OK. I admit it ... I am a major control freak! Those closest to me secretly talk about me behind my back and even occasionally tell me about my bossy ways to my face. I'm a big girl (no pun intended) so I can handle it, right? I will admit that I like to have my hand on the pulse of the things around me. I am a go-getter, a mover, a shaker ... but this week, I realized I have a serious problem!
So here goes ... my aunt died last week. It was very tragic. She was only 49. Died of cancer. Had 4 kids and 3 grandkids. On the outside, I was calm (had to be strong for the family). I took control of the situation by comforting everyone and taking on the task of planning the funeral. I found something I could control, since death was surely out of my league.
As I jumped into my funeral planning duties, I wasn't crying or even depressed ... I started to unconsciously EAT! There was a handful of peanuts here, a stick of cheese there, a few chips while on the phone, a piece of chicken while emailing family, a bowl of chili while watching tv, a fruit cup before bed ... It took about 24 hours before I realized that I was about to eat myself into oblivion.
As I went o grab my next victim from the refrigerator, I literally said aloud "OH MY GOD! I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER." Until that moment, it had never dawned on me that I was the uncontrolled eater doctors talk about. I was the emotional, unstable, food stalker, seeking to soothe her heart at the end of fork! I wasn't HUNGRY. I was HURT! But most of all, I was NOT in control. Can you believe the Control Queen relinquished her crown to a scoop of rainbow sherbet (which is fat free by the way)?
This startling revelation caused me great self reflection. How had I missed this negative personal trait after all these years (well not ALL these years, I am only 26 *wink*) ? As I reminisced, I realized that I have always been an emotional eater. I just didn't have a stomach that could only hold 4 ounces of food at a time to catch my attention. My sleeve talks. Seriously, sometimes it speaks soft and gentle. Other days, it screams and yells. This time, my new stomach brought me face to face with a demon I never knew existed. For this, I am grateful.
See you can't defeat the demon if you don't know it exist. I am always so busy being "in control" that it is hard to recognize the areas of my life that are "out of control." Needless to say, I immediately closed the refrigerator and begin to starve my emotional cravings. Trust me, they fought back, but a control freak never loses.
So as I laid my aunt to rest, I also buried the need to eat my way through emotionally charged situations. I will sing, I will write, I may even cry, but I will not eat. I now reclaim my crown as the Control Queen (you may continue talking behind my back)!
53 pounds lost since November 30, 2011
Inspiration or Agitation
I have always been a leader. Growing up, I could get people to do what I would NEVER even try! Influence is an amazing that gift. If channeled correctly, it is powerful. Well as the pounds fall off, I am realizing that all my skinny friends seem a little scared! They claim I have inspired them to lose weight, but I think the thought of me being smaller than them is frightening! Now, in the back of my mind, I want to believe that I am an inspiration, but I must admit I am slightly agitated.
Let me explain … By no means do I think I have cornered the market on weight loss, but I have been the fattest one in my circle of friends FOREVER! Now, when I start losing weight everyone wants to get smaller! Are you really wanting to lose weight or can you simply not imagine me thinner than you? This is the questions I will not allow to part my lips! This would be rude, wouldn’t it?
So, today my agitation was challenged. My childhood friend calls to see how I am doing. Mind you, this is the same friend who claimed she would never speak to me again if I had weight loss surgery. I guess she got over it huh? Anyway, I explain I have lost 40 pounds in 6 weeks and can’t eat very much.
She has always been much smaller than me, but has recently gained some weight. Even at her heaviest, she has never been as big as I was. She goes on this tangent about how she needs to loose weight and can’t believe she is 241 pounds. I say “Girl. I am down to 242.” There is silence on the other end of the phone. I can hear her heart stop beating. She finally says “You and I weigh the same now?” I reply, “I guess so.” She frantically says, “Give me your doctor’s number. I gotta do something about this fat!”
Now, allow me to pause for a moment. I am not selfish. I don’t mind my friend getting healthy, but why does it have to be because you realized that you and I weigh the same. It scared the pooh out of her to realize that in a few days, we would switch roles. She would be the fat friend and I would be the “not so fat friend”! Needless to say, I was agitated!
Then, I calmed down and realized that part of why I had this surgery was to inspire others to take control of their health (and so I could wear a swimsuit in public). I was reminded of how I have always been able to motivate others to strive for greatness (or foolishness-depending on the occasion). This is no different. I gave my friend my doctor’s number and even offered to go with her to her first visit. My agitation had now turned into inspiration.
So to my friends I say, thank you for your support! I am elated that I could be the wind beneath your wings, the flame that ignites your fire, the catalyst for change you so badly needed.
I AM AN INSPIRATION!
HAPPY YOU YEAR!
On December 31, many people resolved to lie to themselves about what they would do or stop doing. Don't get me wrong, when we make resolutions we have great intentions, but LIFE HAPPENS and honestly, we often lack the discipline to accomplish the goals we set before ourselves.
So as the clock ticked forward at 11:59:59 pm on December 31, 2010, I simply decided that 2011 would be the year that I take care of me! Having the sleeve was just the first step in a series of "Me Moments". I'm not talking anything extravagant, just small moments of celebrating who I am and where I'm headed.
Although I don't tell myself as often as I should, I am pretty darn great! I take care of my husband, two kids, a dog, own 2 businesses, teach college online, work diligently for my church, counsel numerous family and friends, AND THE LIST GOES ON. Now it's time for everyone to step back, just a tad, and
allow me to shine!
So to you I say "Happy YOU Year"! If you never lose another pound, you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14)! Make 2011 the year YOU invest in YOUR joy, peace, and happiness. You've done it for others ... now it's time to do it for yourself!
I have never been skinny! I can remember being SMALLER, but never skinny. Over the years, I have contemplated weight loss surgery (WLS), but it wasn't until this year that I decided it was time.
Once I decided to have WLS, I made a vow that I would not keep it a secret! I know so many people who have had WLS who simply refuse to share or to make it even worse, they flat out lie. The exchange goes something like this:
Me: Oh my God Sherry! You look great! You've lost so much weight. What are you doing?
Sherry: I just stopped eating so much and started walking.
Me: Really. I have tried that, but I didn't lose as much as you.
Sherry: Just keep trying. You can do it!
I walked away from that conversation feeling like a fat failure!!! Why can't I lose weight when I stop eating so much? I have walked many a days and my weight did not drop that fast! What's wrong with me? I wanted the success Sherry had, but little did I know only t Sherry actually had Gastric Bypass! Why wouldn't she just tell the truth? Why would she not encourage me with her journey? Plus, if you lose 100 pounds in 6 months, I am going to know something is up! Instead I was left feeling inadequate. From that day on, I vowed I would always be honest having WLS. Why does it have to be a secret?
I am scheduled for VSG on November 30, 2010. I will hold true to my vow of disclosure. I have one friend who threatened to stop talking to me if I had WLS. I basically gave her a piece of mind and that was that. I realized that many people don't tell for fear of being judged or having to explain themselves. This, I understand. But if you meet another struggling, obese brother or sister who knows how difficult weight loss is, don't let them walk away defeated. Don't allow them to believe you are a "super weight losing machine." Share your WLS story. Encourage them to do what is best for them and their health.
So, the countdown is on. I pray I can be an inspiration to many as I end the reign of WLS secrecy! Bottom line is: I am telling!
Current Weight: 280 pounds
Scheduled for VSG: November 30, 2010 ~ Dr. Dexter Turnquest