New Progress Pics!!

Well, here I am. Back to post what's going on with me at a little over four months post-op. At this point, I sort of have a love-hate relationship with my sleeve.

I love my sleeve when people make comments to me such as yesterday, when one of my co-workers said to me: "Kourtney, you are going to blow away, you're getting so skinny!" I'm really not that skinny; I weighed 174.2 at my last weigh-in. But it was still nice to hear, and put a smile on my face. I have finally gotten to the point where people are really starting to notice the weight loss, which is interesting, because I've probably only lost 8-10 pounds since my last post, but literally only one person at work had commented on my weight loss at that time. Now it's like the flood gates have opened... One person commented that I've lost the weight so fast, to which I was able to accurately answer: "No, actually I haven't, just nobody noticed for a really long time!" But it must seem like it, because just in the last two weeks, I have probably had five or six people ask me if I had lost weight, how much, and how.

This is where I have been fibbing. I kept my surgery a secret at work. I was working as a contractor, so had the luxury of just taking a month off between contracts with no explanation. So that's what I did. I took the month of May off, and didn't tell anyone what I was doing. Partly because I didn't want to go through the hassle of having to get cleared to come back to work by the Employee Health department due to the lifting restriction. But also partly because I work with someone who is very open about having had Gastric Bypass surgery, and people are not-so-nice about it behind her back, and even make comments to her like "Should you be eating that?" I didn't want that. So I've been telling people that I've lost 30 pounds (I've actually lost closer to 60). I've been telling them that I've been focusing on eating smaller portions, increasing protein, and that I've started running. All true. But at the same time I feel a little ashamed for lying.

Worse still, I saw a friend a couple of weeks ago that I haven't seen since I moved to Florida. She was, of course wowed by my weight loss. And she is someone who has also struggled with her weight, someone who I vowed that I would tell about it when the time came. But then I chickened out! What's wrong with me??? I've actually thought about emailing her and telling her the truth, because the guilt is getting to me. So I sort of hate that my sleeve has made me into a liar.

On the other hand, I love my sleeve when I get to go shopping in my closet! I love pulling out all of the clothes that haven't fit me in years, and wearing them! It's like getting brand new clothes. I also have a new obsession with Poshmark. It's a virtual consignment store. I've been selling all of my old size 16's that don't fit me anymore, and I've been buying size 10's. They don't quite fit yet, but they're close.

Diet-wise there are still things I can't eat. Grilled fish, for example. I tried again the other night, and it just does not stay down. I ate it with some red-curry noodles (because tuna-noodle casserole had stayed down beautifully, so I thought there may be something to the fish-sauce-noodle combo) and then was really uncomfortable for about 30 minutes before it finally came back up. Interestingly, I tried the rice noodles the next day with chicken (because my husband had heated them up, and they smelled so good) and they came up again. So it very well may have been the very glutenous noodles. But I'm playing it safe, and avoiding all fish (except tuna-noodle casserole). So I hate that my sleeve has taken away some things that I used to really enjoy. But at the same time, I love that it has given me the control to just have a little bit of the things that I can tolerate, and that I still love. Self control is something I was severely lacking pre-sleeve, so I'm thrilled to have it. Overall, getting my sleeve is still the best $10,000 dollars I have ever spent.