Ugh.... im just complaining thats all..... Im not even Banded yet.. and Im complainging... hmmmm go figure... lol

So... Im here reading Post after Post... (gosh Im so feeling sorry for myself I know) And I see Tickers and Tockers.. and What people want to lose and How much they weigh and Im soooooo Down!!!! You all are GREAT I love you all, You have helped me with soooooo much i see 265 down to 160 280 down to 180 300 down 190.... Its GREAT!!! Why do I feel Like I will be a failer??? oh I know its just me and I being a big baby.. I need to be slaped LOL But really I think you all that have done so good...I need to lose more then 200lbs I feel I will fail... Im not feeling sorry about myself... you know "we" (over weight) no thats a no no... am I jelous,? am I envy?, I guess so.... UGH I want to crawl under a table and hide... Can peole with my height and weight do well with the Band??? I joined yahoo's Extrodanaorybanders... (sp) I havent been let in yet....

At 28 not even (MY GOAL) 140 is good enough... my 34yr old sister is 105lbs... why cant i be that.... Im so sorry im complaining and thanks for you all listening still.... I guess I am feeling sorry for my self... I got my paper work on the Diet stuff today.. and I think to myself.. well why coulnt i just buckle down and do this on my own? I guess i tried... 12 or more diets at the age of 28 thats a lot.... I guess the Band is a helpful guide to push the diet...

UGH... this is so hard... did you all go through this before getting banded.... Im so confussed... Im so hurt... Im so fat... Im so scared... Im so sad,.... I want to be where you all are at.... I cry and I cry... You all are such a great inspriation to me.... Thank You....

Just wanted to share what im going thourgh right now.... thats all... Thanks for listening

Oh, Trish, I can SO understand what you feel. For months while I was researching the band I couldn't even let myself think about it--the very idea that I might get it someday was just such a pipe dream. I remember running through all the thoughts that you've posted right here, again and again.

One thing you can do right now is stop comparing yourself to other people. Your sister? Please. You can't be that because you're not HER. You're you. To be honest, the whole "goal" thing never appealed to me--my GOAL was and is to be healthier than I was. That has no number attached to it, no special size. When I look back I realize that I reached my most important goal on August 20, 2003. I just reach new ones every single day. You will too.

It's easy to talk ourselves into pessimism because so many diets and programs and attempts have failed before. But BEING BANDED IS DIFFERENT! It's a completely different physical feeling than dieting. You have a physical barrier to overeating, a negative reinforcement that you learn from over time. It's not just a matter of telling yourself not to eat that cookie, it's a simpler matter of eating real food and actually feeling full. Then saying no to that cookie is a whole lot easier. It's not automatic, and god knows I have enough Cookies when I decide to partake, but it IS easier.

It's a tool to give you more control over your intake. That's all. But that's so, so much. :cool:

Trish, (((hugs)))

I cant say much more then what Alex and Kelly havent said, but just know that WE LOVE YOU.

Hang in there - its almost your time!!!

I'm relating. Maybe I don't have as much to lose but here's what I've been struggling with lately...I feel, on the one hand, that people see the real me, the big fat out of control undisciplined unmotivated loser because on the outside all they see is the fat me, right? What's on the inside(bad) is showing on the outside(as fat) and it's a very debilitating thought pattern. What if they are right? What if I am really worthless? On the other hand, I KNOW that all that bunk is not true! I know who I am, and I live every day with her. I'm smart, funny, kind, caring, loving, a great mom and wife. Maybe noone else envies being me, but I LOVE being me! I don't trust another person to be me as well as I do it. The struggle is how to get the outside to match the inside. I've tried it all, too. I'll not spend another dime on Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Atkins and South Beach and Fit for Life and Suzanne Sommers, books and whatever else is on my self-help bookshelf. I'd much rather invest in a lifetime tool that makes all that diet stuff I know work.

And your sister is a freak at 105 (I'm sorry, I'm sure she's really nice) but what grown adult woman is the size of a 12 year old? Come on, now. She's in the minority. Most women are not that small and you don't want to be like her anyway, you want to be you, the one on the inside who is awesome! Apologize to your sister for me...hang in there. Reading all this is like being sucked into a club you can't join yet. I can't get off the internet, I keep finding stuff to read and people to read up on. My family can't call me because the phone line is tied up. I do the dishes at 11pm because as soon as the kids are in bed, I'm online. My poor husband is lonely. (actually, I hear him in there doing the dishes, hehe, I love him) so anyway, it's okay to have hope. You will make it through, don't give up yet!

Hugs!!!!!!!

Amen Kelli & Alex

Trish we have all been where you are at right now..

Just wait till you have your band, you will be lovin' it just like the rest of us and losing weight, feeling great and getting healthier..

Thank You for listening to me blabber... I know that everyones feelings are diffrent and everyone at one time has gone thourgh what im going through now.. Thats what makes us Family huh...

Kelly, Thank you for understanding... I know this all will work for me Mentally, I just dont want to be a failer... And Im sure the LapBand will help me not be that. Yeah you that small sister too huh?? see we have something in common. Your a sweet and bueatiful person.. Thanks for being a good friend!!!

Alex, Yes I am ME... Im glad to be me too... that was one slap i needed LOL I need many more I guess... I know being Banded is diffrent and I cant wait to feel that im just scared that if i cant make these food changes now how will i make them then?? because i will feel pain if i eat or eat certin things?? i feel that now... ummmm because i will feel full whe i eat so much? i feel that now too... thats why I feel i will fail my band... Im just complaining...

You all are great I look up to you all.... even you that are not banded you give me inspration too.... thank you!

Paula, your a sweetheart... and doing so great... your footsteps i follow, along with so many of you...

Sorry again for my complaining..... ((((((((((((( Hugs)))))))))))) to you all Love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trish I so understand this. Me and you are in the same boat right now and we are rowing in the same direction. everyone of us that has a band or has ever thought of getting banded has had these same feelings... so you are not alone. We are in this together and we will not be a failure. Look at everyone on this board Trish... Pounds are dropping and we will soon join....THE LOSERS HAHA!!!Everyone here has given me such hope! I know we can do this! I'm here every step of the way!

Trish,

I feel your pain. I was right in your shoes before I got the band. When I finally had surgery I was 30 years old, been heavy my entire life and weighed in at a mighty 362 lbs. 8 months out and 82 lbs later I feel better and better. I know what my goal weight should be but I'll be thrilled just to keep the scale going down. You'll get your chance one way or another girl. I remember doing my research and seeing everyones progress too and SOOO wanted to be there with them. You'll find a way. Teresa

Trish, you're smarter than I was because you're getting on top of this at a young age. Your body will heal better, have less problems wi/saggy skin, and you'll look great because your good health will start shining through. We've all felt the way you do, why is our sis littlier, why am I the biggest one in the family pics, etc. Apparently we're make out of a little different fabric than they are. But with the band, you have the control you need to help you manage your food portions, and that sends you on the journey of better health, lower weight, more energy, better self-esteem, more hope for a better, happier life. Perhaps set yourself a mini-goal right now of say 25 pounds. Then take a good hard look at yourself when you reach that point. You will be pleasantly surprised. Then set another mini-goal. The mini-goals are easier and faster to get to so you can enjoy that feeling of accomplishment sooner. Just keep doing that until you arrive to your end goal. We can't wait for you to get your band, because you are going to be an AWESOME bandster. You'll be able to encourage the ones following behind you, needing encouragement to "keep on keeping on." You go, girl!

I argue with my Husband... he calls me Lazy and thinks I dont care about anything.... our sex life. sucks (sorry) Im sick of ( in his eyes) being lazy..... thats all fat people are huh lazy??? well that how he see it,..... thats how he sees me.... im sorry to say that but he does... oh well... I go on ....hopeing i can still get the band.... its his insurence you know.. not mine I dont work Im Lazy...............

OMG.... Im so NOT going to pass the Pysch test.. they are going to put me away i just know they are.... LOL i know im trying to be funny..... i guess i cant.... maybe I dont need to be banded.... hmmmmm thinking.........

Its a VERY bad bad night for me.... im sorry im just rambling on and on ..... its only 11:27 mountain time.... and im soooo sad still so hurt... so unbanded... will it fail on me..... ugh... sorry again

Trish,

As long as you don't tell the Dr you know ME you'll get thru that Physic exam ok.

Your dispair is normal as you can see by everyone else telling you they went thru it...So did I and I'm probably the oldest one here (so far). I'm 54 so I went thru many more years then other trying to lose the weight. took my son's wedding, (thank God for the internet),to get me to see the light lol.

Remember God Loves you and he has a plan for you as he does for all of us, And we all love ya too and count you in our family... Oh by the way Sunday dinner is at your house this week and the whole family is coming.

Jammie says you and her are in the same boat rowing towards your goals... Soon your going to get a little motor and you won't have to row but motor towards that goal. Good luck and best wishes to both of you.

Remember When one of the family members here hurts we all hurt so since we share your pain now we look forward to sharing your joy soon.

Trish, as you start feeling better, you'll realize one day that you were NOT lazy all those years. Claraluz summed it up best... The problem was you were TIRED. Tired of carrying that extra weight around - every time you move, sit, stand, walk, and even trying to enjoy sex. And mentally, exhausted. Once your weight starts dropping, you'll feel so much better physically and mentally. DH better be keeping an eye on himself or he won't be able to keep up w/you in a few more weeks. And that Pysch test is no biggie. Just tell him the truth and you'll only have one version to keep up with. (((Hugs)))

Trish - I can't add much more than what everyone else said. I tried every diet that was ever out, I could lose 20 pounds and then nothing else even when I stayed on it for a whole year! I had doubts about this too, in fact I fought getting the surgery for a couple of years. I can only say this, it works, and I as sorry I didn't get it sooner. Your day will come, and you will lose the weight. Good luck to you!

"I don't trust another person to be me as well as I do it."

I love this line. This is my favorite quote right now. Trish, learn from it. You have to treat yourself like Number 1. Tell your husband that you love yourself more than you love him and refuse to listen to his insults. It's so easy to judge others. I look at my husband's smoking in disgust but then I hurt deeply for him because he hates it. He's been smoking since he was in his mom's womb. She smoked during pregnancy and nursing, so his addiction runs so deep that he feels tortured that he can't quit. He's tried quitting as many times as I've tried dieting. He's gone a couple months without smoking only to smoke more and more. Our addiction to compulsive, unhealthy overeating has us all in the same boat. Some people get Bands and do incredibly well, while others, like me, lose only half the weight and still struggle with the mental urge to continue eating past necessity.

If you want the Band as bad as you say you do, then you'll get the Band. I wanted it so bad that I took a loan out against my house. I'm 42 years old and only have $12.00 in my checking account because we were not in a financial position for me to be banded (we just bought a beautiful new home, remodeled the kitchen and pool, bought cars, etc.) But I wanted the Band, so I did whatever I could to get it. It would be nice to feel financially secure, but having my band is much nicer.

I wanted to die last year because I was so fat and out of control. Nothing could stop me from eating. We all understand your pain. I think every Bandster is required to understand this pain just to get through the approval process. This surgery isn't for someone that wants to lose 30 pounds - it's for those of us that wear your shoes every single day.

And please re-read what Alex wrote about the numbers. I never had a "numbers" goal. My only goal was to be happy and healthy. I met that goal. I just recently posted my goal weight of 213 pounds because I hoped that by seeing how close I was, I might be able to re-up my motivation to quit my nighttime eating. And any normal person would see the 213 pounds as a "before" weight. So be realistic about this; if you want it, you'll have it.