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When Is Enough... Enough

BayougirlMrsS

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So it been 2 1/2 years since i got my LB. I have done well. Not as well as others. I really thought i would be down to 125-130 by now.... but can't seem to get past the 143 mark.... Well i got to 139 for a brief period of time right after my Tummy Tuck... Got back up to 149, but now i'm back to .... 143. I guess it's my number.

 

So i was talking with my husband and i asked him.... what do you think about the way I look? Was i not thinking right or what....lol..... But to my surprise he said he thought i looked perfect... Wow was not expecting that. Then i said.... I would really like to lose another 10lbs.... He said why are you so focused on the "number" on the scale?.... I was completely caught off guard by that question.

 

So i asked my self..... Why am i so consumed by the number on the scale (aka the devil)? And i really don't know why. I got the band to stop the cycle of Heart attacks and diabetes in my family and i wanted to be able to run and play with my grand kids. I also wanted to stop having to shop at Lane Bryant.... I wanted to feel good and look good, i wanted to be pretty again... You would think being a size 6 and 143ish pounds would be good... Enough. Why is it not? My first goal was to be a size 10, got that. Then i said... well if i could only be a size 8 then i will be happy, got that.... then it was... i hate this stomach roll... boy if i could just get that taken off.... i would be happy and not need another thing, got the Tummy Tuck.

 

Now it's my face.... What...? Yes my face, now that i lost the weight, i can see all the lines and wrinkles that the "fat" face hid.... So at dinner the other night... i brought Botox..... my husband of coarse rolled his eyes.... my son the RN went thru all the horror stories about botched Botox..... But none set in as much as my 6 year old Grandson when he said.....

Nana... i think your beautiful just the way you are....(insert tears)... If a 6 year old can see it... Then why can't I??

 

So that's why i ask..... When is Enough... Enough?



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Wow, what you wrote is exactly the way I feel. My only problem is that I have not hit my goal and have a long way to go. I have only been banded for almost 4 months but a lot of what you said is my daily living...the number on the scale and never being happy with myself. I know that's my fat self talking and not the skinny b**** I will become (I hope) but I don't think I will EVER be happy with myself. Time will tell...............

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OMG! I am going through the exact same thought process! When I was 283 lbs and a size 22 I said to my husband I will be so happy to just be a size 14-16 (so I could shop in regular stores), then when I got there I thought wow...if I could only be a size 10-12, passed that...had my tummy tuck now I am a size 6, was too tight for a while and got down to a 2-4 loved my body but my face looked terrible I looked like I was dying. Now I am back up to a 6-8. I just had an appointment at my lap-band doctor. She looked at me dead in the face and said "what are you doing here". I said what do you mean, she said, "do you know how well you've done"?....long story short I told her I wanted to lose another 20 lbs. She told me the band had done all it was going to do for me, and if I wanted to lose more I would have to do it on my own. She also gave me a referal to a therapist so I could talk to someone about why I am still not happy/satisifed/proud of and with my accomplishment.

Please keep us posted on your journey...and especially if you ever figure out how to see yourself as the beautiful person everyone else sees you as!

Good luck.

Ellen

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"Fixing" things can be addicting. Once you get one thing in check, you find something else that could be better/different. My mom has this issue, and when I was doing the psych eval pre-op, the therapist picked up that I had a problem with self-esteem and body image. She warned that when I get to goal I may really struggle with realizing how I look, and also encouraged me to come back when I'm near my goal just to check in.

Being unhappy with your appearance is a huge struggle, and it doesn't stop just because you're not overweight anymore. It's a mental thing. I bet what you see in the mirror is FAR different than what others see.

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Your story here could have been my story, i never realised how much of a rollercoaster emotional ride this would be, everytime i fix something on my body like my weight, my tummy, my arms, my back my tummy muscles, i find something else to hate about myself. I am exactly the same as u, the weight went from the face and now i see every line, without even thinking last time i was at my hospital appointment to see my plastic surgeon for my recent surgery check up, we were talking thighs next, i have a lot of loose skin there too so then i mention a mini face lift .. DH, after we got outside was like when did u decide on that so i said everytime i look in the mirror, then he says and after that whats next, do u really know when to stop.. and i was like mentally i know to stop but emotionally how can i have nothing to strive for anymore and just be satisfied with what i got ..

YOur pics are of a beautiful woman who is obviously very much loved .. if u find an answer to this problem we have let me know .. huggs

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You guys are so wonderful. Knowing i'm not alone is comforting. But it has me worried too. My pych eval never mentioned the roller-coaster ride this journey would be. How i might still look at my self in the mirror and still see that Fat girl looking back at me. Every once and a while i do catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see a thin person... but she quickly disappears. How do i get her to stay? How do some people look in the mirror and see there true self? I really think that more study needs to be done on people with WLS and the mental effect it has. So i think i will get an appointment with a shrink and maybe i can get some help and start excepting who i really am.....

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I don't know about you but I have been fat my whole adult life and will not know how to be or what to think if and when I make it to goal. In my mind, I will be happy when I am skinny but I secretly know the fat girl inside will never let me be happy. There will always be some obstacle to overcome.

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Patience.... you are so right.

I was not always a fat girl.... up until my early twenties... i was a size 0..... 100lb is the most i ever weighted not being pregnant..... I use to not see the "fat" girl..... now i can't see the "thin" girl.... what the hell is up with that.....

Thanks you guys for being there

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On 7/6/2012 at 4:23 PM, BayougirlMrsS said:

Patience.... you are so right.

I was not always a fat girl.... up until my early twenties... i was a size 0..... 100lb is the most i ever weighted not being pregnant..... I use to not see the "fat" girl..... now i can't see the "thin" girl.... what the hell is up with that.....

Thanks you guys for being there

Looking at some of my old post..... this was 7 years ago.... Wow

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