I've been working so hard to make this surgery a reality, and now that it is, I'm wishing I hadn't told anyone about it. People around me could care less about what I'm getting ready to go through. I have to give up so much to gain so much and I feel like I'm being treated like a lazy, fat loser. That's not true and that's not fair. I'm just really down in the dumps and thinking about not talking to anyone about it anymore except you guys, my docs, and my husband from now on, and if my "friends" have questions, they can research the way I have. I'm just very sensitive today and feeling very misunderstood.:thumbup:

:thumbup:Hi:

Most all of us have this dilema. People are often "comfortable" with the way we are and don't want us to change. Our overweight friends really like you being just like them. You will have people who sabotage you, try to get you to eat things you shouldn't. Change scares people. It may even scare your family, wondering if you are still going to be the same person on the inside.

You have support here 24/7. We all know what you are going through. Best of luck!

Wanda

I think so many people are just so consumed with their own drama that they never take the time to walk in others shoes. "We" know that you are not lazy and the people that truly care about you know that too. This is by far NOT the easy road or a quick-fix solution. Hang in there and be at peace with your decision. The others will come around. Take Care and the best of luck. I can't wait to hear how it has been such a positive, life-changing experience for you!

Hi GonBehealthy,

Don't despair, just remember this is something for you. I didn't tell any one other than my husband and I was banded back in January. I had planned to maybe tell my kids at a later date but now I don't feel the need to explain. I think if it was another op we wouldn't feel the need to tell everyone, would we? As you have already told people and aren't getting any support from them, I wouldn't mention it to them again. Just read every thing you can and get the knowledge you need to help yourself. I feel that I have worked really hard with exercise since being banded that people would think I have lost weight easily if I told them about the band. Just keep your spirits up and be glad that your main support (husband) is on side with you as that helps. Good luck with your surgery. How soon is it?

saleel22

Try to put all of the thoughtless comments aside. If you choose to limit the people you talk to about this, don't feel guilty about that. It is ok right now for you to be a little selfish and focus on yourself. I definitely feel like I've been more self absorbed since I decided to get the surgery. I'm doing the things that I need to do in order to be successful. If you are anything like me, you've probably spent most of your life doing what other people wanted you to do and trying to please others. I'm finding that I'm making decisions now based on what I need. I deserve that, and so do you!

Hello gonbhealthy,

Don't B :thumbup: B :biggrin2:, Your dream is coming true. You have to remind yourself this is 4 u not them. Also it's so sad to say this but some people just may not want u to change. But the truth is---> this is 4 u not them<---. Once u drop the pounds ur not going to care what any ONE thinks or says.

:thumbup:

I know exactly how you feel....I lost my best friend really the only friend I had that I could talk to...we have not spoken to each other since the day I had surgery 4/28/08...I have attempted to contact her but she never returns my calls...I told the woman that works in the office with me and she has told numerous clients that come in from the street that I have had lap band surgery and losing weight...I truly wish she would just shut up!!!! They eat everything under the sun and offer it to me, just yesterday it was CAKE it was hard to turn it down but I did !!! I finally told myself they can all kiss my a** I am in this for me and only me !!!

Hi GonBehealthy,

Don't despair, just remember this is something for you. I didn't tell any one other than my husband and I was banded back in January. I had planned to maybe tell my kids at a later date but now I don't feel the need to explain. I think if it was another op we wouldn't feel the need to tell everyone, would we? As you have already told people and aren't getting any support from them, I wouldn't mention it to them again. Just read every thing you can and get the knowledge you need to help yourself. I feel that I have worked really hard with exercise since being banded that people would think I have lost weight easily if I told them about the band. Just keep your spirits up and be glad that your main support (husband) is on side with you as that helps. Good luck with your surgery. How soon is it?

saleel22

I'm due to be banded on July 17th.

I know exactly how you feel....I lost my best friend really the only friend I had that I could talk to...we have not spoken to each other since the day I had surgery 4/28/08...I have attempted to contact her but she never returns my calls...I told the woman that works in the office with me and she has told numerous clients that come in from the street that I have had lap band surgery and losing weight...I truly wish she would just shut up!!!! They eat everything under the sun and offer it to me, just yesterday it was CAKE it was hard to turn it down but I did !!! I finally told myself they can all kiss my a** I am in this for me and only me !!!

I'm sorry to hear about you losing your friend. I fear I will lose my only friend also. She has already made the comment that if I end up smaller than her, she'll be mad. She tried to laugh it off, but I know her and I know she's not joking. I'm also angry with myself cause I'm letting other peoples' reactions make me question my decision. I'm gonna go through with it, its just now, I have a question mark in the back of my head.

don't worry about people. you will never make them happy only be concerned with you and what you want. i chose not to tell people on my job nor in my family except husband, son , sister and mother because people are so negative. if this is what you want think of yourself and your health. goog luck!!!!!!

Thank you to everyone. I feel uplifted by your responses.

Hi Redhood007, I would tell the woman in your office to politely put a sock in it. This is your band and it is up to you who you tell. I find the more someone offers me cake or biscuits the stronger my resolve is not to eat it. It is only if I have it in my house that I have a problem with things like that. Keep up the good work.

saleel22

I hope by the time you read this it finds you in a better mood, Your not alone alot of us go through this. I'm really excited about changing my life and would like nothing more then to share it with my Bff but she's always so damn negitive I just stopped telling her anything about it If she wants to know she'll ask. Also I starting to think it just shows how self centered she is, as a friend she should be happy I'm happy. I think she might be a little bit jealous, Because she also stated that she didn't know how we'd be able to still be friends if we did't have our weight in common. I didn't even know that was part of the reason we were friends in the first place, I'm doing this for me. If she or anyone else can't deal with it Then I just won't have them involved in my personal life. I may sound mean but I just don't have room for negitivity in my postive world. do what makes you happy!!!:thumbup::smile:

When others see the results -- not only the weight loss but also your better health, which usually is difficult to hide because good health has its own radiant glow -- then it will be up to you to be gracious and welcome them back.

Good luck on the 17th. The pre-op weeks will be hectic, with the pre-op diet and all those undignified medical tests, but please try to enjoy each day because it's all part of the whole experience.

u not alone we r all friends here,I experience the exact same thing with my cousin who is also, my best friend she wants the surgery but her insurance does not cover it,so she started saying negative things to me like u going to look good with ur clothes on, but when u take them off it will look bad with that excess skin, so I did her one better I told her she looks bad now with her clothes on and off, if its the excess skin I was worry about I can have that taken care of as well, its about me feeling good n being heathy for me she's upset that she cant get healthy,so now when we talk she just ask how much weight have u lost I tell her I dont weigh myself n I wont until I see results, but in reality I know how much Ive lost I just rather not discuss it with her,we dont talk as much anymore thats her lost not mine, so dont u feel bad it will be those people in the end that will wish they were u. Good Luck!!!!:thumbup:

Edited July 7, 200818 yr by dsmith35

In reading everyone's responses, I do believe that the lesson is that through this, you really find out who your true friends are. Their true colors are coming out, and they aren't pretty! Let's all work to get more positive people who can be true friends to us.