Donali inspired me to start this new thread. She has been providing information to us regarding Morbid Obesity being a disease, which is a very powerful topic for all of us.

Lately I've been discovering that there are many different categories that we fit in, so I was wondering what category you are in. I don't have labels for the categories, but let me start by telling you why I am obese.

First, my family history includes severe mental illness (Mom, aunt, etc.) I inherited a branch of mental illness - Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which had me extremely ill in my youth. My panic attacks have been under control for years, but I still have many anxiety-related problems, one being that I never stop thinking, and at night, the thoughts are consumed by food. Part of the reason I'm obese is becaseu I can't fight the mental struggle to eat for long periods of time. That part of my brain is stronger than the sensible part.

But my biggest problem is portion control. I'm obsessed by enormous quantities of food. I simply don't understand how anyone could order just one taco, or have a small serving of anything. With me, it's all or nothing. I would rather fast all day than to eat one chicken thigh. It's torture. A half gallon of ice cream is two servings. A family dinner is two servings.

And mine is all a night time disorder. Someone baked us fresh Cookies, all warm and steamy, and I didn't even look at them. I don't give a damn about food during the day. I feel like a monster.

yes! DEPO helped me gain 100lbs in college!!

Celexa helped me gain almost 100 more!~!

I agree with everyone! we are all so similar! Fat families, Depression, toxic relationships...

I also feel something like... I am almost afraid to be attractive to men. Or, certain men. I was a victim of sexual abuse at a VERY young age. I have a really outgoing and confident personality. But, when men hit on me I want to cry. Then, I do things like wear tops to show off my boobs. Is anyone else like this?

HiMow-

You are not alone. I went without cable and a few other things around my house for over a year because i was scared to death of being alone in my home with the cable/repair guy. i was a new single mother with no friends or family in the town i was in so i had no one to call to come over and hang out with me while they were there.

i am lucky however and fell in love with a super great and understanding guy who has helped me heal a lot. i still am wary and stand offish with strange men but i am working on it.

i had Celexa as well.... i learned to hate pilles because of things like Celexa and depo.

I was also on celexa and depo. I started taking celexa as soon as it came out. I was told by my doctor then that celexa would help me lose weight! Yea right!

Hmmm...well, I've been fat since I can remember! When I look at old photos, only the ones of me before the age of 5 did I look average size. Most of the women on both sides of my family are overweight. My brothers were average sized through school and only picked up weight as adults...still not really huge, though. My teenage daughter has been the same as me, overweight since about 5 years old.

In high school I remember being about 225lbs. I had my daughter when I was 19 and got up to about 240lbs. I started Depo shots after I had her and by the next summer I'm not sure because I never when to an actual doctor for a while, just Planned Parenthood for the birth control, but I'm guessing I was close to 300lbs. I took a Water aerobics class in college and lost some, don't know how much just know that I got back down to size 26/28 pants. After that I joined a fitness club, don't remember what I weighed in at, but a week or so later, tore the cartilage in my knee and had to have surgery. Then tore it again a few months later for another surgery.

Finally graduated college and started working full time and was a single mom, so I had no time nor money for a gym membership. Packed on some more pounds, met my husband, got pregnant at 28 and at my prenatal visit found out I was 325lbs. During the pregnancy, I got over 350lbs, because the scale at the Dr. office had a 350 max so my weight wouldn't register. Had my son and went on birth control. A year an a half later, my mom won a free 2 month membership for 2 at Curves, so we went there, found out I was just under 390lbs!!!

So, I got down to about 345lbs going to Curves for a year then stopped losing. Joined another fitness club with more variety and lost about 15lbs, but they started getting so busy, I was waiting around more than working out. So, I bough my own treadmill and weights and I got down to 310lbs and then stopped losing. Well, actually I went back an forth from 310 to 315 for several months. then I got discouraged and started slacking off and not watching what I ate, and got back up to 340, which is when I decided to get lapband.

Now I'm at 305, anxiously waiting to see 299! I hope I get my first fill this Friday so I can see my magic number by Valentines day!

Long story, huh!

I've had a lot of time to think about why I'm fat. I was a normal weight for the first two and one half decades of my life and fat (increasingly) for the last two. I always had a high level of anxiety and in college discovered that eating medicated it. It made me miserable in other ways, but it became a pattern. With increasing age, responsibility and decreasing activity levels, my weight went up. I overate initially to deal with stress and disappointment, in time I ate out of boredom. As I have gotten older I have learned some other ways to deal with stress and my anxiety level has leveled off, but the old habits are hard to kill (or replace). I do believe it can be done. Truthfully, nothing has ever provided comfort and anxiety relief as effectively and reliably as food. I'll just have to accept that my second-best methods are good enough.

Does anyone besides me ever wonder if the genetic link is an overly large stomach? I have been overweight for 15 years, during that time I have cooked at home meals. I rarely cook fried food and eat out even less. I mostly use the grill, pressure cooker, slow cooker or the oven. I stopped eating simple carbs 8 years ago. But still I was overweight, and the reason was portion control. I could (and did) eat twice as much in a sitting as other women I know. I was always hungry. Then I had my lapband put on in October and now I have restriction and I have been losing 2 lbs a week. I physically cant overeat now because of the pain. I am no longer hungry now that I have my new small stomach. Has anyone read any studies on stomach size and obesity?

Good thread.thanks for sharing about yourself.

Hi Liz,

You said it was a long story which is true for a lot of us.:cursing: Fighting our weight has been a life long pursuit.

We should be proud of the battles we have won along the way.

I've lost 30 to 60 pounds ten times in the last 20 years since I gained weight with my 3rd child. But I never got down to "normal weight".

With the band I know that my work is paying off and when I get to that golden weight I won't gain it back. That's the best thing to me. I won't ever have to lose this weight again:tt1:

Good Journey All,

MaggieGT

I am starting to think maybe I am a food addict. I think about food all the time and I eat for all kinds of reasons, hunger, cravings, boredom the list goes on and on. Something I am going to have to investigate for myself.

I am starting to think maybe I am a food addict. I think about food all the time and I eat for all kinds of reasons, hunger, cravings, boredom the list goes on and on. Something I am going to have to investigate for myself.

Well I know I am a food addict thats why i havent lost as much as i could have . they fixed my stomach to bad there is no band for my brain . Now that I know im a food addict ,how do i get help for that????!!!! I dont think i can afford therapy:sad:

It has taken me a really long time to get a handle on it. I have been on more super-restrictive diets than I can enumerate. I've even fasted with no food, only liquids.

I've had the band (2006) and now have revised that to the sleeve. I haven't had it long, but with all of this has come the hard realization that I have some kind of eating disorder. Duh. Brilliant, right?

I was thin growing up and loved every minute of having a cute figure. I was a cheerleader and a majorette (yeah I'm dating myself) and was a top-notch bowler, raquetball player and bicyclist. We loved hiking, camping and all things active and outdoorsy. But I still ate myself into a very unhealthy state of obesity. Can you spell self-hate?

What other excuse can there be. I was always very active socially, even the president of an important women's fund raising group. Beautiful children, very successful husband and beautiful homes and cars and clothes.

Except the clothes just kept getting bigger and bigger and I became more and more sedentary. Why? I've had counseling with more than one therapist. Nobody has been able to help me discover why I insisted on overeating myself into an unhealthy, very unattractive body. Nobody seemed to believe me when I said that ice cream actually makes me feel better - in fact, it physically makes me feel GOOD.

I think I finally have an answer that makes sense to me. I was watching a TV show that included the red-headed woman, Ruby. I only watched one small segment. Then I had to turn it off! I found myself sobbing uncontrollably when one woman was pounding a ottoman, screaming and yelling out her rage. Her father had called her mother names while she was there, a young girl, absorbing the pain. She could have been me. For the first time ever, I felt that "hole" in my body that everyone has always told me that I'm trying to fill with food. I never got it. I was like Ruby, ostensibly very happy with a great sense of humor and I just couldn't remember and damned sure didn't want to. Something lurked at the back of my mind about a cousin and a sister who I knew did things to me that I didn't like. But my sister wound up being my best friend and the boy cousin, long gone. How could they have possibly been a threat to me as an adult? Why the hell did I need to think about anything unpleasant? I always answered that with - I didn't need to think of anything in my past. It was my past... not today, not tomorrow! It was long gone and I didn't need anything having to do with those memories.

I don't know how I would have felt if I had watched the entire show and had actually seen Ruby go through the process that I'm sure must have happened at some point on that show. I know that it would have been painful. And probably inciteful. But I have the sleeve and am just recovering from the surgery last week becuase now, I've even had that "hole" cut out.

A few years ago I began taking antidepressants which really helped me get a handle on doing something about my weight. Without them I would have undoubtedly ballooned to over 300 lbs and had diabetes and more bad health indicators than you could shake a stick at. The meds helped me overcome the depression and anger that I've been supressing all these years at least enough to get surgical intervention for my condition.

My condition: anger, depression, self-loathing and zero self-esteem including zero feelings of self-worth in spite of the fact that I am a really good artist and excel at so many things that other women wish for.

I don't know how this is ultimately all going to play out. I have no illusions that this is the final word on the subject of my compulsion to eat and get high from really great foods (as well as really junky ones). But I do believe that I am trying very, very hard to survive, to get over the pain of my past and live today well and look forward to a much, much brighter future.

Stay tuned.

Edited May 7, 201016 yr by BJean

I watched that very episode this morning I have learned alot about myself from watching that show I have only seen about 4 episodes and I'm hooked.

... I have been overweight for 15 years, during that time I have cooked at home meals. I rarely cook fried food and eat out even less. I mostly use the grill, pressure cooker, slow cooker or the oven. I stopped eating simple carbs 8 years ago. But still I was overweight, and the reason was portion control. I could (and did) eat twice as much in a sitting as other women I know. I was always hungry. ...

This is me to a tee!

I switched to a mostly whole foods way of eating while I was pregnant with my first over 7 years ago, so that I would have those habits well in place when she was born. My kids have really great eating habits and love healthy food as much as I do. And fortunately, they have portion control.

I don't.

I can sit down and eat half a baked chicken, 2-3 cups of brown rice, and at least 2 cups of broccoli in one sitting, no problem. I can down an entire bag of puffed wheat and half a quart of milk, a huge bowl of oatmeal, or an 8-egg omelette without batting an eye. I can easily eat a couple of pounds of sashimi, most of a wok-ful of stir-fry, or a healthy salad meant to serve an entire family with leftovers. And then I can do it again within an hour or two, easy.

Between my kids, I took off 100# through diet and exercise alone. I did WW, but completely failed at their no-points "Core" program because my portions were so out of whack. By counting points and being hungry ALL the time, I eventually whittled off the weight.

It took me 3 years, and I was hungry and miserable every day. I got pregnant again, and put back on most of it. My appetite increased with breastfeeding and I put back on the rest. The idea of going through all that AGAIN brings me to tears. The idea of being hungry for the rest of my life brings me to my knees.

So, while I was on the fence for the last several months about getting banded, I have decided that I am going to take this step. I have been ultra-compliant through my 90-day diet and am continuing it until we go on vacation next week. I'll try to keep things sane while on vacation, but won't be able to track with any sort of accuracy. Then, when I get back after Memorial Day, I start back with my pre-op diet for two weeks.

I'm scared, but I think it's the right choice for me at this time. I've already made all the other right decisions relating to food for myself and my family. I just want some help in tackling this last obstacle.... the portions. The band looks to be the perfect tool to do that with me.

I watched that very episode this morning I have learned alot about myself from watching that show I have only seen about 4 episodes and I'm hooked.

I don't even know the name of it or the channel it was on. I didn't know that it had more than one episode. I want to get the courage to watch it, but I may not be ready so soon after the surgery. But do you mind telling me the name of it and I can do a search and Tivo it?

Btw, I re-read my post and it sounds downright big headed about some of the stuff. But I'm not. I'm fighting to keep my head above water all the time. I was just trying to get real with myself and admit all the good things I have in my life that I obviously do not think I deserve.

This is me to a tee!

I switched to a mostly whole foods way of eating while I was pregnant with my first over 7 years ago, so that I would have those habits well in place when she was born. My kids have really great eating habits and love healthy food as much as I do. And fortunately, they have portion control.

I don't.

I can sit down and eat half a baked chicken, 2-3 cups of brown rice, and at least 2 cups of broccoli in one sitting, no problem. I can down an entire bag of puffed wheat and half a quart of milk, a huge bowl of oatmeal, or an 8-egg omelette without batting an eye. I can easily eat a couple of pounds of sashimi, most of a wok-ful of stir-fry, or a healthy salad meant to serve an entire family with leftovers. And then I can do it again within an hour or two, easy.

Between my kids, I took off 100# through diet and exercise alone. I did WW, but completely failed at their no-points "Core" program because my portions were so out of whack. By counting points and being hungry ALL the time, I eventually whittled off the weight.

It took me 3 years, and I was hungry and miserable every day. I got pregnant again, and put back on most of it. My appetite increased with breastfeeding and I put back on the rest. The idea of going through all that AGAIN brings me to tears. The idea of being hungry for the rest of my life brings me to my knees.

So, while I was on the fence for the last several months about getting banded, I have decided that I am going to take this step. I have been ultra-compliant through my 90-day diet and am continuing it until we go on vacation next week. I'll try to keep things sane while on vacation, but won't be able to track with any sort of accuracy. Then, when I get back after Memorial Day, I start back with my pre-op diet for two weeks.

I'm scared, but I think it's the right choice for me at this time. I've already made all the other right decisions relating to food for myself and my family. I just want some help in tackling this last obstacle.... the portions. The band looks to be the perfect tool to do that with me.

You and Leigha have at least learned to eat good food. Maybe the band is really the best answer for you. It was not for me. If you have lots of determination and will power and conviction, I have no doubt that you can make it work for you. I sure didn't have those things and they are absolutely necessary with the band - that and exercise.

My best wishes to you for amazing success.

(Anybody besides me looked forward to pregnancy so they could gain weight with abandon?)