CowgirlJane

It makes me grateful for my incredible pool of family, friends and aquaintances who ranged from enthusiastic supporters to... at at least had the decency to keep their mouths shut! It is important to realize that your friends/family don't really get a vote on this. While it is wonderful to have support, there are many of us (myself included!) who lived with a partner who never even breathed a word of support. After losing 125# I asked my (now EX) partner if he had noticed my weight loss and my changing appearance. He was indifferent. That is our reality - it is OUR battle/journey/cross to bear - whatever you want to call it. Having said all that, for your own well being, DO be sure you really have exhausted other avenues. I genuinely believe that the most successful WLS patients have really tried to lose and maintain weight via conventional methods (weight watchers, diet programs, medically supervised diets etc) For me, I could lose alot of weight with those methods, but could never get to a normal size and could never maintaiin. What ultimately drive me to a pretty drastic step - removing the better part of my stomach - when I could no longer really even LOSE weight with those methods. I had actually reached that phase where I could not get under about 280# even though I was really really trying. All that "try" does pay off because if you apply that energy to your WLS efforts - it will pay off in spades! Good luck to you, hope your friends become more supportive - but also realize that may not happen.

I think you have received much solid, practical advice. I was overweight or obese from about age 5 with a couple of very short lived flirtations with normal size... i genuinely view obesity as a disease process and depending on the stage you are at....well, experiences vary. I have been normal size for a few years now and I STILL feel the pull toward eating too much or wrong stuff. Thing is once you have obesity it just doesn't take much. I read of people talking about eating off the hook amounts of food preop so they assume we all did that. Yes,I overate,ate the wrong things but to this day it amazes me I was hanging out in the 300# range....like, wow, it didn't take crazy amounts of food to maintain that weight once I got so big. Anyway, don't give up, try the many good suggestions, keep seeking support and most importantly seek support from medical professionals.

I didn't read all the replies yet and am short on time... so I don't mean to be terse, just want to share perspective. I was high BMI - 52 to start. I am post menopausal and was a failed lapband patient. Somehow, I managed to get to goal with the sleeve. I am 3.5 years out now and I can ASSURE YOU that if I had not gotten to goal in that first 18 month window, I would not have made it. My advice, look into revision to the DS, or the new modified (less side effects) DS. That is what I would do. While I realize we are all in this together, I think that people with higher BMIs have extra challenges. Essentially the disease process of obesity is much further advanced and much harder to "put in remission"

I have been thinking of this for awhile and finally tried it! Salsa is hard but bachata is fun! It is too bad so few men like to dance but I hear that the"salsa scene" is less like that. I have also found a place to practice my very limited swing dancing skills so planning on those social dances too. I am really looking forward to getting a bit more confident and brushing up the few dance skills i do have! I am not in a relationship right now, trying to avoid diving into one..just taking it slow. It is a great time to work on stuff I want to do/get better at.

When I go out to eat I have no emotional response or judgement about what others eat. While the thread wasn't really targeted at anyone and certainly was not overly harsh...over the years I have read so many posts of the newly thin being disgusted by big eaters and obesity....so my comment isnt really about THIS thread just a cumulative response to the general topic of "oh my I can't believe how much OTHER people eat" now that I have been "saved" by LES. I think a country western song sums it up for me...I have enough going on to keep my own house in order... "Biscuits" Taking down your neighbor won't take you any higher I burned my own damn finger pokin' someone else's fire I've never gotten taller makin' someone else feel small If you ain't got nothin' nice to say don't say nothin' at all Just hoe your own row and raise your own babies Smoke your own smoke and grow your own daisies Mend your own fences and own your own crazy Mind your own biscuits and life will be gravy Mind your own biscuits and life will be gravy Nobody's perfect, we've all lost and we've all lied Most of us have cheated, the rest of us have tried The holiest of holies even slip from time to time We've all got dirty laundry hangin' on the line So hoe your own row and raise your own babies Smoke your own smoke and grow your own daisies Mend your own fences and own your own crazy Mind your own biscuits and life will be gravy Mind your own biscuits and life will be gravy Pourin' salt in my sugar won't make yours any sweeter Pissin' in my yard ain't gonna make yours any greener And I wouldn't know about the rocks in your shoes So I'll just do me and honey you can just do you So hoe your own row and raise your own babies Smoke your own smoke and grow your own daisies Mend your own fences and own your own crazy Mind your own biscuits and life will be gravy Mind your own biscuits and life will be gravy

I think it is good for people to see what success looks like 5 years out...it ain't perfect but it's awesome! I have been thinking about the issue of food (and other things) as a comfort/fall back. I wonder if my next step is to try to get specific help on that topic. Even though I feel pretty good with it now...it sometimes feels tenuous. I am not sure how to tackle this. For people who don't talk about their feelings counseling helps alot. My stuff is out there on the table but I still feel the sirens call. Example, last night I was going to go to a dance lesson. The heat had got me down from working outside so instead of doing the active things I wanted to do I nursed my "feeling bad" with a late snack....

It did. More than "attention " it was a reminder that even though I am a few pounds over goal I have still achieved my primary goal of being a normal woman. After a lifetime of being fairly invisible it is still an amazing thing to me.

Some of you know me well as I have been around a long time... but for back story I was pretty hopeless about losing weight and especially maintaining it when I began this sleeve journey. I had "failed" with the lapband in an epic way and by the time I revised to the sleeve I was well over 300# (although down from my lifetime recorded high of 332# while banded). I was super morbidly obese and spent a lot of years there. I felt aged beyond my years and besides feeling physically miserable, I was certainly NOT an object of attention from the opposite gender. Hell, i never even had a chubby chaser interested in me. (I did have a serious relationship, I have never been a loner, but my point is I have always been one to focus on intelligence and personality, not looks or body) Because of my active lifestyle, I have mostly had slender friends even when I was obese. I never went out for girls night with them, never went dancing, I felt like I didn't belong in those settings. So, after losing a bunch of weight, I had plastics and am now maintaining. I social with lots of people now and feel like i fit in many places, but am still sometimes surprised at my own preconceived notions. Currently, I am about 5# over my goal and about 25# over my lowest weight - I am 3.5 years post sleeve so this is frankly pretty typical. It can get a little discouraging as I am having a heck of a time re-losing this weight. I am fine at my current size, but i was finer thinner haha... so it is still something I want. You know how your state of mind is when your favorite jeans are too tight.... that is where i am! Okay, now my NSV Story! I went out to the racetrack on the 3rd for a big girls day of races and fireworks. I went with 3 very attractive ladies who are all naturally very trim. They range from tiny cute as a pixie (Which also makes her look really young) to that tall blond skinny model look (two of those, one fairly boyish looking the other more curvy - both very very attractive). Anyway, all 4 of us are unloading the cooler, doing stuff getting ready to go in. I was applying sunscreen. this really really really attractive man - probably about 40 (we are all about 50) walks by and looks right at me and smiles and says "need any help with that?". All of us freeze as it processes... he is talking to ME! What? I smiled at him as he walked away (it was only later I thought I should have said "YES") and one of the ladies said "this is going to be a good day". I don't spend alot of time comparing myself to others, I really don't. But after a lifetime of obesity, super morbid obesity - you never expect to be the one in your group of attractive friends to get the notice. Looks don't actually matter that much - one of the ironies i have learned in this journey, but it still felt good and my friends were all very happy for me too... That also makes me feel good that they are so pleased with my successes.

I think the real power in this knowledge is understanding how your traits might be perceived by others. One small example is reading someone say that "how do you tell if an ENFP is interested since they flirt with EVERYONE? I thought..I certainly do not flirt with everyone but i can and Do talk to anyone,anywhere about anything....ah, that might be perceived as flirting by some. So my take away? Next time I am really interested in someone..be very deliberate about how I am interacting in that social setting. Never really occurred to me but looking back I can see that I have missed out on drawing a cool person in and making him know I am interested.

I am fine with adding anyone the group agrees to. My issue is removing them if they become lurkers. I know some in this group rarely post but we go way back; we have a shared history. A new person who doesn't participate would be awkward to me. Also will you delete these discussion posts?

I was banded in mar 2001 Removed Sept 2011 - 11 years of unpleasantness Sleeved Dec 2011 Lost 150# and hit goal Feb 2013 July 2015...still doing good!

I think that each persons scarring /damage may vary. I was lucky... I revised from a band that never really worked to an awesome sleeve 3.5 years ago.

You should post this on a main forum...it's really great.

I have been on this forum for years. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I have made a certain peace with the fact that everyone has their own journey, their own emotional reaction, physical challenges and as Ann said, varying degrees of success. I had to fail 100 times (including a failed weight loss surgery) before finding success. Maybe that person is only up to failure 99! I do sometimes worry about newbies reading things and becoming misinformed....

I am in the camp of being sure you are"all in". I have been astounded by"regret filled post ops" saying things like they should have really tried to lose other ways. I tried a million things (weight watchers was most long term success but I was still obese) that it never crossed my mind I hadn't"tried hard enough". I think being"all in" helps you through rough times.

Sorry...I can't write a new post with the Kindle...bug in forum. I hadn't thought much of it but some profiles indicate their personality codes. I have been tested for real but also did a couple of free online quizzes to confirm I am ENFP -the Inspirer. I am really strong on the E (extrovert) not as extreme on the other letters. I started reading about it and it was insightful to see how I might be coming across to others in a dating context. I was most surprised to find that my personality type blends well with someone who is a little less extroverted for example. I have been on a few dates with a guy who is a very confident professional musician, he is an INFP...so while introverted he is not socially awkward in groups. That actually feels comfortable. Anyway...I have recently been coming to grips with some of my weaknesses like..I'd rather start new ideas and projects over finishing old ones.... I am really working on becoming more organized and disciplined. I am also working on accepting the fact that I love change and unconsciously stir the pot but that can be very disruptive to less...flexible people.

P

@@pleasecoffee congratulations on so many positive changes! I am going to challenge you on something. You have labeled it ghosting....but I thought that was when a person in a relationship just drops out of contact, stops taking calls etc with no closure. You DON'T have a relationship with a person you're casually chatting with online. I fade away from potential dates all the time. I get busy, they say something that strikes me wrong,who knows why and I just drop contact. Guys do it to me sometimes too it is just normal sorting process of online dating. I don't consider it ghosting in the least. I don't know what catfishing means but same concept...don't take it so seriously. I have to admit that while I of course enjoy being pursued/woo'd even a hint of desperation turns me off. I went on 3dates with someone -dinner, hike and then I took him where I like to go to live music. I enjoyed his company, he is very fit, family oriented, attractive, - on paper just what I might like. In reality he drove me nuts..constant texts, phone calls,pressing me for the next date etc. He is obviously very lonely has no friends outside his relatives, has no hobbies besides fitness...you get the picture. After our live music evening when I recognised he is socially uncomfortable in groups I just knew he isn't right for me. Nice nice man but most people are turned off by that crushing feeling of a complete stranger looking to you as the primary source for entertainment,companionship etc. I am guessing men are even more prone to this"claustrophobia" reaction. So I am having the most dating success ever right now. I havent found "the one" but going to music, hikes, kayaking etc.and just enjoying the journey and seeing how it unfolds. I am open but not really seeking anything in particular (that did not work too well for me in the past). So I am 5# over goal, 20# over my skinniest weight, a year older****disadvantages*** but they are waiting in line to take me out. I attribute it to the new attitude.

I wrote one, but it wasn't exactly a guidebook. It was more of an announcement, explaining why, explaining that while I would appreciate the support I didn't want any negative remarks. I sent it after i was sleeved so there was no "talking me out of it" So, what happened was my less heavy relatives as a group replied with much support. A thin SIL told me she would do the exact same thing, she knew i had been battling weight my whole life and gave me the "go get em" type of support. It was great. My fellow obese family members remained silent. About 2 years post surgery one of my silent brothers told me he had changed his mind and it was great that i had done so well. He was sure that everyone regained and my example showed him that does not have to be the case. 3.5 years post sleeve and hanging in there...

When I was banded I viewed it as less invasive, in some strange way not"really" bariatric surgery. However over the 10years of my band it felt invasive. Fills and unfills, scopes to check out issues, unpedictable vomiting, horrible reflux, having to sleep with head of bed elevated AND was still overweight. I revised to sleeve 3.5 years ago. I viewed it as horribly drastic surgery at the time but felt I had no choice. Living with the sleeve has actually felt much less invasive, less drastic. I am now normal size, healthy weight, no vomiting, no fills, no real issues.

Get 2 more opinions before you decide. Many surgeons are moving away from the lapband now. Fact based medicine.

It is interesting how many of us experienced the same thing. I was very large when I started (BMI about 52) so when I got down to just "obese" the people in my life were wowed by the change. It was the last 25-35 pounds however that really transformed me from a looks perspective. I don't even notice it now but there was a time when I felt like everybody was looking at me. What it really was the magical shift from invisible to visible... and in some people's eyes attractive. The way I FELT at times was that I looked terrible, that I was dressed wrong or some reason was not socially acceptable. I am over that, but it was a form of the condition of dismorphia when we don't really see ourselves accurately...

I had lost 50# before anyone noticed. By 100# everybody noticed. By 150# lost...va voom!!!

A year ago I was 20# thinner, way under goal and had ribs sticking out on my chest and back. While being thin was awesome I also didn't really look that great and my doc was concerned about my health. When i look at pix...well...some of them weren't that great. Now I am annoyed that my size 2 shorts don't fit but I look way better, I feel better... I think this bounce is somewhat normal. I am 3.5 years post op.

@@sarsar Beautiful photos! Maybe it is okay for me to say it now that you have posted pix but your hubby is a hottie...haha I think Lipsticklady is fine, but she is not a gentle soul... at least the way she posts. I actually don't think she will LIKE it here as she likes to stir things up a bit! @@coops that sucks that your foot is still infected. All from a tatoo eh? Well, at least it is a COOL tat so worth it! I have been pissed off over my hip. You know how I see it - as punishment for my years of obesity. I realize that is not really the right energy to carry but it is how I feel right now. I feel like I am way too young, way too active etc to have a freaking advanced arthritic hip. I know that "fair" is meaningless, but it feels not fair. I am working on getting over it. I am thankful it is that over bone cancer which frankly what I was most scared of... so I am trying to have a grateful attitude. I am still pissed off though.