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Lapband Journey

Entries in this blog

 

Wow, How Lazy Was I?

I always a fairly active person. I would go to work, if I needed to talk to someone in my building I walked to them instead of calling. I came home and stayed moving until after dinner. I thought I did good.   Well......   My MIL came over Thanksgiving and one of my gifts was a Fitbit One. After figuring out how to use the little sucker I realized- damn I've been lazy. The first day I was shocked at the results. That is all the calories burned, that is all the steps I took, that is my active score- WTH.   Since the first day with it I have found myself looking for ways to increase steps- I park further away from stores, between projects at work I get up and walk around the office circle. I stand up and sit down to get things rather than rolling my chair, I stand and pace while on the phone- all of these things helped me increase my steps and calories burned. I know you may think oh just a little bit won't matter, but hey gotta start somewhere and every calorie burned is not going to hang on my hips. It has really opened my eyes to reality.   Reality- I think that is something each of us in order to be successful need to find - the reality of who we are.   We got fat by not thinking, mindlessly eating crap. Now that we have a tool inside of us, it's time to be realistic. You can fail the band- you can drink milkshakes other high cal things and gain or you can be realistic and look at what you are actually putting in your body. I love food, we all do that is why we got here, but the reality of it we can still eat good food and lose weight.   Yesterday I went for my 5th fill and saw the doctor who operated on me (normally I see his wondeful assistant- also a surgeon). He looked at my band under floro gave me a little fill and told me this may do it- get me to the green zone. He said everything looked perfect and I was doing great. Well today, I know I got that fill. I am tight, but not to much, it's just right. A cup full of food is either perfect or to much. There is no way in hell I can over eat when eating real food (not sliders) with out tossing it all back up.   This is a great feeling. I feel motivated and encouraged after being down about my plateau. Plus I finally dropped below 201 this morning after being at that for a month- 200.6 - 7 oz until ONDERLAND!!!   Basically, what I am saying is, we ALL can do this, we ALL CAN lose weight, but we must be realistic with ourselves and our support group (family, doctors, nutritionist). We must make a choice to do what is right- to eat healthy.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Working on it......

My attitude the last few weeks has been less than great. I have been down for a number of reasons and it has take a toll on me and my weight loss. My life is still beyond busy, but I hope I am getting some control over my attitude.   By the end of last week I was in the mode of screw it, I don't care I am going to eat what I want and do what I want. However, I noticed that my band does prevent me from going to far over board and I suppose that is a great thing.   Saturday my parent drove down from Southern VA to help the hubs and I set up our awesome new deck. We finally built the deck of our dreams. Even though we live in Raleigh, NC's capital, we have a house in a subdivision that backs a river, so I have a big feild and a river behind my house. This helps me feel like I am some what in the country. We now have a 25 x 14 deck. My parents helped assemble a gazebo on our deck, complete with curtains. We have beautiful new deck furniture. So Saturday from the time my feet hit the floor until my butt hit the bed I was hauling butt.   Eating wise, I am not sure how to feel about the weekend. Saturday and Sunday morning, I had what the hubs refers to as the hearty breakfast bowl. This bowl consist of 1 pack of cinnamon oatmal, half of a small apple chopped up in it and a sprinkle of granola on top. It is very good. I don't think that was a horrible breakfast. For lunch, for time sake, we order a pizza. I ate two slices of a medium veggie pizza. When dinner finally rolled around, I felt like a truck had hit me since I had been working out in the sun since 8 am. The hubs wanted to go to Moe's Southwest Grill. I ordered a Quesodilla with chicken, onions and peppers. I pulled off the execess shell, but I did eat most all of it. Funny thing is I never had one stuck spell or felt over full. This worries me a bit.   Sunday, I had to make the trip up to Southern VA for a family reunion. I was worried about this, since it would be outside and I would have no where to go hide and PB if I got stuck. I ended up helping my plate with to much, however it was about a 3rd of what I would have normally had on there. Yet, I still didn't eat it all. I ended up giving a peice of chicken that was way to big to my newphew who is 16 and is as skinny as a rail, yet eats like a horse. I didn't have dessert a spoon of strawberry cobbler and 1 thin slice of pound cake. Luckly I never got stuck, but still know I ate to much.   When I finally arrived home the hubs wanted breakfast supper. I made sausage and egg sandwiches. I toast mine so the bread doesn't gum. I ate the entire thing- normally I would only eat half.   I worry now that I may have stretched my band. I know I need to get back on track and stop this insanity before it gets totally out of control. I had hoped to get up early today and go for a run, but it's is raining cats, dogs and a few horses here in NC and will all day . This afternoon I need to go get my mom's B-day gift, since I finally know what she wants. Then I need to come home and clean the house, which got neglected this weekend with everything else I have to do. So I know I will not stop moving until my head hits the pillow again.   This constant being busy is likely what has prevented my weight from going insane, I am up to 190.8 this morning. My lowest seen has been 187.   I must get back on track one step at a time, I believe it is time to go back to journaling, if I can find time to do that.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Wonderful Weekend

This weekend was a dozy!   First off Thursday night we brought home a new addition to our family- Molly a 1 year old Corgi/Shepard mix. She is a little bundle of energy and cute as a button. We already have an 11 year old Greyhound that is the best dog on the planet (perfectly behaved!) and two bengal cats, one 11 and one 4. The Greyhouse has asserted her alpha dog status and as has the older cat. The younger cat has gone into hiding whenever the little terror is out.   Saturday morning I got up early and went shopping with my BFF who had gastric bypass 3 years ago. She understand the difficulty of being big and then losing. She help me pick out clothes and I went into the dreaded dressing room. WOW- a pair of 16 pants (not 16 W, but 16 ladies) slid on with not problem and buttoned!! A large sweater fit perfectly in ladies. What a difference wearing clothes that fit make - I felt better and looked better. I went home and put on my new size 16 jeans with my new sweater and by new boots and walked into my hubby's office- he loved it. We went out that night with friends and I felt awesome struting around the mall. Size 16 isn't small, but it's better than the 20's and 18's I was wearing.   Sunday we decided to take our new baby, Molly, and Chloe for a walk. Well, it was more Molly walking us. To be just 30 lbs she can pull 200 lbs like it's nothing. My hubs and I had to take turns dealing with her. Our Greyhound was her usual pefect self- walking right be side you being good. We walked 5.5 miles and the little one never stopped pulling. My arms are sore from holding her back. When we got home my husband, myself and Chloe fell out in the floor and Molly went for the toy box to play. I have a feeling she is my new work out plan. On the down side, she had caused me to fall Saturday night, I wasn't in pain then nor Sunday morning, but after the 5.5 mile walk my knee was killing me and today it still hurts bad. May not be going for a long walk today.   For the most part it was a great weekend. My weight hit 202.0, so I should see 201 by next weekend. I may just make my goal of 199 by Thanksgiving!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

0
 

Why?

I went on a road trip last weekend and did pretty good, even having to eat out. I turned down apple pie and icecream when every one else was eating it. Back at work this week, I turned down a awesome looking chocolate cake and donuts. I am eating what I am suppose to, drinking water even exercising, but am I losing weight, NO!.   I know everyone hit plateaus, but this is ridiculas. Last week my weight got down to 216.4 on Wed, this Tuesday I was 218. Tuesday night I worked in the yard, push mowed the lawn and the raked the yard- out there 3 hours sweating. Wed morning I was down to 216.2 then this morning I was back up to 217.2. WTH??   I went through surgery and all the test, and I still can't seem to lose. The first few weeks things went great, but now it seems like I am losing less than a pound a week and sometimes not even that. Why am I eating like a bird just to stay fat?   Ok, before I get a beat down. I know it's worth it, I am just frustrated and afraid. There are people out there that the band doesn't work for, what if I am one of those people. What if I went through all of this for nothing.   I realize that the weight didn't come on me over night so it won't fall off over night, but geez. I was so hopeful and excited to begin with, but now I am losing hope and just feeling fearful. I am not stopping the band why, I am still eating healthy, because I have learned to like it. I just want to see results on the scales for all my efforts.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Why The 'tude Dude?

I have been on this site for 5 months and have noticed that post can sometimes get a little heated. I sometime get heated - when someone tells me I am doing wrong.   Well, if I am doing wrong them it's because my surgeon told me to. I have met with and emailed my nutrtionist with every question I have had to make sure I am on track. I go to my surgeon monthly for a fill and discussion about my progress.   From June 22, 2012 until Dec. 2, 2012 I have gone from 244 lbs to 199! I have gone from wearing a 20/22 to a 14/16. Obviously, I am not do that much wrong because I am losing lbs and inches. I eat healthy, good foods - do I ever eat something that would be considered unhealthy- yes, but not daily and not even weekly. I talked it over with my doctor and nutritionist and both said do not totally deprive myself, but limit. Guess what I want to lose so I limit!!!! When I am dying for a cupcake when I am pmsing I go get ONE cupcake and eat it- no more, some times it's only 2 bits and the hubs finishes it. It took my craving away and did not drive me to ruin.   I appreciate all the hard core banders who can preach ya da ya da is the end all be all and if you aren't living banded this way then you are wrong. I am sorry, but get off your high hourse and build a bridge, if you are not a bariatric specialist then do not tell me how I should live banded life. When I answer questions I answer from my perspective, from what my doctor has told me, I do not tell people they must take my advice I just put it out there rather than trying to choke them on it.   I have an excellent line of communication going with my team doctors (family doc and surgeon) and my nutritionist to make sure I am doing what I am suppose to and getting the right result in a healthy way. Last month I hit a plateau and didn't move for a month. My surgeon sat me down and told me to calm down, the month before I had lost 8lbs, he said likely my body was taking a break, that unless the plateau last 3 months to just breath and stick to the plan. Well in a few days I was headed down and hit 199.   Bottom line is we are all on a journey, each journey will present with different pot holes, curves and hills - it is up to us to seek guidance from our professional team to know how we need to navaigate those issues. On here people need support and need to know how your journey is going - the way you got around your curve may be different from who someone else gets around theres.   Tough love is needed- if a person admits to eating crap and gaining the yes it is there fault they are gaining. But until the facts are known please do not just down a person throat.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Why can't we all just get along?

In society today people have become, well crazy. We ALL have crazy moment when we just seem to forget and make snap comments or judgement without thinking things through.   What took place in CT is truly a tragedy that I don't think I will ever be able to comprehend. I had the same feelings when reading about and see reports about Columbine, Okalahoma City, 9-11, Virginia Tech - why do people hurt innocents. These are all horrible horrible things, but what about the small things.   On a daily basis we (me and you) have the ability to hurt or help someone. In my job I can get easily frustrated with parents, kids, staff, and have to remind myself to be real. I should not take my frustration with one person out on someone else- they don't deserve it. This is also the situation with this site.   This site was created with the hope of giving support to other who have been banded. There are some on this site who have done an amazing job with their band and really have it down, then there are some who are struggling or haven't done as well, but the one thing we have in common is the band. When I respond, write blogs, ect I try to only present what has happened to me on my journey.   Each person on this site have influences that other do not- different doctor, emotional states, family situations, illnessess, ect there for the journey will not be the same for everyone. I tend to only get frustrated with those that try to tell people to go against doctors orders. If you choose a doctor and trust him/her then you should LISTEN to their medical advice!!!! If you doctor says you need vitamins, maybe there is something in your labs or history to cause the doctor to say that so take them no matter what anyone else says. If you doctor says eat xyz then do it. If you feel like you are getting unsound advice from the doctor seek out a second opinion from ANOTHER DOCTOR!!!! A bariactric specialist is the only one you should take MEDICAL advice from!!   On this site we need to be here to tell our story, how we are doing, how we are making it on journey and what we have experienced. No, we do not need to sugar coat and validate bad behavior (eating food 2 days post op- I doubt this is allowed by any Doctor). What we should be doing is being a helpful encourager to stick to the program. We all are told to eat healthier (stop eating junk food every day and greasy fried foods), to move more (I didn't say be a gym rat, just move more), and to eat smaller portions ( I think most doctors recommend a cup). If you do not like a response some one has to a comment you posted either ignore it or RESPECTFULY state why you do not agree.   The key is being respectful of each other, we can agree to disagree. I may not like what a person has to say, but that doesn't give me the right to bash them. If I expect respect, then I must give it.   What a better world we would live in if people could just respect!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

5
 

Where'd My Second Chin Go?

I just looked at myself in the mirror- really looked at myself. I realized my face is much smaller as is my neck and my double chin has disappeared. My husband keeps telling me I am looking great, but I just fail to see it. I know I am smaller because the scales and my clothes show it, but when I look in the mirror I still feel large.   Will I ever be able to let go of being the fat gir? Will I ever feel like I am small enough? I am 5'2 and to start with I want to be around 170, but now I have changed that to 135 ish. But, will that be enough once I reach it. I am not sure how I will feel at that point and I know I should worry about, but it's a thought in my head.   I love the fact that I am 38 lbs smaller than when I began- even though it's taken 4 months to get there. It feels slow, but my average is 8 lbs a month which isn't bad.   I wish I had a magic mirror that could show me what I will look like in a year. But would that motivate me to continue or would it allow me to become complacent and stop being so tight with myself.   I don't think any of us have the answers to all these questions, we are all just living our own banded life each day- which varies from person to person.   For today I am happy to look at my smiling face in the mirror and now see a second chin or my eye lids dropping down - my face is tighter and cuter and for today that is going to be my joy.   Onward and downward in our case! LOL!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Where am I????

To sum up my life of late "I have been runnin 'round like a chicken with his head cut off". This is a countryism where I come from and basically if you wack a chicken's head off he runs around in all directions until he finally falls over dead.   Basically, I've been busy. Work, family stuff, work, dogs, work, doctor's appointments, parties, ect. Things are begining to slow a touch, but not much, I am just hoping to catch my breath a bit. I need to be able to come up for air.   At work this morning, being that the kids are gone as are most of the teachers, I am "bumbin' it". I have my jean capri's with a wally world t-shirt and my trusty "don't leave home with out 'em" flip flops. This is my standard appearl in the summer months. While my capri's are a comfy 14, my t-shirt is a left over from last summer XL, so it's big and floppy, but comfy. However, as I looked in the mirror at my reflection this morning I thought- I've changed. Last summer at this time I was in a 20 pant, and XL-XXL shirts and busting out of them. This year the double chin has faded, I can see my collar bones (I was never sure I had those 'till now), and here is the kicker- and for you former fatties you understand me- I can see between my thighs - I see light- WOW!!! Since I was in kindergarden my thinghs touched, now they have separated- I see light. What a thrilling thing to see.   Last weekend I went to Victoria's Secret to get some new undies as mine were saggin in the butt. I ask the lady what size she thought I needed. She told me to turn around and she oggled my a** for a min and said Large. I was shocked but happy. So I bought 7 pair and headed home, some what thinking these will never fit. Low and behold they are soo comfy. No more saggy butt.   While I always seem to harp on "why haven't I lost more", it seems that I have come a long why. Yes I still have about 45 lbs to go. Will I make, I sure as heck hope so. Good Lord willing and the creeks don't rise I will see the blessed 140's.   This journey, my journey, seems to have been about a steady slow change of habits. Sheading the old ways and replacing with new healthier thought processes. It hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been killer either. While I haven't lost 100 lbs like some who completely flipped their habits upside down, I have slowly made changes and slowly lost weight. I feel that by making this slow progress toward a healthier me I will be able to stick to it as the days, weeks, months, years, decades pass.   So at almost 1 year post op I would say I am in a pretty good place. I still eat foods I love. I haven't competely cut anything from my diet, I just eat far less of the bad stuff and in general just smaller amounts at the time. I do still enjoy a slice of veggie pizza from time to time, but a slice instead of a half a large pizza. I still on occassion eat pasta, but try to avoid due to fear of getting stuck. I eat sweets on special occassion, but rather than a goliath size piece I eat a bird size peice.   Life is Good and a whole lot more comfortable this year than last!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

What?why?how?

On Tuesday this week I went to my nutritionist and I had lost a total of 35 lbs since the 1st time I saw her. She went over my food journal and calorie counts. Gave me some pointers, but all in all said I was doing wonderful and she couldn't have hoped for a better turn out. Needless to say I was pleased and happy.   So today is Thursday of the same week and I had a fill. So I wasn't worried when I was weight. WTH, I am up 3 lbs since Tuesday. WHAT??? My calorie counts have been well below my BMR- right about 1200. It's not my time of the month. So how in the heck I am up 3lbs in two days.   I know I shouldn't be freaked out because out bodies fluctuate day to day, but geez!! I had finally hit 209 - single digit 200's- only 9 more lbs till my 1st major goal. But now I am up. I feel defeated. Mind you I didn't and won't do what I use to do, which is go out and binge. I don't have a desire to do that anymore, I want to do the opposite, not eat anything, but that isn't healthy either.   My hubs says shake it off I will be back down by the weekend, but I don't feel confindent. I track each morsel that enters my mouth and I work out. I am far more active now than I have been in years and I sleep better, so what in the world.   I know it's only 3 lbs I need to chill out. But I needed to vent. I am back in my office now and I have no one to talk to about how I am feeling. I am on liquids for the remainder of the day so maybe that will help.   Any suggestions for my bander friends out there?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

6
 

What, I am full, already??

I got a fill last Tuesday of .5 cc to give me a total of aroud 7cc. Last week was normal didn't really feel much extra restriction. This week- wowser!   Yesterday the restriction kicked in and I think I had the best band day ever (food wise) day started with 20 oz of water 1 cup of coffee (black) 1 cup of Special K with 1/2 cup 2% milk (breakfast) Smart Ones Four Cheese Pizza (lunch) 3oz chop steak 1/2 cup scalloped potatos (didn't eat it all)   No snacks!!!   I stayed satisfied all day long with no snacks. Yesterday was the hubs B-day and he requested seasoned chopsteak and homemade scalloped potatos, so this was what we had. The chop steaks are 3 oz each. Preband I would eat 2 plus 2 sides and still have room, not now! I eat about 3 bites of steak and 2 bites of potatos and full! I thought WTH, wow, I am full on no more than that!! So I pack the remainder in a tupperware bowl for lunch today. I didn't get hungery later in the evening, I just felt good.   I am loving this new found freedom from food. I like getting my fill on so much less- it's rush.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

6
 

What can I do?

Yesterday, I started to really think about what I can do. This brings many thoughts to mind- the things I can do now since losing 60 lbs, the things I want to do, the things I should do, ect.   Pre-surgery I was lucky, my health was pretty good, but I was terrified of it starting to fail. My knees had just started to ache when I walked alot- they would pop and creek. I knew they were telling me I was to large. I would cut grass and go inside and sometimes passout- litterally- do to over excertion. Did that twice.   Yeterday afternoon it was 92 degrees at my house with 98% humidity and guess what- I pushed mowed my lawn with NO ill effects. It took me 45 mins to cut the entire yard. Then I did some clipping in my flower garden and watered my pepper plants. Then I finally went into the house- and I felt good. I went stratight and got in the shower since I was dirty, wet and smelly. I got out of the shower, got a glass of water, sat down a few min and then back up to cook dinner. I couldn't have do that 60 lbs ago.   I now walk and sometime jog without pain. I can ride a bike for a mile or more without stopping.   I will be the first to tell you I hate "exercise". I put it in "" because I don't like just walking, or just getting on the elliptical or just lifting weights. I like to do something with a purpose that has a end point, like what I did yesterday. I love working in my yard, in the garden with my mom, playing with my neice, walking to go somewhere, even house work.   So I know that since I don't like exercise, it is very important that I move! So even though I have a office job I have tried to set things up where I must move. My bookshelf is across the room with my reference lit, my file cabnet is across the room. I have to stand up and step to my printer. Instead of taking the short cut to the potty I take the long way around. I stand up when on the phone. Movement is movement and it burn energy which burns calories.   Over the last 6 months my weight loss has slowed, but not stopped. On average it seems I lose around a pound to 2 pounds a month. While this isn't what I would love to lose, it is a loss. It is steady and comfortable. I don't feel like I am giving up anything. I feel like the life style I am living is one I can maintain forever. I make better choices, I do follow a give and take rule, I move more. So while I complain and fuss, fume and whine about having not lost as much as others; I am proud to say in 1 year and 1 month I have not gained, my weight has been on a decline. So I think little by little, inch by inch one day I will reach my goal. I may not get there as fast as I had hoped or dreamed, but I will make it.   I can do this, one step at a time.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

0
 

Waste of Money!!!

Okay I feel sure I am likely going to offend someone here, so if you are easily offended stop reading now!   I don't often get on my "high horses" but I am today.   I have heard people complain and moan and groan about surgery being a waste of money and time. Well my first questions is.... Did you follow you doctor's orders? Did you listen and follow what the nutritionist said? Did you go in to see the doctor and discuss issues?   If the answer to any of those are no then you wasted your own money! I work hard to make a living and I am not going to give my money away for nothing. I am paying my surgeon and my nutritionist a prime rate and honey you better bet I am going to listen to their orders. If I feel like something they told me is unfounded then I am going to discuss it with them and see if we can come up with a plan- for example multivitamins make me sick. For some reason multivitamins make me very ill, for a first couple of months I took individual vitamins throuhgout the day to prevent getting sick. After that I ask my doctor to test my levels and everything was great. The doctor gave me clearence to stop taking most of the vitamins only if I had my levels checked monthly. I have and everything is fine. I still take B vitamins since those have always been low.   I didn't just do my own thing and ignore his advice. We made a plan and I followed through.   My opinion, again this is MY OPINION, if you are not going to follow doctors orders then don't spend the money and waste the time to have surgery.   If you are not willing to commit totally to what it takes to be successful with WLS don't do it. It may be that you aren't ready right now, but in time you will be.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

7
 

Wall Flower

Growing up I was always the wall flower. I was the kid a teacher never knew was in class. I was quiet and kept to myself for the most part. While I did have friends, I was careful at school not to get in trouble or break rules, that was just me. I was never loud or abnoxius and never wanted to go against the grain. I was a blender, always blending into the back ground where ever I was. As I got older this trend continued, the only place where I would step up and take a lead was in my job, because that is where I have to. Being a manager I had to be the head of what I did and often times would have to public speak, but that was fine because it was my area of expertise.   I always thought my wall flowerness was due to my weight and my not wanting to be seen. But, after losing 50 lbs I have come to see this is just who I am. I still am not a flashy person. I don't like wearing things that make me stand out- I wear normal colors not flashy bright ones. I won't color my hair a odd color for me because it would draw attention. While I feel better about myself I am still the same old wall flower.   Even on this site, I post questions and post blogs on a regular basis, but many times do not get feed back or response, which frankly is a little disheartening.   But, I must except I am the wall flower and that is just who I am. Maybe one day I will bloom into a beautiful rose that is noticed, but I doubt it, but I am me.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Vents

Just like the temps in NC today my temper is warm.   Last week I went on a wonderful 5 day vacation with the hubs. We were in Orlando and took in Disney and SeaWorld. It was great and boy did I move it, move it!! My step counts for the days were redic- 22500 the first day and the following days from 15000 to 20000. I only partook on one alcholic drink. Due to band tightness I wasn't able to eat very much. However, when I did eat it wasn't the healthest due to it being away from home. I tried to make good choices, but you just never know what they put in things. I spluged and had ice cream twice - not huge amounts - one cup. The icecream and one crepe was the ONLY desert like things I had while there.   When we returned and I weight on the 6th I was up 4 lbs from the 30th when we left. I thought, okay, salt in take was likely higher than normal, plus I was on my TOM. I figured once my monthly vistor checked out and I got back to flushing my system the weight would drop. Well....... Sunday I was down a half lb, Monday down and half more. I have now been at 192.5 for two days. Before leaving I was 190.   I was so looking forward to the 180's. I have been in the 190's since Dec and I am soooo sick of it.   Since getting back I have remained moving. I have been trying to keep my steps around 8000-12000 a day. I am drinking my water again my TOM is done. So why are those pesky pounds sticking around.   I am frustrated. I have been in the same 10 lb range for 4 months- enough already!!!! Frankly, I am worried because what if my body won't let go of more weight? I am sticking to the plan, moving, talking to my doc and my weight is not going down any more.   My doc says I have done great and not to worry so much, I should just stay the course and I will be fine.   I so want to hit the 140's, my body just doesn't apparently.   Have any of you experience long plateaus or extreme slow down in weight loss? Please your expereices are welcome!!!!!!!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

UP, Down, All Around

I wonder when the mind games end, boy I hope they do end.   I know that we all have a problem when figuring out portion sizes, which is why measuring and weighing is so helpful.   But, what about our body.   My weight has bounced for months now. Up 2 lbs, down three, up 2, down 1, up 2, down 4- you get the picture. I slowly dropped from 199 in Dec. to the lowest I have seen 188 in May. I am currently doing the bounce thing still.   I haven't had a fill since Feb and have an appointment for one next week. My meals are no longer holding me 4 hours.   Any way with all the up down of the scale, what does that say for how I look? I look in the mirror and I see that my face is smaller, as is my body, but I still feel HUGE! I slide on one pair of 14 shorts and they fit perfect, then slide on another pair and they are loose.   Last night I went out for a Walk/Run with the hubs and 2 dogs. As I slipped on my 12/14 gym shorts that fit perfectly (last year they were like a 2nd skin), my sports bra and my old outer banks t-shirt. I realized that my boobs stick out further than my tummy now. I clearly see my feet.   All this is great, but I still feel like a walking Shamoo Show.   I am just getting so frustrated with all of it. It is like this process has become all consuming. Everything is about my band and my weight loss.   The doc said last time I have been successful, but I am still so big. I mean 188 is a lot less than 244, but still it's a long ways from the 125 the charts say I should be.   I by no means believe I will ever hit 125, but I would like to see the upper 130's- and low 140's. But, that is still 40+ pounds away.   I begin to wonder will I ever make it.   I am still very fatigued, which my OB/GYN attributes to my extremely low Vit D level, my mildly down B levels and my mildly low iron levels. I am currently work toward getting these up with insane regiment of pills.   Maybe, once my level get back in the homeostatic range with weight loss will continue.   Any one else feel like this sometimes?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Up, Down, All Around

My weight has pretty much been at a stale mate since around June. I have stayed in the zone between 186-189. I weigh daily, each AM in the good ole B-day suite. Last week, while awaiting my monthly visitor I jumped to 190, then the next day 187- go fig- horomones, gotta love 'em.   Basically, I keep getting told that I should pat myself on the back for not gaining. True I haven't gained during a very stressful time in my life. However, on June 22, 2012 I had lapband surgery to lose weight. At that time I want to get to 175, so currently I am around 11 lbs shy of the original goal. As my weight fell off the first few months, with what seemed to be little effort, I changed my goal to 140. At this point I fear I will never make it to my ultimate goal.   At this point and time I can also say, shamefully, that I do little to make my goal attainable. I don't exercise daily like I know I should- I wouldn't say I am lazy. I move, a lot, I just don't have a regimented exercise routine, that I know would help me pull toward my goal. I, also, eat pretty much what I want. I eat pizza, cake, cookies, pie, ice cream, meals- I just don't eat as much as I did pre-surgery- I don't think it is possible. I do attempt to make things healthier- like cutting salt, eating lean meats, eatting less process foods and carb- but I don't make a huge effort to eat like a rabbit as my hubby calls it.   I have come a long ways- 60 lbs down from my highest- but yeah I want more, but I am finding motivation to move forward hard to come by.   I have been in a 14 all summer, but now they are a little loose and I can wear some 12's. That is great, don't know how that is happening, but my body much be reshaping.   I know that while I am not being hard core, I am doing something to at least maintain where I am. This morning I promised myself to make a concious effort to do better in the coming week so hopefully in the next month I can drop to 185. I am not 100% sure how I am going to do it, basically I am going to take it day by day- meal by meal- make better choices as time moves forward.   I want to be realistic and do things that I can continue, knowing that if I go to rabbit food for weeks, I may loose weight, but I won't be able to maintain that.   So I recommit, today I will begin with each bite to make better choices and to start listening a little closer to my bodies singles of satisfaction.   This is a battle I know I will fight every day for the remainder of my life, but in order to have a life, I must fight it each day.   I don't come on here much any more due to being busy, but I miss my friends- I miss my encouragers. I miss my one person who will kick my butt if needed. So firends- fire away- give it to me- help me get moving again. Everyone needs support once in a while.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Trying to Make Lemonade

Life has been tossing me a lot of lemons lately- I am drowning in Lemonade. Work has been horrid, working way to many hours. I am tired and gumpy. When life is like this making good choices isn't easy. However, I am not gaining weight, which is, I suppose, a triumph. I still try to make good choices when it comes to food, they are just a little spare of the moment instead of planned.   This week I had my check up with my primary care for my anxiety med refill. While there I got my flu shot and a pneumonia shot. Since I have asthma they recommend I go ahead and get that. Bad idea. This morning my arm is swollen and very painful to move or touch, I have a mild temp, head ache, naseau and upset tummy. My band isn't happy about all this either- it's TIGHT- the yogurt is not going down easy, so I think the protein shake is going to have to come out. Doc just says take Advis and Tylenol rotating and rest. Well, I am at work- no rest for the weary.   Working out isn't happening these days. My works out are cleaning, cooking, yard work and dog duty. IF I get those done I consider the day a success. Yesterday, I spent 2 hours in the yard- cut grass, rake grass, trim flowers, sweep deck. Then I went in and cooked dinner. I do really try to make sure our dinners are healthy- non process, homemade and organic. Having a garden has helped with this.   While the weight loss has stopped, my body continues to change. Just bought a pair of nice dress jeans in a 14 about a month ago. Slipped them on yesterday and they are loose. So hey, I must not be doing to bad. I have stopped worrying about the scale, the weight will drop when it drops. I am moving more, sleeping better and doing more than before so that is a success in it's self. I still very much want to lose 40 more pounds and be in the 140's; maybe I'll get there maybe I won't. At this point, I know I am eating better, moving more and all my labs are perfect- so I can't ask for more than that.   This journey, if nothing else has taught me to be more aware. More aware of being lazy and what I choose to put in my body. I use to not bat a eye at eating a Big Mac and a large fry. You will never catch me eating that again. It just plain out isn't worth it. Now, last week on my 4th wedding anniversary the hubs and I went to cheesecake factory and my once a year slice of heavenly cheese cake was worth it- of course followed by a long walk. I always try to move more and add more steps and movement to my day. This could be standing while working on something or while on the phone. Walking to offices rather than calling, Walking to classrooms instead of calling. To me it's all about making the little choices throughout my day that equal a healthier me. I might hit my goal one day, but right now I am good with the choices I make. I am able to look myself in the face and say ok you aren't making the dumb choices you did before. I no longer hide eating- food doesn't control me, I control it. I like these steady changes and if they scale never moves anymore, I will be thankful for the 60 lbs gone right now and the changes I have made that have made me healthier.   The band is totally worth the trouble and little issues.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Truth Be Told.....

We (me) lie to ourselves a lot.   I stayed in deniel over my weight for way to long. Thinking, oh, I'm not really that big. I just avoided pictures and mirrors. If I do see it's not there, right?   Due to my weight though I over compensated in a lot of areas. I was that annoying sibling who did everything my parents wanted. I made good grades, I worked, I was honest with my parents and I never got in trouble - honestly. This drove my brothers crazy. But, a lot of the reason for this was I wasn't popular. I didn't want to go to parties and stay out late because I had no self confidense.   As an adult I am pretty much a stickler for the rules at work and every where else. My weight has been out of control so I wanted to control everything else in my life.   Once I admitted, yes I am over weight, and yes I disgust myself with the rolls, I decided to do something about it. I was scared to begin with of not being successful. After all I got fat because I loved the taste of food- real food - not junk. I talked to my doctor and told him my fears, he ask if I really wanted to lose weight- I said yes. If anything were possible what would be the best way for you to loose- I thought well food not having calories would be nice- but realistically it was for me to eat less of what I was already eating. I already ate lots of veggies, healthy grains, fruit, and lean meats - I had already made that change years ago. I can't even tell you the last time I ate little debbie- never really liked them. He told me that he could help with that - the band would help me eat less.   Now, truth be told, 4.5 months post op, 43 lbs gone, this has not been as hard as I expected. Do I have hard days, heck yeah, but looking over the entire 4 months, once I got past the first 2, it's been pretty great. I don't miss soda, I don't miss the large quantity of food. I do not miss the size 22's. I don't miss anypart of my old life- nothing. Rather than filling like a stuffed cow after a meal I feel good, comfortable. It doesn't take much for it to kick in now that I have had enough since I got restriction. Once that hits I honestly believe if I ate another bite I would be sick- I haven't pushed that, but I feel that way. I hit that point at a cup of food. Left overs abound at my house now and I realize just how much I was eating.   We all say WLS is hard, it's not easy, it's not the easy way out and it's not. However, this is alot easier than continuing to live the way I was - fat and miserable! It's a lot easier to put down that fork now than it was before. It's a lot easier to say nope don't want that now that it was 5 months ago. 5 months ago I would go for any food at any time- now unless I'm hungry I don't want it. My daily craving is water - seriously- I drink 80-100 oz now, I am thirsty.   Anyway- this is just my rant- how do you feel about your journey- has it been easy or has it been hell?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

5
 

Tough Weekend

This weekend was a rough one. My weight had gone up on Friday and I was really worried the band was not going to work for me, my fear getting the best of me. I was really down unable to figure out the patter of my weight ups and downs. I was feeling like I had failed on many fronts. I have been married 3 years and the first year I had 3 miscarriages. I am able to get pregnant easily, yet I can not carry past a month or two. This hurts greatly, I have always wanted to be a mother, so I feel like I am not a "true" woman because I can't have a baby. I also feel like I failed my husband in that I can't give him a child. This has been a great hurt for me, but most of the time I can deal with it and stay rational and not let it get me down.   This weekend though I felt like I was failing the band just like I'd failed at motherhood. I had a good 'ole pity party Saturday. After giving my house a good clean, I sat down and let it all out to the hubs and had a good cry, then a good nap. It helped to get it all out. It does seem like loosing weight and changing so many of my habits have an effect on my emotions. Just as everything else in my life, apprently this is going to be a roller coaster.   Please do berate me for my feelings and opinions, they are mine and I have a right to them. I am doing what I am suppose to and following my teams directions. I have lost weight, but for me the chaging of myself carries an emotional toll. I have been overweight since I was 6 years old. My habits started 25 years ago.   I suppose everyone needs to have a pity party every now and again or just a good cry, this weekend was mine.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

There is help out there....

It's been 6 months since my lapband surgery and my life has chaged. I have lost 49 pounds (244 to 195), I feel better, my asthma is better, my blood pressure is perfect, I have gone down 2 sizes (20/22 to a 14/16). I feel more aware of my life, I am more aware of what goes into my body. I eat better less processed foods, I don't have the GI issues I use to have because of it. When I walk into the mall, a resturant, a store, even work I don't feel as huge as I use to.   Friday I went to the grocery store and then today the hubs and I went out to Best Buy. I see women and men walking around looking like they are in pain being so large, riding the carts and I so want to be like an evangelist and tell them there is help. You can lose that weight that is holding you back. Most people would take offense to that though, but it's true.   I so wish I would have taken step years ago to do this and get control of my life. I as so thankful that I had the surgery now rather than waiting until I hit 300 or 400 or more pounds because that is were I was headed. I am 5'2 and at 244 I was already looking as big around as I was tall any more weight would have been horrid on me. I realized last spring that if I didn't do something then that my Christmas I would likely be seeing 300 on the scales, it was time to take control.   While I haven't been the perfect patient I haven't been the worst either. I still eat carbs, I still eat some processed stuff, I still eat pizza- I just eat much less. The hubs and I use to order a large pizza and an order of breadsticks and eat it all in one sitting. Now we order 1 small pizza and on occassion have left overs. When I use to cook rice I'd cook 2 cups now I cook 1/2 cup and still have some left. Food last a lot longer in our house.   The thing a lot of people who fail at any weight loss surgery fail to realize is that the surgery it's self will not make you lose weight. If you want to you can eat around the band (slidders) or stretch your stomach back with the other surgeries. A commitment must be made to make a change in eating habits and follow through it.   Just last weekend I saw a lady who had gastric bypass 3 years ago, to begin with she lost 100 lbs, now she has gain that back plus some. She said the surgery was useless and that it doesn't help. But, the large plate of food and the half of a 2 liter I saw her consume that night showed me why she failed. She refused to commit to the process. She either wasn't ready or didn't understand her what her part was in the process.   I am ready, I am committed to the process. While I may not be perfect, I will eat less and move more forever more. I want to succeed. I am proud of the 49 lbs I have said goodbye to and I will not see them again. I am committed, I want this.   Weight loss surgery isn't for everyone, it's only for the committed!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

The Water Works

I was told at the start of my journey to drink at the least 60 oz of water a day, but more would be better.   During the week I do great, drinking around 100 oz. Well guess what during the week my weight goes down!   On the weekends I am a slacker. The hubs and I don't have kids and take advantage of sleeping in on Saturday and Sunday mornings. We normally rise around 8-9 am verses our M-F routine of getting up at 5. We are not morning people and never have been. However, this getting up late wreaks havoc with my water intake.   I strictly follow my doctors rule of not drinking during or 30 min after a meal. I find this is a big help in not getting hungry so soon. When I don't get up until 8-9, I miss out on getting that extra time for fluids. On M-F I would have already downed about 60 oz. I tend to drink very little between dinner time and bed time for potty reasons, therefore, I don't drink as much as I should.   Looking back over my records for the past couple of months the pattern that I see is, my weight drops during the week and on the weekends rises. I believe this is for 2 reasons- 1-Friday night is my night off cooking (this was established at the on set of the relationship and I like it!) We eat out, but I choose as healthy as possible, but the sodium levels do tend to be high (read water retention) 2- Since I do not drink enough water on the weekends the water that is retained due to the upped sodium count is not flushed out.   The pattern clear shows that from Friday morning to Sunday morning my weight will go up about 2-3 lbs. By Tuesday morning my weight is back down lower than it was on Friday morning due to getting in all the extra water on Monday.   So, it looks like I must get better at the water on the weekends thing. But, this does clearly show me that my water intake as well as my sodium intake has a big effect on my weight.   This is my little scientifc experiment.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

The Root Of Evil......

The root of evil many time is boredom, and that seems to be the case in being over weight sometimes to. We eat when we don't have anything else to do.   I always knew I tended to be more hungry when I was bored- like I would bake when I didn't have anything else to do at home. Then I would eat what I made.   Today I was awaken at 5 am by my puppy. By 5:30am I had finished my breakfast (1 cup of Special K with a 1/2 cup of 2% milk) and was getting ready to go to work. I got to work at 6:40 and jumped right in to a busy day. I was crazy busy all morning. The next thing I know I see people walking passed the conference room with food. I looked up and realized it was Noon. Holy crap, I worked right through snack time. I had gone 6.5 hours with out food!   This made me realize a lot of my morning hunger has got to be head hunger and not true hunger.   Once I got to thinking about it I realized I was hungry and I went and heated my lunch and ate.   Now I am back at my desk trying not to start any big projects, as we are out the next three days, and I am floored that I lasted that long.   I know in past times on days that I am really busy I tend not to get hungry and don't eat much. At home when I stay busy doing something, no matter if I am cleaning or working on a project my husband has to remind me it's time to eat.   So the bottom line for me is bordem = fat! I have got to find a way to keep my self busy so food is not a priority.   Food certainly does play mind games with ya!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

The Roller Coaster Of Band Life

The start of the week my weight was dropping like a rock. I lost 4 lbs between last Thurday and Tuesday. Then I started going back up, 2 lbs, I know it is water weight. I am on the white pills of myBC pack, while I don't have my period I still seem to have the symptoms- this is common I only have a period every 2-3 months.   I just hate the ups and down. I would love to get into a good pattern and say rather than going up and down so much. I know everyone says don't weigh every day, but I use it more to track my progress and fine possible patterns. I am a science girl, so sue me.   I talked to a friend who had her band place a few months before me and she said that she always felt when the plateaus hit or she bounced up a day, she was always terrified that she had lost as much as she would and that was it. I realize that the band life is different from all the diets I did in the past, this is a new way to live, not a short term thing, so I will only fail if I give up and stop living the life.   I am proud of myself that for 2 months I have stuck to eating like I should, and working out. I am enjoying tracking my calories on fitness pal. I ran into a gas station near my office this afternoon to get another bottle of water and find a snack because I was going to have to work late and I couldn't believe the calories in things that I use to eat that I never paid attention to before. OMG- no wonder I am fat eating that crap. I love the fact that I am more attentive to what I am putting in my body now. I am shocked at how horrible I was eating in the past. My attitude has changed completely as to what I consider a treat and what I am willing to treat myself with. I use to eat a pastry just because it was there even though it really didn't taste good, no more. If I take a bite of something and it doesn't taste good, I don't take another bite; it's just not worth the calories. I only wish I had the knowledge before I have now.   No matter what my weight does at this point, I feel like I am successful because I have changed, I am paying more attention to what is best for me.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

0
 

The Retraining Of A Southern Girl

I am 100% born and bread southern girl. I even grew up on a farm. Being from a small community and a small baptist church food is everything. I mean seriously, being southern and southern baptist = we eat for every reason. The southern way is when someone dies you take food, when someone has a baby you take food, we someone has a birthday you have a party with lots of food. The old saying about baptist and fried chicken are not far from the truth. Our church go together all the time for means, homecoming, revivial, bible school, weddings, funerals, heck we had Wed night dinners at church.   At home each summer my mom, grandmother and I would work in the garden. At 31 years old I can freeze or can any veggie and make my own home made pickle. There is no fruit I can't make a cobbler with. In the summer each weekend we would make some kind of sweet treat for whom ever may drop by for a visit on Sunday afternoon. Yes, people still lived like this in the last 30 years. I am totally not complaining I had an awesome childhood. I knew how to cook by the time I was 13 and was cooking a full meal for the family at least once a week at that age. I still make my own pickle each summer, I hate store bought and I freeze fresh corn and can string beans and tomatos. I know I am odd, but I am me.   All this life revolving about food got me to nearly 250 lbs. Since I was 5 years old my weight has fluctuated up and down. In 9th grade I was already in a size 20. My senior year of high school I lost weight and got down to a size 16, but that was after an accident when lead to months of pain and physical theraphy. I manage to keep the weight off through college, but once I was out I gained that plus some. When I married I wanted to be the little ms suzy homemaker, so I would cook enough for an army because that was what I was use to, but it was just me and my husband. To keep the food and sweets from being thrown away we would eat it, so both mine and my hubs weight went up.   Now at 31 years old, I have decided to change. I have had to change my way of thinking. First off I have become the odd one who instead of bringing food to a greiving family I bring paper plates, and napkins or stamps. Since the family send thank you notes the stamps keep them from having to buy them. I have learned when hosting a party one sweet something the rest healthy ( think fruit plate and veggie plate). Instead of drinking the house wine of the south (SWEET tea) I drink water. Instead of frying everything, I grill, bake, broil and steam.   This has not and continues not being an easy transition, but it is happening and it is rewarding. Since I began this journey back in April, my husband's eating habits have changes and exercise habits have changed. He is eating better and working out more. My parents even though they are not here with us I talk to them a lot and they are trying my new healthy recipes and I have gotten my dibetic dad to change from gaterade to propel. So my trying to change me for the better are changing the ones I love. So it is worth it.   I told my husband once that nothing worth having ever came easy and this is no different. So instead of dreading each change I look forward to the challenge and will meet it head on with the help of my family. I am still a southern belle, but I won't continue all the southern traditions.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

5
 

The Plan

I am one of these planner folks and numbers people. It annoys the crap out of some, but that is how I am wired and work the best.   These days I plan my day out each morning. M-F I eat my Special K breakfast at 5:30 am, I get ready for work - pack my lunch and snack. Once I get to work and get settled in, I normally have a few min that I can get on MyFitnessPal and log breakfast, snack, lunch and what I plan to fix for dinner. This way I know exactly how many calories I am PLANNING to take in that day. If we are going to have something like pizza that night I PLAN that in and also PLAN in a workout.   If I plan out my day like this I am much more likely to stick to it than if I just take it as it comes. I am like this in everything. At work I have a color coordinated calendar and my box of color highlighters- People think I'm nuts but it works for me.   I believe that we all must have some sort of a plan in order to be succesful, if we "fly by the seat of our pants" we often end up somewhere we don't want to be.   Just like when going to the market. I sit down before going to the grocery and write out everything I need (I preplan meals for the coming week). When I go to the store I don't allow myself to browse, I get what is on the list and keep truckin. This prevents me from buy those little extras that will derail me and it also saves time so when I get home I can work out.   We plan vacations, meetings, appointments, ect to make sure we get in what we need, with the band it's no different. I you make a plan and post it- for me it's in my handy dandy smart phone (the hubs and I are total tech geeks), but some may stick it on the fridge; either way if you have a plan in place you are more likely to stick to it and be succesful because we hopefully don't plan for failure.   So today I encourage to make a plan and stick to it.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

0
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