It is amazing how much can happen in the span of 44 days. One moment my boyfriend was telling me how much he loved me and appreciated me. 5 days later he broke up with me because he said we didn’t have a “spark”. Whatever the hell that means. I think he was intimidated by my upcoming surgery. He never wanted to talk about it, and seemed to be trying to talk me out of it.

I finished up the last doctor appointment. I received precertification from the insurance company. I have an education class on July 27^th. I have a preop appointment on July 29^th. And my surgery is scheduled for August the 1^st

I have cans of protein shakes lined up in my bedroom. Today, on the advice of my dietitian I went ahead and made low fat chicken salad, turkey salad, tuna salad and green beans. I pureed them in the food processor and then put them in ice cube trays and froze them. Then wrapped them individually and put them in freezer bags. Yes it was every bit as completely and utterly disgusting as it sounds.

The green beans were my favorite. A can of green beans with some onions and chicken broth mixed together and then pulverized in the food processor. It looked like vomit. The sort of vomit that would spew from someone possessed by Satan himself.

I am counting down the days. Unfortunately my ex-boyfriend’s tragic timing has left me high and dry. My mother will pinch hit for him. She is taking me the 2hour trip up to the city to have the surgery done, and will cart me back home when it is over. She isn’t in the best of health herself and I hate like mad that she has to do this for me. Donna and Frankie both offered to take me- but I guess I will just stick with mom. She seems to be excited about the idea.

I am fighting like mad to find some human that I can throw money at who will mow my stupid yard. My mower died last weekend and it’s a jungle out there.

I had sort of convinced myself that I could mow it myself after surgery. Perhaps this is God’s way of saving me from myself.

Just like my laptop giving up the ghost on the very day I got dumped. In reality it probably saved me from some well, shall we say drunk emailing. Isn’t technology grand?

The registration and inspection on my car expire this month. I have taken the Thursday off between my appointments and plan to do an adult responsibility day. I will take care of them, and get my hair cut before sugery.

I loved my boyfriend very much, and I miss him far more than I care to admit. But part of me is relieved to have this time to take care of me. Our relationship was very much about me being there to take care of him. It will be nice to focus on myself for the first time in what feels like forever.

Who knows who I will be a year from now? Of course there is this tiny voice of dread in the back of my head that worries I will be the only person in the free world that bariatric surgery will NOT work for.