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To tell or not to tell???

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deedee

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Okay, I started writing this post in response to someone's question on the main discussion forum and realized this was a huge ramble and went way beyond what she was asking. So instead I thought I'd post it here because it's more of a reflection and would probably fit better on my blog.

 

I told pretty much anyone that would listen before surgery, BUT I love to talk (I told anyone who asked about my fibroid surgery last year as well if they happened to ask or were around me for any length of time)! I share a lot about what I am thinking and pre-op, the vsg was pretty much what was on my mind all the time.

 

The thing that has been the most annoying for me wasn't really negative reactions when I told people (I can remember 1), but people (who I told numerous times) post-op wanting to constantly talk about my weight loss and how I was doing it. I have coworkers (and exercise buddies) ask me about my current weight, clothing size, etc. and want to know what diet and exercise plan I used to achieve such great results. I've already told EVERYONE about my surgery and when I explain again I get "oh" and don't think they are really listening and am sure to get the same questions again next week by the same people.

 

Another thing to consider when deciding to tell people is the whole "food police" issue, especially coming from those that are very supportive and excited for you. Today I had a colleague walk in and he saw half a donut next to my computer (we had a baby shower breakfast and yes, I ate a donut then and this was actually my 2nd that I went and got from the workroom for my lunch) and asked "what is that doing here? you are my hero," basically implying that I should never "slip" with my eating because I've been inspiring him to eat better and start exercising again. I just smiled, rolled my eyes, and asked if he needed anything else...he got the point, but I think this could get super annoying if it continues to happen (not that I plan on eating donuts daily).

 

In the end, I don't think it really makes a big difference whether you tell or not as long as you feel okay about the decision. I needed to tell people before surgery because it was a way to process my decision and I just like to gab. I've told people after (except my tap class) because I'd already told so many. For the most part everyone is really excited and happy with my results. Now I'm just hoping to be able to move past this surgery and weight loss and live a more normal life. It's not like I'm super small, but you'd think by the constant comments that I've done the most amazing thing ever. I just want to be normal and not have people focused on me because of this weight loss anymore.

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Deedee... I am still struggling with whether or not I want to tell anyone, for the exact reasons you have outlined. The two people (plus fiance) who know are incredibly supportive, but like you said- I certainly do not want to get 'policed'. A part of me is also fearful- what if it does not work? What if I fail in this like I have other times? I appreciate your thoughts and encouragement that you share through those moments.

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Ohhhhhhhhhhh my goodness, I could have practically written that myself.

I can tell you my experience. You know I bowl with a bunch of other military spouses, we do lunch, or breakfast a couple times a week, when they met me, I had only lost 75lbs, and have dropped another 58 since then. Anyways, the comments have stopped, and they no longer watch to see what I eat. Today, we went out to lunch and I ordered a shredded beef chimichanga, with smashed pintos and rice. I ate 1/2cup of rice 1/2 cup of beans, and few bites of the of the tortilla with the shredded beef. Not a single one of them said anything when I got a to-go box for the other half of the rice/beans, and about 90% of the chimi. They used to comment about how I was the only one to get a to-go box, or that there is no way I was only going to eat a "cup" of soup when everyone else was having a sandwich and bowl of soup at Panera.

It's like they realize that this is really how I eat, and how I live now. I also told them, I come home and eat again 3 hours later. Which about 99% of the times we eat out, I do come home and eat leftovers.

I only get policed from John when he doesn't think I'm eating enough.

The girls have seen me drink soda, eat a fun size snickers, and even some homemade Christmas candy. They have tamed their curiosities, and quit making the same "are you really done?" questions.

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I for the most part am not telling people. A few close friends and my family know but I am not telling everyone. My reason now is different. I am worried about being a failure. Even though I have the right mind frame and know I am truly doing this to change my life, I have NEVER suceeded losing all the weight I have wanted to. SO I decided to take the safer route and not tell. Plus with the amount I have to lose it may take me longer and I don't want people asking me all the time or wondering/talking to others how I haven't lost...

But Dee and Tiff you are my inspiration and strength right now. If you can do it so can I!

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Coopersmama, you are NOT going to fail! We are here to cheer you on along the way.

Tiff, I'm so glad to hear that others have gotten more used to it now...it gives me hope;-)

Lynda, you CAN definitely do this!!!!!!!!!

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It's funny that I came across this blog today because I actually talked to my WLS therapist today about how I'm going to deal with the extra attention I'm sure to get after I start losing weight. I'm definitely stressing about this in the back of my mind because I've never been one to like too much attention from others, especially when it comes to my appearance. It sounds like you've come up with some good techniques to deal with this kind of stuff.

I'm thinking about running away to a whole new state and starting a new life as a normal-sized person where nobody thinks anything about what I do and what I look like. Then I won't have to deal with the food police, weight police, exercise police, and whoever else rears their ugly head. (Heavy sigh!) Guess I need to get through the surgery part first before I start worrying too much about the after-effects...

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