Maybe I just don't want it bad enough

I don't know if I don't want to lose weight or if I'm scared to lose weight, but I just keeping shooting myself in the foot all the time. I eat all the wrong foods most of the time. I know I shouldn't eat it, but I do it anyway. Breakfast is still just a protien shake if its early it just doesn't want to go down. Then around 10 or 11 I eat chips, crackers or cheese. Then when its lunch time I skip it or I'm to full from all the junk that I don't eat. Then around 3 I'm hungry and can't hardly stand it, so I eat something easy like chip, crackers or cheese. I really don't eat many sweets cause I know I can't keep them in the house. I do crave chocolate. My DH is not a sweet person so thats why I have the chips and crackers. I don't usually, in the past, eat ice cream although here lately I can't seem to get enough of it. I guess I'm going to have to not buy that either. I'm lost on what to eat for lunch. I can't eat bread it just doesn't want to go down. I do eat salad some, I've done tuna or chichen salad some, soup alot. I have trouble with chicken and some beef. I think I'm not chewing my food good enough and if I'm too hungry I eat to fast so I need to slow down and eat slower. I really did do good in Texas, but maybe that was because I didn't have to cook or think about it. I was moving more while I was gone. I really need to excerise more, walking is good. I need to find some excerises that don't require me to get down on the floor. I have a really hard time getting up off the floor with my bad knee. I need to work on my stomach it is getting floppy and my butt is sagging. I still am wearing my 3x's and I have lost 35 lbs. I really want to go down in the sizes, but I have this big butt and stomach. My arms are flopping in the wind so need to get some excerise the will tighten them up. I NEED HELP. I WILL DO THIS IF TAKE ME YEARS. I KNOW I HAVE TO PUT MORE EFFORT IN TO IT. NO ONE BUT ME CAN DO THIS. I HAVE TO STOP BUYING THING THAT I KNOW I CAN EAT THAT ARE NOT GOOD FOR ME. I NEED TO GET AN ANOTHER FILL AND HOPE THAT THE AMOUNT THAT I CAN EAT GOES DOWN TO 1/2 CUP AMOUNTS. I MUST KEEP MYSELF BUSY, IF I'M BUSY I DON'T EVEN THINK OF FOOD. THE MORE I DO THE MORE I WILL BE ABLE TO DO. THE MORE I EXCERISE THE STRONGER I WILL GET. I CAN DO THIS.

I feel so alone in this struggle. I need to find a good support group that is close to home, wonder how to find a group. I need to find some friends that understand my struggle.