CowgirlJane

I was banded in 2001 and experienced no noticeable hair loss. Also didn't make it to goal. Sleeved in 2011 and I did go through hair loss and got to goal...totally worth it. Thing is, you don't go bald, it grows back and over time it becomes an insignificant memory. I know that is hard to believe...but look at my before and afters...

Well I guess I have known all this...been at goal for awhile but it was the physical pain. And achy knees and joints that just kinda bopped me in the head. I continue to work on forgiving myself for this self abuse. I can't really in good conscious call it anything else.

I had to move a bag of grain. Normally I would put on a handcart or wheelbarrow but was in a hurry so I carried it up a small hill to the feeding area. I put it up on my shoulder. Omg...within a minute my calves and legs were burning with that added weight on the climb. Then my back started in...then my knee joints...then I realized I felt like this ALL THE TIME pre weight loss. Absolutely incredible since I lost 160# post sleeve and now carrying 40 just about does me in. Makes me grateful for my success makes me remorseful for how badly my body was punished for decades by that weight.

I went through a no eating spell for emotional loneliness reasons. Your post reminds me of how I felt...only I was losing too much weight as I just couldn't eat. Anyway. ..get help before your health is comprised. It feels so good to be physically healthy again and your body and mind need good food to attain that. Wine can numb the pain but does not make you stronger and healthy. I also have some very practical tips for cooking and eating solo because that was an adjustment for me too. I suspect the despondency is more at the heart of things though. Hang in there... I was a caregiver for my little sister and know how terrible and difficult it can be at times. Just like they tell you on airplanes. ..you must have your own oxygen mask in place before you can help others. Get help getting your own oxygen flowing ASAP.

Dropped the calorie counting focus and moved to eating the way my body responds best.

So...has anyone considered the possibility that this obsession with calorie math is just another symptom of underlying issues with "relation with food"? Like most of you have been on enough programs to know that I lose weight when I restrict calories and am.more active. The exact numbers around that are simply not so predictable. Example... I never did low carb diets before sleeve presurgery diet. I believed in calorie math and so it made no sense to me. I found real success once I dropped the calories

Yes, weight loss surgery has some risks. Some of those risk are QUITE serious, including death. However, MOST people don't have those things happen. The "risk math" in my head when I decided to be sleeved was 1-5% chance of serious complication (I was a revision, so higher risk of leaks and bleeding) and very very low risk of death. I was 100% chance of early disability (it was happening already) and I would say very high chance of early death (morbidly obese father dropped dead at age 64 due to massive heart attack). For me, it was pretty obvious that the WLS risks were worth it because I had tried, tried and tried again and again to lose and maintain a weight loss without the sleeve and was not succesful.

My surgeon didn't give me a goal and here is why.... I had ALOT of weight to lose. They didn't want me to lose 100# and then feel like a failure because I didnt hit some magical number. What I did was create an initial goal, and hten a stretch goal and ran it by my NUT for approval. BTW, i exceeded my stretch goal.

Oh, and my friends Tom and Beth asked me about Scott... he was on a chartered fishing trip on Sat so wasn't there. Not to mention I haven't seen him since his daughter arrived 2 weeks ago. They were both "don't let this one get away" which i agree with... combined with "I effing hate being ignored." thing is i KNOW he wants to see me etc but I just really want more acknowledgement of my existance. He does kinda know he is in a little trouble though because when we talked yesterday his first comment was about how he will find time this week. What he doesn't know is how pissed off I am over it - it isn't the just not seeing each other, it is the general lack of contact. While I get it - daughter is absolutely #1 priority - it is complete BS he hasn't made time for us to go to lunch or something like that. It is that one track, OCD, single minded focus and I am afraid that over time it will be something I just cant live with. Besides, I want a sex life and I don't have one with him. Damn.

The last big party I hosted was a month after Linda died. Betty and I always did birthdays together and it was the last birthday party we did - back in 2007. Life is full of regrets, and one of them was not keeping somehow connected with Betty. By the time of her 50th, she was dying of brain cancer so no party there. This year I joked with my family that this was my 50th plus 1 since I was not in a hosting state of mind for my 50th (don't worry, friends took me out for an evening so it was noticed by someone even if my entire family blew by it) My friend Mary told me that I am such a good hostess... went around and talked to everyone, made sure everyone had someone to talk to (people didn't all know each other), made sure there were beverages and food flowing... all that kind of stuff. I enjoyed it alot and wasn't even aware I was being a good hostess... I was just in my element I think.

Buster's puncture wound seems to be healing properly and he shouldn't need surgery - thank goodness! He is a "senior" horse who I love dearly but I wasn't relishing being put in the position of having to decide how much money and time to spend on surgery and rehab.... The nursing care I am doing right now is a PITA, but it is paying off. My goal is to avoid cellulitis which is a big freaking deal on a horses leg. Anyway, not totally out of the woods, but encouraging. Oddly, even though he has a big draining hole in his leg, I am supposed to keep riding him... so been doing that! I found a few lost pounds due to wine and chips and stuff this weekend...sigh. That is okay, monday, back to protein drinks. Actually, I feel like this is my modified 5:2 although it is a crime to call it that. I am doing breakfast and lunch shakes and a protein/veggie dinner most days of the week. Then, I let myself "endulge" at events and parties and going out times... I can lose and maintain on that program because my body does respond well to the "variation" in calories/carbs. I find that not trying to stick to the 500 calorie thing helps me avoid the mood issues I was having with the more restrictive 5:2. trying to eat so low calorie/carb seems counterproductive to my good mental health! Key is to keep this up! Have we heard from Dee lately? I have gone completely blank on her user name otherwise I'd do one of those@ her BP names...

@@laguerr13 good post, but as a side note, some of us talk alot about clothing size, how we look etc because we have been at goal long enough that the obesity disease state is less.... pressing. I had WLS to extend my life and to keep me "able bodied" longer. I was becoming disabled and had life shortening co-morbidities. I didn't really have expectations to be trim - I just prayed to get and stay under 200# (at 5'5" still obese) However, my surgery was in 2011 I have been at goal (normal BMI/size) for about 2.5 years... so for me my daily focus IS more about clothes, looks, being able to stay active etc. It is isn't easy. Old habits.. and heck who am I kidding a normal American lifestyle/ways of eating always beckon... so you have to remain diligent but it is worth it. One of my brothers gave me a birthday part with a very obese unattractive woman on the card stuffing a huge piece of cake in her mouth and the card said "calories don't count on your birthday". I am not sure why he picked such an offensive card for me, but i choose to use it as my little mantra for this week "calories actually DO count no matter what day" I am not trying to say obsessively, but I had a big birthday party and I did eat some chips and some gelato BUT I mostly ate healthy and I ate lightly in the days before it to make up for it. I theorize normal people do that.

My party went great - what a fun, beautiful day. I used to love to host Christmas parties (indoors) and lawn parties in the summer but I stopped I guess after my sister died. It was so fun and reminded me of a part of life that I genuinely enjoy. I think i will do another event this summer!

Ah the drama continues. One horse has a puncture wound that requires a bunch of nursing... trying to prevent him from having to go to the horspital and have the wound cleaned surgically. I spent my friday night with my vet and his assistant... woo hoo... I know how to party! Other horse lost a shoe so horse shoer coming out in the middle of all my party chaos... yikes! I am excited about the peeps coming over soon though!

I have dry, fine, curly hair so I have switched over to the "no poo" method and essentially wash my hair with a detangling conditioner. I have been doing this for several years now - only shampoo when it is truly dirty from riding in the dust or something like that - perhaps 1-2x a month. Then I finish it with a defrizz/shine/curl enhancer type product and let it airdry. Easy peasy and I get alot of compliments on my hair. I just turned 51, and am still blessed with (mostly) brunette hair. I know it is vain, but my hair makes me feel feminine and beautiful. I know someday I will cut it short, but for now this works.

Haha! Good for you for donating! I have long thick hair. When I was losing I did lose hair. By the fistfull. Turns out it made my hair look better. Now I get it thinned. Oh, the irony.

Dr Sauceda keeps you in his clinic for about 3 days which is the way they are allowed to provide "narcotic pain management". I had multiple procedures done at once and I did NOT anything stronger than over the counter meds (probably didn't need them either really) once I got to the hotel for recovery. It is not a recovery house - if you go to obesity help and read Dr Sauceda forum there you will get the low down. The only pain I experienced was from some of the drain removal. Some were painless, but some had adhesions that smarted. Pain pills don't help with that kind of very short lived sharp pain anyway.

Well, I got sorted out the little mini drama with one of my sons... that was really bugging me so I feel much better now! Anyway, I have had 2 of 3 birthday celebrations - so fun. My best friend took me out on Wednesday for dinner. Thursday, my friend I went to Costa Rica with took me out on one of our local "wine walks" - very very fun! Saturday i am hosting a small BBQ with a few friends, family and even some of my sons' friends. By small I mean, fewer than 25 people..ha! So, I decided to kick myself in the butt and buckle down. 2 protein drinks and dinner. Just a few days of this and I have already lost 6 pounds. Yeah yeah, water weight that bounced on me very rapidly but it still feels great to be back in the neighborhood of my goal weight. I think if I can sustain this (more or less) for a month i will be back where I want to be - solidly under goal and NOT water weight. I have events planned including weekend long girls weekend etc so I will be far from perfect, but if I do it MOST days, it will work.

I lost 160 with sleeve - I have gained a few back but am within 5# of my goal. Surgeon I initially consulted with poo-poo'd the sleeve due to my high BMI and history of failure with lapband. I went to another surgeon who warned me that revisions didn't always do as well, but he felt sleeve was still a good choice for me. No regrets, but I do think you should have an open mind about other procedures if you have ALOT of weight to lose. You are pretty tall - what is your goal weight?

I agree that maintenance is in many ways harder. I had happen to me a pattern that I have seen on here... you become active and then due to something like an injury, your workouts are interferred with. You don't feel as good, aren't as toned... maybe the pounds don't come on, but your clothes are snug. You still fit in single digit clothes, but you feel like you are obese again. I have seen people who post about small regains and use words like how much they hate themselves, or how awful they look, or that they have failed. WHOA. I think it is really important to keep monitoring your weight closely, but also be careful of getting into "bad thinking" traps, seek support and frankly just be aware that regain happens. The key to "regain" is to stop it at a few pounds, not wait until it is a few hundred. I have lots of "naturally thin" friends in the over 50 age bracket. They all have to work at it so i remind myself of that when I am feeling sorry for myself! Carry on... what choice do we have?

As a wise member on here once said "you don't get over 300# without there being some sort of emotional issue". I really don't like counseling much, but I did it post WLS. For me, it was during the losing phase, it was after I hit goal. I was SO OVER food as a comfort, friend etc by the time I had WLS I was happy to be free of that drive to overeat. Others get very very stressed by the dietary restrictions in those early months post surgery. I found adjusting to a new body (half my former weight) and basically a new lifestyle combined with other big changes in my life to be difficult. Actually, I think the truth is that obesity and overeating "numbed" alot of my feelings. When I became more active, physically healthy etc. I suddently FELT all those old numbed feelings and it was pretty overwhelming. You don't have to read to far on these boards to find that many people have either sought out counseling support... or from the sounds of how distressed they are during the process should consider it. Surgeon's aren't counselors, and can't really help but i am a bit surprised that your surgeon doesn't at least acknowledge this issue as it is pretty well known. Good news is, it is all worth it because in the end you have a better life.

Ok. I have had the band and then later the sleeve...you made the right choice. You have a brand new baby tummy! Like a Newborn it needs alot of TLC but it will mature and become much easier. I am 3.5 years post band to sleeve revision. I can eat enough at a sitting I just look like a petite eater. I am healthy, I am normal size, like my looks and like single digit clothing sizes. Give this time. What you experience now is temporary and take advantage of it to lose weight because a year from now you will regret not taking full advantage if you don't.

I had Fluid removed from my band in 2003....gained weight for sure as it was completely ineffective. Then I had the band removed in Sept 2011 - I was shocked at the 24/7 hunger and drive to eat. The only way I managed it was eating very low carb but I still gained. It was miserable but the good thing that came from it is I had NO DOUBT I needed the sleeve.

Forgot to mention.. today I had protein drinks for breakfast and lunch and then my restaurant "birthday dinner". I took my BDay off from work and did work around my place, was really active all day. Only reason I had my lunch shake is that I felt weak/tired - no hunger. The lesson that I learn over, and over and over again is quite simple. When I am eating alot, i get hungry. When I eat lightly my appetite decreases. sheesh, this isn't that complicated and yet it continues to be elusive.

Well, today is my birthday and for the most part it was a very good day - that ended kind of negatively. It sucks when that happens. for some reason my kid is really pissed off - what started it was he left a bunch of stuff out when he made dinner - which he almost always does. I get home and of course started doing my usual of cleaning up the mess when i just thought.. this is ridiculous. I waited for him to get out of the shower and then insisted he clean his own mess up. I was very calm through all of it, but he claims that he doesn't mind "helping out" but the way i communicate makes him angry. It was all i could do to keep from saying something i would regret like - MOVE YOUR EFFING ASS OUT... how do you like THAT communication...lol. He is planning to move in a month so no particular reason to damage our relationship any further by getting all upset. It is just old, really old. Then Scott called. He forgot it was my birthday, not that big of a deal since I told him when we first met. I tried to remind him when we talked early in the week, but he was so preoccupied with his daughter he wasn't really into talking to me so i just let it go. anyway, the disappointing part was last time we talked we were going to get together next week. He forgot about that and started going on about how he signed her up for hunters education classes so next week will be sitting through that every night from 6-9pm. So I was like...oh, i guess we aren't getting together next week and then I hear the wheels turning as he starts saying, oh we can do lunch or something. I do think he wants to keep seeing me, but he gets so obsessed.. so focused on what is in front of him. He is a very intense person which I am okay with, but you need to be able to follow more than one track at once. His daughter is and should be his #1 priority but this is kind of ridiculous that there is scarcely time for a phone call. Anyway, I am not all depressed, more annoyed than anything. Damn, before those last two interactions of the day - I would have said that turning freaking 51 wasn't so bad...