Isn't it funny how our brain can cause us to think we feel things when we really don't? One of the hardest things I have been dealing with is trying to sort out when I am actually hungry and when I am not. Someone without food issues would probably think that this sounds really easy, but for someone like me who is trying to untangle food and emotions, it is far from simple.

For years I thought that whenever my stomach felt uncomfortable, it was hunger and I should eat. It has only been within the past few months that it has really sunken in that 1) not every feeling is hunger, and 2) even if it is hunger, it's okay to feel it. Funny how it has become such an alien concept that I don't have to run to the kitchen and fix something to eat every time I am hungry. My therapist has been trying to tell me this for several years now, poor thing, and as hard as she tried to tell me I just couldn't internalize it. I'm not sure what it was that really made it sink in, but now I finally get it. Sometimes my stomach feels "hungry" because I am bored or stressed. I have always been a comfort eater, so now the first thing my brain does when I feel unpleasant emotions is cause that feeling that I should eat. It's been a real struggle trying to remember that it's not actual physical hunger. I guess this is what they call "head hunger."

My nutritionist offered me an awesome coping strategy for when I am struggling with that feeling and it won't go away. The best thing to do is make yourself busy with something else to take your mind off of that feeling. But what do you do, and how do you make sure to do it in times of stress? Her idea was to make a "tool box" of things that will distract you from the false hunger. She said that it could be an imaginary box, but personally I need a physical object that I can look at. The box should contain things that you enjoy doing that will keep your attention long enough to forget about being hungry. Some of the things she suggested were knitting or crocheting, puzzle books, craft projects, etc. In my box I have a sudoku book, a crossword puzzle book, and three guided relaxation CDs. I will continue to look for other things as well until I have a good variety of stuff. The box has already proven very useful, not only in helping me overcome those fake hunger feelings, but also just seeing the box gives me a sense of empowerment in knowing that I am prepared to deal with those feelings.

I hope this post is making sense. It's getting colder, and that means I've been run over by the fibromyalgia bus. One of the worst symptoms of fibro (in my opinion) is the fogginess, which sometimes makes it hard to finish a sentence. Today my brain feels like it has turned to mush. Even though it is warmer today than it was this weekend, I feel worse because of the wind and the rain. My body hates any kind of weather that is not clear, calm and mild, but winter is probably the worst. My low back is on fire and my legs hurt so badly I can hardly think. But on the plus side, I found a DVD on Netflix called Healing Yoga: Aches And Pains that seems to be helping somewhat. It's a yoga workout designed for people with arthritis and other pain conditions. It's available as a DVD and streaming video as well, which is really convenient. It loosened up my hips and back enough today that I could get my household stuff done without wiping myself out.

I am really praying that losing weight will help me become a little more functional on days like today.