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Vacation Time

Its vacation time for me!!! Off work till December 31st...I am hoping to get back on track and start eating right and working out again while I am off...It will be my 6 mnth bandversary on the 22nd of this month and I was kinda hoping for alot more than what I have lost lately...I got really really close to 50 lbs then just totally ruined it myself..I dont have a clue why I keep sabataging myself...Its almost like mentally I am trying to just keep myself safe by staying at the weight that I am at...I just dont know whats going on...I really want to lose the weight, its just my mind it telling me something different lately and I dont like it at all...From today on, I am going to be back on track with eating right...No snacks, no sweats, no bread (regardless of how good the package says it is for you)...Lots more water and starting to work out again this afternoon after I get my son home from school..I want to go into the new year with an entirely new outlook on this thing and get the weight off...I wanted to be at goal by the end of the 1st year, but that would mean a total of about 18 lbs each month for the next 6 months and I have been doing good at just 2-5 a month lately...I want to get as close as I can, but its hard working out the right amount of food I am suppose to be eating without going into the starvation mode...Its all a balancing trick that I just havent gotten down yet...Oh well, I will work on it and see what I can do and go in for another fill in about another month and see it that helps me along my broken road
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Chip or not to chip??

I did really good for breakfast...I had my 2 ounces of yogart and about an hour after that I had my 6 ounces of whey...I finally felt up to mowing the front yard this morning, I did the backyard the other day...I am kinda trying to break it all up so it dont overwhelm me all at once...Ok, so I was fixing my sons french bread pizza and doritos for lunch, yes I snagged 1 chip...Just 1 and it was just so good...I chewed it till it couldnt be chewed anymore...But the best thing is that I was satisfied with just the one...I know I am suppose to be on mushies, and I mushed it...I really dont believe that 1 chip will do me in and I firmly believe that a person does not have to do without ever having anything like that ever again, just in big time moderation...So, I made it thru the 1 chip and left the room while he ate the rest of his lunch and decided to color my hair while I waited for him to finish up...I work in a room full of skinny scrawny girls that live out of the vending machine and dont do anything in regards to working out and they just dont gain a pound...Makes me sick, wish I had a matabolism like theirs (maybe someday)...But I know that I can never live like I have in the past...I still havent gotten into working out yet, but have been doing alot of things around the house to try to supplement for that...Maybe in an hour or so I will attempt that dreadful gazzelle that keeps looking at me and laughing!!!!:guess
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Just Waiting

I am just sitting back waiting for my weekly formal weigh in tomorrow morning...Of course my scales are different from the ones that I use at work in the breakroom, so I am not even going to speculate what it might be...I would be happy with anything around 2 pounds and extatic with anything over that...I knew that with the lapband the weight would be coming off slowly but I had no clue it would be this slow and this hard...I was even regreting getting the lapband earlier and thinking I should have gone for the more drastic surgerys then I visited the memorial page again for my sugeon and remembered why I had so much against it...I will just have to do my time and just remember its suppose to come off slow and healthy...Plus I really havent been that good this week but I cant always be good...But atleast when I do eat its bad its very very little...I have had a couple diet cherry vanilla dr peppers this week...Of course, no calories but I cant finish the entire can cuz it starts to feel terrible but it sure tastes good a little at a time...So, I am waiting for morning when I get to work to see what I have actually lost...Maybe even back to my 26.5 lbs I guess but I want more than that...I want another fill, but I need to wait atleast a month or so before I can ask my dr for that so I have the time behind me showing that Im not losing....So, long story short, I am hoping for more than 26.5 lbs and will update my journal in the morning right after my weigh in...Dang band is going to be the death of me!!
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Todays Update

Well earlier today I mentioned that I was going to up my workout time from 30 minutes to 45 in hopes of it helping me out of this rut that I have been in this week...Well I actually dressed the part this time to get the right mind set...Usually I just throw on some short and slip on shoes and go after it watching the timer the entire time...Well this time I actually got out the sports bra, socks and tennis shoes and swore to not watch the timer at all...Guess what, at the end of 45 minutes I set the timer again for another 15 minutes...I made it with no problem at all...1 hour workout for me today...Of course I dont know how sore I will be tomorrow...I dont know if I will be able to keep up with the entire hour everyday but atleast I know for sure I can do the 45 minutes and after 45 the hour is no big deal, its just trying to make time for it and how tired I am after a work day...But I am going to try for sure and see how it goes..I am feeling pretty pumped up right now and excited about it...Tomorrow will be the tale tale sign if I can do it or not! An entire hour, COOL!!:clap2:
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Working Hard

[/b]:emoticon(':ele')"]Ok, starting Monday I have really been working my butt off!!! I still have been doing my 30 minutes but I have been really working hard at picking up the pace and going alot faster than I had been before...I had a hard time at first but I am actually making it thru it without a problem now and am sweating up a storm!!! I really think that it will make a big difference...My legs are feeling crampy and noodly so I can really feel the change...Will weigh in on Friday and see what I have accomplished...I am crossing my fingers
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Weigh In

Its coming off very very slow, but hey atleast its coming off!
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Working It!!

All I can say today is that I am working it and its working me!!! About time!!! Still waiting for my first fill on the 4th, cant wait!! I sticking to my 4-5 ounces of good food...Every morning I have a protien drink for breakfast and have started only having 1/3 of a can of soup (no creamy soup of any kind) with a couple crackers crushed up in it...Then for dinner i only have meat and veggies (usually about 4 1/2 ounces but no more than 5)...There is no snacking in between anything and no sweet of any kind regardless...I have been getting in 64 or more ounces of water each day and last but not least doing my 30 minute workout every single day...I am trying to stick by the rules cuz if i slip a little i will end up slipping alot and i refuse to fail...Anything under 200 lbs and I will totally be happy and satisfied!!
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2 Days After

Well I have had the band for 2 days now...I have had no serious problems what so ever...I keep having problems with a rumbling in my tummy like diahrea starting or is it my bottom tummy thats grumbling, im not really sure...My stomache was quite upset this evening...I havent gotten the hang of the broth I guess...I mean, am I suppose to be adding water to it, im not really sure (trial by error i guess) but I think I am suppose to be deluting it...Tomorrow my husband is going to get me out for a little while to the grocery store to get me some basic mushie foods like oatmeal and grits and yogart...Im still not hungry and have been doing great with my liquids since the beginning...I have finally gotten off the weight that I gained from the iv and swelling...Now, I start the real stuff...I cant wait for it to start to go down from this point...I can not tell you how great the pizza smelled that my husband and son had for dinner, but I wasnt tempted in the least, maybe I will have some for a treat in about 6 more weeks...We will see how it goes between now and then...You must treat yourself every once in a while or you will fall off that wagon...Well, thats it for today...I am on a new road from here on and everything and anything that I lose from now on will actually be me...Its all a learning experience
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I think Im Doing It

Well by the looks of it it looks as if I have lost about 2 1/2 lbs this week...I guess the extra work outs are paying off...I hate to give an exact total cuz my scales read different from the drs...But just as long as mine are going down I can tell that I am losing something....So I will update my loss after my appt on August 4th for my fill...Its always depressing if I figure out my loss at home then go to the dr and there is always like a 4-5 lb difference...But the scales are moving and I have never been happier...I have learned to not weigh in as soon as you get up in the morning, takes about an hour before you weight settles down so you can get a correct weigh in...But I am excited...As far as the bleeding its still there...yesterday it was even a dark brown(barely enough to see when you wipe), which usually means basically used blood from somewhere and then again today its back to a semi sorta red so I am a little concerned that i might have something else going on, but I have that appt with the ob on Thursday and will get it worked out one way or another...But on the weight, so far so good!!
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New Idea

Ok I have decided as of today that I am tired of being in the "starvation" mode with my 2 ounces of food per meal...In the last couple days if I have gone over my 2 ounces and just ate till I was just a little bit full I notice that I lose a little bit of poundage...I only have 2 weeks to go until I am allowed on normal food and 4-5 ounces each meal, but I cant seem to wait..I am going to move up my food intake a little and see if I can get some to start coming off, cuz this "starvation" period is just depressing...Of course I just now came up with this idea, my plans may change...But today I had half a can of split pea soup with ham and bacon, it was the most wonderful thing I have ever tasted...Half a can was basically all that I could handle and then felt full...I dont know what size a soup can is, maybe 6 ounces...So moving my intake up just 1 ounce has made me feel emotionally and physically better so far...Lets just see what it does to me in the morning on the scales...So, today I have had a whey protein drink for breakfast, 1/2 can of soup for lunch and dont know what yet for dinner but I am sure that it will be great regardless of what it is...If I start to have any sort of problem I will be right back on my 2 ounces of nothing mushie foods...I am crossing my fingers!!
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New Things

Well today has be kinda uneventful for me...I have been with my husband including dating time for little over 14 years and due to money reasons he has never financially spoil me its always been the other way around, but thank goodness for his raises...My husband actually went and bought brakes for my car this morning then gave me money for new underwear (which he has never done) and then took me out to dinner (which is the first time I have been actually out to eat since my sugery)...We went to Furrs Cafeteria so we could all have a taste of everything and it was great...I dont think that it did anything good for my weigh in tomorrow, but thats ok cuz it made him feel great to be able to do it for us...I had a couple bites of carrot slaw, a few bites of a salad, a couple bites of greens then a couple bites of bbq turkey and ribs...It was all wonderful...And with being able to get alot of different things and having a couple bites of each it was almost like cheating big time but I didnt...He noticed me smiling at him and wondered why, I let him know that this was the first time ever that he was able to do for me what I wouldnt have been able to do for myself and he loved it!!!
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Weekly weigh in

Ok, for my weekly weigh in counting what I had gained last week puts me at a total of 2.5 lbs this week...Total of 27 lbs since surgery...I can deal with that for now!!
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So I Was Bad

Ok, so I was bad yesterday...I wanted to try a new recipe for a cake that a lady had brought to work for everyone...And needless to say, it turned out great...I had a few pieces of it and will be very glad when its totally gone out of the house...I already gave a fair warning to the boys that it was about to be thrown out and to get their fill of it before the end of the day because everytime i walk by it I grab a fork and taste it...Its the root of all evil...I cant help that I just love to bake but from now on it needs to be something that I am going to take to work to get rid of and given as a gift...So I am not planning on a loss this week but instead am planning on a pound or 2 gain...I am not going to be too hard on myself cuz I have really been good since the beginning of this ride in June...People just have to treat themselves every once in a while or they will go nutz given the chance (which I have learned the hard way)...I am going to try to up my workout this week from 30 minutes to 45 if my legs and knees will hold out and we will see how it goes...I have heard that your body isnt even really losing anything until about about the 45 minute mark anyways...Of course I might not be able to walk for a couple weeks while I get adjusted cuz the 30 minutes alone just about kills me...But its time to get tough!!!!:angry
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Little by little

Little by little the weight is coming off...I lost about another 1/2 lbs today and I can deal with that...Yes its very discouraging when the weight is stuck at a certain point for a while, but I am comfortable knowing that it will start back up again soon or later...And I am happy with my choice to start weighing again too, it helps me stay on track
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The Count Down!!

:clap2: Here we are...Finally, 4 more days till surgery...I have been stocking up on things that I know that I will be needing over the next few weeks and all of a sudden appear to be a pack rat (which I swore I would never be)...But of course why buy the small batch of whey when you can buy the 5 lb batch and save money in the long run and while your at the store why not get the vanilla and the chocolate (cuz you have got to have a variety)...Then of course a couple packs of straws so you can sip sip sip...I am not even going to get started on the collection of broth that I have and still growing...I am just so excited about it all and want to be totally ready...I still need to get out today and get some chewable viatamins and some diet drinks and then I think I will be set for a while...I think that I am going to be on liquids for a couple weeks and want to be prepared...Lapband, here I come...Preop on the 21st and the big day on the 22nd!!! I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!:scared:
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Feeling Better

I am feeling much better today...Yesterday I was having a severe pitty party and feeling terrible about the entire process...I just had the feeling that the surgery was going to go totally wrong and just going over all of the negative things that could happen...I'll tell you what, the absolute wrong thing to do before surgery is to go to the memorial page on your surgeons website and read all about the deaths...Well, one of my coworkers has totally talked me out of getting into anything negative and to just consentrate on the positive things to come...So, today I have a totally different outlook on life and am totally excited about my surgery again...Cant wait for next Thursday to get here....Jumping for joy and know there is a rough road ahead of course:faint: ....But my mind is back on track, THANK GOD!!!:clap2:
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Bleeding

[/b]:emoticon(':door')"]Ok, starting from the day that i got home from surgery i started having my "cycle"...I never have my cycle due to being on the depo shot and havent had one in many years...Well at my follow up i was talking to the surgeon about it and he recommended a cbc test for my blood count and said that it was due to losing alot of weight so fast in the beginning and to do a follow up with my ob...Well i guess that scared it and it stopped...So i never felt the reason to go in for the cbc testing...Well low and behold it started again today so i scheduled an appt with my ob for next Thursday...I am hoping that he can do a miracle and make this dang thing stop :angry ..Due to it coming back again when i am at a stand still on my weight loss kinda does away with my surgeons excuse so maybe the ob will have something different to tell me!!
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Under the big 3..0..0

Well, today is going to be my last daily weigh in...The scales have been driving me crazy....During the night even when I get up to go to the restroom I have been hoping on the scale...Im totally hooked on them...From now on it will only be on Friday mornings, but its going to be hard to stay off of them...I am totally excited about my 13.5 lbs loss in the last 8 days...I have finally gotten under 300 lbs which I havent been able to do in a very very long time...And I am rather suprised due to getting a call yesterday evening to go to the hospital...One of my friends at works daughter (6 months old, Blayze is her name) suffocated during her nap...It was devistating to everyone...She worked so hard picking out the name Blayze, her daddy is a fireman from the city I work and her mommy is a fire/ems/police dispatcher with me...Firemen think they can just fix anything...When he found her he grabbed her and ran to his firestation that he is usually at to get help screaming that he couldnt save her on his own...Of course the hospital was packed with everyone from our police and fire dept for encouragment so bad that they moved us outside due to their not being enough room...I am hoping due to mommy having another precious daughter (2 years old) that will need her help and her mothering that she will get thru the worst part of this faster than those without another child...Its just like losing part of your own family as much as we are all together and having to rely on eachother...In the end the father came out crying and grabbing his partner when he rides the ambulance screaming that he couldnt save her...Its very sad and brings me to tears again even when I write it out...But anyways I had gotten home so late last night that I just grabbed a left over piece of pizza that the boys had ordered for dinner and didnt want to go overboard so I cut off the crust and measured out 2 ounces of pizza...It totally filled me up and I didnt care much about the drinking thing about drinking 30 min after I ate...I wanted to make sure it all went down so I drank quite a bit of water afterwards...But hey, I still lost and it didnt get stuck so Im excited...Now after my fill I dont believe I will be able to do that but for now its ok!!
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