July 23rd not just another day

So I had a tentative date of June 27th which would have been next week! YIKES! I was bummed when I hung-up with my dr. office Tuesday saying no go on June 27th. Once again that pesky insurance throws a monkey wrench in my plans! However I am offically scheduled for July 23rd. I am at peace with this date...now. Not so much at first. But this date has meaning. On July 24th of 2011 my brother died while on vacation here in TX. He LOVED TX and was a true Texan eventhough he was born and raised in NC. He LOVED texas country music, the longhorns, his room was TX decor. Obsessed with Walker Texas Ranger. Chuck Norris was his hero. (We personally thought all this was strange lol) So it was kinda funny I ended up married to a texan and moved here. My family didn't want me to move but he was excited because then he could come visit me in the great state of Texas! Anyway off topic! July 23rd was the last time he was awake and responsive and the last time I felt him squeeze my hand and look at me in my eyes. It was also the day I realized in my heart that he was not going to make it and my time with him was short. He knew that day too that he was going to die. It is the date that has caused anxiety and stress. Since that date my memories of my brother have been that last few days replayed over and over. On top of that my mom and daughter (who will be visiting my mom in NC from July3-July 23rd) will be flying in that day too. Another stressor. So all this stuff around my surgery date had me questioning if it was such a good idea. Then this thought popped in my head. It was my brother's voice saying it was all ok. July 23rd is my rebirth day. Before 2011 that date was just another day. Since then that date causes pain and reliving those 3 days in hospital with my brother and watching him take his last breath. I have mourned him since that day and I kinda stopped living my full life. I just exsisted. i forgot all the good memories of my brother. (back story, My brother and I were very close. I was his second mama. No one was as close to him other than our mother. He had down syndrome and we were nearly four years apart. Adam was truly an angel here on Earth! Losing him that day felt like I had lost one of my children. It was tough) So even though that date makes my heart heavy it will hold a new meaning. The day I finally took control of my life. Adam thank you for being here with us those short 26 years and on July 23rd I know you will be looking down from heaven and watching over us all that day, keeping us safe and cheering me on. July 23rd will no longing be a day of mourning but of rebirth. I know he wants us to remember all the good and not focus a just a few bad memories. Even in death he still influences my life and can bring sunshine when I thought it was going to rain. Funny how life is and how things seem to work out. Happy Friday y'all!