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About this blog

in order to truly find myself, i have to lose ...

Entries in this blog

 

EEEEEEEEEEKKK!!

yup ... i did in fact gain. i took a break from working out for thurs & fri (and didnt really do much on Wed either) and i did gain. **sigh** i think it is about 3 pounds but after i hit the 363 mark i quit going up... i know it is in the 363s, but nothing exact..   i was so disappointed today. i went to go to a step class at 915 and it wasnt the class that was listed. at 845 they have a REALLY difficult step class that involves going from one bench to another to another and i am not coordinated enuff to do that so i did my floor exercises and waited until 915 - well they just continued that regular step class .. not the one i went for ... grrrr ... so ticked. i mean that is fine if that what they want to do but they need to take off the published class and add the regular step class!! :straight   so i went on the treadmill for about 15 mins. during 95% of the time i was at an incline of 7 or higher ... 2 mins at a 10.5...   i can definitely tell a difference in a lot of things ... DH took my car and he always moves the seat straight up (i recline it b/c of my belly) ... well i went into it today and just slipped into it ... didnt have to recline the seat at all. 2 months ago i would not have made it in and today i had a little room to spare!! YAY!!   i am also having SO much more energy! after i went to work out, we went to breakfast and went to petsmart. i wanted to check out a store across the parking lot so **gasp** we walked there. it wasnt that far at all, but pre banding if there wasnt a parking space right next to the store, i would have DH drop me off at the entrance and go park.. now i'm the one saying this space is good (far away from the door). then we took Syd to see the ducks ... we stayed there and walked around for a bit then to Costco and walked the store. it was very nice.. :girl_hug:   but anyway, not too terribly surprised about my gain. i have been indulging (aka pigging out) on my sugar free caramel pecans MMMMMMMM ... so i need to limit those to one every several days - not 2 - 3 a day. they may be sugar free but not calorie free.. :hungry:   last night i made fish and green beans. it was pretty good, not ideal but good enuff. and it was less than 200 calories in the fish. we bought some orange roughy at costco and it is only 90 cals for a piece!!! yummmmm   going to another step class with my regular instructor tomorrow morning. it is at the other club so i know it is going to kick my ass, but thats a good thing.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

OMG ...

well apparently my body likes it when i eat right and exercise - go figure!!   i didnt have any SF candy Sat or Sun and i ate well (fish one night, pork the next) and didnt do much (if any) snacking.   i worked out Sunday morning - my step class - and yes, she did indeed kick my ass and i worked out this morning on the treadmill. i burned 400 cals in 30 mins ... that's a new high for me.   i am down to 354.5 - - a total of 48 pounds. :faint: this is just so amazing that every time i think about it i just want to start crying ... in a good way.:girl_hug:   i am almost at my 2 month 'bandiversary' ... we will take pictures on Thursday. i dont think it will be as drastic of a change as last month, but that's OK...   my dad and step mom are coming in for Syd's birthday this weekend ... they have no idea about the surgery or the weight loss. i've been hinting that i've been working out, though. we'll see if they notice.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

happy tuesday

i am working from home today so i got to sleep in for a little bit. i did go on the treadmill today - another 36 minutes. i didnt burn as much as yesterday but it was about 430ish??   i had more 'pan-fried' (with a little olive oil) fish last night Mahi Mahi - only 90 cals in that piece of fish and it was pretty good.   so ... eat right, work my butt off ... i dropped a pound. 353.5   soooooooooo close ... i can taste it... heh - or not taste it ..   my challenge today will be working from home ... i have all my goodies here - lots of SF candy, SF pudding, etc... i just have to keep my goal in mind..... and think 1 more pound til 50 pounds .... wow.   ok, i really have to get to 'work' now so i can go to my step class at 5.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

training with Kari

i have a trainer at my gym. she is wonderfully fit and just makes me ill ...   i visit with her for a 1/2 hour every wednesday morning, today was no exception. she really worked me today - oh muh gawed ... she pushed me harder than she's ever pushed and i am already quite sore   i did get on the scale today and i am down another 2 pounds to 351.5. i have lost 51 pounds so far and just could not be much happier. my initial December 8th goal was a very aggressive 60 pounds. although i will not make that goal, i am very pleased with my changes so far. both weight-wise and attitude-wise. i know i've posted in previous entries how my mindset has completely transformed, but it really continues to amaze me that i am actually excited to go exercise and have taken a step class and i LOOK for classes at other gyms.. un freaking believable!! :omg:   my parents are coming to town in 2 days, i am getting nervous/excited. not sure if they will notice - if they notice will they say anything - if they say anything will they hound me every time they talk to me from now on "how much have you lost in the past 10 minutes??" ... **sigh**   ok ... gotta go.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

whisper to a scream ...

this is my goal for the next 2 months or so ... it doesnt look THAT bad on camera but it is just aweful. it has gotten better, but it is still just horrid!! it hangs down over my waistband ... i want it gone.     weight wise, i am dropping. i am down a tad over a pound today (from yesterday). i am down 7.25 pounds since Christmas. i am watching what i put in my mouth (LOTS of baked fish) and i truly am working my ass off. i've been to 2 turbo kick boxing classes ... they are GREAT!!!!!   i did get a heart rate monitor for myself for Christmas. it really keeps me motivated and pushes me.   i have been having a very difficult time getting my heart rate REALLY high (80-90%). that is where i burn the most calories, but after doing research, it turns out you burn more FAT in the 60 - 70% range so i have been doing some "easy" work outs in addition to my regular work outs.   for example - today i worked out on the treadmill for about 36 minutes - my heart rate (HR) in the moderate to lower part of high zone. i then rested and got my HR down to a resting rate. i hopped back on the treadmill for about 7 minutes in my fat burning zone. every little bit helps.   DH still has a container of Madeline's (cookie/cake type things) on the kitchen counter ... it is really taking all i have to not eat just one - - one has over 150 calories in it. i do not need that. so far i am in a negative calorie state by about 180. if i can keep that up i should do ok tomorrow when i weigh in.   ok ... it seems i have written a novel.   hope everyone has a great day!
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

not jumping to conclusions ...

i wont mention any names (hmph) but i think someone on the boards is talking bullshit about me and it is pissing me off ...   its like i have to fucking justify my success ... and the fact that i work out..   f'ing %!^$# $)&^ !!!!   ok ... much better ... :mad: :heh:
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

12 Nov 07

lazy again ...   http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/2007/11/maybe-im-not-runner.html
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

this fucking sucks!

my weight is just not changing, up 1 down 2 up 2 down 1 ... fuck fuck fuck.   i need a fill, of course i cancelled my fill that was scheduled for this week. i need to see if they can slip me in cause i need it bad.   fuck fuck fuck fuck   fuckity fuck fuckity fuck
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

i am so afraid...

... i am afraid of failing. i really truly am. i know i have done well, but the past 2 weeks have sucked so bad. last week i lost less than 2 pounds, i know that the loss will slow down as i progress in my journey, but it's just been not good.   in fact, i gained 3/4 pound today. :cry i am trying to do the right thing. i am eating "OK" (yes, it could be better) and working my ass off at the gym, but i am still having heartrate problems - i cant seem to get it high enough. i top out about 140 and that is me really pusing myself. it is like my heart is in better shape than my body. which is somewhat of a good thing, but damn i wish i could get my HR up to the 150s for awhile. REALLY burn those calories. today during my training session, i burned less than 200 cals in 20 minutes. that is nothing ... i can burn 200 cals in about 12 mins on the treadmill.   i fear that my body is saying "OK, you're done, you've lost 63ish pounds and you will not lose any more"... i realize this isnt even a plateau but when you work SO hard and do not have the results on the scale it is just very discouraging.   during our training session today, Kari told me to start eating the carbs ... she is afraid my body is in 'starvation mode'. the past few days - low cals was 822, high cals was 1268. exercise cals low was 471, high was 1531 cals burned. average is about 995 a day. she told me to eat - she even said have a "small muffin" ... granted she also said lots of fruits / veggies, but she told me to have a muffin!!! i cant eat a muffin, i just mentally cannot do it. i used to have 2 bottles (2 "servings" each) and sometimes 2 muffins for breakfast, i cannot afford to go into that habit again.   everyone says that people who have WLS replace one bad behaviour (eating) with another. i am honestly starting to think that my behavior is obsessing about my weight/weighing myself (and working out, but they are tied together).   it doesnt help my mood that i had a huge "meeting" today and i dont think i was very successful. i will find out by Friday. i just want to cry right now. DH is somewhat ambivalent about it saying i did all i could and there is nothing i can do about it now ... well no shit sherlock, cant i just wish things were better? a little support here would be great thank you very much!   ok ... enough of my book. i need to go to bed so i can work out tomorrow.   for the next 2 weeks i resolve the following: - i will not weigh myself except on weigh-in Mondays - i will get my liquids in - i will continue to log my foods on myfooddiary.com - i will consume more calories by making mostly healthy choices - i refuse to deprive myself
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

insert title here ...

i have no idea what to write...   my weight IS dropping but i am eating all the wrong things ....   i have no idea what to eat to keep my calories up when i work out.   chicken wings, ice cream... **sigh** i need to stop.   i am very pleased with my loss this week so far. i've dropped 4.75 pounds. i am not sure if it is the working out, the eating or the muscle milk....   i did buy 2 jugs of muscle milk. the peanut butter/chocolate is pretty good. i am going to try the banana cream today before i work out.
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

happy new year!!

hmmm ... not sure what exactly is up with the journals, but that's ok ... hopefully this will save. yup, i am down 61 1/2 pounds. of course that is going to go up i think because i ate MUCHO sweets tonight - like about 1000+ cals worth of them ... i know i shouldnt have but i did and i know i will pay for it tomorrow when i weigh in.   i have started a kick boxing class - oh dear lord it is kicking my ass so hard. my sides hurt so much but it was FUN! add the fact that i burn over 1300 calories in about 57 minutes ... SOLD!!!   i really am tired and need to go to bed. happy new year everyone and i truly hope I see less of you guys and gals **grin**
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

new blog

i am doing the "Total Body Makeover" (Bob Greene)   posting my progress there. i cant believe i have been banded almost 6 months ... :faint:   http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
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