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I planned this surgery for a year. I dreamed about it for a lot longer than that. So, when my surgery finally got approved and scheduled, I immediately hid it from almost everyone close to me. No one at my office knows I was sleeved. Only my husband, best friend, 2nd Mom (my mom's best friend.... She stands in for my Mom), and one brother (of five siblings). Everyone else knows the "vague truth" story.... A procedure done to remove some of the fat in my liver and "roto-rooting" to discourage more fat build-up in my otherwise compromised liver. Still.... Sort of the truth. So, what's the big deal? Why am I hesitant to just say, "yeah, I got sleeved to lose weight?" Why is there shame around that? Is it because John Q Public who has always been height-weight proportionate is quick to judge it? It's the easy way out, right? More admiration and respect goes to those who lose weight on their own and keep it off. Right? Somehow, this is cheating? It's cheating to sacrifice 80% of a vital organ for the REST of my LIFE? It's the easy way out to never get to enjoy a big Thanksgiving meal with my family EVER again? I'm taking a short cut by undergoing general anesthesia and getting punctured - not once - but five times in the gut? It's just a vacation for me knowing my hair is going to fall out and I can only hope it grows back? Right. Still, I feel the social stigma of the shame that goes with. Today, I've been reflecting on this. And this is the peace I'm making with it. Society says they admire a person who loses weight "on their own." This includes people using appetite suppressants. An appetite suppressant is just a tool to prop them up, but THEY are the ones doing the HARD work. THEY are having to change their eating habits and choices. They couldn't do it without the appetite suppressant. It is a needed tool to accomplish their ultimate goal - lose weight. The sleeve IS AN APPETITE SUPPRESSANT. The difference is, IT actually WORKS, and works for the long-term FAR FAR FAR better than any prescription drug that is swallowed. And, I'm not adding chemicals to my body. I'm not forgetting to take it, or changing my mind about taking it, or dealing with unpleasant side effects. I have an appetite suppressant THAT REALLY WORKS! And, after the weight comes off, I won't rebound like most people do who "do it themselves" (according to John Q Public). So, I am thinking that we Sleevers have a responsibility to TEACH others. We have every right to hold our heads up with pride for being COURAGEOUS ENOUGH to make this lifelong commitment to change a lifelong brainwashing about healthy-eating and healthy-living. I refuse to accept any snide remarks from anyone. I will communicate pity to them for their ignorance and lack of evolving. And, I'll certainly offer to enlighten them on how one should think about their health going into the 21st Century. Sleeving isn't just giving me my life back. It is SAVING my life. I'm not ashamed of myself. I'm PROUD of me! I found a RELIABLE tool to use to lose weight. The most reliable tool available. This is the hardest work I've ever loved!

Surgery was July22, 2013; recovery time four weeks. No major problem other than morphine is not my friend. The weight is coming off at a rate I can enjoy. Any faster and I'd have to go to work in a sack. Lol the slow weight loss allows me to purchase a few new clothes. All of my 22-20 size pants don't fit and I can assume my skirts won't either. I don't get upset if the scale does not move. I just look in the mirror and can see the difference in the inches I've lost. Best advise, follow the program outlined by your doctor, go to all follow up appointments, ask when and how often you will need blood work done. Continue to get your fluids in everyday. Take your vitamins and supplements, they are very important. Eat protein first. When you are unsure, ask your doctor. We are all different so the way your doctor may have trained and performed the procedure will be different and the instructions you follow will be different from someone else. That does not make it wrong, just different. Join a support group that is up lifting, I don't stay on this one much any more due to some bad vibes of folks and I've had to block them. I do check in from time to time because there are good people asking great questions and need help. Have more than one support outlet. Lastly don't judge. How and why we became over weight is personal. How we opt to lose the weight is personal. When you start to judge, please stand in front of the mirror to ensure you include yourself in the mix. If anything play it forward, be a good mentor and friend. There are some out there that will truly benefit from it. Stay true to the journey. Karen

OK... so most of you know me as a member of the Banded b*****s. I have been called RUDE, SNARKY, UNHELPFUL. WONDERFUL, A LIFESAVER, all in the same day. Such is life. Maybe, it would help if some of you knew more about me. I am currently 63 years old, banded at 62 on October 31, 2011. I am 8 pounds from my personal goal, but have achieved my GP, WL Surgeon, NP and Nutritionists goal of 175. I moved my own goal down to remind me that this is a life style not a short term diet. I will always keep working. I am 5'9" tall and no wear size 8 jeans, down from 20/22's My highest weight was 263, On the personal side, I am a wife (29 years with hubby # 2, # 1 and I parted ways.) I am a mother of two girls one 40 and the other 37. I am a grandmother to two gorgeous ladies, Morgan soon to be 13 and Grace 9 1/2. They belong to the older daughter. I have 2 great son-in-laws as well. I am the Godmother of two other young girls, Grace and Eva. I have been retired for almost 10 years. My hobbies are quilting, golf and traveling. My husband and I have been to all 7 continents and over 50 countries. We actually lived in Brussels, Belgium for 2 years, and still miss our favorite Neuhaus Chocolate. Good thing we are not there now, or I might have even more problems maintaining weight loss! LOL I have been an active member of LBT and really like helping newbies. My less than polite side come out when people ask what I consider stupid questions.... Like "gee do my scars look infected to you" or I went out drinking and threw op for 36 hours do you think I damaged my band." If you want positive help from me stay away from asking medical questions. We all have surgeons, nutritionists and other medical professionals for that. If you hurt take a pain pill or call your doctor. I love my LAP BAND and all the members of my private social group the Banded b*****s, so don'; pick on them either. We are all here to learn and help. I learn new things every day, and I hope a help a few other along the way. That's it for my first ever blog. I planning to go in for a fill next week, let you know how that goes. It will be my third. CHEZNOEL, AKA Princess Grammy.

Expectations. I think one of the biggest problems with my gaining and losing weight over the years is my expectation of the situation. Reading the forums here I see that I'm not the only one who suffers from expectation problems. For example in late 2012, I joined Ideal Protein. It's a medically supervised low carb, high protein diet that garners relatively fast results. I was expecting to lose weight quickly and I did. What was the problem? I expected to lose it faster than that! I expected to lose 100 lbs in under 6 months and when I had successfully lost 75 lbs I couldn't really consider it a success. I wanted to but I didn't make my goal. I didn't live up to my expectation. Had I looked at the reality of the situaton: I LOST 75 LBS IN 6 MONTHS perhaps I woiuld've been more gentle with myself. Perhaps I would have taken more pride in my accomplishment, perhaps I would've care more or acted sooner when I started to feel the weight start to slowly creep back. My reality was that I had already failed at this process and so the 5 pound gain that turned to 10 which quickly morphed to 50 lbs was simply more failure. With this process I'm trying really hard to have zero expectations of how it's going to work out but that's easier said than done. From my first meeting the expectation was that it would take months to fulfill the insurance company requirements. I wasn't going to let that deter me. Just proceed on and understand that this could take a while. Nutrition and Psychology and the toughest to schedule with people waiting MONTHS to get appointments. I was prepared. I had zero expectations. My psychology appointment was booked on a Wednesday for the following Monday. WHAT? When I discovered that my 6 months at Ideal Protein covered my nutrition requirements and I only had to see the nutritionist twice through the surgeons office I was pleasantly surprised but I was told that scheduling them could take months. I had my two appointments within 30 days. That was better than any expectation I could've set for myself. As of yesterday, I have fulfilled all of my requirements for the insurance company submittal process so now I have to wait. I know that it can take up to 7 weeks to get an answer from my insurance company but I plan to just continue to have zero expectation of time. It will unfold as it has to unfold and I will yield to the time gently. I'm going to carry this out to my surgery and then to my weight loss following surgery. I know that there are many people who have lost extraordinary amounts of weight in short periods of time. I know others who have had more stalls than a football staduim's restroom but I am neither of those people. I am me and my weightloss will be unique to me. My goals is to: Follow my surgeon's instructions Make my meal planning a priority Keep my body moving Educate my family on what this surgery is doing for me Not compare myself, my diet, my surgeon, my instructions to any other persons Have zero expectations of how this wll play out but know that if I just follow the rules it will play out as my body needs it to. Tha'ts my new reality.

I am 7 days away from an 8 mile hike up to LeConte Lodge in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, 8 days away from hiking 5.5 miles down from that mountain, 9 days away from a 7 day vacation in Hawaii, and 32 days away from being sleeved. It is going to be an exciting month. However, I have really struggled with the "food funeral". I have had binge like behavior for the past couple of weeks, and have basically let my "inner fat girl" have everything she wants, and the result of that...the added weight, the bloat, the heart burn, the sluggish "I just want to be lazy" feelings, etc have taken enough of a toll on me, and I have finally decided that enough is enough. It's time to start preparing my brain for what my body is about to go through. Today I kind of gave the following talk to myself... Dear Food, You have always been there for me. You were there for me when I was alone in the evenings after school, you were there for me when people hurt my feelings, you were there when I was alone, you were there when I was rejected, when I was awarded, when I was celebrated. You were there through the loneliness of my teens when I didn't have any "real" friends..during the long hour and a half drive from my mom's to my dad's house when I started driving alone. You were there through my college years when boys rejected me, when the school work got hard and continued on into the night. You were there in my lonely apartment in my early 20's, and there when I went through the financial crisis which landed me back in my parent's house feeling defeated. You were there when I moved to a new state at 28 with my fiance' and I was stressed about leaving everything I knew and loved behind other than this one man. And you were there when my dad died of a heart attack at 57 (obesity related) one week after that move, and through the months that followed trying to get his estate finalized while living 500 miles away. You were there in the nervousness of my wedding, and of being a new bride. You were there through the stresses of every long day of every tax season, and then when I went out on my own as a bookkeeper. You have been there every evening to help me alleviate stress lately. You have been what I've looked forward to at the end of the day. You have comforted me, you have praised me, you have distracted me, you have brought me pleasure. But you have also brought me pain. You have brought me "weight", literally. My bones hurt, my body aches, my feet are killing me, my back feels like it's in knots. My heart races these days with the slightest hill or stair case. You have made me depressed which caused me to ponder that death might be better than life when I feel I can't overcome your power. You are holding me back from my passions of the outdoors. I can hardly hike up hills these days without feeling like I'm going to die. My heel pain is just getting worse with every pound you add to my body. I don't feel sexy anymore... You are tearing apart my life and I'm only 32. I thank you for having been there for me, but I think in order to have the best life I can, I'm going to have to part with you, or atleast part of you. God has brought other things into my life to take over the work you were doing all alone. I have a husband who can comfort me and celebrate me. I have friends who can help me to not be lonely and a bible study group to strengthen me when I'm feeling bad. I have a bike, a kayak, hiking boots and a backpack that will keep me entertained. I have a fantastic gym membership and a mini home gym that can keep me distracted from work when need be. I have kitties who can sooth me on lonely days when I need "love" (okay, my husband can do that too if he's not working late) I will be okay with out large quantities of you. Our relationship is changing, and while I'll still partake of you, I need the best you, you have to give.... things that will make me strong and healthy instead of weak and lazy. The sugary things that I let sooth me have to go...perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy a bite or two, but since you've turned me into a sugar addict, that day will be far away when I'm at goal and am finally in control. Here's to change! Tomorrow, I will start a low carb, 2 protein shakes a day (I have plenty of sample packets to choose from), and one protein + complex carb + either 1/2 a sweet potato or 1/2 cup cooked quinoa meal a day, food plan. I will get out of this sugar fog, and back into "the light". And I'll flush out the funk with lots of water and green tea. I'm ready to start my new life even though I am 32 days before surgery and am only required to do a 7 day low carb pre-op diet. I'm just ready! With my hike before Hawaii, and lots of hiking/walking planned in Hawaii (and fresh pineapple!!) I can stay on track until my surgery. Wish me luck fellow pre op and post op sleevers! I appreciate you and your stories and questions more than you know!! Edit: No need to suggest counseling...I've already been doing it for 5 months and will probably continue after surgery. I wish I could say it's helping with the mental stuff...but I don't see it.

I packed my normal breakfast of a Protein shake and a some steel cut oats, and drank my shake when I got to my desk. a couple of hours later I was hungry again and pulled my oatmeal out. Then Mistress Band spoke, "I'm not eating that stuff, get me some more protein!" So down to the cafeteria for a couple for eggs and hash browns, threw 3/4 of the hash browns away, and Mistress Band is now one happy camper. When I woke up this morning, I was feeling pretty lethargic, I knew I had been doing a lot of physical labor on 1300 calories a day with the constant snow fall here, but I thought I had been allowing for that. My body disagreed, and a real part of my journey is learning to listen to my band and my body. Food for thought.

It’s day seven of my liquid diet, and today was the first time I really struggled. First, let me say that today was a great day in many respects. My husband and I took our oldest on a college visit today where he and other students auditioned and interviewed for theater scholarships. I’m not just saying this because I’m his mom—my son did great! Some of the professors even told me so afterwards. He had such a great experience today (this was our second visit), that he decided to commit to the school, which is a huge load off of all of our minds. My son really shined today, and I’m excited about this new chapter in his life. He's going to do amazing things! Okay, now here’s the crabby part. This, as many of you already know, is just a really hard time of year to be on a liquid diet. (Though I'm sure every time of the year has its own unique challenges.) While on campus today, we were treated to lunch in a recently updated dining hall that truly is more like a collection of restaurants. It puts my old college’s microwave eggs and frozen pizzas to shame! And it was a social lunch, one that was stretched out for an hour so that we could talk to the faculty and visit with other prospective students. I felt a little self-conscious about my tiny bowl of soup (which probably wasn’t even technically on my list) as people went back for seconds. Then, we were enthusiastically encouraged to hit the icecream bar. I got another diet soda—a no-no, I know, but at least it wasn’t the icecream bar, and it made me feel like I was having a treat. After a very long two hour drive, we got back into town right around supper time and stopped to pick up my two younger kids from my mom’s house. When we got there, my kids showed off the frosted Christmas sugar cookies they made and everyone endulged—except me. Now, I can see this as a small victory, and I do, but I felt bad because my 3 year old daughter didn’t entirely understand why I wasn’t eating her special cookies. And I felt like my mom was disappointed in me too. Maybe it was in my head, but she kept looking at me like, “Come on, Jennie, just eat one, for your kids.” Then Mom continued to talk about how excited that she was that her favorite pizza place was moving back into our neighborhood. I got out of there as quickly as I could. As soon as I got home, my phone was ringing. My little sis, who lives 3 hours away, is hosting a girls weekend at her place this weekend. It’s the first time she’s had many of the girls of the family down to visit since she moved there, and she’s especially excited because she has a beautiful new home and it’s all decked out for the holidays. Plus, she’s newly pregnant. If you haven’t noticed already—backing out of the trip is simply not a possibility. She is really supportive of what I’m doing, but in her defense, she’s been planning this weekend for a while, and certainly not just for me. So on the agenda for the weekend: a winery (and I LOVE wine—it’s kinda my thing), a local festival of fresh baked goods and Christmas crafts (the crafts should be cool), and then out on the town for dinner in Kansas City. Sigh. This is going to be a tough week, I can tell. But, here it is: I have 7 days left, and A LOT to do. I have to get sub plans ready for the 9 days I’ll miss work, and I pretty much need to have Christmas shopping and wrapping done before I leave town Friday. I teach a college night class, and the grades for that are due next week, and I have to take my student group out to buy gifts for ten area needy kids that we “adopted” for Christmas. I’m hoping that I’m so busy, I won’t have time to lament the loss of real food. Though this weekend will be tough. I’ll just have to keep focused on my surgery. It will be here before I know it. Writing this all down has really helped me get my head around where I am emotionally today. Maybe I wanted to eat more today because, even though it’s a really wonderful milestone, there’s something very bittersweet in my son’s final selection of a college. This is exactly the kind of thing that I would have celebrated by going out for a nice, high calorie dinner! And maybe it’s bothering me that I don’t feel as supported by my extended family as I wish I was. But on the other hand, I’m never going to change them, and I love them how they are. I’m sure I drive them nuts from time to time. And my husband has been amazing. He’s passing on food all the time just so that he’s not eating in front of me. He is even making all of the dinners for the kids right now, which allows me to make my shake/soup/yogurt/whatever and go sit and unwind a minute alone at the end of the day. So I have a lot to stay positive about—I’ve having the surgery, afterall. I’m only days away from something I’ve wanted for almost two years. So I just need to stay positive. Stay positive.

Wow! Today has been a 180 from yesterday in terms of how I'm feeling about myself and the surgery. I am not down in the dumps. I kept super busy most of the day, but when I was able to wind down, I had some time to think about some of the things I was told in my pre-op class... My dietician told me that she likes to listen to audio books while she walks on her treadmill or exercises. There are a few reasons why this is an awesome idea... 1. Watching TV while exercising you have 1/3 commercials... most commercials are of fatty, delicious food. Seriously, NOT what I need when I'm trying to lose weight and break bad habits! 2. Music is a good option too, but after a week, you've heard them all and it doesn't really appeal anymore. 3. If you are like me and enjoy books but don't have time to sit down and read in the peace and quiet... kill 2 birds with 1 stone! Knock out my exercising and feed my brain all at the same time! I thought, well, I will give that a try. Looking into it, I found that it is really expensive to download books... goodness gracious! After some researching and confusion of what their "deal" was, I found that I like audible.com best. I got the app for my iPod touch and download a few books. I found some good inspirational books by Joel Osteen... How? I'm not sure... I have NO idea how his book got brought up. Thank goodness it did though! It was just what I needed and I didn't even know it. So, I downloaded my book, ran downstairs, and fired up the treadmill... for the second time since surgery. (I've been walking, but more aimlessly around inside buildings and even my house.) I haven't had the motivation to really get into exercising yet for some reason. I got excited about the audio book thing though and was eager to get going. I hopped on the treadmill and next time I looked down I had been on for 10 minutes... like nothing. I only ended up walking 15 though. I didn't want to overdo myself because I'm still pretty sore at times. This book (so far.. I had to stop myself after the intro, before he got into "Day 1") talked about how your words affect your future. If you wake up tired and say, "Oh, man. I'm just so tired. It's going to be a horrible day." It will be. I've been told that a million times... blah blah blah. I know. I needed a reminder though. If you're feeling tired, say outloud, "I feel great. I'm healthy. Today is going to be a great day!" It will be a good day! Also, it talked about how no one believes the things you say about yourself quite as much as you do. If you tell yourself enough that you are beautiful, happy, blessed, radiant, soon enough you will feel like you are... and you will be! I needed these words (although I paraphrased A LOT from what the book says) I hope that they help someone else through their time of difficulty too. Today truly has been a great day for me. I hope it has been for you too!! I HIGHLY recommend considering listening to an audiobook while exercising. There are soooo many out there that there will be something for everyone to download.

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Tomorrow, tomorrow, he'll sleeve me tomorrow.....it's only a day away!!! Yes, I love music.....and shoes. Funny how those 2 things seem to be the back drop of my life and memories. But for tomorrow, I am as ready as I'll be. My mother asked yesterday if I was afraid, if I was prepared. My answer was, " I don't have time to be afraid or prepare. Are you kidding me?" And that is so true. Between work (I really do love my job), my 4 kids, and 1 very pregnant daughter in law.....I am a busy girl. I laughingly told my mom "I'm really kinda looking forward to the 24-48 hours of peace and quiet!"......she just sighed. My sister calls today (she is the youngest). She is excited for me to have the WLS so she can see how much trouble it is. Honestly, why am I the guinea pig? I'm the oldest, that's why. She's obese too and knows something has gotta give.......she's just hoping that something won't be her knee! Weight, really is a ghost......haunts every aspect of your life. My kiddos are pretty pumped. The father's day card I gave their father depicted a man dressed in tails with a shapely woman in a red dress on his arm (wearing great, black, high high heels). They all laughed and said,"Dad, that'll be you and mom next year!' I laughed too cause I was thinking the same thing!! I don't have any wisdom, poignant thought at this point. I'm too busy day dreaming about really great heels.................