I think I can, I think I can...
By clayverde
· 395 views
Well, it is day 4. I am still hungry, miserable, and have a growing hatred for Slimfast. I look forward to bed time each night because it means that I have made it through another day!!!
I find myself going over the list of approved liquids again and again, like this time maybe I'll find something on there I missed before. You know, like a steak. Or whatever. But no, the list remains the same and is only filled with crappy stuff.
Yesterday was really rough for me. I was all right in the am. I talked to my mom and was okay. But in the pm I just kept getting worse and worse. More hungry, more depressed, more upset until I started crying. Patrick tried to cheer me up, but as he doesn't have a liquid, no fat, no calorie, no carb cupcake, there wasn't much he could do besides hug me. Which is great. But not cheesecake.
So I calmed down. And then I got myself some chicken broth to heat up for dinner. I had gotten some garlic chicken broth thinking a little garlic flavor might shake things up a bit and normally I love garlic. So I open the can and I immediately gag a little at the strong smell of garlic. Hmm.. I strain out the chunks of actual garlic and heat up the broth. Still not smelling good. I sit and take a sip and I really gag. I put the spoon down and burst into tears. "I don't even like my BROTH!!" Patrick suggested a hot shower so I went into the shower and cried in there. But after a little bit, the warm water helped calm me down and then I cleaned up. When I got out I felt a little better. A little more in control.
But I was still starving, so I asked Pat to make me a shake of Slimfast and some ice for "dinner" because if I went into the kitchen, I knew that it would be all over. Patrick would find me a half an hour later sitting on the floor with pieces of food strewn all around me and my face covered with a look of absolute contentment. So, while that was tempting, I knew I had to be strong and asked Pat to make the shake. Which he did. And I drank it. And it still sucked.
When I went to bed, Patrick saw me smiling and asked why I was happy and I told him "because another day of this hell is over!"
And here I am again. Doing the same thing. Today is a bit better, but man this sucks. I find myself obsessively reading and posting on the boards here. I write the longest posts ever. But being on here and involved in the posts help me focus on other people's problems and distract me from my issues. Plus it helps me focus on why I am going through this.
Speaking of staying on track and keeping focus, the nurse from the hospital called today, Dave. I saw that it was the hospital and I have been reading so much about surgeries being canceled and all, that I got nervous. So I answered and he asked how I was and I said fine. The he said, "How are you REALLY? With the diet and all?" I laughed and told him that I was following the diet exactly and hadn't cheated or anything, but not to ask me if I was happy. He said that patients even a year later say that this pre-op diet was the hardest part of the entire experience. Then Dave asked if I had any other questions. Luckily, since we were on the phone I had the guts to ask the question (which I never would have if I was in the office) "What are the rules for after the surgery for .... sexual relations?" I could tell that he wanted to laugh but wouldn't because he didn't want to make me even more uncomfortable, but said that it was "as tolerated." He said that too early and too much friction could cause the little wounds to open up again, but other than that, it was fine. Although, I have to say for right now, regardless of how hot Pat is (and he is!), unless he is covered in chocolate and/or whipped cream, I'm just not interested. :biggrin:
Well, I am going to make my kids some lunch and try not to lick the deli ham juice off my fingers.....
Would that count as a liquid?
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