Hey bari family ❤️

I know body dysmorphia is something that is really common in this community, and I did expect it of course, but I am really feeling it at the moment.

To preface my feelings I am about to describe, I am PMS-ing so I know a lot of this is probably exacerbated by that!

Either way, I have had such a noticable influx of people complimenting me on my weight loss at work this week - it seemed that there was no one mentioning it at all, and now every day this week I have had people come up to me and say/ask things like: "what is your big secret?", "you look amazing", "you're a skinny minny" etc. It hasn't been anything that I have taken offence to at all, but it has come during a week where I have felt so down about my appearance.

I'd say this is the first time post-surgery where I have been looking in the mirror and just seen the 'old' me - I genuinely cannot see any loss, even though the scales & my clothes are telling me different.

It is so saddening, normal, but sad.

Anyway, that is my little reflection done with!

What sorts of things did others do to get past this?

I'm still pre-op so I'm just guessing, but I think this is the kind of thing that disappears with time? Maybe once you get used to being your new normal weight you feel differently? My normal weight has always been 260 or so and I think I will always see myself that way.

But just remember all that you have accomplished so far and you're still going!

10 minutes ago, NeonRaven8919 said:

I'm still pre-op so I'm just guessing, but I think this is the kind of thing that disappears with time? Maybe once you get used to being your new normal weight you feel differently? My normal weight has always been 260 or so and I think I will always see myself that way.

But just remember all that you have accomplished so far and you're still going!

I am hoping it is something that will go with time, but I know that some do struggle with it for a long time! Fingers crossed this is just me being pre-period and my brain is seeing something entirely different in the mirror!

Thank you!

5 hours ago, Bypass2Freedom said:

Hey bari family ❤️

I know body dysmorphia is something that is really common in this community, and I did expect it of course, but I am really feeling it at the moment.

To preface my feelings I am about to describe, I am PMS-ing so I know a lot of this is probably exacerbated by that!

Either way, I have had such a noticable influx of people complimenting me on my weight loss at work this week - it seemed that there was no one mentioning it at all, and now every day this week I have had people come up to me and say/ask things like: "what is your big secret?", "you look amazing", "you're a skinny minny" etc. It hasn't been anything that I have taken offence to at all, but it has come during a week where I have felt so down about my appearance.

I'd say this is the first time post-surgery where I have been looking in the mirror and just seen the 'old' me - I genuinely cannot see any loss, even though the scales & my clothes are telling me different.

It is so saddening, normal, but sad.

Anyway, that is my little reflection done with!

What sorts of things did others do to get past this?

I’m a therapist and also a recent gastric sleeve patient.

Real life body dysmorphia may never fully go away but exposure therapy and CBT usually work best to help treat it; both are about disputing thinking errors and rationalizing your thought process.

It can definitely be worse when we are hormonal or in a bad space. I think giving yourself grace goes a long way. Try these steps and see if they help! Good luck!

1. Identify your triggers. ...
2. Stop comparing yourself to others. ...
3. Talk yourself up. ...
4. Look outward. ...
5. Cut the negative self-talk. ...
6. Practice positive affirmations. ...
7. Give yourself a reality check. ...
8. Accept all of you.

I think when your body changes so fast it takes awhile for your mind and perceptions to catch up! I went from a 4x top and size 22 pants to a large tee and size 10/12 pants and only recently can I hold up a shirt or pants with confidence of what will fit me now without "oversizing" because it's been plus sizes for for me over many years ❤️ I try to not overthink it too much and just tell myself to enjoy my hard work paying off. Hang in there!

im 6 yrs out and i still sometimes think XS is too small for me. in reality ½ the time it actually too big.

case in point: i am currently wearing size xs underwear that i bought online, and they are waaay too big (you can see my hoo-ha from the side for effs sakes). alas, underwear is not returnable so im stuck with them (and i bought 6!!)

geez.

Edited October 3, 20241 yr by ms.sss

I absolutely deal with this. There's times I look in the mirror and still see 421 pounds. My husband made me keep one of my size 5x outfits, one of my size 10 rings, and try to put them on when I get lost in the dysmorphia. And it really helps snap me out of it.

As @ynotiniowa, said the time it takes for your head to catch up with the reality of your actual size contributes a lot to the dysmorphia for us: we can only see how we used to look because our size dominated & limited so much in our lives. It also affects friends and family who struggle to see the real you with your weight loss. For some family and friends it’s behind those ‘you’ve lost too much’ & ‘it’s time you stop losing’ comments they make.

Personally, I found those skinny mini comments most upsetting (that specific phrase was most upsetting too) especially when I knew I still had weight to lose and I was no where near my goal. I knew, in most cases, it was people acknowledging my weight loss and congratulating me. I knew I should use it as motivation but I saw it more as them really saying you were huge before. It took a while after my weight stabilised for me to be comfortable and actually take pleasure in the you’re slim or small comments. Honestly, I still enjoy them today. I tell myself it’s because I worked hard to lose the weight and continue to work hard to maintain it & I’ve earnt the recognition. The reality is I’ve become a lot more vain than I was before and enjoy the attention. Lol!

45 minutes ago, Arabesque said:

Personally, I found those skinny mini comments most upsetting (that specific phrase was most upsetting too)

"friends" of mine used to call me "skinny b*tch". and when i was all heeey! they said it was a compliment.

no, B*TCH, "b*tch" is not a compliment.

they don't say that to me anymore (at least not to my face, ha!)

Edited October 4, 20241 yr by ms.sss

I think it takes our minds some time to catch up to the changes in our bodies, especially when the change has been so quick and you have been distracted by all the new eating rules and weight loss. You also had your holiday to focus on too. Now there are no real distractions and the changes have hit you. I know when I lost weight previously, it didn’t feel ‘real’ - ?? I felt like I was observing someone else from afar. I know it doesn’t make sense - I was the one dieting, I was the one working out, I was the one weighing and measuring but it’s honestly how I felt. I certainly didn’t feel that, once I had hit target, that I would stay thinner and that would be that. I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop, as they say!

Comments from others can add to the problem, especially when your mind is playing tricks on you and you’re struggling to come to terms with a different ‘you’. I hate the backhanded ‘compliment’ because it just strikes me as bitchy when there is no need. It generally means that the person giving it is jealous or miffed at what you have achieved. Well screw them, that’s their problem, not yours. You certainly don’t owe anyone an explanation of how and why.

?

It never ceases to amaze me how some people seem to feel completely at ease commenting freely on other people's weight (or, honestly, entitled to comment) in a way they would not about other things - e.g. to comment on other aspects of a person's physical appearance or behaviour.

I suspect they give little to no thought to the effect that might have on the person they're commenting on - positive or negative. It's just something they feel entitled to say. And, yes, when it's commenting on a significant weight loss, the expectation is that we will welcome those comments because we were fat and now we're not. People seem to feel sometimes that we are churlish not to welcome these unsolicited remarks with open arms.

I do think people are mostly trying to be nice and supportive and complimentary. They don't think too much further than that. I'm with you as someone who struggled with those remarks sometimes. The only consolation I can give is that it all settles down. Nobody has called me a skinny minny for years, LOL.

I'm sorry you're having a rubbish time and I really hope that's behind you soon OP.

Edited October 7, 20241 yr by Spinoza
typo

Hey all,

Thank you for your lovely comments ❤️ I genuinely appreciate every single one of them.

I'm still in a bit of a slump at the moment! I have gained for the first time in my weight loss journey (albeit just 1lbs at the moment but still), my weight doesn't seem to be shifting down currently.

I also bumped into a friend today who said: "you are looking so much better"...like...okay...

I hope this mood/weight gain/stall goes away soon x

Keep posting. We are all here for you x

Also - stalls are the absolute PITS and gains (although always temporary) DOUBLE PITS!

Still feeling low unfortunately! Proper stuck in a rut but really appreciating the support on here x

sooooo I am with you right now, there has been a lot going on this week, and I know I am going to start my period soon so its heightening everything I am feeling. But I told my boyfriend I feel fat...he looked at me and said "what part of you are you fat?!" I have maintained my weight for the past month and a half ish? upped my weights at the gym and cardio. Idk I have never been in maintenance so I feel weird. I keep wondering okay when will I start gaining again. I look in the mirror and I see 300lb me and start ripping my body apart. I wonder if I really look better or if I look worse. This journey is a total mind EFF!

On 10/11/2024 at 3:58 PM, AmberFL said:

sooooo I am with you right now, there has been a lot going on this week, and I know I am going to start my period soon so its heightening everything I am feeling. But I told my boyfriend I feel fat...he looked at me and said "what part of you are you fat?!" I have maintained my weight for the past month and a half ish? upped my weights at the gym and cardio. Idk I have never been in maintenance so I feel weird. I keep wondering okay when will I start gaining again. I look in the mirror and I see 300lb me and start ripping my body apart. I wonder if I really look better or if I look worse. This journey is a total mind EFF!

My boyfriend had quite the same reaction when I said that too! I suppose it does help that they see us with different eyes - they don't have their brains telling them something different entirely!

I hope you are okay ❤️