claraluz

Sue, we hope the next time will be a long, long time from now, but we will certainly call you! Nancy

Thank you for speaking my mind, Ryan. Maybe it's just my frame of mind or the fact that it's late, I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm missing friends who have passed on. But I can't help wondering why everything good seems to get ruined eventually. I'm not ready to throw in the towel. Yet. Nancy

((((Betty)))). I'm so sorry for your loss and that today has been such a difficult day for you. Grief is an ever-changing experience. Like a dark cloud in the sky that sometimes is far away in the distance and no threat at all, but other times is right overhead. But it never really goes away. I hope you start to feel better soon. Nancy

Well, we know it happens and is usually nothing to worry about. There have been some posts in the past which you could do a search on concerning the fact that if the surgeon does not purge the port tubing the first time, this will happen. I think it's pretty common, really. It happened to me the first time, but I haven't had any problems since. Good luck. Nancy

I don't really have any advice, but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're having all these problems. Good luck with whatever decision you make. Nancy

Ha! Lisa, I sure wouldn't be qualified to lead any group here. I'm in this with everybody else! Nancy

Alex, as hard as it is to do, I think it is the prudent thing to do. I would think that because I just did it myself this week. I had been losing weight quickly, but had had bad problems with air trapping, pain, and reflux. Also, it had gotten to the point that I was actually starting to gain weight because I was trending toward those unhealthy, but band-friendly foods like chips, etc. I got .5cc taken out. I still have some restriction, but I miss the tight restriction I had. But my symptoms have improved. Good luck with your decision. I hope you feel better. Nancy

Whew! Nancy

I have tried so hard to stay out of all of this. Lisa, I hope nobody has seriously mentioned preventing you from posting here. I think that kicking anyone off a board would be a serious form of censorship and I know you hate that. I am trained and licensed to provide psychotherapy in my state and would like to observe that while people often get very upset in therapy and do so in a raw and exposed manner, they don't do it in a vacuum. It is safe and healthy precisely because they have a trained, skilled therapist there to help them find the meaning in their feelings, to help them channel their emotions into productive, healthy directions, and to pick up the pieces when things get out of hand. It is a safe environment. We are not in therapy here because we do not have a trained therapist to do all of the above. I am not saying this to discourage anyone from expressing themselves freely, just to point out that there is a big difference between a support board and therapy. Nancy

I know it may not be funny to you, but that is so funny! Naturally you are anxious and your anxiety is finding expression in your dreams. I wouldn't read too much into it. Nancy

Frank, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know you are under tremendous stress right now. I hope you will let us support you when we can. For different reasons, I, too, have been under a lot of stress over the last few weeks and I had the same band problems. I got a slight unfill and things (bandwise) are much better now. I got .5cc taken out. My surgeon told me to come back when I feel ready to get it replaced. Funny, but until I read your post, I never thought that perhaps stress was causing the problems with my band, but now I really think that was it. I had an esophagram and the band is fine. I agree with the admonition to stay on liquids until you can get to the doctor. Also, my friends told me not to worry about weight loss at a time like this and I think that was good advice, which I will pass on to you. I hope that your family and friends will bring you comfort in your grief. Nancy

I had the same question before I was banded. But when you have proper restriction with the band, you can't eat much. After you eat a small amount, you get a physical sensation that says,"stop." If you try eating another bite or two, you become very, very uncomfortable and may even PB. That experience is unpleasant enough that you will not want to repeat it. The next time you get that "stop" signal, you'll stop. You may want to eat more, but you won't, you can't. Also, I cannot eat many of my problem foods, particularly bread. It gets stuck. Some people can eat it, but I can't and I'm glad. That has helped me a lot. Hope this helps. Nancy

Maybe you are not losing weight because you are eating too little? That can happen. If fact, sometimes if I'm on a plateau and I know I'm doing everything I can (eating right, exercising), I cheat. And often (but not always) I will drop two or more pounds the next day. I'm sure you've heard that our bodies tend to hold on to fat when they feel they are in "starvation mode." The body feels threatened and wants to hold on to all the fat it can for the lean times to come when we consume too few calories. Also, while I can certainly see why it upset you, doctors don't mean "gross" as in "yucky" when they say grossly obese, grossly intact, grossly debilitated. They mean something like "generally" or "what the eye can see" vs. what might be seen with a microscope. They mean it is their overall impression that you are obese. I hope you start seeing the scale move soon. Even if you don't I hope you feel better. I know we've all been there. Nancy

No, I don't hate these kinds of posts. I think that's what we're here for! You speak of sabotage. Only you can answer this, but do you think there is something frightening to you about getting even closer to your goal? Does it have some symbolism for you? You also speak of feeling sorry for yourself. Do you mean you're feeling sorry for yourself about something and therefor eating? Or are you feeling sorry for yourself because you've "fallen off the wagon?" What can you do about it? Well, you could journal and see if that helps you answer the question for yourself. You could go to therapy. Or you could just take the behavioral approach and write down everything you put in your mouth, which tends to keep one from eating as much as one would otherwise. I'm having the same problem myself, but in my case I know it's emotional eating. Nancy

Ryan, you and Patty are in my heart and in my thoughts and prayers. And so is Abby. I'm wondering how she's doing, too. Nancy

Stripper name would be: Mata Hoffman. That really does not sound right. Mata's OK, but Hoffman? nancy

So many reasons to ignore this clumsy begging: You don't know them so you don't owe them. Double homicide? What if he did it? Do you really want to pay for his defense? And what an obnoxious way to ask. That alone would be enough to cause me to throw the deposit slip in the trash. To me, this one is a no brainer. Nancy

I second what everyone has said: Didn't know about the gas. Actually, I just had to get a slight unfill because it was getting to be so uncomfortable. Also second the observation that it took time for me to realize that when they said "It's only a tool, they were so right. I also wish I had known that there's a lot of wondering and guesswork with the band. Is that feeling I just had normal? Is this what a soft stop feels like? Am I overfilled? Underfilled? Sometimes it seems there are no hard and fast instructions to tell you what is going on with your band. But I still love being banded. I never could have lost this much weight without it. Nancy

Maybe getting banded is your reward for having had to endure cancer. So glad you are better now. Nancy

Kathy, I'm Jewish and we have a tradition of lighting a Yartzheit candle every year on the anniversary of a loved one's death. The candle burns for 24 hours. Niko is definitely going to get a Yartzheit candle every year. Nancy

Again, thank you everyone for your heartfelt support. May God bless you for your special sensitivity to animals. It was a rough afternoon, but it's just going to take time. I'm going to make a memory box and put all of Niko's bandanas, leashes, etc. in it. And all his medicines, too. Plus my favorite thing: The ID button from my pet therapy group. It has their logo and under it it says, "Nancy and Niko." I don't feel strong enough to do that yet, but I'll be there soon. Bubbame, I pray that your friend's seizure disorder can be managed effectively. Everybody please give their dogs an extra bellyrub from me tonight. Nancy

Yes, I'm addicted! I feel like I know so many people here and I just want to keep up with what is going on in their journeys. Nancy

Thank you so much everyone, for your understanding and compassion. It is so comforting. Ryan, I pray that Abby makes that vet look like a fool for worrying so. And for worrying you, as if you didn't have enough on your plate. Please let us know how she is doing. I care. Daisy, I know it's still hard. I know that time really does heal all wounds. Funny that they never say how much time, though. Vinesqueen, my heart breaks for you, too. I know that during the long time that Niko was sick, it always scared me a little and made me sad to hear of other dogs whose time had come. But Niko kept on keeping on through many friends dogs' deaths. Have you tried Rimadyl for your dog? It really helped Niko with his arthritis and it made a big difference in my brother's dog, too. When I started Niko on Rimadyl, he got a lot happier and started eating better too. Michelle, I'm sorry about your Rottweiler. I did know that you put him down, but I wasn't sure if you were ready to "talk" about it yet. I said a prayer for you and your family that day. Several friends advised me not to wait too long with Niko. They felt that they had done that with their pets. So "I'll Succeed," I am glad that it was a good day for Niko. Jennifer, the vet tech, fed him treats beforehand and he actually ate and wagged his tail. And by the way, I sometimes called Niko "Nikki." And a special thanks to sweet Marie (New Hope) who appeared at my door bearing words of comfort. It meant so much. Nancy

I've posted twice in different threads that my dog was very ill and dying. I had him put to sleep today. He was feeling good today so in a way it was the perfect time. He had very bad heart disease and we had been battling it for over a year. I had to give him ten pills a day. I know everyone thinks their dog is the best and I am no different. I thought mine was the best. He was so smart, so mellow, so gentle with children and old people. He was so affectionate that he brought a lot of pleasure to many people. All the neighborhood children ask if they can pet him whenever they see me. And he was a pet therapy dog. I belonged to a pet therapy group. The dogs had to be tested to make sure they had the right temperament. Niko and I visited a nursing home with other owners and dogs. But there were several residents that only looked forward to seeing him. "Where's the poodle?" they would ask. I'll never forget one very special time. Niko was sitting in a resident's lap, licking her face. She had Alzheimer's and I had never seen her have a visitor. She looked at him and exclaimed, "Oh, you love me! And I love you, too, honey." She seemed so happy in that moment. I love animals and I've had and still have cats, but I've never loved an animal as deeply as I loved Niko. He was my everyday companion. Well. I just felt compelled to post this as a little memorial to him. You guys are part of my family, too, now. I know I'll be OK. I am OK. Just very, very sad. Thanks for reading this far. Nancy

Never would have guessed that pronunciation, Bright! Claraluz is my cat's name. It's Spanish and is pronounced Clara loose. It means clear light. Nancy