Introduction--Fears & Hopes

I guess I view this blog as my confessional. I am hoping there is no one out there that will judge too harshly.

On my wedding day, of all days, I felt like I was a complete failure. I had tried so hard to lose 50 lbs for the wedding and although I lost around 25 lbs I knew that the minute I got out of my dress that I would start eating up a storm. I remember sitting in church and being completely uncomfortable in my dress. Why couldn't I have worked harder to lose more weight? What was wrong with me?

And it happened, the morning after the wedding when we got back to our house I ate the biggest breakfast ever. Then I ate the largest lunch you've ever seen. By dinner time, a family member commented that they couldn't believe I was eating so much. I thought nothing of it. I had starved myself for months and now I deserved to eat.

Over the next four months, I gained a whopping 30 lbs. It feels unreal. I knew I would be getting questions soon about being pregnant since I gained so much weight, but thankfully, none of my friends or family said anything. But my husband did. He was worried that I had already taken things too far. That's when I started looking into the lapband.

The purpose of this blog is to express that I am truly upset that I let myself go this far and the time lost is just that...lost. I know I cant make up for that time, but I certainly can make the future better for myself, my husband, family and friends by being healthier and ultimately happier with myself.

Surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, and I am sitting here with apprehension reading these posts about slippage, slime and not so stellar results. What happens if this doesnt work? What will become of my life then? I need confidence, when a shadowing doubt has loomed over me for so long. I guess positive thinking and support will be the driving force behind my weight loss journey. My story begins today, not tomorrow when I have the surgery, simply because the past is what makes us who we are today. Today I am an unhealthy, overweight and unhappy individual who wants to change. Tomorrow is my chance.

Maybe I have wrote this just to get it out of me. Maybe I cant say these things to my skinny friends. My hopes are that this works.

I felt SOOO much the same the day that I got RE-married almost three years ago. I thought that if there WAS any motivation...it would be that Maggie Sottero dress. But even with that---I wasn't able to do it and I regret it to this day.

Tomorrow will be fine. You will look back and see that day as a day that "defined" the new you. A mark in the sand that you stepped across. The best thing you ever did for yourself! I am not even two months past that day---and things haven't been easy for me. But my first fill was Monday and I can already tell a HUGE difference....suddenly I am in the lapband world! I would do it again in a heartbeat--problems and all. My only advice at this point in time is to be patient with yourself and your progress. After surgery I couldn't even tell I had anything done---but maybe you will!! But I can tell now!!!! Night and Day difference!!!

Then when you're down the 30 plus the 50....get that dress back out and get some pictures taken in it again!! :thumbup:)

Keep your chin up and your shoulders back. YOU will make this chance work! One day at a time!!! Good luck tomorrow!

I think we all had THAT DAY. We had gone on a small weekend vacation with family and friends. I ate and drank just as much as the skinnier people there. But low and behold upon our return home I had gained 10 pounds in 3 days. So maybe I did eat a little more??? I just wanted to enjoy the vacation. All I know is that trip made up my mind. I had been thinking about the LapBand for a couple months but was scared and unsure. After that weekend I knew what needed to be done. I’m not like everyone else. I’m special and I need something special to help me with this problem.

I was terrified when my surgery was right around the corner. I almost left the doctor’s office the morning of because I was so scared. I think that morning at the doc was the bravest I’ve ever been. I’m glad I stayed!

I was banded on 7/17. I don’t regret anything so far. I’ve been steadily losing with the liquids and the mushies. I can’t wait for my first fill. It’s exciting.

Don’t worry (I know that’s easy for me to say) but it WILL be ok!

I would love to hear about how you’re doing in the months and years to come. Just remember the LapBand is a tool, we have to use it properly and it will work perfectly!

Take care and I wish you ALL THE BEST!

-D