I'm angry. I think at myself. I realized that I could eat everything pretty quickly after I got on solid food again. I baby stepped each time I tried something, taking a bite or two and thats all. I'm 2.5 months out and 52 pounds down. I am ecstatic at that number. But, I've been at that number for 2 weeks, and was stuck at 47 pounds for 3 weeks just before that. I'm beyond frustrated that I'm losing so slowly now... I have 58 more to go to reach my goal. And added to my stress is that my nutrionist thinks I can hit that goal by the end of the year.... now I'm not so sure. I feel like crying because the weight loss is becoming so difficult again, and I think to myself, that PCOS is going to win... I'm forever going to be huge.
Taking a step away from myself, I think that over the last 2 weeks I've taken advantage of being able to eat everything, and I need to work on controlling that. I need to lower the carb intake again, and choose better. I need to resort back to eating like I'm scared of eating something because it could disagree with me. I was terried of bread for weeks, but then... I tried it because I was at a resturant with my boyfriend and ordered a turkey sandwich. Cutting off the crust, I could eat half a sandwich. This felt wrong... I didn't understand how I could eat a half a sandwich. I was full, but not sick and content. Pre-discovery that I could eat bread okay, I would have just eatten the insides of the sandwich. The veggies, meat and cheese, and maybe two bites of fruit on the side. Then... I started being too "normal" again. (Oh, and I still don't eat pasta or rice. I haven't had any for 3 months). I'm a sandwich girl though. I love a turkey or tuna sandwich, and gladly will eat one everyday.
Don't think I gorge on stuff. I don't eat sweets and I haven't stepped foot in a fast food resturant in more than 4 months, and the last ones I visited were Subway and Schlozky's. And I don't plan on changing that anytime soon. I'm proud of those changes in who I am. It really is just that I think, for my body, with my PCOS (insulin resistance) I'm eating too many carbs. All that weight loss happened when I was avoiding having any carbs. So, I'm going to focus on getting carbs from just fruit and incidental carbs found naturally in foods like nuts and beans. When we go out, I'll eat the insides of my sandwich and leave the bread behind. I need to just focus on making better decisions.
I'm getting my head on right again. I'm kicking bread to the curb, its no longer welcome in my world. I have to do this. I have to lose 58 more pounds and reach my goal weight. HAVE TOO!
Below are my before picture and my current picture.... I really wish I saw more of a difference.