Not going to lie to myself

march 12

I tried to get on yesterday but kept getting an error message, not sure what was up with that.

I am the dependable one, the one that people turn to in time of need, I am the solid one, the one that always has something positive to say, the one that always is there. Now if you have read my other entries you have to be either laughing or saying lady you must be crazy. But you see I have made a deal with myself, I will not lie here, if I am in a pissy mood, I am going to say it, and if I feel like bitching and moaning I am going to do it. In my every day life I am not who I am, hell I am not sure who I am. I am not sure I have ever known who I am.

I went and had my hair cut and colored this weekend, a friends treat to me, I havent had to done professionally in about 5 years now. So I went to this very upscaled salon, the lady ask me to step into the changing room and put on this smock, oh my god!!! Who ever invented one size fits all had no idea there were women my size apparently. So there I sit in this room, there was no way this thing was fittin me and I couldnt help but think, she saw me and she had to know it wasnt going to fit. I wanted to cry, but I sucked it up, put on a smile and said I wore an old shirt so it doesnt matter if anything gets on this old thing. It seem to work but come on everyone knew but what could I do. The stylist was very very sweet and tall, very slim and beautiful. She did a great job and my hubby loved my hair but I had to sit there and look at my ROUND face in the mirror and think how ugly I am. Ya know when your hair is in foil and you have this big ass cape round around you, you see nothing but how big ur face truly is.

Here I am going to let my true feelings out, no sugar coating them here. People treat me like a second class citizen and I feel second class.