Me again. A few days ago at 230.5 now at 227.5. I need to post on my blog more because it really is theraputic for me. I had stopped for a while because it is bad enough knowing I am failing at this band thing much less letting everyone else know I am failing but I decided I am going to my best not to fail anymore.

I had done very well since the last blog and lost 15 pounds then regained all 15 plus 5 so here I am again.

Since the beginning of summer I have been beyond stressed. And you veteran bandsters know what stress does to your band...tightens it. Well, needless to say absolutely everything I would try to eat would ot go down so in turn, feeling even more depressed would turn to the one thing that I could eat AND it would make me happy (or so I thought)...ice cream. Ice cream is my drug of choice.For the past couple of months that is what I have survived on, ice cream and oatmeal. Then the other day (after countless episodes like this) myself and my family went out to eat dinner and once again after the first few bites I was stuck. I started to cry sitting right there in the booth. I had been contemplating an unfill and at this moment I realized I had to take control of my life. I picked up my cell phone and called my dr and asked when I could come in for an unfill and lucky me...I went right then. Just being in that office again after a little over a year made me feel better, saner, safer. Gave me a new resolve. The nurse held me as I cried and told me that this happens to more people than you can imagine and together we will 'fix it'. I had gained 46 pounds since I was there in March of '08. BUT I am still not smoking and that is huge considering that here lately I have thought about it alot. But I am not going to start again just to lose weight. With my luck I would end up just being a fat smoker again. The first salad I got to eat after my unfill had to be the best tasting thing I had ever eaten in my life! No Joke! Now I am able to actually eat small portions of food and keep it down and not have to depend on junk. Yesterday I went to subway and got a 6" turkey sandwich and I swear that was the best sandwich ever! :cryin:

I am going to probably get a fill again the first part of November, you know, right before the holidays :smile2:. If my stress level is still high, I will just get a small fill.

If you are reading this, please pray for me that I continue to make good choices. I believe in the power of prayer.

I am going to continue to blog. It really is helpful to me. Admitting things and putting them in black and white makes it more real.

So, once again, here I go. :crying:

Good for you! Keep it up, you can do this! It's a lifestyle change that's for sure! I had my first fill, my friend cooked dinner for me the next night and I got stuck after two bites! It hurt and scared me and I cried at the table too, it happens...this is not an easy journey that's for certain!

I pray that God gives you and every banster out there the ability to make healthy choices.

Keep in touch and let me know how you're doing.

Thank you...you do the same, ok?

Tracy, You did the right thing. Your health is always first, that's why you got the band to begin with.

You will do well, still keep your food dairy and drink your liquids. Don't go over board on the foods you CAN EAT NOW! Keep it real.

Things will calm down and you will get refilled again.

My prayers are with you.

I am only 6 days post op and am curious what 'stuck' feels like. How do you get unstuck?

I had my 3rd fill yesterday and I'm under a lot of stress at work...I mean a lot! I'm thinking I may have made a mistake getting this done now. I am TIGHT today...really tight.

I hope things get better for you.