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Pre Surgery Jitters, Bags Of Nerves, Bad Dreams And Oh So Very Tired!

By Sandfluffymama

· 480 views

Haven't blogged for a while - ten days til I go for surgery. I am so scared. So very scared. Roosavelt said "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"...well I am fearful of it!

 

You know the thing I am most afraid of? The lack of energy and the pain. My little one has just started teething and I am sad that I wont be able to pick her up in the night and give her a cuddle.

 

I still havent told my mum - she thinks that it is an extreme method and to be honest I am so scared of telling her. I still feel like a failure.

 

My husband on the other hand is fully on board - I am usually the really strong one and to be honest, it is pissing me off that I am feeling so weak. I am so very tired too - trying to get this dissertation done; reports to write; department head stuff to do then a spring break of pain from this surgery.

 

Is it going to be worth it? My friends wanted to throw me a food funeral - I just dont feel up to it - I am trying desperately to look at this as a beginning, not an ending. I am forever in the positive - I deal with people's **** so much every day. And today I just feel like telling everyone to F&*k off...I think I am due for my period which does not help matters - neither does the 3 hours sleep that I am surviving on.

 

I keep having bad dreams that the anaesthetic wont work. I am scared of being alone. Still, I know that this surgery will be worth it in the end. I just hate having to pass through the darkness to get to the light.

 

You know, we have a different mentality, us addicts. Sometimes I think on the verge of insanity...or is it genius? I know that there is a fine line twixt the two!

 

Am I just being swept into the moment cos so many others around me have done it? Are we going to be ok? A friend of mine, who recently had the surgery said "What if they find out that we really need that part of the stomach one day?" (Eww...my Omega 3 oil has just popped in my stomach and I can taste salmon oil...lol)

 

What about God? Or in my case, Allah? Well, as far as I am concerned, God is God is God, no matter how you choose to connect with Him/Her/It...Do you think he is going to be pissed off with me for removing some of my body?

 

Arrrgghhh!! thoughts are everywhere!!!

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    4 Comments

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    Expert Member

    BigCraig

    LAP-BAND Patients

    Hi, before I had my surgery a few days ago I wrote down most of the reasons I was having it. I will keep this note forever and ever so I can always look back and be proud of my decision.

  • Quote
    • Expert Member

    Marykatherine

    Gastric Sleeve Patients

    Like BigCraig I wrote down the reasons for my surgery. At this time, 7 weeks since surgery, I don't need to look back at the list. I remember the reasons all too well. And I don't regret the surgery one bit.

    You are courageous for the decision you've made. Don't let a little, a lot, of fear dissuade you. I soooo believe you will look back at this time and smile. Keep your head held high my friend. You are obviously an intelligent woman. Believe in your choice and move on with grace!

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    • Senior Member

    wanderlust_76

    Gastric Sleeve Patients

    I just read your blog and giggled a little because I swear I could have written it. Other than telling my mom, I was in the same boat as you are three weeks ago. Here is my advice (for what it is worth).. .

    1. As far as mom is concerned, she doesn't have to live in your body. She doesn't have to live with the constant thoughts about why you are overweight and the constant feelings of judgement. She doesn't have to feel the guilt you feel when you eat something you know you shouldn't or the defeat you feel when you give in. This is for you. Not mom. And as the saying goes, "sometimes it is better to ask forgiveness then it is permission."

    2. My baby survived. He got to hang out with his grandparents and daddy for week and they are closer now than before. My feeling is he will not remember the few weeks I couldn't run to his side, but he will remember all the times I run with him because I have lost enough weight to be able to do it.

    3. You are the only one that can decide if it is worth it. It is not easy. But, like I said, I am three weeks out and I am already wearing jeans that were stuffed in the back of my closet with dust on them. For me that is worth it.

    Last. . .you wouldn't be human if you weren't scared. Especially knowing there is a little one involved. Put your faith in God or Allah and he will get you through it. It will be worth it in the end.

    Good thoughts and prayers are coming your way. Let us know how you do.

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    • Newbie

    Pete Laura

    Gastric Sleeve Patients

    Thank you a million times over for posting this. I feel the same way. I'm so scared. :0(

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