Okay, I am at 2 weeks now and I feel pretty well. I have been walking 2 miles per day, and that is going really well. I am going to have to figure out how to walk when I go back to work.:thumbup:
I have been having a difficult time complying with the liquids only. I really need to get back on track. I have not been too bad, I have been eating mashed potatoes once per day. Even though I have not been perfect, I have lost another 5 pounds! So I was 275 on 10/14 and now I am 252! Wooo Hoo! That is a total of 23 pounds!
I relly wish it were more, but oh well, I will take it. That is all for now, gotta go!
Okay, so I am sitting here at work reading blogs, posts, etc and I suddenly realize that tomorrow is my pre-op appointment.
OMG!!! I got a little nervous, like a little shaky and a heart palpatation or two! So, I guess this is really going to happen!
I am excited and nervous at the same time. To be completely honest, I am looking forward to the time off. I am sort of a workaholic. I cannot say no to work, I think it comes from my dad, who ALWAYS had two, if not three jobs (mom didn't work). So, if I see an oppertunity to work, I jump on it. It is not because I need the money, I mean extra cash is always nice, but I do some volunteering as well. I think for me I need to keep busy. I am going to make a change, though, one of my "new" jobs is going to be excercising. I need to do at least 6 hours a week of some activity.
Wow, so tomorrow I will have to do my preop stuff. It is funny, I wasn't going to blog until after my preop appointment, but I just had this random rush of panic!
What is up with that???:cry_smile:
Thursday 10/09, I had my preop done. It was pretty uneventful. I had to fill out paperwork, get preregistered, go over my medical history, vital signs and about 10 vials of blood. But that is not why I am blogging about it. :cry_smile:
You see, I am a RN and FNP (registered nurse and family nurse practitioner). I have been an RN since 1986 and a FNP since 2002. I am not used to being the patient. So it is so surreal! Everyone was very nice, and professional. I was just uncomfortable, does that make sense? I think it is because there must be some level of loss of control I have to deal with.
People go into the health care system with such faith, so their anxiety level may not be the same as mine.
In medicine, there are not exacts and no gurantees. Even the most prudent phyisican, nurse, etc. can make mistakes or your body may react in a way not anticipated. So, I am really nervous about the surgery, anesthesia, especially. Again, there is my control issue!
None of these concerns will lead to my cancelling surgery, I just need to explore them and pray about it. I have a wonderful husband, who will definately take care of me. Even though my parents don't approve, they are supportive. My dad even offered to come down to help me if needed. He is soo sweet!:thumbup:
So, with 3 days until surgery, I feel excited and nervous at the same time!
Wow! It has been such a journey and soon I will begin another road. It is surreal, but exciting.
I am sooo thirsty, but I can't have anything, so I will just have to suck it up. I brushes my teeth this morning and I soo wanted to swallow some water, but I know in the end it would only potentiallly harmful for me. So I will just hang out, not much longer I will be going into the hospital at 10a surgery is at 12n!
I will write more later!!:cry_smile:
I am going to begin my self-imposed pre-op diet tomorrow. I am a little nervous because I HATE diets..Why??? Because I fail at them miserably! LOL...hence, RNY surgery.
I am doing this so I can get used to eating every 2-3 hours, detox my body from all the bad stuff I have been eating for the past year and I would like to go into surgery at least ten pounds less than I am now..so I am 274, I would like to go in at 264.
It is going to be difficult, because of the whole diet concept. I have made lunch and snacks for tomorrow and my hubby grilled some stuff too. By the way, I am making him go on this with me as well. He is not too heavy, he probably needs to loose about 20lbs, though.
This is the first day of my diet and since it is only 9:12a, I can say I am doing just fine! I really need to do this, it is for my own good. I ate cereal, milk and an egg for breakfast.
The one thing I must do is prepare lunch and dinner for the days I work. I am begining to see that I am overweight because I am lazy! I want to be able to pick up whatever I want to eat or drink and have it! Well, that is not working well for me.
I am going to have to relearn how to eat and drink. I know it is going to be difficult, but sooo worth it. At some point, I may start posting vlogs on you tube, I am just not that confident yet! I have a weird accent and I really don't like how I look. :clap:
I have been thinking about excess skin, is it inevitable? I hope that as I loose, I tone with the excercise and loose skin won't be a huge problem. Well, for right now I just need to concentrate on my food plan. :rolleyes2:
Okay, well, I went to the doctor yesterday. The nurse came in to remove the sutures. Luckily, I am someone who heals well and quickly. I have 5 puncture wounds, which have closed and there is no drainage. Part of the healing process is the itching, so that I will just have to deal with for a while. It is a good, thing, a sign that I am healing.
I was weighed, my weight when I came home on 10/16 was 275, yesterday at the MD office I was 257. I should be really happy about that, of course, but my crazy mind tells me I should have lost 25 pounds! I am going to have to get my head together with that. I mean 18 pounds in 8 days is awesome! But, my brain tells me it is not that great. One thing I have not been doing, which I need to start is to drink the 64 oz of water and step up my excercise. I love to walk, but I am not pushing myself as hard, but I do think I needed at least some time to heal and rest.
Another thing that has started this week are hunger pangs! :tt2: I did not think I would experience them quite so soon. I will have to look on the forum to see if anyone else has them. I am going to start eating mushies on 11/04, which I cannot wait for!
I also have been dreaming about food, it is so weird. I dream I have eaten a ginormous meal and I wake up feeling so guilty, only to realize it was a dream! :confused:
So, there are several things I need to work on. I am definately going to go to the local support group on Monday and find out some more information.
Here I am on day 6! So far, I have lost about 9lbs, that is not unusual for me. I retain water so that is what most of it is.
BUT!! I will take it!:thumbup:
Today has not been too bad. We did some running around and right now I am taking a break from my Saturday chores. I had a pretty big bfast. Eggs and a sausage. I just had some grapes, yogurt and chicken for lunch.
Gotta go! I am going to surf the web for a minute and then start cleaning again.
Whoo Hoo! Week three is here. Drumroll please.....
I have now lost 28lbs! I am so happy. I have had a couple of bouts with vomiting, due to my rapid eating habits. I really have got to remember to chew, chew, chew!!! I worked in the hospital as a RN and we would get a 10-15min break in 12hours, no kidding, so we learned the bad habit of stuffing a meal down within seconds! This is a habit that I am going to have to learn to break.
The vomiting helps, because that is my least favorite thing to do is vomit!! OMG it is so gross.
Another thing I need to do is get back to excercising. I only walked once this week, I am going to have to force myself to get on the treadmill tonight for at least one hour!
Well that's it for now. Next week is week 4 and I will post some progession pictures as well as blog.
Wow! Now I am down to only 7 days until my surgery. I am very excited about it.
I spoke with a good friend today, she is supportive, but warned me that it is going to be a major life change. I am ready for it.
I first considered lapband in 2006, so I feel as though this has been a 2 year process.
So anyway I went to GNC to get the protein shake stuff, the vitamins and some other stuff. I spent almost $100 bucks, not too bad because it is enough for 2 months. I probably will not be eating solids until after 3 months.
I am getting sleepy, so I will go, hopefully I will be more in the mood to write.
Okay, so I have to do the clear liquid thing today and tomorrow. No big deal right?
WRONG!!! I am soo hungry, this morning I woke up and ate a coffee cup full of chicken broth and 3 cups of jello. I washed all of that down with some water.
I can do this, it is for the best, I just have to get the head hunger out of my mind. Tomorrow, I have to continue with the clear liquids, take 3 TBSPNS of Milk of Mag :thumbup: and take neomycin, which is sure to give me major diarrhea. Oh, did I mention that I am working 12 hours tomorow??? Luckily, the bathroom is not too far.
Please pray for me.:cry_smile:
I have a date...finally. I am going to have surgery on 10/14/08, the day before my 44th birthday! I am really excited. The end of the first hurdle is near. I then get to begin a whole new chapter in my life. It is very exciting. It's funny that I don't feel nervous at all, should I? I am sure that will change as the date gets closer.
Once again, I have been reading different forums and blogs and I gusess I need to get prepared. I need to get the vitamins and the protein powders and drinks. Most say they wished they had not bought so much, as their taste for things change so dramatically. I also checked out the recipe forum, people are so creative.
I told my parents that I am going to have weight loss surgery. My mom pretty much said "that's good, let me tell you about my back...." typical. My dad said NOTHING, which is like saying EVERYTHING! At least he recognizes that I am an adult and capable of making my own decisions. I am sure he doesn't approve. He is from the old school, just stop eating so much, and excercise. The problem is that is what I have been doing for the past 25+ years. Now I really believe my metabolism is so shot, that even when I do diet, my body senses it and shuts down.
Here is the list of diets I have been on since I can remember:
Jenny Craig at least 4 times
NutriSystem at least 3 times
Quick Weight loss at least 5 times
Atkins diet 15 times!!! (I found an old diary)
Some online diet, I cannot remember the name.
Multiple Scarsborough diets, hollywood diet, zone diets, grape fruit diet, mayo clinic diet, cabbage soup diet, southbeach diet, slimfast, physician sponsored diets....and probably about 100 more I cannot think of right now.
I have joined gyms at least 20 or more times!
So when someone tells me to diet and excercise, my answer is "that is what I have been doing and look at me!" I have been as low as 145 and as high as 275, I am just over this whole ordeal. It is time for me to do something different. I don't plan on getting the surgery done, then nothing. I plan on changing my eating habits, increasing my excercise program and becoming more active. I know you can't just have the surgery and hang out and wait for the weitght to "fall off". I see this as a tool and and incentive to keep loosing and continuing to get positive results.
The last diet I was on, was a physician supervised diet. I was placed on phentermine, which helped. I followed the food plan and the excercise regime and after 6 months I lost 4 pounds!!! Well, that messed with my head badly! I really had made the lifestyle changes ( I continue to excercise) and to have lost 4 pounds!!??:sad:
I just could not believe it. I have managed to keep the 4 lbs off, but I am just tired of doing it the "conventional" way. It makes me sick.
So on 10/14/08, I am going to do something different, and incorporate a healthier lifestyle. I expected to get different results.:thumbup:
Wow it has been one month! I can hardly believe it. I have been feeling fine. I am up to walking 3 miles 4-5 times per week, more if I can get it in. I really enjoy walking outdoors, the air is crisp and cool, so pleasant. I live outside of Atlanta, so it does not get too terribly cold here.
I have not done my picutres yet! I have so many issues. I took some and compared to my "before" and I could not tell the difference. My clothes are literally falling off of me, but pictures really don't show quite how much I have lost. I need to get over it! So, I am going to have my husband take some pictures today and I hope to get them posted by tomorrow night.
I also have issues with how I look, as in my face, I can see all of these "spots" and so my face looks crazy. Anyway, I will post pics tomorrow, spotty face, and all!
BTW I am now down 35lbs!!!:willy_nilly:
I am really late with writing more, but I just was not feeling it. I needed to get myself back to normal and try to figure out the food thing.
So, I woke early on 10/14, posted to my blog, took a shower and just hung out watching TV while my hubby got ready. He does not do mornings well. I was surprised that I was not STARVING, as all I had had for 2 days were liquids. So, we get to the hospital at 10am, surgery is scheduled for 12 noon, and I signed in at the desk. The receptionist gave us a pager, similar to what you get at a resturant when waiting for a table...interesting.:cool:
Frank (that is my hubby) was hungry, so we went to the cafe to get him some coffee and breakfast. We were about to sit down, when the pager went off! That was when I started to get nervous. :crying: The volunteer escorted us back to the surgical prep area, gave me a gown and told me to get undressed, the gown opens in the back.....
So, I sit on the bed and just wait, now, a nursing assistant comes in and gives me some TED hose to put on, which covered up my cute halloween pedicure!:eek: Then the RN comes in to start the IV **ouch**, complete the admission process and have me sign another consent so the first assistant can get paid. The RN leaves for a minute and comes back and says "It looks like we are going to go a little earlier than expected!!. Dr. Steinberg comes in to say hello and then we are off to the OR. I kiss Frank goodbye and the transport guy takes me back, making me laugh the entire time, which was great, because I really was nervous.
So, I am parked outside of the OR, another RN comes up and introduces herself (Robin) and in I go. I scoot over to the OR bed, get tied down, the Anesthesiologist tells me to relax, because at this point my BP is like 180/100:scared2: and I don't have hypertension. As I said, I was wicked nervous. All of a sudden I just start crying! I mean not hysterical, but tears, runny nose, I could not stop. The RN, Robin came over and, OMG, she was sooooooo sweet. She wiped my tears and told me everything would be okay, I asked her to pray with me and she did. She was just what I needed at the time, I am tearing up while I type this. I was so scared and felt so lost, I could not control my tears. I needed someone like Robin at the time and I thank God for her. She only talked to me for a minute, but it was what I needed. I needed to feel a connection to someone in the room, she promised to take care of me and assured me that Jesus would watch over us and make sure everything was as it should be. The last thing I remember was her wiping my tears.
I woke up in the recovery room, I remember being cold and in some pain. The nurse gave me some warm blankets and told me she would give me something for pain...then I was out again! When I woke again, I had been wheeled up to the floor and the nursing assistant was taking my vital signs.
Everyone at Dekalb Medical Center in Decatur, GA was soo nice. I am defiantely going to write thank yous to the staff and especially Robin. My stay was pretty uneventful, the pain was managed with a morphine pump. Let me digress a little here...the morphine pump was sooooo wonderful. It helped me understand how people get hooked on drugs, OMG! I would give myself a bolus and just trip out. I am so glad they took that thing away.
I arrived home on Thursday and for some crazy reason, I weighed myself. The scale read 275!!! :wub::scared2::thumbup::scared2: Cognitively I knew it was water weight, but I was really unhappy. So I stayed away from the scale until today and I am now 258:thumbup:. I have an appointment with Dr. Steinberg on Friday 10/24, so I am going to try as hard as I can to not weigh until then.
Well that's all folks, I am now offically on my way. The real beginning is here and I am sooo excited.
At this point I just need to have the GB ultrasound and the upper GI. Then, I go to see Dr. Steinberg for my surgery date.
It looks like it will be sometime in October.
It is still far away, but it seems more of a reality. I am conflicted as to who I should tell and when...I will think about it.
Wow! What a week! I am first going to talk politics, just because this has been such a hisotric election year. (For the record, I am mixed race 1/2 African American 1/2 Native American.)
On both sides of the political specturm history would have been made, how could we go wrong??
Firstly, Congratulations to president-elect Obama, he overcame so many obstacles and preservered. I am so proud of him. I am a talk radio freak, most of the stations are very conservative and they are not happy with the country's choice. I understand, I was not happy in 2000 and 2004 with the presidential choice, but I had to deal with it. President Bush was the country's choice! I think we have a new oppertunity to begin with fresh, open eyes and become the country that we all know we are.:cursing: There was a caller on one of the conservative stations, who stated that African American people are not very self confident because (as a group) we have said we never would have thought we would see an African American president. My thoughts on that are two-fold. Firstly, the reason I would have not thought we could have an AA president is we could not even VOTE until 1965!:angry_smile: So we had that hurdle to cross first!
One also needs to realize that our right to vote could not or would not have been a reality without the support of White Americans, who saw the injustice and stood with AAs, marched, were beaten, hosed down and murdered right along with AA people.
Which brings me to my secondary point. President-elect Obama would not have won without the support of the White community. To be a politician is one thing, to be a politician and rise to the level of President of the United States is a whole other thing, no matter what race! So, it is not that AAs did not have faith in themselves, we did not have faith in the United States of America.
We were proven wrong, and thank God for that!:cursing:
Sometimes I feel like I am in some sort of weird race. Really a marathon. There is so much prep work before having surgery, it gets to be a little overwhelming.
Tomorrow I go for an upper GI and GB ultrasound. After that appointment, I will see Dr. Steinberg and get a date. I have been on the forum reading daily and it seems as though most physicians put you on a diet. A liquid diet. Okay!
I obviously have food issues and so I am going to be challenged if I am placed on a diet. It seems as though the diet is to prep for surgery (attempt to make the liver less fatty). But I also see it as an oppertunity, albiet challenging, to start my new more healthy life style. There are so many unknowns. 2 weeks out of your life may not sound like much, but for me, a liquid diet for 2 weeks sounds impossible. I must focus on this as an oppertunity to change my eating habits. I need to become more aware of not only when I eat, but why.
I have read some blogs in which people are greiving the loss of their previous relationship with food. It seems as though there is some emotional pain with it. I can understand. Food is always there for me. If I am happy, sad, angry, celebatory, bored, enthused, food has always been there.
Things are going to be different. My relationship with food needs to change from an emotional buddy to a tool. A tool which gives me energy to live to breathe...energy to develop other realtionships.
I am an introvert. This entire experience, blogging, posting my pictures online, is so different for me. I am not comfortable with people looking at me, knowing who I am and how I am feeling. If someone is actually reading this, , that scares me. However, I think it is therapeutic for me to do this. I need to become more open with myself and others.
So, tomorrow, I will get closer to the finish line. I will have my testing done, get a date and possibly a 2-week diet. "sigh". I will write more tomorrow after the testing. I am feeling pretty good right about now.:smile:
It has been over a year since I blogged? wow, I cannot believe it. I am holding up okay, right at 165-168. I do need to loose more, but I have not really been working at it. I have had another issue, come up and I just want to talk about it a litte.
I have been drinking wayyy too much. I used to be someone who could have 1/2 glass of wine and throw it away because I just didn't want anymore.
I guess I have a cross additction. I have been searching the internet about the topic and apparently it is more prevelant than I thought. I thought I was the only one. I am relieved that I am not. It started in 2009, I think. I would buy some 2.5 buck chuck from Trader Joes. It went down so easy and tasted so good, I just kept buying it, by the caseload! I knew something was not right, but I could not stop and it continued. I really noticed that I had been drinking at least one bottle of wine in December of 2009. I could not remember a day when I did not have anything to drink, crazy, right? I could go one or two days without drinking. But not a week and not a month. I would say to myself (just like the diets) "okay as of the first of the month, I am not going to drink or I am not going to drink until my next vacation. Well, that would never happen. I would keep drinking and drinking.
I have now become an alcoholic, which is a bad thing, but the great thing is I was able to go to a meeting yesterday and with the help of AA, I hope to have a sober life. I am taking it one day at a time. I am sharing this because if you are having the same issues, weather it be alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, etc. I want you to know that you are not alone and can contact me at anytime, for support. I thought I had my food addiction kicked, but it just manifested itself in another addiction.
Now I am conviced this is some type of marathon. It is also a test of my patience! I will hear (hopefully by Wednesday) about a date.
As I apparently get closer, I am becoming a little more anxious. I have been reading the forums daily. There is an emotional component to not being able to use food as an outlet. So, I need to develop more healthy habits. Sounds good, right? Well easier said than done. I decided I may take up knitting again, something to do to keep my hands busy.
At this point, I really just want to get it done and move on to the next step. I turn 44 this year, which I cannot believe! Time certainly has gone by quickly. I feel as though I need to catch up with my age. My brain is still only about 25!
Well, today I received the preop instruction packet from the hospital. I have to go for my preop on 10/09 and 10am.
My surgery is on 10/14 at 12 noon, but I have to be at the hospital at 10am. So I will have to wait around for about 2 hours...Wow, it is becoming more real.. and I am excited.
I have been all over the forum reading about what people had to do preop, especially with diets. I am definately going to go on my low fat low carb, high protein diet, starting Monday 09/22/08.
It will be interesting, because I have not really dieted since January. I am a little anxious about it, mainly because it just makes the whole thing more real. I am 270 today and I would love to loose at least 10lbs before surgery. I need to "purge" my body of bad carbs, sodas and unhealthy fats. I have been eating HORRIBLY lately and I know it is because I feel like "this is it". I will no longer be able to eat all of this unhealthy stuff. I have been eating stuff I usually don't eat, like chocolate, hard candy, cakes, etc. This is even more of a reason to do a cleansing for myself.
I usually drink 10 glasses of water per day, I have not been doing that. I try to walk 3 times per week, I have just been a total slug! 'sigh' I really need to get out of this rut.
My husband just called and said we need to go grocery shopping. So, this weekend I plan on getting some stuff for him and the things I will need post op. I plan on eating a lot of chicken over the next three weeks.
I don't like fish, so that is not an option for me. I do plan on eating plenty of beans, veggies and a limited number of fruits, most likely apples and pears and maybe a grapefruit or two.
I am still in the waiting stage. :confused2:
I am not sure if Shawna sumbitted the paperwork yet, she may wait until today to send it in.
I have been reading posts, blogs and watching Youtube posts. I am trying not to get too anxious about this. At this point it is not in my hands, I really need to have faith that whatever decision is made, I will have to accept it and go on to the next step.
Even with the surgery, I will have to make sure I follow the plan to the letter. I have to make a commitment, really to myself and know that I am doing the best thing for me.:tt2: