162lbs

I HATE THE WAY I'M WIRED.

I HATE THE WAY I'M WIRED.

I HATE THE WAY I'M WIRED.

Sometimes I just want to bang my head against the wall and end what's going on in my head. I hate the voices. The fear of change. The self destruction. The weight gain. I want it all to end. I create my own problems. I hate that I have to relive this over and over again. I have no control over all of this. I hate that I put Paul through this all of the time. He doesn't deserve to be around this. I don't know what he sees in me. I'm such a horrible person to be around. These are the things the voices tell me.

I feel so depressed. I've gained 3 more pounds. I try and try to control the binging, but I get such anxiety over it. So what's the solution? Medication. I've tried that, it doesn't help. There seems to be no solution. I want to end all of the suffering. But I can't. I just want to crawl under a rock and disappear...:think