonderful heart to heart and voiced our concerns and I am happily on my way to a successful sleeve surgery.

Oh Stein no feathers ruffled here, it has taken a long time for me to see myself. I don't have any health issues that prevented me, just bad choices. I agree with you from your perspective.

This is a very interesting topic. I certainly believe that if youre unhappy in your marriage before having a life changing procedure like the sleeve, then I can definitely see it leading to divorce. Conversely, if you become truly happy with yourself it could also aid your marriage. Personally...I think its all about Options. People have more relationship options/choices as they become more physical fit. Its just the reality of the world we live in. The more options you have the less likely you are to put up with less. Now having said all that...marriage is a commitment...and having more options is not a valid reason for the dissolution of that commitment. I do wonder what percent of marriages experiences a divorce after one person receives WLS. Now that would be an interesting survey.

I understand what you ladies are saying, but for me, I've always been heavy, not necessarily this heavy but definitely well over "normal". Also, I do have health issues that have caused me to not be able to lose weight like I should or wanted. So I think I see it from a little different perspective. I guess I'm lucky because I already have a husband who looks at me, the way I am, and wants to be with me. Where the "spark" has been lost is within myself, which definitely affects our relationship. There are many benefits that will come from having this surgery, but ultimately it's for my health. Wasn't trying to ruffle feathers, just saying if you had a husband who doesn't love you for you, no matter what, thats sad to me.

Agreed, it all goes hand in hand. For me it was a cop out for me not to do what I needed to do. I want my husband to be running to car outta work to get home to mama! Bwahaha

Well said Sweet Tee, this change is for my family as well I have four active little children that inherited their fathers athleticism. I want him to understand I'm not doing this for attention from anyone else but him but most importantly for my health, confidence, and to be a partner to the best of my ability.

You are so right, we are doing this for ourselves, our families just benefit greatly from it.

BkMama, I have and we a wonderful heart to heart and voiced our concerns and I am happily on my way to a successful sleeve surgery.

Well as said before my husband and I have been together for 20 years, we have a marriage built on our love for God and each other. We have been through "for better or worse" and we still stand. Now don't misunderstand me Stein when I say I'm doing this for him, my children, and me. As much as we've discussed exercise it has always been about wanting to see me healthier. I complain about my back, knees, etc....and for those of us who carry around this excess weight because of what We've done to ourselves, I know you can relate. I have no doubt because he tells me everyday "I love you no matter what", but I'm not loving me. Me feeling sexy, healthy, with more stamina will improve our marriage, quality of time we spend together as a whole family, and our intimate moments. So this benefits my physical, psychological and social health. This makes it about more than just me. This is an all inclusive move! Whether he realizes it or not, this will put as big a smile on his face as mine, lol.

I totally agree with Wheetsin. My husband is so much of an advocate in exercise and he works out with the endurance of a jackrabbit! I would try bike riding, jogging, or whatever with him but just as she says afterwards I find myself eating like crazy defeating the purpose. He can consume truckloads of food and never gain a pound. We have been together for twenty years so he knew me at 115lbs and slowly I've skyrocketed to a whopping 232 lbs on this 5"1 frame. Although he says he loves me, I know this is not the kind of woman he's attracted to. He has also made comments about me going down this road. Sometimes I think he thinks a change in me is for attraction of attention elsewhere. It's so strange that he thinks that, but I can tell by his comments that he does. The truth is I want my active life back. I want to be able to keep up with him and not to mention our 4 kids. Being overweight impacts your intimacy, endurance, and overall perception of self. I don't think they really understand. It's not just about us, it's a choice for our entire family.

Hearing that the divorce rate for WLS patients is definitely sobering. Wheetsin hit the nail on the head though, you ARE going to change. Whether we admit it or not, having weight issues over a long period of time changes you. Even the most confident woman will have those thoughts in the back of her head. You wouldn't be going down this route otherwise, you know? For most of us, getting the weight off will result in happy changes but unfortunately people adapt to and get comfortable to what they know.
This is big. Have you told him exactly that? For it to finally click for my husband (who wasn't entirely supportive of me having the surgery at first) I said "I want to look in the mirror and see the pretty/sexy/beautiful person you claim I am". I swear, a lightbulb could have appeared over his head. LOL I know that I have some internal stuff to work on to help me get to that point to, but like you, he is part of the reason I want to get healthy by any means necessary. I want to grow old with him.
Good luck!!!

Maybe he's scared about the surgery itself....sounds like he wants you to try it the good old fashioned way, but doesn't understand how difficult it is for you. Men have a different conception as to what and how we lose weight and just how difficult it is....my husband (and yes we are divorced now) told me he didn't want me to have the surgery because he was afraid of complications he suggested I "just follow the diet you follow post surgery" AS IF that would be possible without feeling like you are starving to death with all they ghrelin running around my stomach.....anyway good luck:) Do the surgery (don't worry about the divorce rates) my divorce was not because of my surgery, it was because my husband was a tool:)

I read "random comments about me changing afterwards" but to me it sounded like it was referring to changing your body/lifestyle/weight/appearance. Not "changing" as in something that was going to be a distressor to the relationship.
I've been through some of this. I weighed almost 400 lbs when I had my lapband surgery. I was about 185 when I met DH. After gaining 215 lbs there's just no way that I was the same person he married. Physically - I wasn't me anymore. Mentally - I was no longer truly happy, confident, sure of myself, etc. Emotionally - I blocked too much out because I just wasn't willing to deal with it. Everyone says things like, "But you're still the same person he married" when actually - no - I wasn't. Physical attraction is still a requirement in a marriage, even if it becomes a little tiny requirement. And physically I was nothing close to what my husband considers attractive. This impacted our relationship, too. This was all about 8 years ago but it's something I still discuss with him and still send out "feelers" about.
Exercising togeter is a great idea. Especially if you can find a way to bring your kids into it - family bike rides, family gym membership, swimming, etc. Help him understand that you need to increase your stamina, not jump into the fire.
Have you tried having a frank conversation with him about his perspective of the relationship, and about his worries/concerns/fears specific to you losing weight? I'm a "talker" in a relationship. I don't like things to go unsaid. I like to have checkpoints & just make sure things are still as I assume they are. So I'm not trying to imply you guys don't communicate at all... just that a conversation for the sole purpose of seeing if you can get him to open up might help.

I really have to say, yes you can, the mind will tell you that you can't long before you're body gives up.
But here is where the problem lies & what he doesn't understand. Weight loss is really only about 1/4 exercise & 3/4 how you feed your body. You can work your tail off, but if your pounding 6-7000 calories a day you still won't lose.
Being a food addict (most of us are) means that after a workout the first thig on our mind after a big workout is, how hungry we are. Then we proceed to consume enough calories to replace all those we just burnt
I would tell your husband that you don't just want to lose weight, you'd really like to give him back that hottie he remembers (he'll like the sound of this) explain to him that you need this tool to help you change your eating habits, & you will also need him to help you get fit & strong. This is gonna be a hard path, & the last thing you needs years of bad eating habits & weakness to food standing in the way & slowing your progress.

Stick with it. He will either be there for the finished product or not. If he loves u, he will support u in your choice. My husband is the same as urs and works out daily although he is not jealous, he never was even in my smaller stages, so divorce is not happening here just sum more sexy time, comfortably! Lol

He is scared. You will change - accept that. So, now sounds like hubby wants reassurance from you. Know you are hot now (hot is not a size) but will be hotter after VSG.
I thought I would lose mine speical love after surgery. He didn't find out about my serious change until I went into consult. I was willing to lose him to get me healthy.
Agree - you gotta do you.

Ok let me speak on this, if you know their is potential Hair loss usually braids are not good because it puts too much tension on the hair and when you take braids out your hair comes out a lot. You can for a while let your perm grow out but you can get a sew in, in the same way that you wear your hair now. I would not recommend glue because it does damage if not taken out properly. Not Much a wig will do just make sure you take care of your hair up under it. I hope this helps.

Dear, the first thing you need to do is BREATHE!
You've got 5 weeks. You can do this!
- Buy yourself some Protein drinks (either Ready-to-drink (RTD) or powder you mix yourself). You can find some at GNC, Walmart, costco, etc. Then start your day with a shake. It fills you up, has no sugars (read your labels before you buy! And buy ones with sweetners and/or stevia, not sugar). Protein Drinks help keep you feeling full and less hungry, give you Protein to keep your muscles intact and help you lose fat.
- Cut back or cut out (if you can) all deep fried foods, fast foods, bread, candy, chocolate, sugar, juices, and pop (even diet pop).
- Join a website that helps you log your daily food intake (such as MyFitnessPal, Livestrong, Sparkpeople, etc.) and LOG EVERY BITE that goes into your mouth. Weigh your food (when you can) so you know how much your eating (estimating is notoriously inaccurate). You will be surprised at how much you eat in a day, and how many of those are "empty calories".
This will help you get the "carb demon" off your back, jumpstart your weight loss and get you started developing the good habits you will need to be successful with your VSG.
- And start drinking LOTS AND LOTS of Water. You can add Crystal Light or Mio to the Water to make it more appealing. But drink at least 64 oz (8 cups) of water a day.
Other important steps to help you success with the pre-op loss (and post-op new way of life) include:
- purging your house of all "bad" Snacks (chips, chocolate, sugary cereals, pastries, ice cream, nachos, etc.)
- buy yourself a larger water bottle and remember that you have to drink "X" bottles a day to be on track for Fluid intake. Drink all day long, you will be doing that after your surgery. Get in the habit now.
- DO NOT have "food funerals" to say goodbye to the foods you love. You don't have to say goodbye! You will be able to eat anything you want after your surgery once you've recovered and are well on your way towards your goal weight. So no need to have any "last suppers"! You'll just be eating those "old favourites" in small quantities (that will FILL YOU UP!).
- Exercise! You don't have to join a gym or run marathons (though later on you just might like that idea!). For now, just try walking. If you find that boring, find a friend to walk with, get a pedometer (I use a FitBit) to motivate and challenge yourself. You can even walk at the Mall if it's too hot where you live (just leave your wallet/purse in the car, or those walks turn into shopping, and not exercise!)
YOU CAN DO THIS! 5 weeks is a reasonable time to lose 10 lbs. I lost 11 lbs in 2 weeks on a liquid diet before my surgery (my doctor demanded it to make sure my liver shrunk, for a safe surgery). It was TOUGH, I won't kid you, especially the first 7 days when I was craving carbs like crazy. But by the time my surgery came along, my liver was perfect (my doctor told me after the surgery was complete) and it was 11 lbs less that I had to lose post-op!
YOU CAN DO THIS! Make a plan, be committed, be serious. And tell anyone who lives with you what you are doing. Ask for their support and help to keep the "bad stuff" away from you so you are not tempted, and to encourage the important positives you needs, such as moving your body, and drinking fluids.
YOU CAN DO THIS!

continue writting on this forum about your weight loss journey. I think it is helpful to others that are making the decision about having weight loss surgery. My surgery is tomorrow, Friday, June 29th. Yes, I am excited......isn't anticipation have the fun of getting there? You will be hearing from me soon! - Addison

Wow I'm late on responses! Well I am doing great. Healing very well I feel back to normal already I know I wasn't suppose to have sex but I did twice my husband can't keep his hands off of me lol I lost 46lbs in 3 weeks. And I can see and feel the change. I am still on liquids I meet with my Dr. On Monday I am hoping to start exercising and eating food soon as get started on birth control soon I do not need a baby right but things are heating up in the bedroom lol I am feeling sexy again and enjoying love making with my husband I was so big a few weeks ago sex sucks for me I didn't even wanted. Sorry if that was TMI I'm just happy! I love my slveeve .

Well in the beginning my immediate family knew and a couple of close friends. I was actually in transition with my job so I got new coworkers that didn't really say much about my weight loss. I am really involved in church and I hate to admit it but thats the place where I lied the most about it. I told them I had my gall bladder removed. Well after about 6 months of lieing I decided , none of them had a heaven or hell to put me in and in the end of the day I still looked fabulous!!!! Amazingly enough I began to tell women who are overweight what I did when they would ask and alot of them seemed let down because I didn't have some magic pill or diet to tell them about. I tell them that it is not as easy as day surgery and your whole life changes but It is so worth it. I stand now almost a year out and I don't mind telling anyone what I did and I then say " Now go run and tell that" , cause at the end of the day I still wear a size 2/4 in everything including my underwear. LOL!!!!!!