kdp

I am having a time here lately with cravings and eating. I need to step back and remember to measure my food and take my time and convince myself that there are foods that are not good for me and that just are not my friend. I dont know what has caused me to be like this when I was doing so good before. I had surgery on August 1 and today is October 31 and I have lost 41 pounds. I want to continue to lose and I haven't been losing lately. I am having trouble taking my vitamins, they make me sick to my stomach and I am just really frustrated with myself. I dont know why I just cannot get a grip when it comes to freaking food. GRRRRRR it just pisses me off because I dont want to mess this up. I am scared I will over do it and then stretch my band and then boom I am right back where I was. I don't want to screw this up I want to get control and be healthy. I am just really aggravated. So if anyone reads this and if you have any help or ideas on getting a grip about things PLEASE let me know.

Where in Colorado? Who is doing your surgery?

Here I am one month and 7 days since my surgery. I can say that there are days that I weigh myself and get aggravated because I havent lost or lost more and then realize that I am just a month into my surgery and to give myself a break. I went and got my hair cut into a new short cut and love it and like how I feel about myself with it. I decided that I needed to give myself something for doing so well the first month. I have a friend that is having the lapband surgery the end of this month and she has given me some great "positive" feed back and ideas. I wish she and I lived closer to each other so that we could work on exercise together. She is in Texas and I am in Colorado. She gave her band a name (its Sophie) and said that they are gonna be life long friends and she was going to appreciate it as a friend. I hadnt thought of it like that but she has a point. My band is my life long friend that is going to help me fight my weight battle and I should appreciate my friend and not take it for granted. So as silly as this sounds, I have named my band as well and her name is Gracie. So I go to the doctor on Monday (the 10th) and I believe I will get my first fill. I feel like I need it because I have found that I get hungry more often now. I am working on drinking my water like I am suppose to and I have download the fitness pal ap and love it!!! HUGE help in keeping up with what I am eating and calories/protein. Great help. I worry about messing up but I dont make it my main focus. I do know that eating slower is harder than I thought it would be but I just have to take my time. Hope everyone has a great week and I will get back after my docs appointment.

I havent tried the Bariatric Choice protein bars but I have the Herbalife protein bars. I have noticed that after I eat them I tend to have gas but gas seems to be my companion no matter what I eat. lol I had my surgery on August 1st and other than gas, I feel great. I have ordered my vitamins from bariatric choice....but just like all the others I have tried, they make me kind of sick to my stomach. I have always had issues with vitamins though. I ordered the oatmeal but havent tried it yet. I hope its good. Hope your doing well.

Well I am on day 6 post op. I have lost a total of 15 pounds and feeling pretty good. I am really tired all the time but I am sure that will change before long. School is starting next week and I am kind of bummed about that. I like having my daughter at home with me for company. I am kind of going through the gloomies. My oldest daughter moved back to Texas and it wasnt a happy moment. We had been fighting alot because of her boyfriend and I couldnt make her stay. Just some history, We moved to Colorado a year ago and its been a really hard move. I have two girls..... one is 19 the other is 12 and we moved them from where they had grown up their whole lives in Texas to the Denver area. My kids are my life and this last thing where my oldest moved had just been really hard on me. I would love to move back to Texas but I just dont see that happening anytime soon. So here I sit in Colorado with my family split apart, I am tired and honestly have no friends in the area, I am all of the sudden very unsure about my eating and if I am doing it right. I know.... I sound like a cry baby and I just need to re read things in my lap band book. I am so scared of screwing up that I am hyper sensitive . LOL I am working very hard to keep my liquids going and I have been eating jello, and I just started drinking a little bit of a protein shake, broth. I will get through my gloomies. I just needed somewhere to vent

So happy it went wrll

Thanks. I cannot wait to be able to wear current style clothes and hopefully look good in them. I have told myself all along that I am taking this process one day at a time, one meal at a time etc. I am nervous but ready. Have you scheduled your surgery yet?

My surgery is August 1st !!!!

Well today is day three of the liquid diet-pre surgery. Yesterday was a tough day for me but so far today its not a hard. I have already lost 5 lbs. I know its not much but its a start towards my new journey. I hate TV right now because ALL they seem to show is food commercials. Drives me crazy but I am trying to make sure that when I think I am hungry I am really hungry and not just bored or whatever. I know that those issues can occur so I want to understand my body. Next Wednesday is the big day and I want to have my head in the right place. A friend of mine that is just starting the process to get the lap band, asked me yesterday if I had my list of things that I want to do once I lose my weight. She said that I need to open myself up to the idea that I have held myself back because of my weight and I need to have my list started. I giggled about it but then started thinking about it. hmmmm what have I held my self back from........ LOTS I am a chicken by nature and I guess I have let my weight be my excuse and that just isn't cool. So I am working on my list but I thought I would share what my friend told me was her "weight loss bucket list". Climb a mountain (not something that I have thought about doing because I a super clumsy and scared of heights) run a 5K (ok so obviously running has not been a passion of mine but this is something that could be fun) learn to country dance (Got that one already, my husband is the best at that and we use to do that all the time) Now get ready here is her wacky ones: sky dive Wrestle an alligator (WHAT!!! NO) she says she needs to get the weight off so she can move faster. RIGHT!!!! lol The sky dive thing sounds kind of fun but I am SOOOOOO scared of heights that I am not sure I can do it. But if nothing else I will tell her take pictures of her doing it. LOL Now there is one thing that we have agree about doing....... once we meet our goal weight we are gong to take a trip together to New York. We have both always wanted to go there and I think its something that will be a lot of fun for she and I to do together and celebrate our new selves. As far as my "weight loss bucket list" well I am still not really sure. I know shopping for really cute clothes and getting a new hair style in one the list. I would like to zip line. So I guess here is my list 1. new cute up to date clothes 2. spunky new hair style 3. try zip lining That's a start. We will see where it goes. I think I am going to post my list on the fridge and it will give me the push I need.

Tomorrow starts my liquid diet before surgery. My surgery date is scheduled for August 1st and I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I am so ready to get started on this journey and get back in control of my life. I feel like for the past 19 years that I have not had any control and this is my step towards getting back on track. My husband told me back some time ago that he wanted me to be around many years from now and he was concerned that if I didn't get control of my weight that he was afraid for my health. That scared me but also made me realize that I had to get control . So starting tomorrow I start my liquid diet and if feel that as long as I can get through that with no tool to help me, I can do this life changing event with the lap band. I would like to lose at least 100 lbs but would like to lose 120lbs. I am going to take each day, one day at a time and I am going to give myself a break if I mess up because I don't know that there is anyone who goes through this perfectly. that has been an issue for me.....being a failure and not doing things perfectly. No one is perfect. Only God has the ability to be perfect so I need to give myself a break. If anyone reads this and has any words of wisdom please give them tome because anything is appreciated. I am going to try and blog about what I am feeling during the next few weeks,

Well I have a surgery date!!!! It was scheduled for July 2nd but I had to reschedule because I have family coming in for a visit and I really don't want to have to deal with family coming in and just having surgery. Plus I haven't told anyone that I am having the surgery. I know I need to but I have some family that is somewhat against it and I really just don't want to hear the negative. I have two sisters in law that have had the lap band and have done well with it and then I have another sister in law that struggles just like me with her weight and is against the surgery. She has seen some things with her sister that she didn't like after her surgery and so she is quite vocal. I love her for her strong feelings and beliefs but it sure makes it hard for me to tell her what I am about to do. My surgery is now scheduled for August 1, 2012. Again, there are all these emotions that I feel. Like first, I don't like the idea of spending the money for me to lose weight because I can't seem to push my butt away from the dinner plate. At the same time i know that I need to do this for me and that seems selfish. I watch Dr Phil a lot and he talks about how mothers are the biggest influence on their daughters and men are the biggest on their sons...well I want to be that influence that shows my daughters that you have to take care of yourself and be strong and in control and I feel like I have failed so far in that area. My youngest daughter has a eating problem too and I have to make sure that she understands that now is the time that she really has to think about herself and her body and taking care of it. Otherwise she will pay the price later in life. I want to make my overeating issues a positive tool instead of a negative one. To show that you can fight back and get control. So over the next couple of months I am going to do a lot of soul searching and make sure that I make this new life change easy for my family as well as for me. I am going to take back control of my life and hope that I can be a role model that my girls will be proud of. My husband is another issue. i can't figure him out these days. He is a big supporter and is more anxious for me to have this surgery than I am. I know he would like to have his skinny wife back and he has gone with me to meetings and will be going to my next doctor's visit and I appreciate it more than he knows. BUT I think he thinks this is going to be so easy. When I was going to have my surgery in July I told him that I didn't think that it would work because his mother was coming up to visit for a week just 3 days after the surgery. He was like, so? I think he thinks that this won't be a big deal after the surgery, ya know that i will bounce back immediately with no down time. I don't know if I will be down very long or if any at all but I sure didn't want to ruin my mother in laws first trip up here. He also hasn't made an attempt to try an make any changes on his part. I don't know what I am expecting from him. He is a good man and I know he will be there for me through this but I just don't think he realizes what this really means. There is a book that our doctor gave me that is real detailed and my doctor requires that my husband read it too and when we go in for my next visit , the doctor will ask lots of questions to make sure that we read the book. I have read it and will re read it before my visit but my husband hasn't even looked at it. I have reminded him several time and he says, "ok I will read it" but that is as far as it goes. I just hope he is willing to really be my support person. Well I have to stop here. will be checking in again soon.

Thanks for your comments. You gave me some ideas and things to think about that I hadn't even thought about. I guess I had worried a little bit about the cooking issue for the family but I put it in the back of my mind. Figured I would cross that bridge when I got there, but now I am thinking that I should start moving somethings in that direction where my family helps me more in the kitchen BEFORE surgery. That way there is not such a drastic change since there is already going to be a lot of changes. Thank you again.