The trend and overwhelming amount of people not honest hurts others who need surgery and also keeps the stigma alive. Most people will talk there loved one out of it because of shame and ignorance. Trust me I'd like to pretend I lost weight by all the sudden eating correct and exercising but thats in itself sick. Your medical care isnt public but would you tell people you had cancer and instead of chemo you just walked and went to weight watchers?

I'm not shaming you lol sorry I am tense but I wish anyone who is neurologically ill will never use an app or be ok which is ridiculous considering the routine and millions who have been operated on.

Sorry for typos and run-on sentences lol my screen broke so i don't try to spell check or proof haha

Hope this hits softer and provokes thought

Let's not conflate not telling with lying. No one here is saying that not telling is lying.

People are saying lying is lying.

Personally, I would call a purposely misleading half-truth lying also, but that's me.

I'm not judging anyone for lying. We all do it. Anyone who says they don't are proving the point.

So...

Why is not answering so hard and a lie so easy?

As somewhat a people pleaser when I was much younger, not responding to a direct question seemed like I was creating a conflict. I felt people would be upset with such a non-response. A lie was easier as there was no conflict and life went on. I forget why I didn't want to do this lie anymore but I got past the discomfort of not responding. Now I'm downright stoic.

Edited May 13, 20215 yr by The Greater Fool

I am the Manager of a Serviceman's Club in New Zealand & I have told everyone that I'm getting a gastric sleeve next month. People are used to seeing me at the Club after hours with a beer in my hand. Since I have given up drinking alcohol and am drinking water instead everyone asks what's wrong with me. So I tell them that I need to get rid of my Diabetes and Sleep Apnea + the excess weight so hopefully I can extend my lifespan. Everyone has been 100% supportive and if someone ever wasn't supportive then they aren't worth talking too.

I am proud that I have finally done something to improve my health.

Edited May 13, 20215 yr by KiwiJim

"How did you beat your cancer?"

"My doctor put together a treatment plan and it was successful."

No lies told, no details given.

"How did you lose so much weight?"

"My doctor created a treatment plan and it was successful."

No lies told, no details given.

No one is entitled to the details of another's medical care.

"How did you beat your cancer?"
"My doctor put together a treatment plan and it was successful."
No lies told, no details given.
"How did you lose so much weight?"
"My doctor created a treatment plan and it was successful."
No lies told, no details given.
No one is entitled to the details of another's medical care.

Beautiful!

It’s no ones business and it’s everyone’s right to tell or not to tell. Yea it’s not necessarily lying anyways. Just word it in a way it isn’t. . Just simply say I changed my eating habits and am working out, thanks for noticing! Lol

See I'm the type that others knowing what I'm going through is strengthening to me. I don't think I would be able to do it at all without others encouraging me that I could make it through it.

Lying or choosing just not to tell others? My life, my body, my choice. I am not a poster child for bariatric surgery.

The reactions - It's like telling someone you're vegetarian. They think they have to go out of their way to accommodate you. No, just cook what you normally cook and I'll choose what I want to eat and how much I want to eat. Then there's the doubters. "Do you really think that's necessary, can't you just diet? Such a drastic thing to do! You're putting yourself at risk going under anesthesia!" Blah, blah, blah!

At a business dinner one time a coworker told the waiter, "I've had bariatric surgery so I can't eat much. The table dinner conversation following was all about her and the surgery. She kept the conversation going even though the rest of the table was well done talking about it which was real quick. This is a business dinner not an all about me and my bariatric surgery dinner. Well, she gained all the weight back she had lost plus a few more. Maybe she should have kept that information about her bariatric surgery to herself?

Now, if I want to tell and talk about it with a friend or acquaintance who seems could benefit and it comes up in conversation I will tell them and talk about it and ask for their confidentiality. Long term weight loss is not guaranteed so let's not sugar coat it. Some people fail. A lot, well most of us have eating disorders. Or relationship with food is the problem. It's like a drug it calms and sooths us until after we're done eating too much. We don't listen to our bodies. You can't necessarily fix a mental problem with a physical solution.

So, you be you and let others be them.

There is sharing with people who "need to know" - and sharing with those you feel will be supportive - and there is telling everyone you know and people who don't even want to know... really.... it's just something for them to talk about. I look at it this way. I was married for almost 20 years. Both my (now) ex and I worked in the same field in the same town. In the mental health field. He came to me about 6 months after we separated and were almost divorced. He told me that "everyone" tells him that I say the same thing when people ask which was/is " He is a great________. If you have the opportunity to work with him, I would take it, but I just would not marry him if I were you." Truth. Conversation stopper every time.

I have lost a lot of weight - something I did a few years after that divorce.

I only told the "need to knows" - When people ask me how I lost weight, I tell them " Less food, healthier lifestyle choices and working closely with my doctors. " Truth. Also conversation stopper.

Then I compliment something about them. "Love your hair, adorable shirt, beautiful earrings...." Done.

58 minutes ago, BriarRose said:

There is sharing with people who "need to know" - and sharing with those you feel will be supportive - and there is telling everyone you know and people who don't even want to know... really.... it's just something for them to talk about. I look at it this way. I was married for almost 20 years. Both my (now) ex and I worked in the same field in the same town. In the mental health field. He came to me about 6 months after we separated and were almost divorced. He told me that "everyone" tells him that I say the same thing when people ask which was/is " He is a great________. If you have the opportunity to work with him, I would take it, but I just would not marry him if I were you." Truth. Conversation stopper every time.

I have lost a lot of weight - something I did a few years after that divorce.

I only told the "need to knows" - When people ask me how I lost weight, I tell them " Less food, healthier lifestyle choices and working closely with my doctors. " Truth. Also conversation stopper.

Then I compliment something about them. "Love your hair, adorable shirt, beautiful earrings...." Done.

Perfect!

I have been very open with everyone about my surgery.

I agree with what someone said about about their being a big difference between not telling people and flat out lying. I've heard of some "influencers" who had surgery but lie about it to their followers to shill some scam weight loss product they claim worked for them. It's one thing to just not tell people and keep it to yourself. That doesn't hurt anyone. But when you're out there lying to other obese people who want to lose weight about how you did it and convincing them to try some crash diet or waste money on a products its just wrong.

I really think that it takes a lot of strength to go either way. I have mostly been straight with mine different groups and they have told me how wonderful it’s been for someone they know. I have had the unique experience of having renal cancer surgery to take out part of my kidney and then by bypass. With mental illness obesity and height -there is still shame and stigma. Anyone who says it a cheat or a quick fix -I immediately ask them how they came to that conclusion considering it makes life very different for the person who gets surgery, that their digestive system is rerouted and that success demands a significant change in lifestyle. I tell them I am very interested in knowing their why? Usually gets the point across.

I learned a long time ago to just flat out lie about depression and anxiety because you would be treated more kindly if you said you had cancer, after having both simultaneously I can say this is true.

I love when bigger people are happy in their own skin and it doesn’t cause them health issues or body image issues as long as we are not glorifying either extreme is what I’m after. How about we glorify normally average ?

I have only decided to tell my wife and kids because its my body my choice. I am super excited to get my surgery but its noones business. I know some will be critical and some will judge. As a 46 year old man who as battled weight all my life I have for sure earned the right. If I decide to tell people later on that will be up to me. I can't understand how it affects any stigma. Thousand of people have surgery or procedure everyday and keep it to themselves. Just my 2 cents.

On 05/11/2021 at 08:29, NovaLuna said:

I was excited about my surgery so I told literally everyone lol.

My sister's grandmother (we have different dads) passed away due to the emergency people not knowing she'd had gastric bypass and when she was intubated they went through her stomach and she was on blood thinners, so she died. Because of this I ALWAYS wear either a medical alert necklace or medical alert Bracelet when I leave the house. I don't wear one at home because everyone I live with knows about my surgery so if something happens they'd be able to tell those who need to know. I, personally, think people have the right to keep quiet about their surgery, but believe they should always have a medical alert necklace or bracelet so that if something happens then at least the medical emergency people would know. I'm paranoid like that because of what happened to my sister's grandma.

I went and put on my medical ID after reading this. Wont take it off now! Thank you for reminding me.

I’m open with many people but not with all. For example I didn’t tell my in-laws bc they can be nosy, judgmental and invasive and it also just isn’t anyone else’s concern. When they asked why I wasn’t eating a bagel for breakfast I just said I had a toothache. It just doesn’t need to be any of their business or part of the conversation. But for other people, I will share where my weight loss is coming from.
It depends on the individual and everyone’s unique circumstances. I don’t think we should be judging the choices others make. As long as YOU aren’t the one saying that people who have surgery are lazy or cheating, you can’t control how others feel or believe.

I wanted to chime in here to give another perspective.. first, of course you don't have to tell anyone you had surgery...its up to you to disclose you medical history. That being said, I tell everyone who asks. The reason being- I was soooo super scared of having surgery that I put it off for years and everyone I ever talked to about losing weight said that they did it "the natural way"..IT WAS A TOTAL LIE. I had people come up to me afterwards and tell me they had it done too but never tell people. I would have loved to to speak to more people who had it done and I wish I had done it sooner. Now I tell people who ask "how I did it" the truth. I don't care how they react but maybe I'll help someone who was like me.

Also I just had a revision surgery from sleeve to bypass and I plan on sharing that as well. Disclose what you would to who you like ...but remember how you felt before you had surgery & don't say it was "the natural way" if someone is looking for advice on losing their weight.