"So we will pick these flowers for the reception tables."
That picture and quote comes to my frame of mind when I think back to March 2012 in Michael's Craft Store looking for fake flowers for my wedding the following November 3, 2012. I had been with the guy for seven years unaware that he wasn't wanting the same things and was hanging on by a thread.
I went from almost getting married to not even being able to whisper it or really think of it when it came to stepping on egg shells around his fragile state.
Then the past three years shouldn't have happened. I should have left when he doubted if he loved me! I just believed him and I after our eyes met and we found each-other inseparable so many years ago that we were soul-mates, that he was the 'one.'
Its funny how one moment your flying on air and the next you come crashing to the ground. This happened to me this morning when he closed that iron door for good, locking it and throwing away the key.
There are things I want out of life and things I don't want!
I want to fall in love again!
I want to meet the True Soulmate.
What can I say I'm a hopeless romantic!
I want to think I will be back down the road with my Sis in Law picking out new arrangements for a different venue to my future dream guy.
Right now those dreams have faded, whoosh! Turned to dust!
So I thought about this one quote i read a long time ago.
"Sometimes things have to fall apart so better things can come together."
I won't settle.
I won't give up on new dreams and aspirations.
For now I have myself and that is enough. When he comes he comes!
I wrote a Poem a long time ago when I was twenty on the back of a water coloring painting of mine. I was told in class at the local Community College to read it out loud. So I did and the next thing I knew somebody in the class was wanting to send it to her Publisher friend. So it was published for free in a small community magazine.
The poem at the time was bleak however hopeful about a butterfly with broken wings who does begin to fly. The poem came to me at a time of life adjustment, I had just lost a good new friendship to a girl due to a misunderstanding and my best friends went off to college in a different State. So one night I wrote from the bottom of my aching heart and there manifested a poem and later a fixation on butterflies.
I started to research Butterflies and they soon became a metaphor for life.
The ugly caterpillar is in it's cocoon for awhile not knowing if it will make it. It then breaks out as a strong insect with beautiful wings.
The Miracle of life!
So every once in awhile that poem in different times in my life it creeps in and burrows into my mind.
"You have to, in order to survive." Is the last sentence to the poem.
It has hit home for a long time now since I put on the weight and now that I'm embarking on this weight loss journey.
I feel someways I'm in the cocoon and waiting for my beautiful wings to take flight.
I know I will get there because like the poem has a happy ending of success.
I will have mine!