The Fat Lady is Tuning UP, Dec. 20, 2006

[20 Dec 2006|10:05am]

[

bouncy

]

Last night was my mother's 75th birthday. There is a special seafood restaurant on the edge of the Cotee River that serves their dinners with shiney oak floors, high polished brass shipboard props and taxidermed fish floating through the air.

We do love our appetizers. Vidalia onions, sliced medium, dredged in cracker meal and fried right. Here came this plate heaped high and hot.

Out of the six people at our table, the other server placed the dish directly in front of me and not blinking he looked me square in the eye and asked if I would like a refill on my tea. "Sure", I said. I looked at the rest of my family and they didn't see what I saw. The server automatically thought the food went to the fattest person at the table!

Being my usual sarcastic yet jovial self, I hunched over that plate like a dog on a meat wagon and annouced to the waiter " I'm good " while I grabbed a hot ring. My husband immediately picked up on it, my sister didn't, my mother was more wondering why HER rings were not down at her end of the table. It's that assumption. Like it never goes away or it goes so far away assumption has crossed the space-time continuum and will meet me sometime next year. Like the booths at (Belly Deli) restaurant.

Who believes that the average human has the body circumfrence of a medium sized vase? So I got to the point of asking for a "Belly Booth".

Hey, who wants a gastric bypass with your dinner?

Reflux with your dessert?

"No thanks, I'm good".