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Was getting the lapband irresponsible?

Hello all...   In March I flew to Mexico and had lapband surgery. With the cost of the surgery, our flight, and our passports, altogether I spent about $10,000. I am a single mother and have seriously struggled the past year to support myself and my kids. I am a cook and don't make much money. last year I had to take a 2nd job bartending to make ends meet. Eventually, I had to file bankrupsy.   Finally, in December, my divorce was final. I didn't get much of a settlement, just $15,000 from the little equity in our home. With this money I paid off bills, bought my son a cheap car, prepaid 4 months rent, and chose to have lapband surgery. I discussed it with my kids, and they were 100% for it. My body is shot... I have tendonitis in my feet, have lost almost all the cartilledge in my right knee, my back kills me, and I am downing pain killers like they were candy. At 39 yrs old and 305 lbs, it seemed the smart thing to do was to have the surgery.   So, I did it. I should be happy and enthusiastic, but I feel so guilty. I am in the same position I was before... I have no money, and can barely pay the rent. I am behind on all of my bills and have little food for the kids. I am also do for my first fill, and there is no way I can afford to do it. And I am, again, looking for a second job. The point of getting this surgery was to get healthy and spend quality time with my kids. Instead, I have just put myself in the positon once again to have to work all the time. And if that weren't enough, my son is graduating in June and I can't even afford the cap and gown let alone a gift. I have utilized every resource that is available to me... I have got insurance for my kids and have got my son a pell grant for college next year. But, it just isn't enough.   I am so depressed. I should be happy and looking forward to the new life that lies before me. Instead, I feel like I made a very selfish decision, and should have used my money to get ahead. I thought I was doing the right thing. I haven't told anybody but my kids that I am out of money. My kids are still so supportive. They say I made the right choice and that they are proud of me. But right now, I just feel ashamed.
karen39

karen39

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