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Kime-lou's Blog

A blog by Kime-lou

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Lapband Journey

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Death And Food

I am 100% Southern Girl. Being that I was born, raised and still live in the south, certain things are a given. My Grandmother passed away last Wed night at 88 years old. She was a wonderfully awesoem little lady that was not only Grandma, but one of my best friends. I spent many hours with her through the years and loved her dearly. On Thursday I went to my mother's and was there through Monday morning. Neighbors, friends, family and church family brought tons of food. Bringing food to the those who just lost a loved one is a huge part of southern culture as is the large amount of fried chicken we had. A healthy food was hard to come by. My parents live in the middle of no where, so going to pick something better up wasn't really an option. So I made the best of what I had trying to make good choices. Well, I learned reheated chicken and my lapband do not mix. I had a horrible stuck episode. The pain was horrible after about 20 min I finally got it up and banded chicken from my diet for sometime to come. This took place Saturday and since I fear eating anything because anything with much consistancy causes pressure. Water and liquid goes down fine as does cereal and yogurt, but anything else causes pressure. Due to the slim pickins of healthy foods I have gained 2 lbs. This is the only gain in weight I have had in the 4 months since surgery. Part of me, the depressed down part, wants to say forget it eat what I want and whatever goes down easy and the other part says jump back on the horse and get back to eating right and that 2 lbs will come off. It is easier to stick to what we are suppose to do when thing are going ok, but hit a bumpy patch and it's hard to stick to it. I know that I must get back on the horse or I will gain back every one of the 40 I lost and I do not want to do that. It is just hard. I am so tired and emotionally exhauseted I am having a hard time doing what I know I need to. Right now I just want to sleep. I am back at work and have done ok with eating today (soft only) and I think I will just have a scrambled egg for dinner so my calorie count is fine or even low for the day. Any one have some encouragement to get me back on the horse? I need a swift kick in the butt- CG come one girl I know you got something !!

October 23, 2012

4

Where'd My Second Chin Go?

I just looked at myself in the mirror- really looked at myself. I realized my face is much smaller as is my neck and my double chin has disappeared. My husband keeps telling me I am looking great, but I just fail to see it. I know I am smaller because the scales and my clothes show it, but when I look in the mirror I still feel large. Will I ever be able to let go of being the fat gir? Will I ever feel like I am small enough? I am 5'2 and to start with I want to be around 170, but now I have changed that to 135 ish. But, will that be enough once I reach it. I am not sure how I will feel at that point and I know I should worry about, but it's a thought in my head. I love the fact that I am 38 lbs smaller than when I began- even though it's taken 4 months to get there. It feels slow, but my average is 8 lbs a month which isn't bad. I wish I had a magic mirror that could show me what I will look like in a year. But would that motivate me to continue or would it allow me to become complacent and stop being so tight with myself. I don't think any of us have the answers to all these questions, we are all just living our own banded life each day- which varies from person to person. For today I am happy to look at my smiling face in the mirror and now see a second chin or my eye lids dropping down - my face is tighter and cuter and for today that is going to be my joy. Onward and downward in our case! LOL!!

October 16, 2012

3

Compairsons

It is in our human nature to compare one thing to the other. We do it from the time we are kids- remember with siblings- he got more than me thing. We start compairing early. By the time we reach school age we are compairing clothes, looks, ect with our classmates. And you always hear he's/she's not as cute as xyz. Then we begin compairing ourselves to others- her hair is prettier than mine, she has more friends than me, she has nicer clothes, ect. Our self esteems are molded some what by these compairsons. I know for certian mine were. I have always felt like the ugly duckling. I have been large since 5 years old. In school I was picked on and it got worse in middle school. I hated being fat, but all that hate just drove me to the nearest donut, which intern made me fater. Now that I am taking control of my life and have had lapband and am losing weight, the compairsons do not end. Chances are all of us have compared our self to another member of this forum- either boy I am glad I am not them they aren't losing much weight- or - it's not fair she is losing more weight than me. It's just in our nature. I have compared myself to others several times and gotten down and out. Some people are really rocking it. I talked to my nutritionist about this and she had some great throughts. 1- Body weight percentage has to been taken into account- those with more to lose will lose quicker. 2- Life style - some people have jobs that are more active than others and we can't control that- most of us need to work and have to do what we do. Some people can't due to health reason work out where others can. 3- Muscle mass- some people scale wise appear to not be losing, but are losing fat because they are working out and building muscle that weighes more than fat- this is a great thing because the more muscle you have the more fat your burn. 4- responsiblity- it is sometimes our own fault when we aren't losing- we CHOOSE to eat high calorie foods that just slide down, we CHOOSE not to be active, we CHOOSE not to follow doctors orders This conversation with my nutritionist made me feel better. She said that when I compair myself to another person I need to look at these things. If I am doing everything I am suppose to do then I have no need to belittle myself. The bottom line is at the end of each month the scale trend in going down, therefore I am successful for me! I hope that I can stop compairing myself to others, but if I happen to I will take these things into account before I let the bad thoughts drive me to a mouth full of krispy creme.

October 17, 2012

3

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Banded life can be some what of a roller coaster ride. We all get upset when someone says we took the easy way out, I'd like to see them try it! It's true you never understand until you walk a mile in there shoes. At almost 4 months out I have walked several of those miles and not all have been easy. For a week after surgery I though oh, heck what did I do. I felt like crap, I hurt, I was hungry, I was miserable. Then as the healing got going I started to feel better. Then I started to see results- weight loss- and it made it all worth it. I have had 4 fills now and know I am getting tighter. To begin with I was just watching my calories and staying below 1200 even if I felt hungry. Now the hunger is less of a problem except certain times of day. I am able to drink more and get my protein in, plus exercise. Since my last fill I experieced the dreaded "STUCK" moment. Before the food even got to my band I knew I had screwed up- I swallowed before I had chewed enough - MISTAKE. Lets just say that certainly gave me a good reminder to CHEW!! Most bandsters have experienced this moment and it's the ugly one- you feel like your chest will explode. You want to puke, but you can't, you want to wash it down, but you can't. You are almost foaming at the mouth with spit- not pretty or fun. Some foods I use to love, now just don't love me. Breadsticks for instance - I LOVED them- now I just can't do it without putting my band at risk. I don't know about you, but I don't really enjoy surgery and the thought of having to have my band fixed because I ate the wrong things and made it slip just isn't going to happen. That breadstick doesn't taste that good. Most other things I can still eat, but it's a question of should I. Things like ice cream and cheese cake - while my band will allow them down, my calorie count really doesn't. Does this mean I will never partake in these again, probally not. I think I will allow myself one SMALL slice of cheese cake once a year on my wedding anniversary because that is what we had for our wedding cake. However, I may do an hour on the elliptical to compensate. As most people who have been banded figure out quickly, weight lose can be painfully slow at times. This makes it easy to get discouraged, but when you look at the big picture, when was the last time you lost 35 lbs in 3 months. The band doesn't do it all for me. I still must choose the right foods - healthy. I must choose not to eat or drink empty calories. For me I choose to count calories, which has helped me a lot. This helps me make sure I don't go over and that I am staying in the "lose" zone. I think my counting calories with myfitnesspal will help me with my long term success. With counting I must be accountable each day not just when I get on a scale. The Good part of the band is-- I am losing weight, I am not crazy hungry, I feel good, I am looking better, I am becoming the me I always wanted to be! For the 1st time in my over weight life I have hope and confidence that this weight will come off and I will one day be a healthy weight. So to be the bad and ugly times are far out weighed by the Good!!

October 15, 2012

2

Fall Cravings

I love this time of year. The leaves changing, the cooler temps, fresh mountain apples, warm cider....I could go on and on. This time of year I use to do a lot of cooking- apple pie and cakes, chili- warm comfort foods. Not to mention the holidays are coming which mean lots of cooking. When the temps begin to drop I seem to start craving. I am counting my calories to make sure I don't go nuts and make sure I am getting my protein. I fear this time of year will be the most difficult due to the cravings. I love cooking and baking, but I don't want to do it to much. The closest family we have is over an hour away and honestly we don't don't have a ton for friends in the area (only been in Raleigh for 3 years). We have a few good friends that I will bake and give things to, but I feel guilty now doing that. All these friends at least one in the couple has weight issues and I don't want to make their health worse so I just don't bake. On occassion I will bake something and send it with my hubs to work- the guys he works with love to eat and can afford to. I have found some healthy recipes for chili which I totally plan to try, but I have to say I will miss my corn bread to go along with it. For those long time banders what are some go to comfort foods that won't ruin your calories intake for the day? I not only want to change my eating habits, but the foods I share with family and friends I want to be tasty and healthy so maybe it will rub off on them.

October 5, 2012

3

A Healthy Kinda Feeling

Despite my current cold I seem to have I am feeling healthy. I am not sure if it's the weight loss, my state of mind, the vitamins I am on or what, but I am looking and feeling healthier. I've lost 37 lbs in 3.5 months I am working out more, taking vitamins and eating better. My hair is shiny and soft - my curls are fluffy and pretty. My skin is clearning up, obviously I am smaller because I am wearing smaller clothes. My nails look healthier. All in all I look different not just in size. It's nice to start feeling better about myself again. I am only about half way to my goal, but seeing these signs of health are motivating. I want to be healthy and I would like to be pretty to. I have always been the big girl who wanted to fade into the back ground in my personal life, in work I am more of a go getter. I do a lot of traning and talking in front of large groups and that doesn't bother me because I am talking about something I know well. Now work is changing we are switching up databases so I must learn an entire new system and train my staff on it. While I am nervous, I am always up for a challenge at work, so why was I so worried about the challenge in my personal life. This weightloss is a challange. I am having to say no to things I would have once said yes to. I am having to choose to eat better things and less of it. I have finally gotten it through my thick skull that a calorie is a calorie no matter if it's from salad or steak. I am becoming more of a balanced person, I feel accountable and in control of my work life and my personal life and what a great feeling that is. There are days and even weeks where I get discouraged and down, but I have great friends and family who are ready to pick me up and cheer me foward until I can get the wind back in my sail again. Thanks to those of you out there who have been the wind in my sail a few times when I've been down. I hope I can return the favor one day.

October 11, 2012

4

Personal Journey

I have learned that the weight loss journey is very personal. Yes, we can glean support and some answers from people on this sight, but what works for them may not be for you. Each of us has our own issues with food that lead to us becoming obese and each must deal with those issues inside of us. That is so hard, especially if those issues have been there for many years. We can go through all the psych evals in the world, but nothing will prepare us for the journey - the ups and downs. It's human nature to compare ourselves to others, so then the question and frustration start - well so and so lost dat-ta-dat in 3 months why haven't I. Weight loss is dependant on so many things and I have studied and googled every thing I can to learn. Basically what I have learn is what I have always known in order to lose weight I must have a calorie deficit. That being said I never really knew how many calories I needed a day. Through research I found that you need to know your BMR- they amount of calories you would burn if you just stayed in the bed all day long. I always make sure my calories are below my BMR. But because the BMR is based on your height, age, weight each persons will be different. So I have started to look more at me, not everyone else. I have stopped compairing myself with others. I look to me, what me I do, what must KIM do to succeed. I am the only one who can be successful for me, I must take responsiblity for my actions or lack there of. If I fail, I fail- not my doctor, not this site, not my nutritionist, but me because I failed to take responsibility for me. So today I take resposibility for myself and I will be accountable for what I do or don't do. I will celebrate my success and I will look at my failures as a learning tool. Support is awesome, but we must look at ourselves and into ourselves to make the changes we must to be succesful on this journey! I wish you success on your Journey and I hope that I can help you on your road.

October 9, 2012

3

What?why?how?

On Tuesday this week I went to my nutritionist and I had lost a total of 35 lbs since the 1st time I saw her. She went over my food journal and calorie counts. Gave me some pointers, but all in all said I was doing wonderful and she couldn't have hoped for a better turn out. Needless to say I was pleased and happy. So today is Thursday of the same week and I had a fill. So I wasn't worried when I was weight. WTH, I am up 3 lbs since Tuesday. WHAT??? My calorie counts have been well below my BMR- right about 1200. It's not my time of the month. So how in the heck I am up 3lbs in two days. I know I shouldn't be freaked out because out bodies fluctuate day to day, but geez!! I had finally hit 209 - single digit 200's- only 9 more lbs till my 1st major goal. But now I am up. I feel defeated. Mind you I didn't and won't do what I use to do, which is go out and binge. I don't have a desire to do that anymore, I want to do the opposite, not eat anything, but that isn't healthy either. My hubs says shake it off I will be back down by the weekend, but I don't feel confindent. I track each morsel that enters my mouth and I work out. I am far more active now than I have been in years and I sleep better, so what in the world. I know it's only 3 lbs I need to chill out. But I needed to vent. I am back in my office now and I have no one to talk to about how I am feeling. I am on liquids for the remainder of the day so maybe that will help. Any suggestions for my bander friends out there?

October 4, 2012

6

Notice Me, Please!

I am 3 months post op and have lost 35 lbs, which I feel is good. All my clothes feel looser and I have had to stop wearing some. I am actually wearing an old pair of 16's. When I look in the mirror I see a difference in my face. I know I am smaller, but........ No one seems to notice the missing 35 lbs. I am one of these nutty folks who likes some pats on the back to motivate me to continue. I work for the school system, so when staff returned I was down 20 lbs, no one said anything, then I after 35 no one still says hey you are losing weight. There are only 2 co-workers who ever tell me they can see a difference, but they both know about the surgery so they are looking for it. My husband and my mom both say they see it, but they are biased. I know I should just be happy knowing I have lost the weight, but geez what is it going to take me loosing 100 for people to notice. I want to look good, to be pretty. To me I am still the hungry hippo I've always been. I have been obese since I was 6, so I don't know what it's like to be the cute, pretty girl. I just want some props, someone to notice the hard work. I still have a long way to go to reach goal, and I hope by then I can stop viewing myself as the big girl. I don't want tons of praise, but just a pat on the back or hey girl you are looking good. I guess I look for other peoples view of me to much, but that is just the way I am. Does anyone else feel like this?

October 2, 2012

11

The Amazing Pita Pocket

I recently purchase a pack of whole wheat pita pockets, they are round and if you slice them in half they make a little pocket. Once half is less calories than a slice of whole what toast and taste great. I have been making myself and my hubs sandwiches with these. My hubs like to put laughing cow chipolte cheese and ham in one and heat heat for a hot ham and cheese - low cal and high protein. I had an peanut butter and banana pita - got my protein and my fruit in. The pitas are so thin, it gives you just enough bread to feel like it's a sandwich, but not so much it gets stuck. These pita's are great for stuffing with deli slices and cheese, chicken or tuna salad, PB and banana or even a scrabled egg and cheese for morning breakfast. We are loving these things- if you have tried them but like a sandwhich or need an easy holder for chicken or tuna salad while you are on the go you gotta try them. What lapband friendly items have you found that are awesome?

September 14, 2012

1

1St Time Being Sick Since Banded

I guess it's the weather here in NC, but today I have a sore throat, head ache and sneezing. Totally sucks! I feel nauseous from the sinus drainage. On the plus side it makes me not want to eat and the coughing is giving my abs an awesome workout. How does one handle nausea and the band? I have always been a person who tosses her cookies easily. After surgery I got sick 4 times before it was controlled and I haven't had anything since. However, now I find myself nauseated and worried about getting sick and hurting my band. Any advice?

October 1, 2012

3

Living In A Lapband State Of Mind

I have heard people call lapband life numerous things - diet, life style change, easy, hard, ect. I think most people who have had lapband would say lapband is not easy, but is it horrible NO! For me this isn't a diet and not exactly a life style change it is a change in state of mind. Before I never really thought about what I was putting in my mouth. My only thought was this is going to taste good or I want it. Now I think about how good or bad what I am eating is for me and am I hungry. Before it was never really about being hungry, I didn't realize that until now, it was about avalibility and desire. As a kid I grew up on a farm when we went in for lunch we were told to clean our plate because we wouldn't have food avalible later so you ate it no matter if you were hungry or not. Maybe that was where my food issues began, maybe not, regardless the issue began. Now I must change my state of mind. I am the worlds best at excuses and justification. I can argue forever on why I can't exercise tonight or justify why I deserve a cupcake. However, I must switch that up. I need to justify why I need to exercise and make excuses why I can't eat that cupcake. Thank the Lord, I have an amazing support system in my husband. When I want to make excuses to not exercise he kicks my butt in gear because he loves me and wants me to be successful, for me. I am changing my state of mind where food and excercise come in. While I am 31 I am an old fashion southern girl and life always revolved around food and sweet tea. I have to change that state of mind - no more fried chicken, no more sugar sweet tea. That doesn't mean I won't ever have it again, but it will not be on the regular rotation that is was at one time. For years I have worked where you eat quick or you may not eat. I learned to eat quickly. Now my band has taught me to eat slow, if I don't it hurts. I chew, chew, chew instead of swollowing whole. My state of mind has changed. Since June 22nd when I received my band my whole state of mind has changed. I always wanted to be sucessful with this, but worried I wouldn't be because of my old state of mind. Now that my state of mind has changed and continues to evolve the more I become sure that I will be successful, not because my weight is going down, not because I opted to diet, not because I work out but because of my state of mind. I am proud of my weightloss yes, but I am more proud of the change of my state of mind because I developed my old ways over 31 years, but now I am evolving and my state of mind changing for the healthier. I completely feel better, not just physcially, but mentally and emotionally to. It's not just the confindence that I have now, but the the clear head, the lower stress, the comfort. I feel better because I am not over eating and miserable after a meal. The Lapband State of Mind is pretty darn good!! Hope you will join me in the Lapband State of Mind

September 17, 2012

1

Grocery Bill Before And After

I thought with me eating much less my grocery bill would go down, but it hasn't, but it hasn't gone up either. Instead of buying crap (little debbie / french fries) I buy healthy things - fruit and veggies. I no longer buy any soft drinks, just crystal light flavor packs for water. I am married so I do have to buy for the hubs, but while he isn't banded he opted to adopted the banded life. He eats the same healthy foods I do just in a large quantity, but hey that is a step. We have opted to oust junk foods all together. So I no longer go down the junk isles. I use to buy a lb of sugar monthly, I have purchased one in 4 months now - don't use it any more. I use to buy hamburger, chicken and pork. Now I still buy chicken, but opt for ground turkey instead of beef and still do a little pork sometimes and a lot more fish. We also use eggs instead of meat - I made an awesome veggie quiche last night and it gave us dinner last night and breaksfast for today and tomorrow- that is the way to stretch a buck. I have learned that Mrs. Dash makes fish better grilled and broiled than it was when we ate it fried. So while my bill hasn't gone down, I feel like the quality of food I purchase is better and I like that. Fresh veggies and fruit are great. My hubs has given up high cal yogurt for apple slices and likes it better. So I don't mind that the bill hasn't gone down quality means more than quantity so that is the aim these days. What has being banded done for your grocery bill?

September 12, 2012

2

Gotta Get Back With It....

My life has been a roller coaster since April. My brother had a stroke at 44 that gave me the push to have lapband. I had surgery in June. My Grandmother is on hospice and on her death bed and last night my brother had a heart attack. I have been trying to work this week since school just went back I don't want to take off, but trying to access from a distance if I need to go home and be with my mom with my grandmother getting worse. I was planning on getting up this morning and heading up for the weekend, but my mom called early to tell me my brother had a heart attack during the night and was in Duke in Cardiac ICU. So instead of heading to mom's I headed the 40 min to Duke Hospital to see my brother. It is so hard to eat well and excercise when being down and being on the go. I spent the day at Duke and in morning I plan to drive up to my parents (1.5 hours away) to check on Grams and mom since my brother seems stable. I am to tired and down to want to work out and I want to go back to my comfort foods, but I know I can't. I ate way to many calories yesterday and today and feel bloated and like crap - I have got to get back into the grove tomorrow. The first of the week I was doing great and then all the "stuff" started, it time to get it back on it.

September 8, 2012

3

Best Weekend In Forever!!

My hubs and I married 3 years ago Labor Day weekend, so even though our anniversary is Wed, we celebrated this weekend. Rather than going to Cheesecake Factory where we normally go (we got engaged there), we went to Moe's where I knew I could get something with my calorie range that I would like. Then we went into the mall where he got me 2 pairs of Danskos and then we went into a jewlry store where he bought me a new diamond. Totally awesome hubs!! Shoes and diamond a girls two favorite things- he said he was proud of me and he loved me so he wanted me to know it. On top of that I lost 3 lbs this weekend (upped my calories and that made it come off) tired the shock thing. Before heading out with the hubs I put on a fav pair of shorts- pulled them up, zipped them, button them and was like wait - these are hanging off me- I pulled at the bottom of the and they slipped right off. YEAH- I tossed them to the side. This morning I put on a pair of pants that I hadn't worn in 5 years and the fit perfect. Everyone at work has commented today on how good I look!! What a boost. Now at lunch, I heated up a Smart Ones Chicken and Peanut Sauce, I ate the chicken bites first and then started eating the other- well after a few bites I was like wow I just don't want any more. I tossed a 3rd of it. YEAHHHHH!! What a difference a few days can make in attitude. I am sure I will hit another low point, but boy do these high points feel awesome!

September 4, 2012

1

Why?

I went on a road trip last weekend and did pretty good, even having to eat out. I turned down apple pie and icecream when every one else was eating it. Back at work this week, I turned down a awesome looking chocolate cake and donuts. I am eating what I am suppose to, drinking water even exercising, but am I losing weight, NO!. I know everyone hit plateaus, but this is ridiculas. Last week my weight got down to 216.4 on Wed, this Tuesday I was 218. Tuesday night I worked in the yard, push mowed the lawn and the raked the yard- out there 3 hours sweating. Wed morning I was down to 216.2 then this morning I was back up to 217.2. WTH?? I went through surgery and all the test, and I still can't seem to lose. The first few weeks things went great, but now it seems like I am losing less than a pound a week and sometimes not even that. Why am I eating like a bird just to stay fat? Ok, before I get a beat down. I know it's worth it, I am just frustrated and afraid. There are people out there that the band doesn't work for, what if I am one of those people. What if I went through all of this for nothing. I realize that the weight didn't come on me over night so it won't fall off over night, but geez. I was so hopeful and excited to begin with, but now I am losing hope and just feeling fearful. I am not stopping the band why, I am still eating healthy, because I have learned to like it. I just want to see results on the scales for all my efforts.

August 30, 2012

2

I Am Becoming One Of Those People.......

I use to have people say, oh I didn't realize it was lunch time. I would be like yeah right, how the heck do you forget lunch. Today I was sitting in my office working and someone walked into my office and ask, aren't you eating lunch. I was like huh, it's to early then I looked at the clock 12:30 - WOW I had no idea it was lunch time. I also use to get annoyed when friends would eat a small salad or an apple and be like man I am so full. I had an apple and natural peanut butter for lunch and geez I am full. I actually really enjoyed my healthy lunch. I can't believe I am already one of those people. While eating one apple slice I didn't chew enough and felt it get caught a bit, no PB'ing or sickness just a little tightness. Wow I have a band and it's working. Yesterday instead of cooking like I would normally do on a rainy day I got on our elliptical and worked out and it felt good. I am enjoying working out- WTH? I am doing it, I am really doing it!!! I lost 2 lbs in the last week --- YEAH Me!! I am finally becoming the person I always wanted to be and the person who I was always jealous of. I know I will have a day again that I am doubting my band, but today I am thrilled with it. I feel like my band is helping me achieve a life long dream. Thanks to all of you out there who inspire me to keep it up - Missy, carolina girl, jean - thanks for the help and for the post that kick me into action. Bansters ROCK!

August 20, 2012

4

The Retraining Of A Southern Girl

I am 100% born and bread southern girl. I even grew up on a farm. Being from a small community and a small baptist church food is everything. I mean seriously, being southern and southern baptist = we eat for every reason. The southern way is when someone dies you take food, when someone has a baby you take food, we someone has a birthday you have a party with lots of food. The old saying about baptist and fried chicken are not far from the truth. Our church go together all the time for means, homecoming, revivial, bible school, weddings, funerals, heck we had Wed night dinners at church. At home each summer my mom, grandmother and I would work in the garden. At 31 years old I can freeze or can any veggie and make my own home made pickle. There is no fruit I can't make a cobbler with. In the summer each weekend we would make some kind of sweet treat for whom ever may drop by for a visit on Sunday afternoon. Yes, people still lived like this in the last 30 years. I am totally not complaining I had an awesome childhood. I knew how to cook by the time I was 13 and was cooking a full meal for the family at least once a week at that age. I still make my own pickle each summer, I hate store bought and I freeze fresh corn and can string beans and tomatos. I know I am odd, but I am me. All this life revolving about food got me to nearly 250 lbs. Since I was 5 years old my weight has fluctuated up and down. In 9th grade I was already in a size 20. My senior year of high school I lost weight and got down to a size 16, but that was after an accident when lead to months of pain and physical theraphy. I manage to keep the weight off through college, but once I was out I gained that plus some. When I married I wanted to be the little ms suzy homemaker, so I would cook enough for an army because that was what I was use to, but it was just me and my husband. To keep the food and sweets from being thrown away we would eat it, so both mine and my hubs weight went up. Now at 31 years old, I have decided to change. I have had to change my way of thinking. First off I have become the odd one who instead of bringing food to a greiving family I bring paper plates, and napkins or stamps. Since the family send thank you notes the stamps keep them from having to buy them. I have learned when hosting a party one sweet something the rest healthy ( think fruit plate and veggie plate). Instead of drinking the house wine of the south (SWEET tea) I drink water. Instead of frying everything, I grill, bake, broil and steam. This has not and continues not being an easy transition, but it is happening and it is rewarding. Since I began this journey back in April, my husband's eating habits have changes and exercise habits have changed. He is eating better and working out more. My parents even though they are not here with us I talk to them a lot and they are trying my new healthy recipes and I have gotten my dibetic dad to change from gaterade to propel. So my trying to change me for the better are changing the ones I love. So it is worth it. I told my husband once that nothing worth having ever came easy and this is no different. So instead of dreading each change I look forward to the challenge and will meet it head on with the help of my family. I am still a southern belle, but I won't continue all the southern traditions.

August 19, 2012

5

My Band Is Working, My Band Is Working!!!!

I had my second fill on Thursday, she gave me a little over a cc. Before now I had been holding my portions down myself and not really getting a single of I am good I don't need anymore. Since my fill on Thursday I am getting the single before I hit my normal portion size. YEAH!! It is right before my TOM and I am craving sweets like crazy, but so far I have been able to just say no. Today will be difficult it is raining and we are staying in and normally this type of day would mean me in the kitchen baking, yet I know if I bake I will eat, so I just can't do that. I have considered baking something for my husband to take to work tomorrow for his co-workers, they would like that. I love to cook, to bake, to be little Ms Suzy Homemaker; just like my mom, but I know I have to break those habits to, but it is a hard one to break. I feel closer to my grandma and mom when I am baking, rainy cold days were the days they taught me how to cook. Those were the best days of my childhood. Do any of you out there have a day that they allow themself a sweet treat, or do they just always say no?

August 19, 2012

5

2Nd Fill

I had my 2nd fill this afternoon. I am not at 4.5 cc's. I had only lost 5 lbs since my last visit, which my doctor said was good since I was basically doing it on my own. The doctor said that the scales can be deceptive, but she knows I am losing weight due to how much she is able to put in my band at one time. Thankfully I didn't pass out this time, she pushed the fluided very slowly this time as to not stimulate vagus nerve. I am glad I took the step to get my band. This journey isn't always easy, it's not alway fun, but it is worth it. I am proud of myself for sticking to an exercise routine, for having will power to stop stuffing my face. I wish I would have to ahead and gotten my band 5 years ago when I first looked into it. I just hope that I did it soon enough to prevent any of the health problems I was heading towards. One of the things I have learned now that I didn't know before is - food is still good, but it can be even better when you don't gorge yourself on it!!

August 16, 2012

1

Tough Weekend

This weekend was a rough one. My weight had gone up on Friday and I was really worried the band was not going to work for me, my fear getting the best of me. I was really down unable to figure out the patter of my weight ups and downs. I was feeling like I had failed on many fronts. I have been married 3 years and the first year I had 3 miscarriages. I am able to get pregnant easily, yet I can not carry past a month or two. This hurts greatly, I have always wanted to be a mother, so I feel like I am not a "true" woman because I can't have a baby. I also feel like I failed my husband in that I can't give him a child. This has been a great hurt for me, but most of the time I can deal with it and stay rational and not let it get me down. This weekend though I felt like I was failing the band just like I'd failed at motherhood. I had a good 'ole pity party Saturday. After giving my house a good clean, I sat down and let it all out to the hubs and had a good cry, then a good nap. It helped to get it all out. It does seem like loosing weight and changing so many of my habits have an effect on my emotions. Just as everything else in my life, apprently this is going to be a roller coaster. Please do berate me for my feelings and opinions, they are mine and I have a right to them. I am doing what I am suppose to and following my teams directions. I have lost weight, but for me the chaging of myself carries an emotional toll. I have been overweight since I was 6 years old. My habits started 25 years ago. I suppose everyone needs to have a pity party every now and again or just a good cry, this weekend was mine.

August 13, 2012

1

Learning To The Lapband Way

7 wks post op tomorrow and down 24lbs. I know that 24 lbs is good especially since I am not at my sweet spot, but I still feel like it is coming off slowly. I am doing well keeping to 900-1100 calories a day. I have given up soda, coffee, fried food and haven't missed the one bit. I no longer drink during meal, which I thought would be horrible. I am counting my calories on myfitnesspal and I am working out 4 days a week on our elliptical and lifting weight a couple of days. I opted to park further away from the door at stores. The way I eat, cook, heck live have all changed in the matter of 7 weeks and I don't feel like I am missing out on anything. For the first time in my life I have will power. Today I went to a work meeting and they had coffee and donuts. I turned them down and was happy with my propel and my fiber one 90 calorie cookie for my mid morning snack. While the donut looked great, I knew I didn't need and and wasn't hungry for it. The only thing that makes me say hmmmmm...... is I seem to lose a half pound a day Saturday thur Monday and then the rest of the week I don't lose an ounce. What in the world causes that? My water consumption doesn't change. My calorie count stays in line. Yet each week it's the same pattern. I am loving my new healthier life, but still learning the ropes of living the life.

August 9, 2012

2

Negative People

I am just 6 weeks post of and have lost 23 lbs. While that is great and I happy to have lost it and that my clothes fit better, I am having a fat day. While I know I am still fat (221), I want the feeling of feeling better about myself to come back. The change.... negative people. I work with several banders, one succesful at 60lbs lost, and 2 unsuccesful. The unsuccessful ones think I am crazy for doing it because it doesn't work. The one that has lost 60lbs and kept it off seems to have an attitude now. She keeps telling me that I won't be able to lose the 100lbs I want to. She said I will only lose about 40% of my excess weight. My doctor keeps telling me that I will lose as much as I work at losing-- meaning if I excercise and eat right I can lose the 100lbs I want to. The negitve co-worker picks apart everything I eat telling me what is bad about it. Then they go get milkshakes and offer me one - hell no I don't want a milkshake. Today when I didn't bring lunch because literally the dog ate (stole it from the counter when I turned my back) I said I was going to run out and pick up lunch. Then I get- you know that really isn't good for you, you aren't going to lose weight like that. Just because I run pick something up doesn't mean I am going to make a bad choice as to what to get. I know I need to just let it go and ignore her, but when you see a person daily who is being negative it wears on you. I can't keep from seeing her, she is two offices down and literally I am going to see and bump into her. I realize this is just a mental game, maybe she doesn't want me to be more successful than her. However, her being this way is giving me motivation to show her.... can't wait to get home and hit the elliptical. It is odd how my attitude has changed. Pre-band I would go to food due to hurt feelings, now I go work out and literally work out the frustration and then I feel so much better afterward. I am going to do this, but the negative people are singing a chorus in my head that I will fail. How do you deal with negative people?

August 6, 2012

7

Stalled And Frustrated

I am so frustrated that I seem to have stalled out after a month of solid loss. I am excited to be 20 lbs down, but I really had hoped I would see a continual loss. Today has almost been a week since I have seen the scale go down. I know it is time for my TOM, but it is still bothersome. The great thing is, that years ago I would have said screw this I am going to eat whatever I want, but now I can't. While I could choose what I eat, I can't eat much of it. I know the band is already helping even though I am not at my sweet spot. I am staying on track longer than I ever have. I have managed to do the Total Gym and the Elliptical this week and it does help how I feel, but it's still not easy. So many others on this site have said we didn't get fat over night so we won't loose it over night. Here is to really hoping the scales start droping soon.

July 25, 2012

1

One Month Post Op

Yesterday was my one month post-op anniversary. I am 20 lbs down and really feeling good. I am still struggling to get the 64 oz of water my nutritionist wants me to get, but I am getting close. I have only had one fill and that was interesting. My doctor does fill with floroscopy so they can see and hopefully make sure they don't over fill. My 10cc band currently has 2.5 cc's. While my fill did not hurt a bit, I passed out. Apparently I have a sensitive vagus nerve, when the fluid was pushed into my band quickly I got dizzy and went out for second. It passed quickly and the doctor said that from now on they would have to push fluid slower as to not agrivate the nerve. I go back in one month and hopefully will be down another 20, but know that is unlikely. The first couple of weeks I was dropping lbs like no bodies business, but now it has slowed to the 2-3 lbs a week. I am just happy it is headed in the right direction. I am so looking forward to being in onederland. I am enjoying the lower grocery bill each week. I find I eat so little it take fewers groceries for me and my hubby. Don't get me wrong I am still eating, but I am just eating so much less than I did before surgery. Of course the extra eating and eating the wrong things got me to 244, so now I am turning that around. I am so thankful to have had a good experience thus far. I am so scared of getting stuck or throwing up that I am VERY careful when eating. So far I think the best part of finally having had the surgery is the feeling like food no longer controls my life, I control it. My days aren't about what and when the next meal is, it is about the here and now. I do wish I would have done this 5 years ago when I first looked into it.

July 23, 2012

1

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