One Year And Not So Going Strong

Well, it has been a week since my last entry and boy can things change in a week. I went from a happy bandster to an unhappy one. Sure, I have lost 104 pounds and sure, I can wear short skirts and I have turned into an exercise fool but this band is another story. It is messing with my mind.

Two months ago my Doctor gave me an adjustment. He said he figured that I needed one and it was time to stop messing around and get serious with this stuff. You see, I had hit a wall and not lost anything in 3 months - really- up one, down two, up three, down one..you guys know the program. One of those plateau things - well, tighten he did. I did well in June - down 9 1/2 pounds for the month. July, not so much. I don't see the doctor for another two weeks, but I have not lost one ounce - in fact I think I may have added a pound or two. I am in constant stuck mode. Good food, bad food, ice water, soda, hot tea...doesn't much matter. I do believe this sucker has gotten tighter (on it's own) and I am miserable. I am too tight and need to have some removed.

Last night I made a very good dinner - ground beef, with onions, diced tomatoes, bellpeper and melted low fat cheese on top. (I added macaroni for my husband) - YUMMY the house smelled so good - well, two bites and then over an hour of PB, slime and pain. Well, smart me decided to take a teaspoon of ice cream to calm my throat - HAHA, that came back too - so did the hot tea - I just gave up, sat down and cried - what in the H have I done to myself and what did I do to get this much discomfort. I revisited my entire day - nope, I had done nothing wrong..small bites, chewed forever, drank all my fluids, no fluids with food, worked out at the gym for an hour, took a 2 mile walk,I was nice to the dog, my husband and my employees so what in the world did I do to deserve this???? To top it off, now I am having some pain (minor in nature) near my port. OH Pooh..Probably from throwing up too much. Good thing I had plication too or I might be looking at slippage.

I am sure it is just the band being too tight and there is nothing to worry about. I have a call into the doctor to see if I can get some taken out today..the point I am trying to make is...Even after 1 year, you are still learning from the band and how to handle things. Other than this latest issue - I feel great, look better than I have in years but the price I am paying is sometimes a bit high. In private, I am miserable at times - can't eat some of the things I used to love, when things get stuck, I am embarrassed and run and hide until it passes. My friends and family tell me that I am the tower of strenght and that "they could never have done this". Would I have the surgery again - well, YEP, but I will tell anyone thinking about it, to be sure they can handle it mentally. I need to get my head straight and back in the game. This setback has me a bit upside down but this will pass. I will have the tiny unfill, I will once again return to being able to eat my morsals and I will continue to trudge onward to reaching my goal weight.

For those of you that I talk to on a regular basis - don't panic, I am not jumping off the bridge and not abandoning the ship. It is just a setback. We all have them and I will be fine. So hang in there my friends and try to keep the spirits up. Have a great week.

Melinda in Florida