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A blog by deedee

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Working toward my goals

Tomorrow morning I will go to a movement screening to see if I am able to try out to be a Jazzercise instructor in February. I'm very excited, but also nervous. I am still not in the best of shape and I need to definitely work on strengthening my core as well as all other areas, but we'll see what they say. To become an instructor has been my fitness goal. I'm considering signing up for personal training for 6 weeks to see if that helps me build strength and drop the last 22 pounds. The training studio is on my way home from work after I get out of the city and would be twice a week sessions with a personal trainer. I'm going to call after I find out how I do tomorrow and maybe schedule a fitness evaluation. On a completely different note, this morning I weighed in at 169.5 lbs. I'm out of the 170's, yay! So I'm still trekking towards my weight loss goal, although things are slowing down.

November 13, 2009

2

Valentine's Day

This has never been a favorite holiday or anything (always felt kind of contrived), but I wanted to journal about how this one went food wise. My husband and I had lunch around 11:30 AM before going to see Up in the Air, which I loved. I wouldn't say the honeymoon is completely over in terms of my sleeve, but it's definitely changing. I ordered an 8 oz. steak and ate 4 ounces with slight discomfort (ate too fast at the end so didn't realize I didn't need the last couple of bites until it was too late). In the past, like last month, I could only ever get in about 2-2.5 ounces of steak at a meal. For dinner, we went to one of my favorite restaurants here in town. They only offered a Valentine's special 3 course selection menu. I got the spinach salad, shrimp and broccoli fettucini alfredo, and strawberry cheesecake. I also ordered my first alcoholic drink (orange crush-vanilla vodka, orange juice, and sprite). My drink came out and I took a couple of really tiny sips, but even by the end of the meal it didn't look like I'd had any because it was so full to begin with. I thought I did pretty well on the salad, but when she took it away it also looked untouched. This was the first time having pasta since surgery and I ate one noodle and three pieces of shrimp and was full (not uncomfortable-I wanted room for dessert). I love our waitress who knows how little I eat so came at the perfect time and took it back to be boxed, but the people next to us kept glancing over...oh well. Now cheesecake use to be MY THING before surgery (discovered I liked it for the first time in grad school and my weight pretty much stayed in the obese category after that). I hadn't had any since surgery and it was so good. I again was only able to eat 2 bites and the great thing is I was so satisfied. I decided not to have that boxed because I could see myself grazing on that all day long. I still weighed in at 147 this morning, so nothing horrible happened I suppose. I ate more than I typically do on any one day and can definitely see why the first 6 months are called the "honeymoon phase." My sleeve tool is still there for me to work, I just think I'll have to be a little more diligent about working it now that I seem to be able to eat more.

February 15, 2010

1

Two Victories

This morning when I weighed myself I was at 187.5. This means I am down 50.5 pounds since beginning my pre-op diet in July AND officially am at my halfway mark. I have 49.5 pounds left to go to meet my goal. Over this past weekend, I did some shopping and fit into many size 14 pants, bought a size 12 dress, and a medium sweater. I went to Chico's and bought size 2 pants (the lady told me that is a normal size 12/14) and a size 1 (normal size 8/10) blazer that sort of fit, but I wouldn't spend that kind of money if it wasn't going to last for a while, so I bought it snug. Now obviously these must be brands that run pretty large, but it still made me feel really happy seeing that just 3 months ago I was wearing sizes 22/24 and couldn't shop in normal sections of stores.

September 29, 2009

1

Tomorrow is the big day:-)

This time tomorrow I will be sleeved! I am excited, but starting to get really nervous. Today has been kind of tough, it's the second day of my clear liquid diet. My husband heated up something in the microwave for lunch and it smelled sooooo good. I asked him to go out for dinner and not bring it home:-) Right now I'm re-reading about all of the possible complications that may occur, but I keep telling myself that I just have one more day and all will be fine. I'm hoping and praying that everything goes well. On a positive note (sort of), I resigned from my job last week and don't have a new one lined up to begin until October. Financially this will be a little tough, but this should give me plenty of time to recover and try to work this sleeve to the best of my ability when it comes to food and exercise. Next time I post, I should be on my way to a healthier me.

August 4, 2009

2

Today I bought a size...

SIX :thumbup: I went back to the little boutique in my town and found a skirt I wanted to buy before Christmas was on clearance for 60% off. BUT they only had a size 12, 6, and 2. The 12 was a little lose before so I took it and the 6 to the fitting room. I tried on the 12 and it was lose, but not too much so I figured the 6 wouldn't fit at all. Yet it did!!! It's pretty tight, but I could definitely wear it tomorrow (my new rule for buying something). Excuse the clutter and face/hair...it's been one of those days.

January 17, 2010

7

Today I am 30!

It was a great weekend and today was terrific. I spent yesterday having some girl fun--got my hair trimmed, a little shopping (got a couple girdle style undergarments), and got my colors redone for make up (a mini-makeover). Today I spent a great morning/afternoon with my husband-we tried going to the zoo, but with school/people out it was kind of crowded and we ended up walking around Woodley and Cleveland Park areas and eating at a good Mexican restaurant. Tonight we were supposed to go to one of my favorite places to get steak, but during lunch (that was not planned) I ate a little much, so we are going to put off dinner until later in the week. On the food front, I was just thinking that with each diet I tried I always knew that one of my big problems was that I treated most meals out like it was my birthday...I always got whatever I wanted and ate as much as I could (I mean I was paying for it). It's kind of funny that today is actually my birthday, but I'm not worried about eating my "favorites" and as much as I want (although I decided not to count my carbs today and had some tortilla chips, but then couldn't eat even a quarter of my chicken quesadilla). I'm not doing cake or dessert AND it doesn't matter! That's one way the sleeve has helped change my outlook on life. This morning I swung by my mom's house where she had to take my picture and called me skinny! I know I'm still considered obese, but this just kind of made my morning. She was not such a great supporter of the surgery (she wanted me to try Jenny Craig or the Serotonin plus diet "just one more time"), but she was there through all parts of pre-op and post-op and it's nice to see how she's very proud of the weight loss and my following the plan. Well, I've spent the last 9 months not looking forward to this day, but I have to say, it's been wonderful. I told my husband that next year's birthday I'll either be skinny or pregnant (with surgeon's approval). :cursing:

October 12, 2009

5

To tell or not to tell???

Okay, I started writing this post in response to someone's question on the main discussion forum and realized this was a huge ramble and went way beyond what she was asking. So instead I thought I'd post it here because it's more of a reflection and would probably fit better on my blog. I told pretty much anyone that would listen before surgery, BUT I love to talk (I told anyone who asked about my fibroid surgery last year as well if they happened to ask or were around me for any length of time)! I share a lot about what I am thinking and pre-op, the vsg was pretty much what was on my mind all the time. The thing that has been the most annoying for me wasn't really negative reactions when I told people (I can remember 1), but people (who I told numerous times) post-op wanting to constantly talk about my weight loss and how I was doing it. I have coworkers (and exercise buddies) ask me about my current weight, clothing size, etc. and want to know what diet and exercise plan I used to achieve such great results. I've already told EVERYONE about my surgery and when I explain again I get "oh" and don't think they are really listening and am sure to get the same questions again next week by the same people. Another thing to consider when deciding to tell people is the whole "food police" issue, especially coming from those that are very supportive and excited for you. Today I had a colleague walk in and he saw half a donut next to my computer (we had a baby shower breakfast and yes, I ate a donut then and this was actually my 2nd that I went and got from the workroom for my lunch) and asked "what is that doing here? you are my hero," basically implying that I should never "slip" with my eating because I've been inspiring him to eat better and start exercising again. I just smiled, rolled my eyes, and asked if he needed anything else...he got the point, but I think this could get super annoying if it continues to happen (not that I plan on eating donuts daily). In the end, I don't think it really makes a big difference whether you tell or not as long as you feel okay about the decision. I needed to tell people before surgery because it was a way to process my decision and I just like to gab. I've told people after (except my tap class) because I'd already told so many. For the most part everyone is really excited and happy with my results. Now I'm just hoping to be able to move past this surgery and weight loss and live a more normal life. It's not like I'm super small, but you'd think by the constant comments that I've done the most amazing thing ever. I just want to be normal and not have people focused on me because of this weight loss anymore.

February 24, 2010

5

TMI...NSV sort of (might not want to read)

A little background... So a big reason for me to have WLS was to be healthy enough to get pregnant. A year ago this month I had my first appointment with a fertility specialist. At that time my cycle was anywhere between 55-80 days (I think). I remember that they gave me medicine in November to bring on my period so they could do 3 day blood work, and it still took 11 days before my period actually came. They determined my fibroids were so large (as well as small) and numerous that I needed to have them removed before proceeding with treatment. I was also diagnosed with PCOS (although my PCP had diagnosed it 2 years previous as well). I had the open surgery to remove the fibroids in Jan. 09 and my next 2 cycles were fairly normal (around 36 days). Then I started really packing on the weight and had an 80 day cycle. I began researching weight loss surgery (there were other factors as well). Well, for the NSV... This month I had a 28 day cycle! After the last two years, it is just so amazing. I actually recorded the date I thought I ovulated and it was exactly 14 days into the cycle. I am so excited and hopeful that this will continue.

October 22, 2009

1

Thought I'd Share...what lead me to the sleeve

I just responded to someone trying to decide which wls to get, and while I think this is a very personal decision, I thought I'd share that response here. It was a good way for me to remember and reflect on my thought process. Hello there, I completely understand where you are coming from with weighing your options here. Ultimately I went with the sleeve because from everything I read about the band I KNEW it wouldn't fit my lifestyle. Yes, I understood that this surgery provided a tool, not magic :-) and we must work it, but I wanted a tool that would be as maintenance free as possible. I read lapbandtalk.com quite a bit and also asked my surgeon (well my husband did) about fills and unfills and finding that "sweet" spot. The surgeon basically said that the majority of people would be at a good restriction with the band by their 4th-6th fill. When my husband asked what about the others and the percentage who are not, the surgeon stated that in his experience some people (about 20 % of his patients) take 8 + months to find the right restriction. Like everyone else, I wanted this weight gone yesterday, and didn't want to find myself in the camp still not at a proper restriction a year out. The reason we were questioning the surgeon re: band fill/maintenance was because both my husband and myself had similar fears as you. We were concerned with the permanent removal of so much of my stomach with the sleeve, although by that point I wasn't too concerned, but he was. I'd seen written many times on message boards...I want this weight loss to be permanent, so I want a permanent tool and that made sense to me. I read about many people, who had stomach cancer, living just fine with smaller stomachs for decades and that coupled with my own "laziness" and worry about never getting the proper restriction had me switch directions towards the sleeve. Another thing that pushed me were the stories I read of people needing to have the band removed due to erosion and scarring, nothing they could even control. I did not like that possibility at all! Now on to the sleeve. IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DECISIONS I HAVE EVER MADE! As you know I am a little over 4 months out. I am down 62 pounds since the day of surgery and 78 pounds since beginning my pre-op diet (modified Atkins) on July 6 (so 5 months ago). I am definitely eating regular foods and in the last 2 months have not had any trouble getting anything down, sometimes I "slime" or choke from eating/drinking too fast, but I can drink water pretty quickly now without choking. Unfortunately the last month I've let some "bad" foods slip back in and started snacking quite a bit, which has lead to a slow down in my weight loss and caused some mini-stalls. But a couple of days ago I recommitted myself to getting to goal and this morning I was finally down another 1/2 pound. I know that I am not the fastest loser, but I'm happy with the success I've had so far. Below you will find some of the things I attribute my success to besides this great tool: *Consistent exercise: I do Jazzercise 4 days per week, tap dance once per week, and the first 3 months walked 2-3 times per week (hurt my foot last month and haven't made it to the doctor...it comes and goes, but I'm afraid the doctor will make me stop exercising for a while, I'd rather just limp 2-3 days per week). *Only drink water for the most part (and protein shakes when I can make myself) *Visit the message boards and post when I can...this really helps me stay accountable, although the last couple of weeks even that didn't seem like enough *Attended all of my post-op appointments...another accountability thing *Desire to get pregnant...my surgeon said that once I was at a healthy weight for a couple of months that I could start trying; I actually have some other woman issues that might hinder this process and want to begin trying as soon as possible to see if I will need more help *Allowing myself to eat anything I want, but in moderation...I added carbs back in pretty early and am trying to lose the rest of my weight the way I plan to maintain, so I feel as "normal" as possible Sorry about the book, but I wanted to give you as clear of picture as possible regarding my decision making and thought processes. For all that I stated above, I think the band might be a good surgery for some, but I just decided it wasn't best for me. Please let me know if you have any further questions or just want to chat. I wish you luck with your decision! What a great way to start the new year. Dee Dee

December 13, 2009

1

The scale moving in the right direction again

I KNOW that during my period I gain anywhere from 4-8 pounds, but that did not stop me from weighing myself. It was hard to see at first when I jumped up 2.5 lbs from one day to the next, but it was a good motivator to not comfort myself with bad foods. It made me more determined to follow the plan...I took in more protein than I ever have since surgery (still not the surgeon's goal, but better). Today, I was back down and even took off another 1.5 lbs. I now weigh 202. My first major goal was to be 199 lbs by October 12, my 30th birthday. I'm only 3 lbs away now. I'm thinking if I really work hard, I can be there by next Friday. But even if it takes longer, that's okay...the scale is again moving in the right direction. Next Tuesday marks 3 weeks post-op and I've read a lot about a stall at that point, so that's why I won't get too excited about getting out of the 200's soon, but I know it will happen one day. I'm just getting very excited!

August 21, 2009

1

The new me???

This morning I'll be flying to WA State for a couple of days. It wasn't planned, so just yesterday I called a couple friends to let them know I'd be in town. Due to this trip not being about pleasure I wasn't even thinking about my weight loss until my best friend asked, "so are you an anorexic, skinny chick now? Will I even recognize you? are you a completely different person?" It was said in good humor, but it kind of took me by surprise. I still think overall I am the same person...just a little different. I'll post more when I get back about the reactions I get. I really hope it's all okay because I don't think I can handle any more drama.

February 17, 2010

5

Shopping victories!

Yesterday I had a major shopping trip and for once didn't go with anyone else so I could go to all the stores I wanted to, spend money on what I wanted, and not have to worry about accommodating others or wondering if they're judging me for what I bought or how much I spent :ack2: It also allowed me to explore some areas of my wardrobe that were lacking. I found and bought the most comfortable pair of pumps. I've never worn pumps for work (only special occasions) or play because they always hurt my feet so much. Maybe now because I'm a little smaller, they are more comfy or maybe because I got a little higher quality shoe, but I'm so excited to have found these shoes. I got them in black. http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3034548/0~2376780~6009391~6014000~6014004~6014012?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014012&P=1 Another thing I managed to do was finally shop in White House, Black Market. I've adored this store's window display in downtown Annapolis since I moved to the area 9 years ago, but figured nothing in there would fit and never ventured in. At the mall I decided to just bite the bullet and go in. Well, it's really not all that I was hoping for, but I did find a pair of cute jeans (in short :w00t:) and a cute top for my Florida trip next month. But isn't it funny how we build things up in our minds and then when we really look, it's not just that big of deal. My last victory of the day was finding a fabulous dress for Valentine's Day. I had already purchased a red dress in January, but it's sleeveless and even with a cardigan I still only have sandals to wear with it, so it's a no go with our current weather. It's sort of like this, but with pink and black instead of blue and white. I can't wait to wear it with my new black pumps! http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3068494?Category=&Search=True&SearchType=keywordsearch&keyword=dresses&origin=searchresults

February 13, 2010

3

Shocker!

Today when I walked into work my assistant principal said she had something she had to show me. I walked in wondering what it could be and she had these two pictures on her computer from last June at a teacher's retirement party. It was a shocker to me because this was from my heaviest (241) and I had no pictures from this time. I'll try to post them here. There really is a big difference.

May 13, 2010

7

Protein

Yay! I'm getting very close to my surgery date now. Tomorrow I will begin 2 days of a clear liquid diet and have surgery on Tuesday. Over the last couple of weeks I've been trying different protein powders from the list my nutritionist provided and suggestions I've read here and elsewhere. I found one last week that I could tolerate a little (Syntrax Matrix Orange Cream) and ordered a tub and got the vanilla tub as well. Like I said, I could tolerate it if I sipped it very slowly, but I kept looking. Well, I just got some samples of Chike protein and I LOVE the orange one mixed with milk. From what I've read it is supposed to be used as a meal replacement because it's higher in calories (especially after the milk I add), but I'm hoping that I like it just as much after surgery. I'm thinking I can use it for a meal and then use another one (lower calories) for supplement purposes. I should be receiving Nectar samples soon and still have some Unjury samples (didn't like much) that I can try after surgery. On the other hand, my husband tried the chocolate Chike (I don't like chocolate unless it's a Baby Ruth:-) and said it was okay, but he likes his current one better--I thought I was the picky one. He has been a gym rat since about 9th grade and has used protein supplementation for many, many years. He did say if he had to switch to that one, he wouldn't mind, but his is much cheaper and can be purchased at the local store, so I don't think so. Just goes to show how this is such a personal taste thing for everyone. Well, I've got to help my friend prepare for her 2 year old's birthday party and get ready to eat my last real meal pre-op. I still plan on following the low carb thing today--I've done pretty well with it and have lost 17 lbs (not quite the 10% they wanted, but my surgeon was still happy and applauded my effort).

August 1, 2009

0

PMS-cramping, irritability (TMI)

The good news is I think I'm getting back to a normal cycle. My last period started on July 15, and this one started today, August 19. Over the last year my cycles have ranged from 55-90 days (except for the 2 months after a myomectomy where I had two 34 day cycles in a row). Now for the not so good news. Since I was 11, I've always had really horrible cramps leading up to my periods. I have found a combination of otc pain relievers (sometimes prescribed stuff depending on my doc) to use throughout the days leading up to my periods and the beginnings. Since I am just 2 weeks out of surgery, I decided I would not take anything and see how it went. Well the last two days have not gone well at all. I usually also have really runny bowel movements during this time. Since going on mushy foods I have only been having a bowel movement every other day, so maybe I just had a lot built up, but yesterday as I was driving to meet friends, my stomach cramped so bad I was actually screaming in the car. I drove to one of their houses and ran straight into her bathroom. As I was going, I felt so chilled and began to perspire horribly on my face and arms. When I was through I sat on her couch with a heating pad and started to feel better. After about 30 minutes the cramps had subsided. Now similar things have happened to me in the past, but I think pain relievers have helped me from feeling all of this at once. I usually try and stay in front of the pain. The temperature change and sweating usually cannot be controlled, but happen so rarely. As for the other symptoms, on Monday I began to realize I was really getting annoyed by many people (that's how I guessed I was getting back to a normal cycle). I mean really annoyed and that's just not like me, I teach middle school! I'm doing pretty well not responding or being rude, but inside I feel just constantly annoyed by most people I come in contact. Intellectually I know they are not doing anything deliberate, but I just can't seem to help my feelings. All of these things have helped remind me what an emotional eater I was. With yesterday's pain, in the past I would have "rewarded" myself with some fattening, greasy, salty food for "making it through." But because of the sleeve and all I've worked towards, that thought didn't even cross my mind until I reflected this morning. Again, in the past I would have "treated" myself to some sweet treat to help my feelings of annoyance with others, but I have no interest now. I guess I just feel grateful for having this tool. Not only is it helping me get physically healthier (and more regular:-), it is also helping me slow down and take a good hard look at the causes of my emotional eating.

August 19, 2009

2

Part of a new club...almost

Last night after my exercise class the instructor came over to congratulate me on how trim and fit I was looking (I wish I looked the same with my clothes off). I told her I have 15 pounds more to go and then I think I'll be done (still not sure about that final goal, I'll have to wait and see). I also expressed how much harder it has become to drop even a pound and we started talking. This instructor weighs 134.5 lbs, down from 136.5 two weeks ago...two weeks ago we started our winter challenge in class where we weigh and record each week on a chart if we want...that's the only reason I know her weight, because she told me her weight that night. She is in her early 40's and has the body a 20 something would die for, definitely an inspiration for me (maybe after plastics some day:-) Anyway, she expressed that people in her life are always telling her how lucky she is that she can just eat anything because she is so skinny. She then said they just don't understand how hard it is for "us" to lose weight when "we're" smaller so "we" really have to be careful about gaining weight. For the first time I felt almost like I was apart of the smaller group. My entire life I have been apart of the larger group. I started ballet at 2 and even then was the biggest dancer. Throughout school, cheerleading, and dance team, I was always one of the biggest girls. At the time it didn't really bother me, in fact sometimes I took pride that I could keep up and even beat out smaller girls for coveted spots. I had a pretty positive self-esteem, but was always realistic in who I was and my appearance. But last night I realized that I never considered myself as completely "normal" and definitely not "smaller." I don't think anyone was ever rude about my weight (except my older brother could be brutal, but he was family and didn't count), but I also never truly felt included in conversations about "normal" weight and fears. I remember friends talking about gaining 5 pounds over a semester and how they must lose it before this or that, and I was always like "so, that's not a big deal, it's just 5 lbs." I am starting to get that 5 pounds can make a size difference and means you may or may not fit into those jeans or that dress. Enough of my ramble, I just wanted to journal this new experience I'm having. I still don't really fit in the "smaller" group, but I'd say I'm with the "normals" at least amongst my friends.

December 2, 2009

4

Over one big hurdle

My week of constipation has finally come to an end. I started taking Miralax (Monday or Tuesday?) and have really worked hard at upping my water intake and protein. I'm not sure what actually did it, maybe my body just decided that 7 days was plenty long. I don't really care, just super excited that it has ended. Now if only my body would decide it was time for the scale to start moving down again, but I know that will happen in it's own good time as well. I was actually a lot more anxious regarding the constipation than not losing weight...but now that I seem to be over that, I'll probably start fixating on the scale:-)

August 27, 2009

1

Not so great week...

This has been one of the worst weeks I have had post VSG-not related to surgery, just with stress. Due to this stress my eating has not been what it should be (not planned out at all, skipping meals, stopped at Subway twice, lots of peanuts) and although I've managed to keep up with daily exercise, I am just not losing (fluctuating one pound up then one pound down). I've heard and read that stress can cause us to hold onto weight, and I'm sure coupled with poor food/eating habits has not helped in the weight loss department. So today is a new day and the week is not yet over. I took the day off for a physical and plan to hit the grocery store and get back to planning my meals. My husband and I had a heart to heart last night, so I think those issues are pretty much resolved. I hope I'm back on track to meet my next weight loss goal of weighing 165 lbs on my next follow-up visit with my surgeon on 12/2. That's 3-4 pounds I have to shed in 2.5 weeks. I think it's doable, if I just get back on track. On a positive note, I found out yesterday that I passed the movement screening for Jazzercise and can now begin preparing for the audition in February. I was so very excited!

November 19, 2009

4

No vacation for me:-(

I've been feeling under the weather off and on for over a month now. I thought the most recent bout was simply allergies. I was able to get back into my doctor yesterday afternoon and he gave me a couple of prescriptions, but my husband and I had to cancel our trip (to get a full refund and/or credit) by yesterday. We went ahead and cancelled. I have these 5-15 minute coughing attacks and we were afraid to fly if those were not under control (I hate to be on an airplane when someone is obviously so sick). This morning I already feel a little better, so I'm kind of bummed that we cancelled, but I know that traveling, and even beach lounging, isn't so fun when sick. Oh well, I am now planning a major shopping excursion next week to make up for it. It still won't be the beach, but it's something I guess.

March 26, 2010

3

No Scale...

Well, I guess I would have to call myself addicted to the scale. The last couple of nights I have been house/dog sitting for a friend and she doesn't have a scale. I have not been able to weigh myself since Saturday and have actually considered going to buy one at target up the road so I could weigh in tomorrow morning. This is absolutely ridiculous because it would not weigh me the same as mine at home, and really what does it matter, I obviously have scale issues:-) I really do need to have other things to focus on besides my weight. It's hard because I'm here alone with the dog and only had time to run a few errands and meet my husband for an early dinner before I needed to come over to take care of her. I now have the rest of the evening in front of me with no cable and my mind obsessing about if I gained or lost a pound overnight...it's a bit pathetic, but by writing this post I just managed to talk myself out of buying a new scale, so that's good.:ohmy:

November 23, 2009

1

My mother...

My mom was not in favor of me having weight loss surgery. She encouraged me to try Jenny Craig AGAIN or look at the serotonin plus diet (even offered to pay for them). Although she did not like my decision, she always supported ME 100%. She sat with my husband during surgery, came to see me each day in the hospital, and came by my house during my recovery to bring me whatever I wanted. Well, over the last few weeks, she has made some interesting comments regarding my clothing purchases. When we went shopping for my birthday I found a lot of clearance Lands End clothing at Sears that was 75-80%. I really wanted to buy some size 8's for next summer, but she said I'd never be that size, that I NEEDED to stop at 12 if I managed to get there. I was having such a pleasant day and was wearing 14-16 at the time, I just didn't want to make a big deal over it. Last weekend we went out together and I was talking about how I ordered a size 10 Lilly dress (since I now fit my size 14 one I've had for a couple of years) because it was such a great deal. She got really upset that I was continuing to spend money on clothes and said, "And how long do you think you'll be that size? Like 6 months?" insinuating that I couldn't possibly maintain a lower weight. I accused her of being unsupportive and left it at that. Yesterday I stopped by to pick something up and she decided she wanted to explain that she does support me, she's just worried that I will lose too much and start to look sickly like my anorexic aunt (one of her sisters). What?!? I weigh 174 lbs. I am at the top of the overweight bmi range. It was good we had the conversation. I think we both understand each better, but I am still just annoyed. I feel like part of her just doesn't want me to set my sights too high and fail (I've been through this before because I am so goal oriented and she worries). I just wish I could be at the end of this journey so that all of this was behind me. Oh, well...it will all be okay, just needed to get this off my chest.

November 6, 2009

4

My husband called me "skinny"

:001_tongue: I was drying off this morning after my shower and he opened the door to tell me something and stopped and smiled and said, "wow, you're getting so skinny." It was exactly what I needed to hear because while I was in the shower I kept pinching all of my fat around my belly, hips, and thighs and was feeling pretty disgusted about the fact that I have lost 75 lbs. and still have so much fat and flab. This comment made my whole day because it was such a sincere expression almost like he was caught off guard. I also stopped off to do a little shopping and bought a pair of size 8 pants from Lands End. They are tight, but I can sit in them comfortably. I can't believe that 5 months ago my 22 W's from Lands End were tight and those were the ones with a hidden expandable waist. I LOVE my sleeve!

December 1, 2009

3

Much Better Day

I had a physical this morning with my PCP. I saw him about two weeks before my surgery and briefly explained what I was having done and he hadn't seen me since. At the time he seemed a little skeptical, but was of course professional. Today I was shocked with how supportive he was. We talked for a long time and I told him the lab work I wanted for sure and that my surgeon wanted (vitamin D level was low below surgery) and he actually left for a few minutes to research what else he might want to order due to me having bariatric surgery. This was great because I was self-pay so if he didn't order everything I would have had to pay to get the additional labs done. Another great thing is that on their scale I weighed 164 lbs. I know it doesn't count because it's not the scale I weigh on all the time, but it was great to see that number fully clothed. The nurse who weighed me kept looking at my chart and then back to the scale and then finally I realized that she must be comparing my weight from the end of July (around 230 lbs) with this weight. I smiled and told her I had wls, she chuckled and said "oh." Then she told me how well I've done with it and asked questions about the procedure. I love my sleeve! Lastly, I decided to join the same gym as my husband as a way to do more things together. I only signed up for a month to see how much I actually am able to attend. Right now I can squeeze in a workout before tap class on Mondays, and Fridays after work, and Sundays. Every other day I'm pretty much booked up with Jazzercise although I might try to workout some days before going to class. We'll see.

November 19, 2009

2

Moving forward with RE

I made the decision about a week ago to go back to the fertility clinic I was using pre-surgery. We've been actively trying for about 5 months (but not doing anything to prevent it for 6 months) and after 3 years, I'm very impatient:-) I have an appointment set up for July 7, but called and spoke with the nurse about coming in for my 3 day blood work before that (I'm due to start my period the week before). She said that would be fine because the doctor will want to re-run some tests since it's been a year and a half since I've been there. I don't yet know if I will need assistance (like meds or iui), but it makes me feel better that I can get thoroughly checked out to make sure there is nothing wrong like before. I'm just so excited and grateful to be at the healthiest weight I've ever been to embark on this journey. :scared0:

June 22, 2010

5

Lowest Weight EVER!!! (and some other reflections)

This morning my scale read 156.5 lbs!!! In 7th grade I remember going to the doctor for my period cramps and weighing 160 lbs. My weight went up from there and fluctuated from 160-180 throughout junior high and high school. My lowest being my sophomore year when I was so nervous about starting a new school and a new dance team that I stopped eating and weighed 158 lbs at Homecoming that year. I cannot believe I've reached this point! I've really been reflecting on what Chancie wrote in a post this morning about being in denial while overweight. That was me, that's why when I saw pictures of me on the beach last spring break I was so shocked at how I looked, I never really saw that girl in the mirror, just thought I was smaller I guess. Now the opposite is sort of happening, when I see myself in pictures and compare to the before's I'm a little shocked at how much I've lost, but on a daily basis I still feel quite large with so much extra weight to lose. I really need to get back to buying new "goal" clothes and taking pictures more frequently because it sort of forces me to feel better. It's really hard for me to accept compliments about the weight loss in real life and they make me uncomfortable, but I've always been this way (about any compliment said to my face) and have gotten pretty good at changing the conversation in a different direction. Don't get me wrong, I am pretty self-centered and a bit spoiled, but realize that there are many more important things than myself, so when I get a compliment for something I always want to give credit to everything/everyone that has made it possible for me to reach a goal or do something well. In this case, the sleeve is 90% responsible for my success. Sure I'm exercising and eating less, but in the past I've done these things with only 10-20% of these results. Well, just my ramblings on a snowed in Saturday. We've been issued a blizzard warning, but so far still have power, Internet, and satellite.

December 19, 2009

4

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