weight gain

Man, I'm just so discouraged. I am up to 145. I have gained 10 pounds. I feel like such a slug. All of my jeans are fitting extra tight. I went and had a fill about 12 days ago, got down to 141, but now am back up again to square one. I can eat more now too. I was so motivated after my fill, but now I am just stuck. I feel like I'm never gonna get back down to 135.

I know, to most 145 is a wonderful weight to be at. But in my head, it's terrible. I know I should be greatful, but I feel like this is just the beginning and I'm gonna end up back up to 219. What's worse is that right now, I have no game plan. No way to combat the weight gain. Mentally, I am just exausted and stuck. I have lost faith in my ability to keep going. Every single day, every single hour of following the bandster rules is a complete struggle to me. I don't know why. I feel like a food addict. I think about food every hour of every day.

I know something is not right in my head. The only stress I am feeling right now is the stress of building a new house. That's it. Nothing major. So what is wrong with me? I am tired of the mental roller coster ride...