LaBelle509

Can not believe how much time went by since my surgery!!! I am grateful of the results that I have enjoyed so far. Like most slow losers, I wish I had lost more! But things are moving along. I am making changes that will not only help me lose the weight now, but keep if off in the long run.
 
I just went through a super stall, BUT to my surprise I got the most comments and compliments during that period!! Go figure lol!! My upper body slimmed down significantly, but my lower body is stubborn and will not be as flexible:( I did lose, but not as drastically as my top did. I hope that will be the next site of improvement or I am going to look very disproportionate:(
 
 
NSV:
I wore heels for the first time in YEARS today! And I felt ( do I dare say ) so SEXY lol!!! I am of good spirit and faith. I am going to win this fight.

Can not believe how much time went by since my surgery!!! I am grateful of the results that I have enjoyed so far. Like most slow losers, I wish I had lost more! But things are moving along. I am making changes that will not only help me lose the weight now, but keep if off in the long run.
 
I just went through a super stall, BUT to my surprise I got the most comments and compliments during that period!! Go figure lol!! My upper body slimmed down significantly, but my lower body is stubborn and will not be as flexible:( I did lose, but not as drastically as my top did. I hope that will be the next site of improvement or I am going to look very disproportionate:(
 
 
NSV:
I wore heels for the first time in YEARS today! And I felt ( do I dare say ) so SEXY lol!!! I am of good spirit and faith. I am going to win this fight.

Can not believe how much time went by since my surgery!!! I am grateful of the results that I have enjoyed so far. Like most slow losers, I wish I had lost more! But things are moving along. I am making changes that will not only help me lose the weight now, but keep if off in the long run.
 
I just went through a super stall, BUT to my surprise I got the most comments and compliments during that period!! Go figure lol!! My upper body slimmed down significantly, but my lower body is stubborn and will not be as flexible:( I did lose, but not as drastically as my top did. I hope that will be the next site of improvement or I am going to look very disproportionate:(
 
 
NSV:
I wore heels for the first time in YEARS today! And I felt ( do I dare say ) so SEXY lol!!! I am of good spirit and faith. I am going to win this fight.

I have read so many posts and blogs about stalls. I promised myself not to panic when I got to that point. I have been stuck at 277.3lbs for a solid two weeks. I know it's not because I did something wrong, or because the sleeve is not working. After being on this site for so long, I know it is a natural/normal part of the journey. I stayed off the scale and kept my eating and exercise routine the same. But this morning I got on the scale. I gained ONE pound!! 278.4 The sight of the number took my breath away, and the taste of disappointment stayed with me all day. So I came home and took a picture so I could remind myself that I am doing ok. I needed to put my demons to sleep and realized this is all part of the journey. I am not failing. The sleeve is not failing. Life is beautiful and victory is mine

I can not believe it has been three months since my surgery!! I am happy that so far I have been doing great health wise. No complications( knock on wood). I am slowly learning what to do and what not to do. Although I am not losing as fast as I would like, but I am pretty happy with where I am so far. If I lose another 50lbs by Xmas, I will be one super happy gal
 
THINGS I AM HAPPY about:
I am able to walk 3 miles and even jog a little
I am able to fit behind my steering wheel
I am able to put my socks on while standing
I am able to bend over and tie my shoes without losing my breath
I am able to go up and down my stairs with looking/feeling 90yrs
I am more out going and people are more receptive to me.
 
May God continue to bless me through this journey with even more success stories.

I can not believe it has been three months since my surgery!! I am happy that so far I have been doing great health wise. No complications( knock on wood). I am slowly learning what to do and what not to do. Although I am not losing as fast as I would like, but I am pretty happy with where I am so far. If I lose another 50lbs by Xmas, I will be one super happy gal
 
THINGS I AM HAPPY about:
I am able to walk 3 miles and even jog a little
I am able to fit behind my steering wheel
I am able to put my socks on while standing
I am able to bend over and tie my shoes without losing my breath
I am able to go up and down my stairs with looking/feeling 90yrs
I am more out going and people are more receptive to me.
 
May God continue to bless me through this journey with even more success stories.

Can not believe I am already 10 weeks out!! I really wish I lost more but at the same time I am pleased with what I see so far

Can not believe I am already 10 weeks out!! I really wish I lost more but at the same time I am pleased with what I see so far

I may not be like others when it comes to this but there is a reason why and it was confirmed for me recently why I don't really talk about it much.
 
I was talking with a family member who knows that I had the VSG surgery last year and they have put on a few pounds recently (well over time). We were speaking of the US standard of BMI and I had stated that with all i've lost i'm still considered "overweight", and they said oh yeah well what do they say about my weight and I said well I don't really know your size but it you are 200 lbs or more and based on your height you are probably considered "obese". I even said a year ago I was considered "morbidly obese" according to the standards but i'm glad i'm not there anymore.
 
Well once I said that they stated well if it had not been for the surgery you would probably still be but you "CHEATED"!!
 
I was like cheated - really?? At that point I confirmed that no matter how many people say congratulations or i'm proud of you or you did it! In the back of some of their minds they feel "I Cheated"!  That's why I don't tell people I just say I had my gall badder removed (which is true) and I can no longer eat the way I use too and I exercise and eat right (which is all true).
 
I did not know there was a right or a wrong way; a honest way or a chearters way of losing weight?? Do you?! Just because I didn't join Weight Watchers again for the 4th time or try the lastest fad diet like most of my friends and drop some weight and then blow back up again shortly after does that make me a cheater?  It doesn't matter if I slaved away in a gym 5 days a week or that I still need to eat right and be mindful of what I eat they still see me as a cheater! I hate that stigma but, at the end of the day I made a decision that was best for me and my life, i'm not coping out to being a cheater - I still have to put in the work both physically and mentally despite what people may think about bariactric surgery and it's supposed "quick fix".
 
I've seen people gain it all back so I know that it is not a quick fix and you still have to work at it - it's a tool. Used wisely or unwisely you will it the fruits of it.
 
I just needed to vent I guess and it hurt me to hear that from a loved one but like I said that's why it has been a personal choice of mine not to be forth coming with this journey of mine because of that very comment. Hopefully one day I will feel open enough to let more people in on my journey but until then that's why I have my VST family where i'm not judged!

Can not believe I am already 10 weeks out!! I really wish I lost more but at the same time I am pleased with what I see so far

Last month, I went to a professional conference in Dallas and met a lot of the same colleagues I meet every year. Many of them could not believe my dramatic weight loss. People kept telling me how good I looked. In fact, they were overflowing with comments over how good I looked. Over the last two weeks, I went out to lunch with two different friends of mine; people who I’ve known through work that have not seen me in a while. They were also gushing over how good I looked and how much weight I had lost. The bottom line that I took away from all of these comments was that I’ve lost a lot of weight.
 
The reaction of all of these people scares me. The thing that it leaves me wondering is, “My God, how fat must I have been for these people to have such a reaction to my weight loss?” I never really thought that I was that fat. In fact, I know the numbers say differently, but I feel about as fat as I did when I had an extra eighty pounds on me. In fact, I even feel like I look as if I have another eighty pounds on me. So really, how fat was I?
 
This is partly a very embarrassing question because I really must have let myself go. All of these comments from other people make me quite nervous. While I appreciate it, they feed into my insecurities. On some level, my weight loss is a private matter, and I would like to keep it as such. However, that’s not possible when everybody around you can physically see the changes in your body. People are bound to comment.
 
I asked one friend with whom I can speak frankly with, “Everybody has told me how wonderful I look and how much weight I’ve lost. Everyone has been gushing over me, which leads me to wonder exactly how fat I was.”
 
He just looked at me and said, “Jack, you were really fat. You were so fat that I was really worried about you. When I stood next to you, I could hear you having trouble breathing and I was scared for you. You’ve had trouble walking and getting around. You look a lot better and a lot healthier now.”
 
I was partly in shock. I did not realize that was the image I had been portraying for so long. Now, I am just embarrassed about my weight. I’m embarrassed that I let myself go to such a level. I’m embarrassed to even discuss it. It’s almost as if I feel like I owe the world an apology for being so fat. I feel like saying to everyone, I’m sorry that I let myself go and became as fat as I did. Please forgive me. Please, for God’s sakes, love me now for the new me.
 
Did I feel loved when I weighed 325 pounds? I knew that there were people out there who loved me, but no, I didn’t feel loved. Do I feel loved now? No, I don’t, but I do feel that I am capable of being loved, whereas I didn’t before. I think partly it was because I didn’t love myself, and now, very slowly, I am learning to love myself.

When Alex suggested members take a three day challenge by tracking every little thing they eat or drink, I thought, "Sure. Why not?"
 
I figured that I'd just be writing down what I was tracking in my head, so no big deal, and I could not only say I read the <i>whole</i> newsletter, but I actually took action. So I attached a sharpened pencil to my daytimer and commenced to keep track of everything I put in my mouth.
 
 
As I looked over my lists last night, I admit I was very close to tears. I would say that the past three days have been pretty typical for me - nothing really out of the ordinary that I could say messed up or changed my regular habits. So no excuse there.
 
I cringe to write this. Over three days, I drank a <i>total</i> of 102 ounces of liquid, consumed +/- 950 calories, and had ZERO protein. I hope y'all were sitting down for this. I swooned myself. How could I, by any stretch of the imagination, call this healthy eating? Ick.
 
Alex's challenge (and the outcome) brought to mind an experience I had working with a nutritionist for the benefit of a mutual client. One day while we were discussing ways in which to re-connect this starving girl to reality, the nutritionist said, "I've found that anyone who has problems with food has an almost infinite capacity for self-deception."
 
Ouch.
 
I'm certainly confronted with my capacity for self-deception. How did I ever morph the reality of that list into something different in my head? I was pretty confident I was keeping track... accurately. Of course, I filed away the decision to "...have more protein tomorrow" in the back my mind. Under a pile of other **** and covered with a mental wet-wool-blanket. Seeing in writing that I'd done that for three days in a row kind of puts my stated commitment to "get healthy" in jeopardy. And, as I am wont to tell my clients, "When the words and the actions don't match, you always go with the actions. They tell the truth."
 
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
 
So, this morning, HWHN and I had a long discussion about what it really means to change our lifestyle. As it happens, he's just had his first complete physical in five years (I see all the women roll their eyes and the men shrug) and it turns out he's great except he's pushing the envelope for cholesterol. Ah. This requires a lifestyle change for him too. No more chocolate (he's the chocoholic) and no more cheeseburgers stuffed with deep-fried onion rings. (Fortunately, HWHN is not overweight, but apparently his arteries are protesting.)
 
The 'lifestyle change' discussion precipitated a general discussion about our life, and we've decided to make some other changes as well. We've done this before, he and I - we know we can do it again. Changing our lives the first time meant I beat off the MS and got out of a wheelchair, and "flipping over the Monopoly board" again brought us out of the cold of the Great White Up to SandyTown and changed the course of HWHN's genetically-inherited arthritis. We can do this again.
 
So an "epic fail" has caused us to take stock of what we're actually doing. Not just what we <i>think</i> we're doing. No. Really doing. And we're not doing so hot on the whole self-care thing. But, that's about to change. It's already begun. HWHN wants to avoid having to take Lipitor with all its attendant side-effects, and I'd like to get out of starvation mode, continue losing weight and keep at least a little bit of hair.
 
Here's to Alex - thanks for the newsletter, the challenge, and the opportunity to really confront the self-deception that "...doth so easily beset us all."