Skip to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.
BariatricPal

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.

  • Appearance

Lap_dancer's Journal

A blog by Lap_dancer in General

  • Entries

    27

  • Comments

    27

  • Views

    4,279

About this blog

I'm with The Band

Entries in this blog

Here I am, Stuck in the middle with you

What is the one thing that you find most discouraging?   Friends that let you down?, betrayal?, false hope?, for me it is discouragement. The thing I find most discouraging is discouragement.   After all the journeys, Colorado for the Band, I had hope of finally feeling normal. Just when normal started touching my skin something else felt abnormal One year later I sit here with another narrative from a CT scan of my spine:   Findings: Alignment abnormality is noted with mild levoscolios

The Really Big Show

It's Wednesday, January7th. I woke up this morning (with a wine glass in my hand, whose wine? what wine?...-Frampton) I woke up and got out of bed. I slept well last night. This is a big treat for me. For years the other person that is attached to the front part of my body in the form of fat prevented me from sleeping on my stomach. If I tried, my head would not touch the pillow but would hang precariously shoving my breasts up under my already tripled chin. Not comfortable.   The first

If Six Were Nine and Other Experiences in Lavender

Part of the joy in my life comes from a group I call my "Bohemian Brothers and Sisters", the artsy fartsy musicans, painters and potters that I share my muses with.   There is Dave, an amazing musician that despite a lifetime of diabetes, he is a career musician, makes a living at playing guitar ( just like a ringin' a bell), there is Glenn, a photograher who captures the money shot in less than five frames. I have Lia, she moved to Florida from the Pacific Northwest and with her she brought

Lighten Up from 9 Ways

Lighten Up   Resolution: Lose weight   Make it stick: This resolution seems to make its way on the list every year. But in 2009, you can easily make room for fitness in your life by simply making room for it in your house. Any extra bedroom or den can be transformed into a mini fitness studio. Bring Sexy Back   Resolution: Increase my sex life   Make it stick: To keep this promise, start from the ground up. Help set the mood with a bedroom that is free of clutter, kid’s toys, and ot

In the Mouths of Babes

People become protective of the babes of the world when it comes to things like smoking while pregnant, or drinking, using appropriate language and otherwise setting a good example. I don't ever recall once hearing anything about setting a good example for my family but eating healthy choices.   Where were the articles, WALK-A-THONS, bumper stickers and billboards advocating the wise choices of food? How about a "No Sugar Saturday"?   It's January now so of course the channels are fi

Truckin'

what a long, strange trip it's been... I had lost 25 lbs for our trip to Seattle. I thought I looked fabulous. But in this photo I was sitting, instead of standing, because I had been on my feet about twenty minutes so I was pretty beat. I also didn't want my hanging stomach to show in a photo, it was halfway down my legs and the girth would be obvious, so I sat.     But goofing around, my husband caught this photo anyway   HOW TO HIDE fat in a PHOTO and on this cruise, I hid

When it begins to slow down check and then check again

About eight months ago my weight hung around three hundred pounds like un wanted company. I checked my food intake, looked at my card to see if I was green. I had my last fill in Feb. 2008. I had great restriction and felt like I finally hit my sweet spot.   Long spaces of time between meals, not even thinking about food, obsessing about food is more like it. That was gone. Drinking my meals, gone. Gulping food, gone. I had retrained myself successfully but each time I tried to do the r

Photos and getting near the present

Picking it up now, I am glad I journaled those words. I'm glad moreso that I took the photos that reveal the mass attached to my body.   I'm coming up on two years now. My anniversary and birthday is April 17th. It feels more like a birth.   The unexpected hit me hard and I wasn't prepared. Foremost I had to speak the truth, what my real weight was, the peak weight. It was documented when I went to the hospital so I know just how big I got but fearing I would be turned away, jeered, an

The words that lay low in my soul

11:37p A long thoughtWhen does it become necessary to elevate your dispair to a level of desperation. Such is the case of myself. No one can possible know the depth of depression to rise in the morning and swing my legs off the side of the bed and pause , feeling the rush of blood to my head...dizzy...grabbing the headpost of my bed and bracing myself as I pull hard for support to rise from my bed. Walking on the sides of my feet because THAT is less painful than walking flat footed across to

And the WORD was NO. No insurance paying..desparate people do desperate things

Sulking within myself I spent the next six weeks feeling it was all a waste. Then I found a website, LapBand Talk. I wasn't alone. Loads of rejection just like my own story with my insurance.   Then it came to this day:   Just beforeIt is less than 24 hours before my flight to Denver. I'm thinking of John Denver's song "Rocky Mountain High" because it takes me back to 1976 and happier times. I think of patchwork quilts and Earth shoes, incense and anything natural down to makeup. I

A letter of appeal to the Review Panel

Date Printed: January 5, 2007: 10:48 PM Supplemental Letter for January 9, 2007     January 3, 2007       Dear Review Panel:   Presented to you for review is my case for a gastric procedure known as a laproscopic banding procedure or "Lap-Band". In a lower review, BCBSFL did not dispute that I meet the criteria for the Lap-Band procedure. There is no dispute that I would benefit from weight loss surgery and there is no dispute that losing weight would be beneficial to my health. At

APPEALS LETTERS: Whatever it takes.....

Letter of appeal [04 Jan 2007|05:47pm] Dear Maryann:   Thank you for our conversation today regarding my Physican to Physican review and Level Two Appeals. I understand that you will contact Dr. Sichelman and let their office know what time to phone in for the meeting. I won't be calling in as I believe the final information I would send would be these photos. I'll add captions to each one so that your team can understand what the photo is of.   First, I was not able to capture my enti

Appeals letters

Appealing this thing to BCBS/Level II appeals to insurance [03 Jan 2007|05:53pm] Level II   Supplemental Letter for January 9, 2006     January 3, 2006       Dear Review Panel:   Presented to you for review is my case for a gastric procedure known as a laproscopic banding procedure or "Lap-Band". In a lower review, BCBSFL did not dispute that I meet the criteria for the Lap-Band procedure. There is no dispute that I would benefit from weight loss surgery and there is no dispute

The Fat Lady is Tuning UP, Dec. 20, 2006

Embarrassing, Humilating, Why I hate going out in public and eating... I think there is something very wrong with a person who never wants change. Cenophobia or Centophobia- Fear of new things or ideas. Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions. http://phobialist.com/     The Fat Lady is Tuning Up [20 Dec 2006|10:05am] [ mood | bouncy ]   Last night was my mother's 75th birthday. There is a spe

The Appeals Process Begins 11/2006

THE FIGHT BEGINS [02 Nov 2006|08:09am] Hello Maryann:   Please note the following BCBS finding and add to my review for the Level II panel prior to the meeting. Perhaps inter-office documentation will have a broader scope on this. PR   November 2006 The following Assessments and Special Reports were acted on at the November 2, 2006, Blue Cross and Blue Shield Association Medical Advisory Panel (MAP) meeting:   Laparoscopic Adjustable Gastric Banding for Mor

Our Meeting, October 17, 2006

Last night was my first meeting with the support group. The new attendees were there by 6 PM for the lecture on the gastric procedures. Already I am feeling like a graduate of Novice University. Chris and I arrived about a half an hour late and caught the tail end of the presentation. Next month I think he and I should go to the 6 PM orientation so he can understand what is happening.   Chris seems as eager for me as I am for myself. He has questions like he did when I was pregnant with the

Marilyn Knows: Words Part II

Now, about real psychological issues. On one list on which I participated for a long time, the subject of childhood abuse came up and a surprisingly large number of people, mostly female, but some men too, had been abused as children. I don't know if there's been any research to see if there is any link between childhood abuse and obesity, but I bet there is one. But of course, that is apocryphal. Just my gut suspicion.   America is a food-centric society these days. If you doubt this, watch t

Marilyn KNows: Words from one who knows the Journey

Obesity, Psychology and Weight Loss Surgery by Marilyn Armstrong co. 2003 (write to author for re-print permissions)       Okay. Time to shove my (unasked) oar in these waters.   I am a gastric bypass patient (3/4/02) who has had multiple complications. In fact, I still have multiple complications. AND I have lost much more weight than I intended and am now downright skinny, although others seem more disturbed by it than I am. And no, I do NOT regret the surgery. Sure the complications ha

October 9, 2006 Insurance

Shall we dance?   It occurred to me while being on HOLD with my insurance company that I am an I.D. to them. A subscriber. So far this subscriber has done everything prescribed to jump the hoops one step closer to the belly dance.   So far I've had the ignorant, prejudiced dietician with the health department tell me I need to learn more self control. She also felt the need to tell me this procedure could kill me. And my lap band procedure relates to 12 grapes with carbs how??? She never did

The insurance challenge begins

Trying to weigh down the heavy.   You would think with all of the excersion I've experienced in my life, the insurance industry would understand that NO simply means an obsticle to overcome. Don't they appear to be the first to confess that WE the obese of America, have a difficult time accepting NO? So why all the fuss? Why the obstacles to my surgery?   Get this. Today my insurance company told me they have no list for dieticians or nutritionists. Nothing. Nada.   Job description for nu

Sharing my find

Lap DanceThat's what I'm calling it.   I'm going to do the Lap Dance, I'm going to be Lap Dancing.   Still waiting to hear from the physician's office. I will call them once I get home. I may take tomorrow off.   I have an urgent urgency to get this done.   Last night I told my daughter. It was almost 3 AM, I couldn't sleep. My intention was to tell no one, just my husband. I stayed up because I am so excellerated in my hyper mental state that my normal LULL to bed is gone. She was up

The Band

Lap-Band: Laparoscopic Gastric Banding    [07 Sep 2006|08:41am]   What is it?   The Operation:   The idea behind the operation is to create a small pouch in the upper part of the stomach with a controlled and adjustable stoma, without stapling, thus limiting food intake.   A gastric band device is introduced through tiny (1cm) incisions in the abdomen and is placed around the upper part of the stomach. The resulting pouch (or the "new stomach") dramatically reduces the functional cap

And then they said NO: Sept 6 2006

and then they said NO[06 Sep 2006|04:23pm]           Everything I have done in my life has led me up to this moment. My reading of positive books, my most preferred books by Gerry Spence "How to Argue and Win Everytime", there was a Gerry in my orientation group ( a sign?) there was an orientation class happening on a Monday that I happened to have off ( a sign?) that Monday was only a few days from when I first called this center ( a sign?), my ability to deal w

Journal , Time to Start This Journey, from Sept.3, 2006

Time to start this journey  [03 Sep 2006|10:57am]           [music     |   The first time ever I saw your face   [03 Sep 2006|10:57am When did it hit me? When Chris said, "think of all the things you would have done in Alaska had you not had a mobility issue"(?) Probably.   It all seem to come to synchronicity (great album BTW). Half day at school, I needed to renew my prescriptions and see the doctor about that darn rash. I went to my dentist after school

Account

Navigation

Search

Search

Configure browser push notifications
Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.