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MoreganK

Gastric Sleeve Patients
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  1. Like
    MoreganK reacted to baseballmom02 for a blog entry, Has anyone tried laser treatments for loose skin on the inner thigh area?   
    Would like to know if anyone has tried laser skin tightening on the inner thighs or other parts of the body. I really want to know if this actually works and if so how well. I am considering this procedure and would appreciate your comments on your experience : ) Thanks !!!
  2. Like
    MoreganK reacted to desertmom for a blog entry, Difference in what we eat vs what normal people eat   
    Immediately after arriving I realized it will be a battle to get through this week without eating off plan,just because of the way my family eats.
     
    My mom and sister have gained a lot of weight since I saw them in July.Sis because she had bilateral foot ops and cannot walk properly and mom because she is so stubborn.She needs knee replacement and Have issues with her foot after a failed surgery.
     
    They both know that for them it is the little calorie additions that makes them gain weight.They've never been very fat like I was but they both lost quite a bit of weight with mindful eating.Cutting all the extra unneccessary calories.For instance.
     
    When I offered to make tea they all wanted juice.And not little glasses of juice,huge ones.They also joked around about still being hungry after lunch,hauling out a christmas cake and eating huge pieces of it.I know they are a little self concious about trhe fact that I have lost so much weight.But they once again try to make out as if it happens by itself and I am so lucky!
     
    Nothing to do with luck.I dont eat the junk they do.Not even in small portions.of course I will eat when we go out but I dont have coke or juice with it and I dont have to have a dessert anymore every time I eat.I NOW CHOOSE WHAT I EAT AND ALMOST FORGOT YESTERDAY that I CAN ALWAYS CHOOSE.
     
    Love them but this is not going to be easy.I have to not try and tell them both that they will walk easier if they dont gain in fact lose 20 pounds each.It is not my business and I will not make it mine.I just feel so sorry for them when I see them struggle to walk.
     
    Anyhoo,will go shopping for food that is good food and seems a little holiday like,for them as well as myself.Things they dont buy for themselves.They will enjoy that.I cannot feel guilty for being thinner than them either.They make their own choices.But it is the first time in 25 years that they are heavier than me and boy there was a lot of clowining around about it yesterday.Made me feel embarrased and shy again.
     
    Well,lets see how this day goes!
  3. Like
    MoreganK got a reaction from Phat girl for a blog entry, Shapes   
    Last night, my fiance tells me that he saw a girl in his store who was, "about the same size as you before surgery," and when I saw her shape I thought, "Thats familiar," and then I realized in that moment looking at this girl, how much weight you've lost. How much your body has changed shape. I'm really proud of you."
     
    After he said this, I was not sure if I felt happy or hurt. He told me, and still tells me repeatedly that he loves me no matter what shape or size I am. He tells me daily that I'm beautilful. I think I was just momentairly hurt in thinking of being large... embarassed that I was as overweight as I was. I was ashamed that he had to deal with me getting to that place. I am still struggling with self perception. I still am a chubby girl. I still have 45 pounds to lose. I feel flabby where I'm having some excess skin, and don't know if it will shrink up or not. I think maybe I need to take a picture of myself soon, and do a comparision. I haven't taken any pictures lately so I don't know how much of me I'm really seeing. I still just see a chubby girl.
  4. Like
    MoreganK got a reaction from Bornagain for a blog entry, Stumbled, But Didn't Fall Down   
    I'm not sure really when it happened, I just know that I was having some amazing weeks. I was losing 5 pounds, 3 pounds, woo hoo go me. And then thud. It's TOM's fault I'm sure. It is his week to visit. Being a PCOS'er I'm not used to this, but I'm having regular periods now. Almost like clockwork every third week of the month, here comes Tom. This time, Tom brought on the funk. My hormones must have been going banannas because I was an over emotional twit. I cried at the drop of a hat, everything was touchy for me. I was grumpy one minute hating the world, and the next I was crying at the cute puppy. Crazy. So, hormones out of wack, plus being stressed out over lack of weight loss, scary hair loss, money, wedding planning, house building, and work burn out... I just wanted to curl in a ball and let the world spin on for a few weeks with out my participation.
    Thankfully, Tom is packing up to move on out this month, and my hormones are getting back in place. I'm feeling back to my old happy self, and can jump back on the fitness wagon. I get really, really frustrated when these moods hit me know, because they derail me everytime. I haven't experienced one of these depressions like this one in a long, very long time. No matter how many times I told myself I had no reason to feel sad, I just wanted to cry and hide away. I'm engaged to my best friend, and I'm so in love with him! I've lost nearly 70 pounds! I have the cutest little Shih Tzu, and so smart! I'm getting my first house built! I'm moving closer to my family and old friends! Yeah... thats whats wrong.
     
    I'm so ready for all these things to happen, that I'm wanting to turn the page on where I am right now. I'm so close to having everything that I'm not living in the present, and embracing these ending steps of this part of my journey. I'm ready to be out of my apartment, and in my house. Away from this crowded suburbian area I live in, and back to a sllightly slower rural subarbian neighborhood. I'm ready to reach my goal weight! I'm anxious too, since my NUT and doctor want me to reach it by 12/31 as my goal. I've got to really hussle if I'm going to make that happen.
     
    Last weigh in I was 218 (pre-Tom... I refuse to weigh myself while he visits). I'm hoping to weigh myself on Sunday and see at least 215. I can't wait for one-derland! I'm sooo stinkin' close! I haven't been there as an adult.. I was close, 203 in about 2004, but never hit it. I've come a long way baby... I'm going to get there this time.
  5. Like
    MoreganK got a reaction from ProudGrammy for a blog entry, Struggles.   
    I'm angry. I think at myself. I realized that I could eat everything pretty quickly after I got on solid food again. I baby stepped each time I tried something, taking a bite or two and thats all. I'm 2.5 months out and 52 pounds down. I am ecstatic at that number. But, I've been at that number for 2 weeks, and was stuck at 47 pounds for 3 weeks just before that. I'm beyond frustrated that I'm losing so slowly now... I have 58 more to go to reach my goal. And added to my stress is that my nutrionist thinks I can hit that goal by the end of the year.... now I'm not so sure. I feel like crying because the weight loss is becoming so difficult again, and I think to myself, that PCOS is going to win... I'm forever going to be huge.
    Taking a step away from myself, I think that over the last 2 weeks I've taken advantage of being able to eat everything, and I need to work on controlling that. I need to lower the carb intake again, and choose better. I need to resort back to eating like I'm scared of eating something because it could disagree with me. I was terried of bread for weeks, but then... I tried it because I was at a resturant with my boyfriend and ordered a turkey sandwich. Cutting off the crust, I could eat half a sandwich. This felt wrong... I didn't understand how I could eat a half a sandwich. I was full, but not sick and content. Pre-discovery that I could eat bread okay, I would have just eatten the insides of the sandwich. The veggies, meat and cheese, and maybe two bites of fruit on the side. Then... I started being too "normal" again. (Oh, and I still don't eat pasta or rice. I haven't had any for 3 months). I'm a sandwich girl though. I love a turkey or tuna sandwich, and gladly will eat one everyday.
     
    Don't think I gorge on stuff. I don't eat sweets and I haven't stepped foot in a fast food resturant in more than 4 months, and the last ones I visited were Subway and Schlozky's. And I don't plan on changing that anytime soon. I'm proud of those changes in who I am. It really is just that I think, for my body, with my PCOS (insulin resistance) I'm eating too many carbs. All that weight loss happened when I was avoiding having any carbs. So, I'm going to focus on getting carbs from just fruit and incidental carbs found naturally in foods like nuts and beans. When we go out, I'll eat the insides of my sandwich and leave the bread behind. I need to just focus on making better decisions.
     
    I'm getting my head on right again. I'm kicking bread to the curb, its no longer welcome in my world. I have to do this. I have to lose 58 more pounds and reach my goal weight. HAVE TOO!
     
    Below are my before picture and my current picture.... I really wish I saw more of a difference.
     

  6. Like
    MoreganK reacted to Darkkyss for a blog entry, Sister Stopped By!   
    My sister stopped by yesterday, and walks in the door and says OMG!! I can tell in your face already..... She makes me go in the bathroom in front of the mirror and we stood there and she told me to lower my face so you can see how many double chins we had. I noticed!!!!!! it was not there compared to the way I used to have BIG double chin. So then She started looking me over and said let me see your stomach so I showed her........ she said YEP I can tell your tummy is not out as far. Well I am down from my highest weight of 263 to 242... 21lbs down!!!!!!!!!! and then we measured my waist down 2 inches!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    She started saying OMG ( yes one of our favorite words to each other)" now I have to really start working on myself!" She has gained weight over the years but still not as heavy as I got, she is about 180 something. So she is doing the protein drinks for 2 meals and then salads, chicken, shirmp, and different low cal. meals. So because of my surgery my sister might get healthy also.
     
    Another side note, my boyfriend has been eating healthier he is down 15lbs by eating healthier which will help me in the long run. Been working at this since May!
     
    My mom is coming over today to do our toe nails, I bought some fun colors!! Should be a good day!
     
    Friday is my Dr. follow up appointment, I shall see how far my new scales are off from the Dr.'s scales!!! I do not look forward to the drive about 2 hours up, 2 hour appointment, and 2 hours back. So for a long day tomorrow!!
  7. Like
    MoreganK reacted to Nurseypoo for a blog entry, Conflicting Futures....   
    So fellow sleevers and to-be sleevers. Since I started the weight loss surgery journey back in Jan of 2011, I had so many people asking me about dieting and exercise along the way and I would try to supply them with some kind of information to help. I'd like to think I had some influence on at least one or two people, my aunt has lost something like 70 lbs by following the diet that I was given pre-op to lose the required amount of weight for surgery. My parents seek advice, as well as a few friends also. For some reason I had thought that people wouldn't ask any of this of me. I think I still feel like "everyone" feels I took the easy way out, which whatever they think is fine with me. If someone thinks I took the easy way out then they don't know me enough to be a true friend or family member to understand what I have gone through not only this past year, but my entire life for me to make such a huge decision. But anyways, I'm always smiling underneath when someone asks me for advice because I love to share my ideas, recipes, and tricks for diet and exercise. I've been talking to my husband, about possibly trying to link my nursing license with some kind of nutrition certificate or degree. I've looked briefly online with no luck yet, but I would love to help people looking to lose weight get through it, with or without surgery. I think that by simply being there one on one with a person and talking to them every day or so or going through their pantry or whatever they need to be motivated would be my dream job. I know for one, I hated going to my dieticians appointments because here are these skinny minnies who probably have never had a weight problem thier whole like trying to tell me how to eat and lose weight. If I could help someone by sharing my own experiences and such and my own tricks... oh man.. I think I found my calling.. LOL.
     
    Another part of it is that I LOVE to cook. Part of me wishes I had chosen a career in culinary because I absolutely love to cook new things and try new things. Since my surgery I've been very very careful though. I've almost been afraid to cook. But I'm starting to change my view on recipes and trying new but healthier recipes that are higher in protein and veggies and less in fat and calories. My parents have suggested that I start some kind of service to help people lose weight by offering "fast food" or home delivered healthy based meals. So for the working person who wants to lose weight and goes to buy all the healthy stuff and loads the fridge with veggies and such, but most of the time throws them out rotten because at the end of the day take out is so much better, they could instead call and order a healthy but fulfilling meal. I've been contemplating a lot and I think I may be on to something here, but I just need to pull it together I think...
  8. Like
    MoreganK reacted to EllyDonlon for a blog entry, Its Been A Year!   
    Heyyy Everyone wow its been a while since ive been on here! Lets see Things have been crazy this past year. I hit my goal weight of 135lbs back in February and now im 128 lbs as of this morning. I feel like i have so much more energy than i did in the beginning of this amazing journey! I want to stay healthy and keep up on my exercise routine. I noticed that exercising and the use of a corset have helped me keep from having a lot of excess skin i mean i still have a bit but it helps alot!
  9. Like
    MoreganK reacted to tony179@aol.com for a blog entry, 5 Months Since My Sleeve Surgery   
    Well its been 5month since my surgery and friday i went to an emergency room for an ear ache and weighed 322.8 lbs. i weighed 442 back on Oct 2011. By the time i had my surgery March 5th i weighed 417lbs, So now i have lost 95 lbs since my surgery and 120lbs since Oct. Many more to go
  10. Like
    MoreganK got a reaction from BrickHouse for a blog entry, One Month   
    It has been one whole month since my surgery. I unfortunately still feel like I'm a sick person recovering though between eating mushies still, taking liquid omeprazle, and pulling an internal stitch 2 weeks ago.
    However, today my stomach (where I pulled that stitch) is finally not bothering me as much. I can finally sleep on my side, which has begun to help my back pain a lot. And, so far any mushie food I've feed my sleevie has agreed with me. I went through a phase about 2 weeks out where I was freaked out over the amount of liquids I could handle in one swallow. I didn't need to sip anything by week two, I could take pretty regular sized drinks. I was worried I did something wrong. My doctor assured me, I just healed well and fast, and was happy for it. Now I freak out sometimes when I can eat what feels like it should be a lot, like 1/2 cup of fat free re-fried black beans, and I only feel full there at the end and can eat it in 30 minutes. Like... wow. Um, I thought that this was supposed to be harder? I guess maybe in the end, when all the healing is done, and I'm on regular food again, that I might be happier that I can eat most things. I've been super careful and slow when I introduce sleevie to something new. I take micro bites at first, sort of testing the waters, and then I'm like ok, we're good. And another food goes into rotation. I'm going to be trying tuna and chicken salad this week. I had to mentally get past the mushy meats idea. But, I do want to introduce meats to my system again before I'm eating real food again. I think I forgot that its a actually a goal to be able to eat a little closer to "normal" portions by the time I'm totally healed. I will be able to handle 2-3 oz. of meat, 1/4 cup of veggies, and a couple of tbsp. of brown rice. This amount of food sounds absurd to me in one sitting right now.
    Speaking of food...I've become pretty on top of healthy alternative recipe hunting. One of my post-surgery changes is cooking more often from home, making clean & healthy whole foods, and experimenting regularly with new recipes. I found cauliflower pizza crust! Protein donuts?! Yes! So long as this stuff tastes as amazing as my head thinks it does, (after 5 weeks of mushies and 3 weeks of liquids it will all taste good! LOL), then we're ready to rock and roll. I'm going to do my best to follow for the most part a low glycemtric diet for the rest of my life. Because I'm human, there will be "normal" food days, and I'm not going to feel food guilt those moments ever again. Food guilt is ridiculous in my life, and I don't need it. I felt guilty when I ate. Period. If I had a healthy sandwich, whole wheat bread, smoked turkey, low fat mayo, loaded with veggies... I'd feel guilty. That is something I feel I'm past now, and I don't want to ever feel like that again.
    I'm slowly getting past my, "Buyer's remorse." It has been harder than I anticipated for me post surgery. Not the food, I've been disciplined and not even thought about challenging my post-op diet at all. Its been physically not being where I am capable of being mentally. My pulled stitch has slowed me down, and it has frustrated me so much. I still have to take it easy, when I want to go walk a mile. I want to grab my hula hoop and just go nuts dancing, but I can't do that for another 4-5 weeks. Heartbreaking for me. I want to pick up my little dog and cuddle him like a baby, and I can't do that for a while either. I miss drinking while eating more than I thought I would. I was sad to think I can't drink milk and eat a PB&J sandwich at the same time. Is that forever? In a year or two, can I do that again? I'm just mentally past the healing and change part, and feel stunted in my ability to go forward because of this injury, and my back pain I've been suffering since I've been having to lay on my back so much. I'm back at work, but still can't bend over or reach up or move as fast as I did before... I'm ready to feel like myself 100% again and I'm pretty sure I still have a few more weeks before I will.
     
    I am rather pleased with my 37 pound weight loss, and don't even mind that I'm in a stall right now.
     
    Ah. This getting my thoughts out thing feel good.
  11. Like
    MoreganK got a reaction from BrickHouse for a blog entry, One Month   
    It has been one whole month since my surgery. I unfortunately still feel like I'm a sick person recovering though between eating mushies still, taking liquid omeprazle, and pulling an internal stitch 2 weeks ago.
    However, today my stomach (where I pulled that stitch) is finally not bothering me as much. I can finally sleep on my side, which has begun to help my back pain a lot. And, so far any mushie food I've feed my sleevie has agreed with me. I went through a phase about 2 weeks out where I was freaked out over the amount of liquids I could handle in one swallow. I didn't need to sip anything by week two, I could take pretty regular sized drinks. I was worried I did something wrong. My doctor assured me, I just healed well and fast, and was happy for it. Now I freak out sometimes when I can eat what feels like it should be a lot, like 1/2 cup of fat free re-fried black beans, and I only feel full there at the end and can eat it in 30 minutes. Like... wow. Um, I thought that this was supposed to be harder? I guess maybe in the end, when all the healing is done, and I'm on regular food again, that I might be happier that I can eat most things. I've been super careful and slow when I introduce sleevie to something new. I take micro bites at first, sort of testing the waters, and then I'm like ok, we're good. And another food goes into rotation. I'm going to be trying tuna and chicken salad this week. I had to mentally get past the mushy meats idea. But, I do want to introduce meats to my system again before I'm eating real food again. I think I forgot that its a actually a goal to be able to eat a little closer to "normal" portions by the time I'm totally healed. I will be able to handle 2-3 oz. of meat, 1/4 cup of veggies, and a couple of tbsp. of brown rice. This amount of food sounds absurd to me in one sitting right now.
    Speaking of food...I've become pretty on top of healthy alternative recipe hunting. One of my post-surgery changes is cooking more often from home, making clean & healthy whole foods, and experimenting regularly with new recipes. I found cauliflower pizza crust! Protein donuts?! Yes! So long as this stuff tastes as amazing as my head thinks it does, (after 5 weeks of mushies and 3 weeks of liquids it will all taste good! LOL), then we're ready to rock and roll. I'm going to do my best to follow for the most part a low glycemtric diet for the rest of my life. Because I'm human, there will be "normal" food days, and I'm not going to feel food guilt those moments ever again. Food guilt is ridiculous in my life, and I don't need it. I felt guilty when I ate. Period. If I had a healthy sandwich, whole wheat bread, smoked turkey, low fat mayo, loaded with veggies... I'd feel guilty. That is something I feel I'm past now, and I don't want to ever feel like that again.
    I'm slowly getting past my, "Buyer's remorse." It has been harder than I anticipated for me post surgery. Not the food, I've been disciplined and not even thought about challenging my post-op diet at all. Its been physically not being where I am capable of being mentally. My pulled stitch has slowed me down, and it has frustrated me so much. I still have to take it easy, when I want to go walk a mile. I want to grab my hula hoop and just go nuts dancing, but I can't do that for another 4-5 weeks. Heartbreaking for me. I want to pick up my little dog and cuddle him like a baby, and I can't do that for a while either. I miss drinking while eating more than I thought I would. I was sad to think I can't drink milk and eat a PB&J sandwich at the same time. Is that forever? In a year or two, can I do that again? I'm just mentally past the healing and change part, and feel stunted in my ability to go forward because of this injury, and my back pain I've been suffering since I've been having to lay on my back so much. I'm back at work, but still can't bend over or reach up or move as fast as I did before... I'm ready to feel like myself 100% again and I'm pretty sure I still have a few more weeks before I will.
     
    I am rather pleased with my 37 pound weight loss, and don't even mind that I'm in a stall right now.
     
    Ah. This getting my thoughts out thing feel good.
  12. Like
    MoreganK got a reaction from BrickHouse for a blog entry, One Month   
    It has been one whole month since my surgery. I unfortunately still feel like I'm a sick person recovering though between eating mushies still, taking liquid omeprazle, and pulling an internal stitch 2 weeks ago.
    However, today my stomach (where I pulled that stitch) is finally not bothering me as much. I can finally sleep on my side, which has begun to help my back pain a lot. And, so far any mushie food I've feed my sleevie has agreed with me. I went through a phase about 2 weeks out where I was freaked out over the amount of liquids I could handle in one swallow. I didn't need to sip anything by week two, I could take pretty regular sized drinks. I was worried I did something wrong. My doctor assured me, I just healed well and fast, and was happy for it. Now I freak out sometimes when I can eat what feels like it should be a lot, like 1/2 cup of fat free re-fried black beans, and I only feel full there at the end and can eat it in 30 minutes. Like... wow. Um, I thought that this was supposed to be harder? I guess maybe in the end, when all the healing is done, and I'm on regular food again, that I might be happier that I can eat most things. I've been super careful and slow when I introduce sleevie to something new. I take micro bites at first, sort of testing the waters, and then I'm like ok, we're good. And another food goes into rotation. I'm going to be trying tuna and chicken salad this week. I had to mentally get past the mushy meats idea. But, I do want to introduce meats to my system again before I'm eating real food again. I think I forgot that its a actually a goal to be able to eat a little closer to "normal" portions by the time I'm totally healed. I will be able to handle 2-3 oz. of meat, 1/4 cup of veggies, and a couple of tbsp. of brown rice. This amount of food sounds absurd to me in one sitting right now.
    Speaking of food...I've become pretty on top of healthy alternative recipe hunting. One of my post-surgery changes is cooking more often from home, making clean & healthy whole foods, and experimenting regularly with new recipes. I found cauliflower pizza crust! Protein donuts?! Yes! So long as this stuff tastes as amazing as my head thinks it does, (after 5 weeks of mushies and 3 weeks of liquids it will all taste good! LOL), then we're ready to rock and roll. I'm going to do my best to follow for the most part a low glycemtric diet for the rest of my life. Because I'm human, there will be "normal" food days, and I'm not going to feel food guilt those moments ever again. Food guilt is ridiculous in my life, and I don't need it. I felt guilty when I ate. Period. If I had a healthy sandwich, whole wheat bread, smoked turkey, low fat mayo, loaded with veggies... I'd feel guilty. That is something I feel I'm past now, and I don't want to ever feel like that again.
    I'm slowly getting past my, "Buyer's remorse." It has been harder than I anticipated for me post surgery. Not the food, I've been disciplined and not even thought about challenging my post-op diet at all. Its been physically not being where I am capable of being mentally. My pulled stitch has slowed me down, and it has frustrated me so much. I still have to take it easy, when I want to go walk a mile. I want to grab my hula hoop and just go nuts dancing, but I can't do that for another 4-5 weeks. Heartbreaking for me. I want to pick up my little dog and cuddle him like a baby, and I can't do that for a while either. I miss drinking while eating more than I thought I would. I was sad to think I can't drink milk and eat a PB&J sandwich at the same time. Is that forever? In a year or two, can I do that again? I'm just mentally past the healing and change part, and feel stunted in my ability to go forward because of this injury, and my back pain I've been suffering since I've been having to lay on my back so much. I'm back at work, but still can't bend over or reach up or move as fast as I did before... I'm ready to feel like myself 100% again and I'm pretty sure I still have a few more weeks before I will.
     
    I am rather pleased with my 37 pound weight loss, and don't even mind that I'm in a stall right now.
     
    Ah. This getting my thoughts out thing feel good.
  13. Like
    MoreganK reacted to KS Fort Worth for a blog entry, Day Three Post-Op, Happy With My Progress   
    Day three post op, doing pretty well! Am up to 2 ounces in a go now. I apparently had a hiatal hernia, so I assume it's still a little swollen there, and I have to straighten my abdomen if I'm sitting in order for things to go down, and burps to get up. This is a weird feeling, having to MAKE myself drink something! I'm just not hungry (although a slice of toast does sound tasty. No, I will NOT cheat!). Slept well last night, took the dog on a short walk this morning. Much nicer than walking laps around the kitchen. Will be happy to eat again, but I am patient. One advantage of being 50 I suppose. Going to nominate my wife for sainthood; she's been TOTALLY supportive and helpful! Living the metamorphosis and loving it!
     

  14. Like
    MoreganK got a reaction from anais02 for a blog entry, Mental Prep   
    Here I am, one week before the big day. I go in for my pre-op appointment today and will start my liquid diet tomorrow. Tonight I am going to clean out the pantry and the fridge, take my measurements, take my private official before pictures, have sushi for dinner, and make a video of myself hoop dancing. I want to have a record of things as they are right now. I want to see my growth, and know that all the reasons I decided to do this were sound.
    I also in the next week or so, plan on writing two letters to myself. I will give them to my boyfriend. One of them is a letter that I will write about how horrible I feel most of the time, and remind myself of the consequences of not doing the surgery. He is to give that letter to me when/if I am struggling post-op and question what I have done. The other letter, is one I will read 6 months from now, when things will be easier, it will be a reminder of how I feel right now, and a reminder to stay the course, and not ever fall back to old habits.
    I pulled out a tank top I bought years ago that was supposed to be a goal top a few years back. I paired it with the jeans I just purchased in my goal size. I had a dream about 2 months ago, and I was wearing this outfit. I was on a road trip with my boyfriend, and I was skinny! And I was health, and so very happy and full of joy. In my dream, I felt that joy. I decided that this outfit would hang on my wall as my motivation.
    I am so full of motivation right now, and can't wait to be active again. To feel full of energy when I am. I hoop dance, and can't wait to hoop with my new body. I want to take kickboxing classes, do yoga, and eventually, I hope to take classes to learn lyra and silks. Yes, I want to hang from the ceiling from a giant hoop and some fabric. I want to be lean and strong. I am so excited that the PCOS that has kept me from these things, I will have a tool that will allow me to control it. That I might finally see results from all my fighting is mind blowing. It makes me want to cry from happiness. I'm not afraid of having to work hard after surgery. I welcome it. Finally seeing results from my hard work,... I can't even explain how this makes me feel.
    I am tired of feeling tired. I am tired of being paranoid about my blood pressure, pre-diabetes, and being told that having a child would be dangerous for me in my current health. I'm tired of being 35 but dressing like I'm 65. I'm tired of struggling to feel like I fit in anywhere. I remember one time going shopping with my sister-in-law and a friend, and we went into this shop in the mall, and the largest size they carried was several too small for me to fit in. They were laughing having fun and trying on clothes, and instead I just felt ashamed of myself, and picked out things for them to wear. I'd never felt so much shame before, and this was before my PCOS diagnoses, but it still burns to think about.
    I'm tired of being uncomfortable in my own body. Well, this isn't my body anymore. This is some other person. She isn't going to exist soon. I'm going to tell her good-bye.
    Its my turn to live. :wub:
  15. Like
    MoreganK reacted to Discordya for a blog entry, I'm Having Surgery Sooner Than I Thought!   
    So if you've been following my posts or my blog at all you'd know that originally I was waiting until I moved to Tennessee sometime around September/October and getting the surgery after that, but now it's not going to be then it's going to be NOW. I mean not literally this second, but since there is a surgeon in the area we feel it might be good that I do it here while I am still living with my mom so she can help if I need it and be there for the surgery, etc. There is a bariatric surgeon in the area and they take financing, too!
     
    I am only worried about the financing in the sense that now he won't be able to be the one who signs for it so there is a possibility I will be denied. I don't think I would be since my credit score is "okay" but I don't know if that's good "enough" for a lending company to want to accept me. It all depends. And if I did get denied, I don't know if they would let my fiancee sign from another state. Does anyone else know?
     
    So tomorrow (although I guess technically today, just after I sleep) I am going to be calling the surgeon's office to ask a few questions and see about setting up a consult date. I'm not sure if they are going to want me to attend the seminar first or not, since I have already done my homework but I'm sure they can't have any trust in that since they do not know me. So I'm not sure if I will be required to do that first or not.
     
    I'm just sooooo excited to get this done, I just wish I had a few hundred dollars extra to throw at my fiancee to come down here for the surgery time. I really want him to but I don't know that he would be able to. I miss him so much.
     
    I'm just overwhelmed and nervous because I've always had the kind of life where I try to do my best to be as nice to people and do nice things, but I don't always get that back at me. I sort of have bad luck a lot and people don't always treat me as good and I have been burned in a lot of aspects of my life. I'm just hoping and praying that this will not be another one of those moments where I am let down. This needs to happen for me, and for my health. I am 27 and have little issues that will only get worse as I get older. I want to stop them now from getting worse and live a young adult life like I haven't been able to fully enjoy. By the time I am 30 I want to be able to wear all of those clothes types that I really wish I could wear that have all the cool designs and features that I've desperately wished I could fit in to.
     
    That could happen for me. And that process could be starting SOON!!!

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