Was getting the lapband irresponsible?

Hello all...

In March I flew to Mexico and had lapband surgery. With the cost of the surgery, our flight, and our passports, altogether I spent about $10,000. I am a single mother and have seriously struggled the past year to support myself and my kids. I am a cook and don't make much money. last year I had to take a 2nd job bartending to make ends meet. Eventually, I had to file bankrupsy.

Finally, in December, my divorce was final. I didn't get much of a settlement, just $15,000 from the little equity in our home. With this money I paid off bills, bought my son a cheap car, prepaid 4 months rent, and chose to have lapband surgery. I discussed it with my kids, and they were 100% for it. My body is shot... I have tendonitis in my feet, have lost almost all the cartilledge in my right knee, my back kills me, and I am downing pain killers like they were candy. At 39 yrs old and 305 lbs, it seemed the smart thing to do was to have the surgery.

So, I did it. I should be happy and enthusiastic, but I feel so guilty. I am in the same position I was before... I have no money, and can barely pay the rent. I am behind on all of my bills and have little food for the kids. I am also do for my first fill, and there is no way I can afford to do it. And I am, again, looking for a second job. The point of getting this surgery was to get healthy and spend quality time with my kids. Instead, I have just put myself in the positon once again to have to work all the time. And if that weren't enough, my son is graduating in June and I can't even afford the cap and gown let alone a gift. I have utilized every resource that is available to me... I have got insurance for my kids and have got my son a pell grant for college next year. But, it just isn't enough.

I am so depressed. I should be happy and looking forward to the new life that lies before me. Instead, I feel like I made a very selfish decision, and should have used my money to get ahead. I thought I was doing the right thing. I haven't told anybody but my kids that I am out of money. My kids are still so supportive. They say I made the right choice and that they are proud of me. But right now, I just feel ashamed.

Don't be so hard on yourself. If you didn't get the band, you might be dead soon. Obesity carries so many other health risks. You should be proud of yourself for deciding to take care of your weight issue. Your kids were behind you 100%, so stay united with them and be as successful as you can on your journey.....

You can't look back because you can't change the past. You need to focus forward and strategize about what your next move should be. If you need to get another job, then focus on that. Why not consider one of the network marketing companies out there? You can't make better money working in a department store.

Feeling ashamed is not going to help you. You need to hold your head up high and take control. I am a big fan of "The Secret". Basically it is all about the law of attraction. "What you think about, you bring about". Keep your energy positive and positive things will come back to you. If you keep thinking about being in debt, you will always be in debt!!!

Good luck!!

Don't feel ashamed, you are trying to be the best mother you can be, and in order to do that, you have to take care of yourself. I'm sorry you are having so much financial difficulties, its not easy - I understand.

Hang in there and try and focus on the good and positive in life.

I really hope you can get the funds to get the fill because the band doesn't work without the propper restriction. How much are they charging you for fills? Where do you live? Be careful where you get your fills and make sure they understand that you are self pay and need good restriction the first time, or they might have you keep coming back and back and back.

Thank you for your response. I do feel better today, and yes, I do need to look forward instead of regretting the past. Me and the kids have sufferred so bad this past year. My ex basicly had an affair, and once I found out about it, I had to leave. He was terrible to my kids... he was terrible to me. he would not leave the home, so me and the kids left... with $300 and a credit card. He wouldn't allow me to take much of anything, so I had to pretty much start from scratch. I have worked so hard to make our house a home... and to provide for my kids. And honestly, I have done a tremendous job considering the cicumstances.

I used this venue to vent about my guilt and hardship because I don't feel that I have anyone in my life that I can talk to about this. I don't want my friends and family knowing that I went into this surgery knowing that I would have little money once I was done. I don't want people to be dissappointed in me. I am so thankful to have this place to post my feelings and get feedback. Thank you very much for taking the time to respond.

To answer sunshines questions...I live in Washington state. My first visit for my fill is $350. After that it is around $100 for each fill. I lost about 25 lbs so far... but I am now feeling next to no restriction since most all of the swelling has gone down. I am concerned about gaining... I am hungrier and hungrier everyday. I have been making good food choices, but of course I am concerned that eventually I will start making the bad ones.

I have a question... if you don't fill the band, does that increase the risk of the band slipping? Just curious. Thanks again for the response... and i am sure I will snap out of this funk soon.

Wow, you have been through a lot. You should call the doc's office and ask if they can give you a break on the fill. Explain your situation and they may just let you do it for $100. Since you paid out of pocket, you probably paid more anyway!!! Definitely CALL them!!!! If you don't ask, then you'll never know.

Your health is more important now than ever!! Take care of yourself..... It may increase the risk of band slippage and then you will be in a worse predicament....

When you wake up in the morning, try to think of everything that you are grateful for. If you start your day this way it will give you the power and the strength to face the day with a positive attitude. Don't focus on your hardships (I know it will be hard to do), focus on your kids and yourself....

Keep your chin up!!!!

Karen, thats a pretty good deal on the fills. Especially $100 a fill. My doc charges $200 for non patients, My insurance pays for mine, I think I have to pay about 10%, but not too bad.

To answer your question, No, keeping the band unfilled does not make it a risk to slip. From my studies on the internet, it seems the tighter and the more you PB the more likely you are to have a slipped band.

Try and get a fill, because it will help with the hunger. It usually takes an average of 3 fills to get a restricition, I say average. Some need more, some need less. For me, I am on fill #10!

Hang in there sweetie and keep your chin up, you did the best thing for you and your kids by leaving the SOB. What a jerk!