11 more days...wooo whhhooo, I hope?!

Ok so nerves are kicking my butt right now. I keeping having these crazy thoughts. You know the "what ifs". What if I die (the most scary of all), what if I have a horrible recovery ( I work in the medical field and know all the things that could go wrong), what if I never can eat again and live off yogurt broth and protein shakes. I am scared that I will not be able to enjoy foods again. I love ethnic foods and trying new flavors. I hope I can still do that eventually once I heal. The thought of not being able to eat Thai or Indian again makes me sad. Hopefully it is a see you soon instead of goodbye! I am also nervous about losing weight. I NEVER would have thought i would be nervous about this. I discovered this fear when I was browsing in Kohls. I love to shop! I am trendy and I haven't bought any of the cute summer fashions this year. Mainly because my extra shopping money has been going to doctors appts and i don't want to buy something only to wear it a few times. I have bought ANY shoes either because of this. Anyway to get my fix I went window shopping for clothes when I get 'skinny". I held up a size 8 pants and the fear washed over me. I don't know how to be a normal weight anymore! I have lived in this bubble of denial so long (I never felt like the fat girl until recently) that picking up a pants size i could wear 15 years ago literally caused me fear. It's crazy I know but its my nerves getting the best of me. i have all kinds of emotions this week. Nerves plus lack of carbs (2 week pre-op, which is not too bad, bascially the intro phase to atkins) have made me have to deal with these thoughts and feelings. I am being forced to work through them and not stuff them away with chocolate (my weakness). Well this is all just part of it I guess. Part of me is saying hurry up July 23rd while the other part is saying time is going too fast and slow down July 23rd. Oh well time to go eat some lean protein and veggies. Happy Friday!